Do I Make You Offended Baby, Do I?

I had heard about, made a mental note to blog about and then promptly forgotten Tanqueray’s newest offering– Tanqueray Rangpur Distilled Gin –until one of you alkies Sena X thoughtfully reminded me of it via our News Tab. Sena X posted a link to YouTube, where a mini-movie starring Tony Sinclair (who always reminds me more of Austin Powers than a “highly-esteemed socialite”) had been deposited in what I’m guessing is a bit of viral marketing (though the YTer’s other videos seem to have nothing to do with Tanqueray, liquor or other products, in general).

I watched the 9:53 extended commercial, which is a bit of a parody of one of my favorite shows, Globe Trekker, except in this spoof, it’s “Globe Probe“. When it was finished, I experienced a cocktail of mixed emotions, none of which I shall list, lest I somehow dilute the experience of watching it for yourselves, like one too many ice cubes in my Gold and coke. How many cliches can you spot? The winner gets…something. 😉

Seriously though– are any of you offended by this video? Amused? Indifferent? Is it as disrespectful as deities on knickers or nowhere close? I am sincerely curious as to what the Mutiny’s take on this is, considering the video’s plethora of orientalist stereotypes which got my eyes-rolling…do y’all think it is zimbly cute or utterly obnoxious?

p.s. For a ten-minute alcohol ad/movie that gets the job done so well, it ends up on our banners, get nostalgic with Mulit, here. Continue reading

Russell Peters’ Deaf Jokes

Here are some thoughts about Russell Peters, who I presume needs no introduction; Sepia Mutiny has had many posts on him over the years, and you’ll find tons of his stuff up at YouTube. (Also, see Manish’s recent post on Peters’ show in Bombay from earlier this spring. I saw him last night in Philadelphia.)

At his best, Russell Peters airs out the intra-community dirty laundry. He plays with the mixture of embarrassment and pride that tends to circulate amongst members of various ethnic groups, especially immigrant ethnic groups. While many people might feel isolated within a particular ethnic niche, Russell Peters manages to draw people out, and create a certain amount of cross-ethnic solidarity.

Because he has a good deal of “insider” knowledge about Desis, the Chinese, Jamaicans, Arabs, and Persians, Peters can usually pull off humor that works with ethnic stereotypes. It also helps that he has a good ear for accents, and usually sets up his jokes with shout-outs to members of the audience: “You in the first row, are you Chinese? [Yes] What’s your name? [Tim] Tim, what’s your real name? Anyway, thanks for coming out tonight… You know, the thing about Chinese people is…”

Of course, all of that doesn’t quite work the same way when Peters makes deaf jokes, as he did for quite some time at his show last night in Philadelphia. There are, presumably, going to be very few (if any) deaf people in the audience at a show like this — so the sense of talking to people rather than just about them isn’t there. Also, in my view humor relating to a disability by someone who doesn’t have it doesn’t work the way ethnic humor works coming from a brown comic. Some of Peters’ deaf jokes were a bit corny and stupid (i.e., wouldn’t it be nice to be deaf, because then you wouldn’t have to listen to your girlfriend/wife nagging you), while others were flat-out mean. Continue reading

…but carry a big stick

Evil Abhi: Oh no. Not another f*cking cricket post. Just kill me now.

Abhi: Come on, don’t be so mean. Some SM readers actually like cricket.

Evil Abhi: Why? Unless you trying to save your rainless Indian village from the British Empire, cricket sucks.

Abhi: Dude, you need to chill. You are insulting a game loved by millions as well as its fans.

Evil Abhi: All these cricket posts are ruining our prrrecioussss blog.

Abhi: Ok fine. I’ll just post an interesting picture then. I know you’re cool with pretty pictures.

Evil Abhi: Oohhh, look at the hobbittses.

Abhi: Dude, Sri Lanka just whooped new Zealand.

Evil Abhi: Hit it brown. Hit it.

Continue reading

55Friday: The “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” Edition

Heavenknowssmiths.JPG

I am drained.

It is not because I’ve fought a cold all week, nor is it due to what had to have been one of the busiest Fridays I’ve spent at any job. No, it is this. This site. This ever-growing, always challenging, far-too-smart-to-be-left-alone (much like my German Shepherds, when they were puppies) community/blog/baby/project which I cannot abandon, no matter how many times it makes me cry, rant or mope. I did all of the above, btw. I cried when I re-read a certain infamously raw post about my past, because it is a trigger. I ranted right here, just a few posts below where you are now. And I moped, ohhhh did I mope.

I felt despair. I had been warned that at some point, this blog would grow so big that we would not be able to contain it, control it, corral it…keep it. The writing may have been on the wall, but it was not in our comment threads; some of our oldest readers, loyalists who had been with us forever, people we met online and then later IRL via meetups, whom we cherished…they no longer comment or visit us. They don’t want to be here and it breaks my heart; “that’s the price of success,” one of you told me. No, not that. I want it to always be like this, exactly as rare and wonderful and mutinous as this…

But for a good chunk of the afternoon, exhausted from moderating and well, caring, I gave up. I started to drink the rotten kool-aid and it upset my stomach and more important things, like that squishy mushy, weak, red thing in my chest. What was the point? The mean people who suck would win. And I for one would not welcome our new troll overlords.

I couldn’t take being 16 when I was 16, so feeling that morose, melancholy, weepy bleh-ness was extra untenable as a 32-year old. What did I do when I was that age and this miserable? Ah yes, THE SMITHS. Because as perverse as it reads, they cheer me, yes they do. Within seconds, Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now wafted through noise-cancelling phones and by the second line, I was smiling for the first time all day. I smiled wider when I realized that I had “my song” and thus, my theme for Friday’s nanofiction orgy.

Write exactly 55 words about what makes you miserable, what feels like heaven, Caligula (my favorite despot!), How Soon is Now or anything else that the lyrics which are pasted below evoke. Hell, write about whatever you feel like burying or praising, just make sure you do and that you post your mistresspiece below, yes?

Yes.

Now that I am impossibly chipper (just listened to Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me!), I’m ready to go home. I hope I have yummy 55s to read when I get there. Continue reading

Yay! Today is WORLD TURBAN DAY!

world-turban-day.jpg …and obviously, that is why the bunker’s Malayalee Christian mutineer should post about it. 😉

Between Chachaji’s reminder and Ismat’s tip to our news tab (which lead me to this adoooorable picture on the left which I stole from Nirali’s The Daily), I was reminded to show some love to the most visible desis of all– the few, the proud, the hot, the turbaned. 😀

The point is, with two Sardars in the bunker constantly bickering over who called which color (Ennis is really protective of his pink!) and bragging about whose dari smells best (we lost our impartial judge), it is incomprehensible to me that today should pass without commemoration from the mutineers. What could be more punk, more mutinous than a turban!

Now, yenjoy these three fast facts about today, as distilled from this BBC article:

1) The point of World Turban Day is to foster awareness.

2) “Traditional, hand-tied turbans” > “casual under-turbans and half-turbans”, i.e. don’t half-kundi it. Tie on a proper one, aight?

3) WTD is celebrated today because it’s the eve of Baisakhi.

Any questions? Kindly post them here, because Amardeep is better at turban-ing than I shall ever be. 😉 Continue reading

One Drop, One Percent, One Community (We Should Be)

I am heartsick. I want no part of what has been occurring in “my house” as of late.

When Abhi approached me about starting a group blog to highlight “brown” aspects of the 2004 presidential race, I immediately agreed to take part. Why wouldn’t I? This project would seek out and illuminate that which the mainstream media couldn’t be bothered with— discrimination against a journalist with a South Asian name, the disrespect shown to our culture by a state branch of a major political party, essentially, the desi angle to everything around us. We would light the political and social night. We could be a beacon to every other South Asian American who felt exactly what we felt, lived through what we had, questioned what we did. Light of light.jpg

As an Orthodox Christian, the concept of “light” is sacred to me; I stood with almost a thousand people last Saturday night, waiting for our priest to throw open the doors to the altar, holy fire held high. The altar boys would take bits of that flame for their own candles, then fan out and pass the light on to the first row of parishioners, who would turn and continue the cycle, one pew lighting the candles behind it until everyone was bathed in the glow that only comes from flame and wax. The ritual which had taken place for over a millennia demonstrated how consummate darkness would always be destroyed by light. Light, a symbol of hope, a symbol of truth. Light, a visual reminder of the triumph of good over evil.

Evil does live in the dark. It lurks in shadows where it ensnares victims of rape, gagging them with shame while concomitantly extinguishing their inner flames.

One of the reasons why rape survivors do not come forward is because they are terrified that they will be doubted. They will be humiliated again, this time by those who should know better, who work for justice. Bruised and broken, they are forced to relive their ordeal while relating it to cynics and skeptics. The burden is on the survivor and that isn’t right. Yes, sometimes people lie and manipulate sympathy but that never justifies being unkind.

Once, in my Freshman-year theology class, Sister Veronica was asked about whether one should always provide alms for beggars. “Sister…isn’t it true that these people are bums? That they are going to just spend the money on drugs or booze? That’s what my Dad said and that’s why I don’t give them money anymore.” Sister Veronica’s face became serene.

“Child, you have been taught since kindergarten to see the face of Christ in everyone you meet, no matter who they are. Yes, even those whom you refer to as ‘bums’ have a divine inner light because just like you, they are children of God. They deserve to be treated that way.”

“But sister-“

“No buts. Even if they are going to use the pennies you give them for something else, even if they are lying about how they need money for food, even if they plan to buy drugs, you must believe that they are truly in need. Only God is allowed to judge others. And that unfortunate soul really might be in need—how would you know if they weren’t? And wouldn’t it be awful if you let your preconceived notions, your assumptions prevent you from doing what is right? From helping someone who truly needs it? You never know someone else’s story, so don’t act as if you do. Act as if you don’t. And act as if the best, not the worst is what is true.” Continue reading

Blogger Greets the People on Occasion of Baisakhi

Times of India

[ 13 Apr, 2007 1620hrs ISTPTI ]

NRIS! 10 Years NO MINIMUM BALANCE! SMS ‘GIMME’ TO 8832 NOW!

CONSHOHOCKEN: Blogger Amardeep Singh on Friday greeted people on the occasion of Baisakhi, which is being celebrated on Saturday.

The Blogger in his message said “on the occasion of Baisakhi, I extend my greetings and good wishes to all my people, particularly to those engaged in commenting, the offering of tips, and news tab links”.

He said the harvest festival is an occasion to remember readers who sweat and toil to keep up with a sometimes unwieldy torrent of entertaining and informative posts.

“On this day, let us pledge to work to develop our blog so that our mission of a developed South Asian diaspora touches the remotest parts of the blogosphere and everybody is benefited leading to prosperity of the community as a whole,” he added.

The Blogger in his message said “may Baisakhi, Vishu, Tamil New Year and Mesadi this year usher in peace, pseudosecularism, prosperity and happiness for all”.

He said these harvest festivals symbolise hope and celebration of hard work by farmers. “They also give us an occasion to express our thanks and gratitude towards the farmers, without whom we would have neither dal-chawal, nor Hakka noodles, nor — and this would be especially sad — chicken kabobs from that Pakistani takeaway place in Bensalem,” he added.

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PIX: Manmoothy is Big B * Ash-Abhi: good chemistry * Mandira spotted in NY * Mike Tyson in Bollywood * CALL INDIA FOR FREE TODAY! Continue reading

Riots in Uganda; Two Asians Dead, Temple Attacked [UPDATED]

Violence over the fate of a Ugandan rain forest erupted in Kampala yesterday. Four people are dead; two of them, who were desi, were stoned to death. Via the IHT:

…a protest over a prized Ugandan rain forest exploded into racial violence, forcing military police in armored vehicles to fire tear gas into the crowd, authorities said.
Police arrested 20 people suspected of being the ringleaders of the melee and offered special security to Asians in the Ugandan capital, Kampala, said Information Minister Kirunda Kivejinja. Police were guarding some Asians in their homes…
The crowd burned cars, attacked a Hindu temple and chanted, “We are tired of Asians!” and “They should go back to their land!” Dozens of Asians, fearing for their lives, took refuge in police stations.
Tension between black Ugandans and those of Asian origin has a long history in this African country. In the 1970s, dictator Idi Amin expelled South Asians, saying they were trying to dominate the economy.

This is why people are dying:

A subsidiary of the Mehta Group, the Sugar Corporation of Uganda, wants to use 7,000 hectares (17,000 acres) — nearly a third of the Mabira Forest Reserve — to expand its sugar plantation. The Ugandan government owns a 51 percent stake in the company, and recent indications that it will allow the forest to be axed have enraged residents here…
The forest is home to 50 species of monkeys, along with bird and plant species only found in Mabira

My inner environmentalist cringes at any threat to biodiversity, but I’m also horrified by the footage I just saw on the BBC World service, of a motorcycle engulfed in flames; the man riding it had “looked Asian”, so he was dragged off of it and beaten so severely, he later died. When they interviewed members of the raucous crowd, I heard words which are uttered far too frequently; “Maybe they’ll go back to where they came from.” If any of you have family in Kampala, my prayers are with you. Continue reading

I Love Siouxsie’s Version, I do.

Allow me to sum up the Slate article I’m about to blog in four words:

Arranged marriages don’t suck.

There, was that so difficult to admit?

Dear Prudie,
I am a 30-year-old single woman who has been living in the United States for the past few years. I am considered smart, successful, and attractive and have an interesting and fulfilling life. But my family, who live in India, are worried that I’m still single, and have been trying to arrange my marriage. While I do want to be married, I’ve had a couple of relationships that didn’t work out; I’ve been very independent and have lived life on my own terms—so I now find it hard to go through the arranged marriage setup. I know my parents will never force me to marry someone I don’t like, but the idea of having an arranged marriage seems archaic and almost mortifying. I’d also like to believe that marriages should be based in love and there should be an element of romance involved. My mother thinks that as long as two people have a certain compatibility and mutual respect, love can happen later. What should I do?
—Confused

Wait- wot’s this? Someone who isn’t second gen can be “confused”? Shocking. Utterly astonishing, I tell you. 😉 I thought we American Born-types had a monopoly on bewilderment. Continue reading

Is Kal Good Enough For Penn?

As many of you already know, Kalpen Modi will be teaching two undergraduate courses at the University of Pennsylvania in spring of 2008, one on Asian Americans in the Media and the other on American Teen Films. But unlike Hetal and Kapila, it looks as though some Penn students aren’t too crazy about the idea. The Daily Pennsylvanian even ran a staff editorial recently, arguing that Mr. Modi lacks the qualifications to teach there:

The University brings in guest professors who are qualified to teach students because of extensive experience in a field. Pennsylvania governor, former mayor of Philadelphia and career politician Ed Rendell teaches a course on elections, for instance. Kal Penn simply does not have those kind of credentials when it comes to film and the field of Asian American studies…Bringing in a popular actor as a means of promoting Asian American Studies undermines the academic value that should attract students to the field in the first place.

And most importantly,

Standards should be set high for anyone who teaches at Penn. To set a lower bar for guest professors sends the wrong message to graduate students and professors, as well as to students, about what the University values as academically credible.

Asian American Studies Program Director Grace Kao, who arranged for Mr. Modi to teach at Penn, wrote a lengthy response:

Mr. Modi will offer a first-hand account of how the current internal structure of Hollywood works to limit roles available to women and ethnic minorities. I don’t think anyone else at Penn is more qualified to teach such a course…As a tenured member of the Sociology faculty and director of the Asian American Studies Program, I am not someone who takes his appointment lightly. We are fortunate to have someone like Mr. Modi on campus for an entire semester. He will not get rich by doing this, and I think that says a lot about his dedication to actively engage with the academy.

To get more perspective on the issue, I ran both articles by a friend of mine, a desi woman who recently finished her PhD in Cinema Studies, to see what she thought. She put it to me this way: “There’s a big difference between teaching a class on media criticism and teaching a class on what it’s like to work in Hollywood. Grace Kao seems to think they’re the same, but they’re not. It’s kind of like asking Tom Clancy to teach American lit as opposed to creative writing, or asking Arnold to teach public policy analysis as opposed to a course on how not to run a special election. I don’t think either of those things would ever happen at a top twenty-five school.”

I get her point, and I’m sympathetic to people like her who have given their lives to the academy and have difficulty finding teaching positions, only to hear of people with lesser qualifications like Mr. Modi secure these jobs fairly easily. On the other hand, he’s only teaching two classes as an adjunct. It seems kind of harsh to argue that Mr. Modi undermines Penn and Asian American Studies, considering that he’s only going to be there for one semester. It’s not as though they’ve given him a tenured-track position. If that did happen, then I probably would agree with these concerns. But until then, I’m curious to see what comes out of Mr. Modi’s teaching assignment. Continue reading