I was at the amazing barbershop around the corner from my apartment the other day getting a haircut. I love my barbershop. It is an old school “barrio” barbershop with a spinning pole outside and men grunting inside as they speak in a mixture of Spanish and English. They spend an obscene amount of time on each haircut. It makes me feel very special. Anyways, as I am sitting in the chair this young Hispanic guy waiting to get a haircut, strikes up a conversation with the young black gentleman in the chair next to mine. They started by talking about neighborhood chicks that they have or have wanted to bleep, then moved on to gossiping about prominent members in the local gangs. “Yeah I know T-Lo. He’s mellowed since he been out of the joint.” I was loving this conversation. Then it got educational all of a sudden. The Hispanic guy felt the need to unburden himself by telling this black man, whom he had just met, that he had used the word “N–ga” recently while he was watching a football game with his best friend (who was black). “I think I may have offended him cause he hasn’t been the same. I’m not racist you know. Its just that many of my friends are black people who be saying N–ga this, N–ga that all the time, and being in that environment it just came out. I hope he wasn’t offended.” The poignancy of the situation struck me. This guy was asking for absolution from a black man, whom as I mentioned he had just met, for the guilt he felt over using a word that didn’t “belong” to him, in front of another black man. This made me think of my own experiences. I have never been able to grow accustomed to the N-Word being used by South Asians as it increasingly is (free registration required for Feb 14th article):

You can see it on television, where comedian Chris Rock makes the word a staple of his routines.

And it’s obvious in local schools, where students of all races concede the word – when used in the right context – is a playful way to talk with your close friends.

“I just grew up hearing it from my friends,” said Zibi Zarghese of Englewood, a student at Rutgers-Newark and a 1999 graduate of Dwight Morrow High School.

Even though Zarghese is Indian, he feels comfortable using the word with his close friends who are black. He even uses the word with his white friends.

“I was accepted in using it. I only used it with my friends,” he said.

But it can cause problems. Zarghese recalled an incident in high school where he used the word with one of his friends and someone else overheard it and started giving him grief.

He learned there are rules. Use it only with and around friends. Always say the word as if it ends in an “a,” never with the harder sounding “er.” Saying it with an “er” is always offensive, no matter what the context. And never use it in front of parents, Zarghese said.

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