Sanjaya is MY Papaya.

Last week (or the week before it, perhaps?) when American Idol’s cameras panned across the audience, I saw a “fanjaya” holding a sign which proclaimed: “Sanjaya is my Papaya”. Love it. It’s delightfully absurd, innit?

Last night, our half-brown wonder achieved what I thought impossible– positive reviews from three judges who are now extra cautious about everything they say, lest they offend young master Malakar’s ardent base of 12-year old girls and grandmothers, since doing so would only mobilize a GOTV effort that the Democrats probably have wet dreams about…and if they don’t, they should.

My papaya (what’s hilarious is I HATE PAPAYAS) crooned “Besame Mucho” and he did it rather well [Thanks, Murad], though I for one could’ve done without his attempts at growing facial hair. But Jennifer Lopez kinda predicted his success, didn’t she? She seemed slightly smitten with our kitten. Speaking of, does anyone remember when J. Lo’s hair and lips were distinctly darker and redder than her extremely bronze skin? No? Just me? Damn. Anyroad, I’d love to tell you what happens to the call centers’ choice, but I remember what it was like to live on the left coast and be salty about such things, so I’ll refrain from dropping spoiler bombs on y’all. 😉 Continue reading

7.11 Convenience Theater: The Slurpee Review

seven_11.jpg Seen any good plays recently? Yeah, didn’t think so. If you’re like me, you tend to fall asleep during big Broadway production numbers, but small “experimental” theaters leave you cringing with embarrassment or irritation. You know, all that minimalist white (or black) space, with some dudes dressed all in black (or white) rattling off non-sequiters.

Theater – playacting before a live audience – is a quaint and arguably archaic form. But I have to say, when done right, it can leave you feeling deliciously voyeuristic, like you’ve peered into another life with an immediacy that no book or movie could ever provide.

So imagine the excitement then, of theater written by a melange of browns and yellows, about them browns and yellows, for the Bs & Ys (and the people who care for them). I’m terribly late (only 3 days left!) in posting this review, so you should stop reading now and scoot off to buy tix to the Fifth Annual Seven.11 Convenience Theater. The talented folks at Desipina created seven short plays, each eleven minutes long, each set it that haven of desi-ness, the 7-11 convenience store.

Date: March 29 – April 14 [Wednesday – Saturday 8pm, Sat/Sun matinees 3pm ] Cost: Tickets are $18

Location: The Abrons Arts Center. 466 Grand St at Pitt Street, NYC. www.henrystreet.org

If you care to know more, join me as I wear my Ben Brantley hat after the jump. Continue reading

Thanks for Your Service, Veteran- Now “Go Back to Your F****** Country” [UPDATED]

I have had a fever for most of the day, so when I woke up and checked my GMail, I thought I was hallucinating while reading something sent out via ASATA (Alliance of South Asians Taking Action). SALDEF (The Sikh American Legal Defense and Education Fund) just issued a press release regarding an incident which makes me sick; Kuldip Singh Nag, a Sikh American VETERAN was assaulted by the Joliet police, in front of his six-year old child and wife. His crime? Parking a van with expired tags in his driveway. What. The. Fuck. KuldipSinghNag.jpg

I can’t find anything beyond a useless mention of Nag’s arrest on a “police blotter” type of article, so if any of you know of further developments, please let us know. The following is from SALDEF:

On Friday March 30, 2007 at around 3:00pm, Mr. Kuldip Singh Nag, a Sikh American who was awarded the Bronze Star for his service in the U.S. Navy during the first Gulf War, was at his home in Joliet, IL when a local police officer noticed that a van parked on Mr. Nag’s private property had expired registration tags. Upon being confronted with this, Mr. Nag’s wife, Vera Kaur Nag, informed the officer that the van is parked on their driveway and was inoperable.
Mr. Nag then came outside to answer the officer’s questions regarding the van. The Joliet police officer then demanded that Mr. Nag park the van inside his garage and not on the driveway, to which Mr. Nag responded to the officer that it was not possible and that regardless, the van is parked on his private property and he has a right to park it on his driveway.
At this moment, the officer pulled out his pepper spray and attacked Mr. Nag. As Mr. Nag screamed in agony, the officer removed his baton and violently struck Mr. Nag numerous times until he fell to the ground. While the assault ensued, the officer was reported by both Mr. and Mrs. Nag as saying, “You f****** Arab! You f***** immigrant, go back to you f****** country before I kill you!”
Mr. Nag’s wife and six year-old child both witnessed the violent assault, which resulted in Mr. Nag immediately being admitted to the hospital where he stayed for five days due to complaints of intense pain and head trauma. Mr. Nag also received numerous bruises and a serious head injury which have caused him to go blind for several minutes at a time.

I join SALDEF in calling for an immediate investigation into this brutal crime. Kuldip Singh Nag served the very nation this xenophobic police officer screamed at him to leave and while a few of you may question my emphasis on his military service, I just think it adds an extra ungrateful, deplorable angle to an incident which is already appalling.

“This case seems to be a clear incident of police misconduct in Illinois,” said SALDEF Managing Director Kavneet Singh. “We are horrified at the anti-immigrant sentiment the officer allegedly used as he violently accosted Mr. Nag, and further that his six year old son was a witness to this violent assault. We call upon both Joliet and Illinois officials to investigate this incident and for the Illinois community to stand in solidarity with Mr. Nag.”

Illinois desis, where you at? And will there ever be a point in my lifetime when someone doesn’t tell a South Asian American to go back to where they “fucking came from”?

UPDATE [By Ennis]: I spoke to somebody at SALDEF who said that Mr. Nag’s legal counsel can indeed verify that he is a Veteran. Continue reading

Who’s That Girl?

I know this is highly random, but ever since I read the email Sree sent out via SAJA, I’ve been curious about “her”, too. That and I truly believe that every brown person in Amreeka is two degrees apart:

You know your wife indulges your South Asia obsessions when she calls you from a cab to alert you to a pretty desi woman on Broadway. A pretty, very tall desi woman – over 15 feet tall, actually. See the photos below to see who my wife called me about (it’s a billboard for Microsoft’s Office 2007 on Broadway between 50th and 49th Street in Manhattan, near Times Square). Now, let’s test the “all desis know each other” theory and see if one of you can identify this model. [SAJAforum]

Bigger picture of our mystery model after the jump. Click to enlarge both images. Or not. Continue reading

Freeman Dyson on Desi Techno-Optimism

There’s an interesting interview with “Rebel Scientist” Freeman Dyson over at TCS (the longer version of it is here). Desi angle? I particularly liked this blurb where he points out the similarities between the technological mood of India / China today and an emergent US of the 1930’s –

…the western academic world is very much like Weimar Germany, finding itself in a situation of losing power and influence. Fortunately, the countries that matter now are China and India, and the Chinese and Indian experts do not share the mood of doom and gloom. It is amusing to see China and India take on today the role that America took in the nineteen-thirties, still believing in technology as the key to a better life for everyone.

Now, when Dyson speaks of a “western academic world” that’s losing power and influence, it’s really one specific Old Skool corner that brashly found the answer to man’s Tragedy in more / bigger / cooler tech . In its stead, there’s no shortage of academic influence amongst the segment that’s apt to equate economic growth with Global Warming / Consumerism / Corporate Tyranny and that finds the answer not in exuberance but in restraint. Luckily, it appears that message doesn’t sell so well in India.

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Really Horny and off to Kerala

the other anna.jpg

Q: What should one do if one really needs to get laid?

A: Go to Kerala, of course! 😉

Via the Mumbai Mirror:

Nine months after he went on a rampage while in heat, destroying his enclosure at Byculla zoo, Rajkumar, the 18-year-old elephant, is finally leaving town today to mate with his chosen partner, a similarly-charged teenager at Thiruvananthpuram zoo, appropriately called Rani.

No having the sex before the marriage, thank you:

In the best Indian tradition, their relationship will be duly solemnised and the two are to get married after Rajkumar completes his five-day journey on an open-back Tata truck.

Unlike most of my manwhores, Raju does NOT dig older vomen:

However, the road to love has not been easy for Rajkumar. Though the two other elephants at Byculla zoo were females, they are 45 and 50 years old each, and no match for the young stripling. When zoo authorities resolutely ignored mild sulks and tantrums, Rajkumar decided that a full-scale rebellion was called for and in June last year the mast haati went on a rampage, breaking open the steel gates of his enclosure and running amok through the botanical gardens, before coming out on the open road.

This bit reminds me of Madagascar, one of my favorite animated movies, ever:

He was caught by the desperate mahaout and the zoo authorities near Byculla station.

He’s from the North, she’s from the South…can they make it work? Language might be an obstacle:

Rajkumar will be accompanied by chief mahaout Jamal Khan and an assistant. At Thiruvananthapuram they will apprise the zoo keeper there of his hobbies and also train them how to give order, for Rajkumar only follows orders in Hindi.

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Misadventures in Government: Delhi and Nandigram

The dream of speeding India towards globalization and economic liberalization has encountered quite a number of hiccups over the past year, though two failed government policies in particular stand out: the sealing drive in Delhi, and the Special Economic Zone plan in rural Bengal.

The state government Municipal Corporation of Delhi had elections over the past few days, and the Congress Party lost heavily, while the BJP gained the majority of seats, primarily because of “sealing,” which is the process of closing down illegal commercial enterprises in residential areas. The government’s mismanagement of the sealing drive, which has led to repeated interventions by the Indian courts, can be compared to what happened recently in Nandigram. There, a group of villagers gathered to protest the conversion of their farmland into a “Special Economic Zone” (SEZ) found themselves under fire by police. Fourteen people died in the violence, and in the subsequent uproar the Communist government of Bengal has been forced to suspend (temporarily?) its plan to develop a massive chemical factory and the four-lane highway that would lead to it.

There are of course ironies in both instances. It’s remarkable, for instance, that the Communist government of Bengal is so pro-globalization that it was ready to force several thousand people in Nandigram to relocate to make way for an Indonesian corporation (the Salim group). But it seems to me that what is happening here isn’t so much about conventional ideology (left vs. right) as it is about pro-development policies, that might make sense in principle, being terribly mismanaged.

Both issues are incredibly complicated, and alongside your opinions and arguments, I’d like to humbly request that readers suggest links that shed light on the different sides of each issue. Continue reading

When Kapila Met Abhi

My belowed Astro Smurf.JPG

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: lol…r u that Abhi guy from Speia Mutiny

Abhi Mutineer: My sn would indicate so, but yes, I am “that Abhi guy” from SEPia Mutiny

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: LOL u r funy. k, so I like asked a comment on ur blog but it got dleted

Abhi Mutineer: Could you be a bit more specific? About everything? We delete dozens of comments daily.

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: lol my bad, I was asking u for help w/my assinment on space bc ur an asstronaght and shit. OH SHIT, i didnt mean to curse!!

Abhi Mutineer: Right, well as you may not have noticed, our comment policy specifically states that “Requests for celebrities’ contact info or homework assistance…may be deleted.”

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: i like how u have that dramatic pause wthe dotdotdot lol oh so thas y i got deleted. well do u mind if i jus ask u a few ?s

Abhi Mutineer: I’m more than willing to help, if I have time. Email me your questions and I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise anything.

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: o ok can u like get it to me tonite?

Abhi Mutineer: Its 9pm.

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: ya but its due tomorow

Abhi Mutineer: Well…that’s a bit short notice.

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: welll u guyz deleted my comment!

Abhi Mutineer: When did you leave it?

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: like a while ago…at 7.

Abhi Mutineer: 7pm TODAY?

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: ya

Abhi Mutineer: May I ask what grade you are in or what class this is for? Continue reading

2nd-gens are a lot looser

Indolink has an article summarizing a recent study, conducted by a group of undergrads in the Department of Medical Informatics at Columbia University, that is sure to invoke a juicy discussion here. Titled, “Sexual Decision-Making of Immigrant East Indians: Risky or Not?” (password may be required unless you use the abstract link to the PDF), the study, by my own slightly irreverent estimation, is a survey that examines the question, “who is sexually looser: ‘ABCDs’ or ‘FOBs’?” I mean really, after years of increasing ABCD/FOB solidarity, do we really want to see this type of hand-grenade thrown into the mix? Sometimes statistics are better left unexposed. From the abstract:

As immigrants in the United States, young South Asians face cultural shock when it comes to sexuality and sexual behavior. Consequently, a tension exists between the belief systems of the country of origin and the individual’s belief system, influenced by American culture. The objective of this study is to understand the socio-cultural influences on individual decision-making regarding the sexual activity of a South Asian (specifically, Indian) immigrant population, using theories and methods from cognitive science. Twenty first- and second-generation, heterosexual, male and female Indians living in New York City were interviewed regarding their sexual activity. Results show that 55% of participants engaged in sexual activity, of which 22% were first-generation and 82% were second-generation. [Link]

Okay, right off the bat I want to object to their sampling method. I mean, COME ON. Everyone knows that desis (both genders) from New York City are on average more slutty than the general desi population (Abhi looks for a place to hide from a couple of his bunker-mates). From the Indolink article:

“Using cognitive analysis, we documented distinct patterns of safe sex behavior and specific reasoning strategies associated with these patterns” reports [Neeti] Joshi and her colleagues Nicole Yoskowitz and Kelley Urry. They also state: “We have identified a pattern of low sexual activity in a sample of first- and second-generation young-adult immigrant Indians, with significantly less sexual activity in the first generation”…

Throughout the study, Joshi explores the decision-making processes, attitudes, and belief systems of young Desis with respect to their sexual behavior, and, in the process, identifies the socio-cognitive factors that push young immigrant adults to move towards risky sexual behavior in the American environment.

The beliefs and attitudes surveyed included: information related to condom use beliefs, family expectations related to marriage, participant’s preferences related to marriage and beliefs pertaining to HIV. And as for sexual behavior, each participant was categorized into one of three groups related to the level of sexual activity: (1) no sexual activity, (2) sexual activity but no intercourse, and (3) sexual intercourse according to condom use practices.[Link]

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Easter isn’t exactly "happy" for everyone

While some of our readers exchange well wishes today, PETA India reminds us that Easter, a day traditionally associated with searching for hidden eggs, isn’t a joyous day for everyone [via Nirali]:

The People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) in have drummed up a new campaign in Kerala. They want eggs banned in the state since they feel eating eggs amounts to committing murder.

“We are showing that eggs signify life and that we should not be eating eggs because chickens also feel the pain,” said Roshini D’Silva, PETA activist…

“Be it Sunday or Monday; don’t eat ‘ande’. From shell to hell” – these slogans will help gain publicity, especially when Easter is nearing. But are there any takers for the ‘anti-anda’ campaign?… [Link]

Have you ever noticed how PETA protests often involve some sort of nudity or semi-nudity? No word on whether or not the “chick” they refer to below was naked, but one can only imagine.

By having a human-sized chick emerge from an egg and distribute leaflets, volunteers People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) will seek to draw attention to the cruelty meted out to chickens in modern animal factories and to how people can help stop it.

Easter, a press note issued here said, is traditionally associated with Easter eggs. But PETA has a different and more humane idea… “Eggs are as vegetarian as your chicken tikka or mutton biriyani. They are apart of the chicken’s reproductive system. To produce eggs, the birds spend their entire lives in battery cages housed in dark, crowded sheds were they are treated as egg-laying machines. Baby birds have their beaks cut off with a red-hot blade. Young `layer hens’ are kept in complete darkness except at feeding time. [Link]

PETA India’s website also reveals that they recently had another tiger-in-a-bikini protest to bring attention to abusive circuses. Anyways, in a show of solidarity I am only going to consume vegetarian eggs on this Easter Sunday.

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