The gestalt of Sepia

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Here are the most hotly-debated posts in our first year (thanks, IfI). By number of comments, the London bombings are the clear winner. By frequency, M.I.A. is probably the subject most often covered. So sex and death dominate the Sepiasphere

  1. British “backlash” box scores: the London bombings
  2. Modi gets B*slapped: the Gujarati CM
  3. How it begins: prejudice in editorial cartoons
  4. Bad Indian Girl: the gender war
  5. The white man’s burden, redux: the British Raj
  6. Were the bombers BBCDs?: the London bombings
  7. Ain’t nobody here but us chickens: General Musharraf
  8. They came from 2nd gen Pakistani families: the London bombings
  9. USAAF vs. IAF: comparing the lengths of military penises
  10. Here we go again: Jersey Guys radio controversy
  11. Say Cheese: Manmohan Singh’s visit
  12. Stand up. For all of us.: Power 99 radio controversy
  13. Creep: General Dyer and the Jallianwala Bagh massacre
  14. Benedict maledict: the new pope
  15. My son the fanatic: the London bombings
  16. Bollywood Delusions: Race vs. Language: on being color-struck
  17. Politicians are full of…: toilet habits
  18. Currying favor: misconceptions about food
  19. More than just wooden shoes: half-desi Miss Universe contestant
  20. A more perfect union: the original Indian-Americans
    Movin’ on up?: Bobby Jindal’s aspirations (tie)

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Sabbatical in South Asia

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smmale.jpg

If you hadn’t noticed, I have been on sabbatical from our North Dakota headquarters the past couple of months, and spending some time in the continent that some of the inspiration for our mutiny comes from. While I have been based in Sri Lanka since the end of May, this past week I had the opportunity to visit a far-off corner of the territory considered part of South Asia, the beautiful and oft-forgotten Maldives. I thought that in honor of the Maldivian Independence day (July 26), I would drop a little knowledge on one of the most beautiful places in South Asia.

First, it is unclear to me whether it is the Maldives or Maldives, although I believe since the country is a series of atolls (groups of islands), the “the” could potentially be appropriate. Since I was there for all of four days, I am not really an expert on the place and this is more of an observation post than anything.

The main thing that struck me, outside of the natural beauty, was that an Island-country, separated by lots of water from the rest of the sub-Continent, while keeping its own distinct culture, shared so much with the rest of the region. I guess it isn’t that far away–the flight to Male is only 85 minutes from Colombo.

pier-at-sunset.jpg One thing that was blatantly different was the English-speaking accent. We all know what I am talking about, that Indian “Hobson-Jobson,” Apu English, spoken in variation by those from India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, NepalÂ…etc. It was nowhere to be heard by in the Maldives. Instead, most had an almost Australian intonation to their English, which I assume is from its proximity to that part of the world. Also, Maldivians don’t have that same interest in cricket–they seem to follow soccer more. Continue reading →

Izzard vents his gizzard

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Cross-dressing British comic Eddie Izzard performs a very funny Monty Python-ish bit about how Britain conquered India (thanks, ms). In his formulation, a flag is like letterhead. Any self-respecting, Brazil-ian bureaucracy must have one.

That’s how you build an empire: we stole countries with the cunning use of flags. You just sail around the world and stick a flag in: ‘I claim India for Britain.’

And they go, ‘You can’t claim us, we live here. 500 million of us!’

‘Do you have a flag?’

Watch the clip.

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Cowboy up…if you dare

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scooter-cow.jpegQ: How do you deal with the estimated 40,000 cows who wander the streets of Delhi?

A: Put a price on their heads! Sort of.

An Indian court has issued an order telling authorities in Delhi to offer a reward for people catching stray cows roaming the capital’s streets.
The Delhi High Court ordered southern Delhi authorities to pay 2,000 rupees ($45) to anyone delivering a stray cow to them.

Though another court order addressed this situation two years ago, not much progress has been made; the animals are still a traffic hazard. The bounty-equipped bovines will be taken to a shelter before they are auctioned off to fund the scheme.

This is something I’ve always been curious about– where do the meandering animals come from in the first place? Are they drawn to the bright lights of the big city like so many of us villagers?

Most are let loose to wander by unscrupulous dairy owners.

And how’s this new strategery working for you, Delhi (to bite Dr. Phil)?

Catching a free roaming cow is not easy – on the first day of the cash scheme there was not one claimant.

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Fire Fire (updated again)

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M.I.A. and Rekha spun sets in sweltering Central Park today. BrooklynVegan, center of all things Maya, hasn’t posted a review, but here are photos from Death of a Party (the full set of photos flickers here and here). She hankers for the ’80s with a swirl of Japanese schoolgirl. One commenter says:

They told DJ Rekha during her set that it was the biggest crowd that Summerstage saw all season.

Inablogadavida wonders:

Seriously, there were 12 million people in line, and I was 12,000,001. So, no, I didn’t even come close to getting in. In fact, from where I was sitting, M.I.A. sounded like Rosie Perez reciting the morning call to prayer through a cardboard tube. Why can I never manage to jump on a pop-culture bandwagon before it shows up on T.R.L.?

Cicatrix reviews the set in the comments:

Rekha mixed it up with Bhangra, dancehall, some hip-hop, and really cheekily, a few baile funk songs at the end…

… Diplo next… his set was surprisingly boring. He didn’t play any baile funk until the very end… I guess the crowd wasn’t feeling “Walks Like an Egyptian” mashing into anything…

Ok, MIA. They unfurled a full length banner behind her… and brought out some sort of papier mache helicopter… and you guessed it – a 3’x6′ cardboard TIGER… I grit my teeth as the two girl pranced out to the edge of the stage and gave military salutes…

MIA wore blue lace calf-length leggings with a large belted crazy color top, piles of bracelets and hoop earings the diameter of hubcabs. With a high sideways ponytail…

The crowd ate up everything. I was scowling at first, then got teary, then started chanting along and bouncing, then felt a headache coming on… I was really surprised at how many people knew all the words. really! It was a special moment for disenfranchised women when she held the mic to an audience of hipsters who chanted back “I can get squeaky so you can come and oil me” during ‘Hombre.” My jaw is bruised from dropping.

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My name is Biswas … James Biswas

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Everybody knows the James Bond theme music, right? Well, did you know that the tune was originally written for a musical based on a VS Naipaul story?

Norman first wrote the classic tune … for a musical version of VS Naipaul’s novel A House for Mr Biswas. After he was hired to provide music for the first Bond film, Dr No, he reworked the song as a theme tune. [BBC]

The tune was then given its distinctive, big band orchestration by composer James Barry. Monty Norman (the composer of the original tune) is now going to record it, with its original lyrics intact. The song was called “Good Sign, Bad Sign” and the lyrics are as follows: bond.jpg

I was born with this unlucky sneeze

And what is worse I came into the world the wrong way round

Pundits all agree I am the reason why

My father fell into the village pond and drowned. [BBC]

Kinda bollywood actually …

p.s. am I the only one who finds the idea of a VS Naipaul musical in 1961 (?) really bizarre? Continue reading →

Prison Yoga may be bad for your health

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I have long flirted with the idea of attending a Yoga class.  I have heard that once you approach your 30s you should stop lifting weights as often, and concentrate instead on maintaining your flexibility and cardiovascular health.  Plus, everyone says that Yoga is supposed to be relaxing.  Well…not everyone.  Norwegian prison officials have another take.  The BBC reported earlier this week:

A prison in Norway has stopped holding yoga classes after it found that instead of calming inmates, they were actually making some more aggressive.

High-security Ringerike jail near Oslo offered the classes to eight inmates on a trial basis earlier this year.

Prison warden Sigbjoern Hagen said some of the inmates became more irritable and agitated and had trouble sleeping.

He said the prison did not have the resources to treat emotions unleashed by the deep breathing exercises.

Yeah, I don’t know.  Call me a prude but I am not sure it is wise to practice something like a Dog Pose, Spread Leg Forward Fold, or a Bridge Pose in a prison anyways.  I would definitely not want to be on the receiving end of “emotions unleashed.”  I kid, I kid.  A sample of eight prisoners is pretty unscientific to say the least.  Maybe they just had an incredibly annoying instructor.  I have long believed that both Andy Dufresne and the Count of Monte Cristo probably had to perform Yoga in order to remain sane and escape.  Determination to both stay sane and escape will more than likely be my ultimate motivation for dropping in on a Yoga class as well.

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Back that spazz up (updated)

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The Daily Show nicks a joke from Sepia Mutiny! Check out their hilarious takedown of the ‘moral controversy’ around Jay Chandrasekhar’s The Dukes of Hazzard.

The clip pokes fun at a stuffy NAACP official, University of Tennessee frat boys and Ben Jones (Cooter), who’s calling for a movie boycott. Bonus: ‘Hava Nagila‘ played in a format you’ve probably never seen before

Watch the clip. Related posts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Update: The #1 movie in America right now is by a desi director.

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Freedom at midnight

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Long years ago I thought a ‘Tryst with Destiny‘ meant hooking up with a stripper.

Long years ago Vinod thought ‘desi‘ was followed by ‘Arnaz.’

Long years ago Anna thought Karsh Kale was a kind of cabbage.

Long years ago Abhi thought Kalpana Chawla was a variety of rice.

Long years ago Sajit thought the Dum Dum Project was an insane asylum.

Long years ago Ennis sprang full-grown from his mother’s forehead quoting Gayatri Spivak. Well, shit, he’s freakishly bright and messes up the curve like that.

In the last year, our scary-smart readers have corrected all those misconceptions and are poised to correct a million more. Once, S/He Who Must Not Be Named confided to me that s/he wanted more comments for his/her posts. ‘Comments?’ says I. ‘You want comments? Post something that’s flat-out wrong. You’ll have 47 comments correcting the error, 47 calling you a commie and 47 calling you a fascist by the time the post button springs back into position.’

So on this first anniversary of the Mutiny, I’d like to confess our little scam. You thought we were writing for your edification (and masturbatory coffee breaks — we know how you use the WiFi.) Suckas! In reality, y’all have been educating us.

Collectively, you guys are some smart mofos. Can I just say? You rock.

· Â· Â· Â· Â·

I’ve also taken the liberty of penning my hopes and dreams for Sepia Mutiny’s impact on second-gen culturistas. It’s a weighty political manifesto, so be sure and sit down while you read. Here it is:

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The Ravages of Mutiny

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Tonight, at the stroke of the midnight hour, marks the one year anniversary of the launch of Sepia Mutiny.  We would like to thank our readers (especially those who have left insightful comments) for taking time out of your busy schedules to participate.  Loss of productivity at your jobs is our collective gain.  In the past year our website has received just under 1,000,000 visits without a single lawsuit filed against us.  That alone is cause for celebration.

But alas, all is not well.  Fomenting a mutiny in the Blogosphere takes a physical and emotional toll on one, as some of the bloggers who visit our site know well.  I won’t presume to speak for my fellow mutineers, but my own life has fallen into a downward spiral worse than that faced by any heroin addict.  Hours spent attempting to fight the good fight has transformed me much as Mangal Pandey was transformed in his day:

Those who are familiar with blogosphere lingo know that the term “Pajamahadeen” is sometimes used to describe a blogger.  The two pictures below were taken only two days apart.  On the left you see me on August 6th of last year.  On the right is my countenance as it was on August 8th.  Just two days of Mutiny had taken a heavy toll.  I don’t really go out in public anymore, and hopes for a “girlfriend” are quickly fading.  Frankly, you’d be disgusted by my appearance.  What is worse is that the delusions of grandeur I suffer have led me to adopt the name “Mangal Pagal”.  Even my phone bill has that name.  Again, I thank you all sincerely and hope you keep visiting our site.  Please be aware though that blogging comes with a heavy price.  I ain’t pretty no more.

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