The Next Apprentice?

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The Romans pioneered today’s victory and ticker tape parades in their Triumph ceremony.  Post-war, a long procession of captured loot, slaves, musicians, and, of course, the Legion in its finest regalia marched through the city for all citizens to lavish their praise.  The victorious General followed this procession in a priceless chariot waving to the audience like the beauty queen of his day.  Ever cognizant of human nature, the Roman council enlisted a slave who stood by the side of the general whispering the reminder that “all glory is fleeting”.  

Perennial SM television favorite Raj Bakhta may have to hang up his golden leaf crown as he confronts the newer, younger model this fall.   The latest season of the Apprentice will unveil the newest Desi reality-TV star, Ms Toral Mehta –

Toral, 29, currently a Vice President in the Capital Markets group of a major investment bank in New York City, is among the handful of officer level women in her group responsible for originating, structuring, negotiating and closing multi-million dollar business deals. Fluent in French, Hindi and English, Toral has traveled to more than 15 foreign countries over the course of her career, working with top business leaders in both the public and private sectors. A graduate of the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania, Toral has worked for some of the country’s leading financial institutions including Goldman Sachs and American Express. In addition, Toral is a skilled day trader and self-made multi-millionaire. Her recent investments include luxury real estate and upscale restaurant projects in Manhattan and Brooklyn. Born and raised in Philadelphia, Toral now resides in New York City, and likes to spend her free time at her homes in Miami Beach and London.

A few Penn alums who know her mentioned that Toral has the chops to give Omarosa a run for the money in the drama and tension category.   Delicious.   Her interview Q&A certainly reveals she’s a PC-be-damned type –

When will you consider yourself “a success”?
I already do.

Have any previous Apprentice winners motivated or inspired you? If so, who and why? If not, what did you think of the winners?
No, and I don’t think about them.

Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with Donald, George, or Carolyn, and why?
I would take my chances floating at sea.

Heh.   She sounds charming.   Unlike Raj, for whom charm appeared to be just about the only thing in the show he had going, Toral’s victories sound rather less fleeting.  Let history and the history about to be made be the final judge whilst the denizens of Sepia Mutiny lavish ratings.

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Rainy day friends

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With all the bad news about the weather, I thought I would try to lighten things up a bit. It turns out that some people really like the rain, and South Asian countries are creating a monsoon tourism industry around them:

The Indian tourist industry has created tours and activities aimed at rain-starved Arab visitors. Open-air discotheques are billed as “rain dance floors.” Tour operators peddle sight-seeing trips, or “rain walks,” as relaxing excursions for “introspection” and “family bonding.”

The Indian state of Goa first started marketing itself as a monsoon destination about five years ago. Resorts in India and northern Pakistan began seeing more Arabs eager to experience the novelty of rain. Posters went up in travel agencies in the Gulf nations of U.A.E., Qatar and Kuwait, beckoning residents to “Come Feel the Rain.” Goa, on India’s west coast, says it attracted 55,000 Arab visitors during last year’s monsoon season, nearly three times as many as two years earlier.

“We’ve seen steady growth in business from them, all of it during the monsoon months,” between June and early September, says Pamela Mascarenhas, deputy director of Goa’s state department of tourism. [cite]

This is very clever counter-cyclical business development. Usually resorts are only bustling during the dry season, and have to make enough money then to cover their expenses during the rainy season. Now they can use their capacity year round, thus increasing their earnings and dramatically cutting their exposure to risk.

As a child, my father would have loved to go on a vacation like the one described. He grew up in a very dry part of Punjab and was fascinated to discover that there were places in the world that got over 10 feet of rain a year. He instantly wanted to move to one of these places and was disappointed when my grandfather wasn’t ready to uproot the family and move to a tropical rainforest!

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To thine own self, Be True

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I would’ve swore at the ref, too. (Thanks, Mankanwal):

Parents and coaches of a Calgary junior soccer team are angry after a Sikh player was barred from a game for insisting on wearing his religious head scarf.
Northwest United was competing in a tournament in this Vancouver suburb when a referee told 17-year-old Gurindar Durah he could not wear his patka, which young, religiously observant Sikhs are required to wear.
Mr. Durah swore at the referee and was ejected from the game. Then his team decided to walk out in protest.

Mad props to his team for standing up and walking out for their boy. Durah’s Coach, Mario Moretti supported his players, calling the tournament “done” the moment the ref brought up Gurindar’s patka:

“This is a decision our players made, not me. I supported my players. They all supported Gurindar, which was a no-brainer for us.”

Of course the people behind the tournament, in a dazzling display of deluded, oblivious lameness stated that Durah was barred from the tournament for “swearing”. Way to address the issue, there.

I’m somewhat shocked that it all went down north of us; I always thought of Cah-naw-duh as being literally and figuratively more chill. Beyond that, the Sikh community there is so accomplished and visible when compared to Amreeka. I unlearn something new, every day. Continue reading →

Kakutani complains of crufty ‘Clown’

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The acid-tongued, Yale-educated purveyor of limn places Shalimar the Clown above Rushdie’s ineffectual Fury but below his earlier works (thanks, Rani):

Although the novel is considerably more substantial than his perfunctory 2001 book, “Fury,” it lacks the fecund narrative magic, ebullient language and intimate historical emotion found in “Midnight’s Children” and “The Moor’s Last Sigh.” [Link]

She doesn’t buy the fundamental, near-magical-realism conceit of the protagonist, and without that buy-in the rest of the novel is colored:

Worse, “Shalimar the Clown” is hobbled by Mr. Rushdie’s determination to graft huge political and cultural issues onto a flimsy soap opera plot… But his clumsy suggestion that the title character becomes involved with a group of terrorists inspired by Al Qaeda because he has been jilted by his wife feels farcical in the extreme – unbelievable in terms of the actual story…

The main problem with this novel, however, is its title character, Shalimar… who emerges as a thoroughly implausible, cartoonish figure: an ardent lover turned murderous avenger, a clownish performer transformed into a cold-eyed terrorist. Whereas the other characters’ motives are complex and conflicted, Shalimar is depicted in diagrammatic, black-and-white terms. Indeed, he often seems like a reincarnation of the cardboardy Solanka from “Fury”… These are the sort of words spoken by mustache-twirling, snake-eyed villains in old cartoons…

Rushdie is ‘all about the extended, witty aside, the original, snarky insight,’ which she doesn’t seem to dig:

But others are thoroughly gratuitous asides, included, it seems, simply for the sake of emptying out the author’s archive of recorded and imagined images, and they weigh down the story, diminishing its focus and its momentum.

I’m left wondering whether this review is more a criticism of the genre and Rushdie’s fundamental style than the individual tome. We’ll know soon — the book is officially out tomorrow, though you may have nabbed a copy this weekend.

Previous posts: one, two, three, four, five, six

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The funeral of Hatim Kathiria

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Per his wishes, slain U.S. citizen and Army soldier Hatim Kathiria was laid to rest in his home town of Dahod in the state of Gujarat.  The BBC reports:

Thousands of mourners have attended the funeral in India’s Gujarat state of an Indian-born US soldier killed in Iraq.

Hatim Kathiria, a 23-year-old Muslim, who died in a rocket attack in Baghdad on 22 August, was buried in his home town of Dahod.

I hate to sound cynical on such an occasion but this is the first time I’ve seen such a large public Muslim funeral reported in the media that was not for a “martyr” or an innocent victim of collateral damage.  I know this is because such “regular” stories are not as sensational and so the media is uninterested, but it’s good to see an actual soldier being honored for giving his life in battle. 

His mother, Shirin, said: “He was my only son. His ambitions took him to the US and then to Iraq. We lost him, but he died a martyr’s death.”

Damn, maybe I spoke too soon.  It sucks that the word martyr has been co-opted by terrorists to the point where it’s hard to distinguish a true martyr (and I’m not sure if I know what qualifies a true martyr).

Of course there was also some drama that took place at the funeral.  Kathiria’s parents apparently didn’t know he was married.  Probably because the girl wasn’t Indian:

The crowd fell over each other to catch a glimpse of his Anglo Indian widow Lisse Jean Pierre, who reached Dahod along with the body.

Amid rumours that Kathiria’s family was unaware about the marriage, which took place earlier this year, a jeans and T-shirt clad Ms Lisse – also a US army specialist – met her in-laws. However, sources said the women of the Bohra community were not allowed to talk to her. She was also kept away from the media, which was present in large number to cover the incident.

So tight was the security around the Hussaini Mosque, where the last rituals took place that not even his close relatives were allowed inside. “Normally, Bohra community is better known for its trading prowess but we are proud of Hatim as he joined the US Army and laid down his life for a cause,” Kathiria’s cousin Abuzar Mirchiwala said.

Sigh.  Some things never change.

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A new comic book hero

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The late American astronaut Kalpana Chawla is the subject of the newest comic book (or graphic novel) in the Amar Chitra Katha series (thanks for the tip Cecilia).  The BBC reports:

The life and achievements of an Indian-American astronaut who died in the Columbia space shuttle disaster in 2003 has now been illustrated in comic form.

An Indian publishing house has released the comic book based on Kalpana Chawla, the first American female astronaut of Indian origin to have gone on a National Aeronautics Space Administration (NASA) mission…

“If Kalpana Chawla inspires even two more students to go out there and achieve what they are dreaming for, well, then that’s our job done really,” she said.

About 437 titles have been released under the comic series and 90 million copies sold.

That should be an interesting read.  I am curious as to how much fiction might be added into her real story to play to the young Indian audience that is most likely to pick up this book.  Likewise, I want to see how much nationalism might be displayed by the comic book character.  Bottom line though is whatever gets young kids interested in space and science is good to see.

Fifteen-year old Meghna Pithadia says her ambition is to become an astronaut.

She says a comic on Chawla’s life is a great way of introducing her to small children.

“They can come to know about her, what was her life, what was her history. It’s a good thing, they can learn from her.”

Nine-year old Sakina Machiswalla said she read a little of the comic book and realised that girls can do everything that boys can do.

“She wanted to become an astronaut and she went out there and became one. If boys can do it then so can girls. Now I have a goal that I must do something big in life.”

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The price of drama

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Not Short, Just “Orthopaedically Handicapped”

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Just about any way you slice it, life presents us all with some pretty heavy challenges.  Especially in India.  Especially in Kerala.  And especially if you’re, uh, short.   The Beeb reports –

Dwarfs in the southern Indian state of Kerala have come together to fight for their rights.

The Kerala Small Men Association has 300 members across the state and is demanding what it calls “special recognition” from the government.

Why the crisis?   Well, apparently a former, primary avenue of employment has been beat down due to shifting consumer tastes and globalization –

“Earlier, we were getting opportunities to work in the circus but that industry has collapsed and most of us are out of a job.”

The universe finds ways to create balance.   And politics always finds ways to create conflicting special interests –

The [small men] association’s height limit is 135cm (54 inches – [4′ 6″])…The state also has a Tall Men of Kerala association with 600 members over six feet (1.82) metres.

6 feet qualifies you as a Tall Man in Kerala?   Dang, the Punjabi’s are gonna kick our butts.

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Hello, this is M.I.A.

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‘Could you please come get me?’ M.I.A. says she used to work in a telemarketing call center selling software over the phone (thanks, Punjabi Boy). Could you get any more desi?

… she was working in a call centre selling computer software to people in Ohio. She’d once worked the same job in LA.

The strain of being so mainstream drove her into Compton

… having fallen in love with hip-hop, she was going to move to South Central LA and become a gangsta’s bitch. It was a move both rebellious and reactionary. ‘I’m glad I went that far into it. I was the best hoochie on the West Coast at the time. I had the best clothes ‘cos I was coming from England and really good at shoplifting. I had Versace on before Lil’ Kim started rapping about it ‘cos the only place I could steal at was Harvey Nicks, where it was sooo easy. So I studied, like, the whole thing out in Compton: how the best you could do is be there for your man, be really good at sex, throw barbecues in the park, have babies and keep that unit together with the money that you get.’

Sadly, her black audiences aren’t getting her — she’s not quite Maya Vanilli, but gangsta isn’t totally prêt-à-porter:

This audience don’t understand why she’s covered head to toe in a baggy Sri Lankan print blouse and billowy trousers with its flashes of green in the print, which turn out, on closer inspection, to be the Incredible Hulk’s fist.

But she does have compelling memories of poverty in Sri Lanka:

… malnutrition had left Maya without most of her teeth. One of her last childhood memories of Sri Lanka is having her gums cut open with rice grain. ‘They don’t even do it fast, it took 45 minutes. But I wanted teeth so bad … you don’t understand.’ She came to Britain waiting for them to grow in and would hold her lips over her gums, staring long hours at herself in the mirror.

I suppose ‘terrorist’ isn’t usually mentioned in the biodata:

… her mother met her father through an arranged marriage, having been told he was an engineer. ‘Ever since she was a baby she was raised to be the housewife that all Sri Lankan women are meant to be. She couldn’t play out the fantasy ‘cos she didn’t have a husband. Him going away was worse for her. All the women were like, “He didn’t even die? He just left you with two children, what’s wrong with you? Fuck him starting a revolution, he isn’t at home!”‘

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Not Your Mamma’s Muslim

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Bold strides by Muslim women this weekend. First Sania Mirza, now Hammasa Kohistani, who was just crown Miss England (thanks, Punjabi Boy!): SepiaMiss.jpg

Hammasa Kohistani, 18, said she was delighted to have been selected to represent England in the Miss World championships.
The brunette, who speaks six languages including Russian, Persian and French, looked ecstatic as the crown was placed on her head before a cheering crowd in Liverpool’s Olympia Theatre. [link]

Well, the BBC says five languages, but who am I to quibble. The Times of India deluged the poor girl in a typical purple gush:

LONDON: Move over our very own, Miss India. Miss England is on her way to Bollywood, the big time and beckoning stardust, now that a Muslim teenager with central Asian roots and a British accent has been crowned England’s most beautiful woman.

But stepped back for sociological analysis:

Kohistani, who was born in the Uzbek capital Tashkent, after her parents were forced to flee Afghanistan, is being touted in a less-than-overwhelmed Britain as the first Muslim to be crowned Miss England.

With beauty contests increasingly regarded as a politically incorrect and chauvinistic relic of a darker British age of cruising for seaside holiday entertainment, Kohistani’s victory has been kept off the Sunday front pages and the slender television news agenda.

But some commentators have expressed an interest in the social and ethnic change represented by Kohistani’s extraordinary win of the England crown, over and above 38 other peaches-and-cream complexioned ‘real’ English roses. [link]

sepiaMissjulia.jpg

Of course, this wouldn’t be a story about Islam without controversy somewhere:

Among those Miss Kohistani beat was another Muslim entrant, Sarah Mendly, 23, who was voted Miss Nottingham. Miss Mendly had been among the favourites but her entry caused controversy when Liverpool’s Islamic institute called on her to pull out because contestants are often scantily clad. [link]

If you squint, doesn’t Hammasa look a bit like Julia Roberts?

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