Pink haathis and the like

Posted on by

In retrospect, that last bottle of champagne on Saturday night was a bad idea, but finding an unopened, chilled bottle of Dom in Karachi is so damn’ difficult that I simply couldn’t pass up the offer.

I did however manage to pass right the hell out.

And now I’m still not sure why I have rope burns on my wrists, nor why my underwear seems to have mysteriously gone missing, and most importantly, why I’m trapped in a room without any minimalist furniture, wall-decorations other than a Mr. Kabaddi 2004 calendar, and a laptop perched on what seems to be a vertically placed dhol.

Ah yes. I wondered what the Mutineers were doing at that party over at the Sind Club, but oddly enough at the time, I was too busy shaking my groove thang with Anna and marvelling at her ability to inhale Black & Coke by the litre to really pay attention to the ropes and chains that Vinod was trying (with a fair amount of success, mind you) to hide behind his back. I suppose the words “You know, we’ve never had a gay Pakistani on SM yet” should have been a marginal clue as to the direction the evening was going to take, but at the time it just seemed like such an innocent, simple expression of fact.

And now I’m trapped in a sparsely under-decorated room with absolutely no Aveda products of any kind, and I don’t even know the mailing address for this place, otherwise I’d have re-decorated the entire bunker by now. Which is probably for the best now that I think about it.

On the plus side, I think I see the t-shirt Ex-Intern Neel was wearing lying on the floor, so there may yet be hope for this location. Continue reading →

Guest Blogger: Sin

Posted on by

Once upon a time (i.e. in 2003), a neophyte blogger considered the layout of her site and wondered if she should change her sidebar. Never mind the hilarious fact that just two months before that moment, she was unaware of what a “sidebar” was– now she was scrutinizing hers, specifically the “Recently Updated Blogs” content which TypePad offered as an option.

Solidarity with other TypePadders was good, but she had not had much luck when it came to whichever link she whimsically chose to explore. She had never bookmarked one of these random blogs and she probably never would. Like this one for example, newly at the top of the list…”Venial Sin”. Fantastic name, the erstwhile Catholic school girl thought…it’s probably going to be an even more impressive disappointment, because of it.

Perhaps her cynicism unjinxed the ritual; this time, she didn’t just bookmark, she froze, then devoured. Then, she fell in blog-love. “Venial Sin” wasn’t just a reference to a minor transgression against God– it was a nom de plume for the best blogger she had ever read. She was absolutely enchanted.

Despite its life-altering role in her infatuation, “Recently Updated Blogs” was heartlessly deleted. In its place, she created a newly expanded blogroll, which finally included a fellow TypePadder, along with the following description of his site: scathing, coruscating, ennui-slaying perfection. Three years later, those words are truer than ever and best of all, now you can think them, too.

The latest Guest Blogger to visit our bunker might just be the greatest, mutineers. Give a suitable welcome to Sin. Continue reading →

The World Is High, Not Flat

Posted on by

akhil bansal.jpg The Philadelphia Inquirer has the first in a series of articles about an illegal prescription drug network that was busted in 2005, as part of “Operation Cyber Chase.” The ringleaders of the network were the Bansals, a family based in India, though part of the business was run out of a warehouse in Queens.

Here’s how the business worked:

Akhil [Bansal] oversaw the family’s North American operations, shipping roughly 75,000 pills a day via UPS. In a little more than a year, the network had smuggled 11 million prescription tablets to more than 60,000 American addresses, an operation that grossed at least $8 million. These numbers did not include the steroids or the kilo shipments of the tranquilizer ketamine, a club drug called “Special K.”

The family’s Internet business represented a dark slice of the global economy so new, and so widespread, that national governments were still struggling to understand it, let alone police it.

Laws were vague, outdated, inconsistent. Technology – new medicines and ways to deliver them – was outpacing regulation. (link)

Unlike Operation Meth Merchant, where a number of the defendants pleaded guilty because they were going to be deported anyway, these guys clearly knew exactly what they were doing, and what they were doing was definitely illegal. In contrast to Operation Meth Merchant, which disproportionately targeted Indian immigrant store clerks, I’m not at all bothered at the take-down of the Bansals — they deserve to be in jail. Rather, it’s an intriguing case study that shows yet again how India’s entry into the globalized, internet-based economy goes well beyond the rosy picture suggested by talk of outsourcing and call centers.

At the same time, I don’t think the Bansals are especially “evil” for smuggling imitation prescription drugs, though it’s definitely dangerous for these drugs to be floating around. (According to NPR, at least one person died after purchasing drugs from a website based in Mexico.) If anything, the Bansals were evil because their business was based on spam, which wreaks havoc with email and is the bane of many a blogger’s existence. Continue reading →

55Friday: The “Blue Jean” Edition

Posted on by

“Let’s motor“, a certain red Mini whispered my way late last night, so I happily complied. Careening down Rock Creek Parkway, I thought I was already as blissed as I could possibly be, since I had a sticky car on a curvy road obeying my right hand’s every whim. Then I realized that XM’s Fred was sending me some David Bowie-flavored sweetness; I hadn’t heard “Blue Jean” in at least a year, which is unfortunate, because it’s one of my top three Bowie songs of all time. Laughing out loud, I made the volume dial spin clockwise as I threw caution out the sunroof. My wrist chose sixth and my night was sublime.

I tend to name our nanofiction orgies after songs which helped me survive high school and “Blue Jean” can definitely take some credit for that feat. No, seriously…I don’t have any other reason for choosing it. It’s not like I’m trying to indicate a subtle preference when it comes to college sports or anything. CoughGOBLUEcough.

:+:

Today, we’re going to do something a little different with our flash fiction festivities. Yes, you have a theme, which you can mutilate as you see fit (blue, jeans, space oddities…it’s a very special Abhi-edition of the 55). You may also ignore it, if you have words within you that have nothing to do with the song which is still stuck in my head. However, if you are not inclined to write an amuse-bouche of a tale which is composed of exactly 55 words, I have another option for you. Continue reading →

Gawker: Suddenly Less Brown

Posted on by

teh hawt.jpg Nick Denton’s flagship timesuck Gawker said “pinne kannam” to their perma-intern Neel Shah today (Thanks, Amit)– wait, you totally didn’t even know they HAD a brown intern, did you? What’s that? We are your timesuck of choice? Awww. That kind of loyalty is worth a solid kundi-grab at the next meetup, kids.

It’s so hard to see the little ones grow up and take wing; you nurture them, tutor them in the ways of righteousness, and then send them out into the big, scary world, hoping that the values you’ve imbued somehow help them through life’s most trying tasks, specifically, working for Maer Roshan. As Eat the Press reports, our own Intern Neel (whose tenure here at Gawker exceeds that of the four current editors combined) has taken the position of Assistant Editor at Radar.[link]

See? Told you he was the perma-intern.

Neel, whose party dispatches were legendary and who elicits a flood of “Is he single?” e-mails to the tip line each time we print his photograph, will write front of the book stuff for the magazine (remember, there’s going to be a magazine component) and Fresh Intelligence work for the website. Sorry as we are to see him go, we’re thrilled for him, and we look forward to reading his work in the two issues of Radar they put out before the inevitable loss of funding. Congratulations, kiddo.[link]

Is he single? The comments section to the post quoted above had certain gawker stalkers wondering if he was teh gay. Whichever way he plays, he is a little bit of brown adorable, yessiree Babu.

Gentlewomen (and teh gays), start your matrimonial engines– he’s got the following standard-issue brown-privileged background, according to this blurb which I lifted from a Gawker post on Kaavya, which used Neel’s insights to provide an insider view in to her plagiarism fustercluck:

Gawker Intern Neel Shah thinks he understands. Hailing from picturesque Port Jefferson, Long Island, Neel is a first generation Indian-American who took the SATs in 7th grade, went to the same dorky summer program at Johns Hopkins as Viswanathan, and recently graduated from Dartmouth. His father is a doctor, his family drives a Range Rover, and he played tennis in high school. In some small way, Neel knows where Kaavya’s coming from. His culturally specific analysis of her hell and humiliation follows.[link]

Continue reading →

Two quick notes about Michigan

Posted on by

Today’s Michigan Daily has an interesting story that sheds light on the evolving politics within the larger Asian American community. There is a secret society at The University of Michigan known as “Michigamua.” It is pretty much modeled after “Skull and Bones” at Yale, right down to their use of Native American artifacts. It existed at time I attended Michigan and my Indian friends mostly disapproved of its existence, although a couple of acquaintances of ours were in it. Many see it as an elitist organization modeled after other such organizations that help to maintain a white male patriarchy. Others see it as a way for minority communities to become part of the “establishment” by wielding the supposed power and influence that comes with membership (President Gerald Ford was a member). Recently, both the president of the Indian American Students Association and the co-chair of SAAN (where I was invited to speak earlier this year) were outed as members of this secret society. This prompted the following demand from the United Asian American Organizations, an influential umbrella group on campus:

United Asian American Organizations, a congress of 37 Asian/Pacific Islander student groups, passed a resolution last month insisting that the senior society meet five demands by the beginning of winter semester.

If it does not, UAAO promised to oust two member groups – the South Asian Awareness Network and the Indian American Student Association…

“Michigamua fails to prove to the campus community that they are no longer a racist establishment. The only way they could prove this is through transparency, a method they do not employ at this time,” UAAO executive board members wrote in a statement. “Because of this lack of transparency, United Asian American Organizations has taken steps to ensure the safety of the student of color community to which we belong…” [Link]

Let me translate and paraphrase in my own words: “You stand either with the racist establishment or you stand with other Asians of color.” It doesn’t appear likely that the browns want to quit though:

Members of IASA declined to comment for this article, but it appears their group does not intend to force Pai, the group’s president, to quit the society. It also seems unlikely that they will force him to resign.

SAAN has no intentions of barring its leaders from the society, said Shah, SAAN co-chair and society member.

“At this time, SAAN’s central planning team has decided to give the opportunity to the organization formerly known as Michigamua to implement the changes it promised last year,” he said. [Link]

Also, a second quick note about Michigan:

Continue reading →

See you macacas tomorrow

Posted on by
Social life: Macaques troops average 20 with many males and females. Separate troops may sometimes join to form temporary groups of more than 100. All members in the troop have a well-defined rank. In many, the rank is inherited from the mother. … Females form the permanent core of the group, while males transfer from among groups at least once in their lives, usually before they breed. They are fierce primates and will offer stout resistance to potential predators. [Link]

Your final friendly reminder for the NYC meet-up. Continue reading →

Pay attention, Satveer

Posted on by

Pay attention…this is very important, Satveer. Have you noticed Jesus for yourself…at some moment in time, yet???

That is the advice offered to newly re-elected Minnesota state senator Satveer Chaudhary by his defeated opponent, Rae Hart Anderson, in the concession e-mail she sent him in lieu of the customary phone call. (Thanks, tipster “pardesi”!)

Minneapolis-St. Paul TV station WCCO helpfully provides verbatim text of the e-mail. A true light for Christ, Ms. Anderson proffers an odd form of congratulations before giving our heathen brother some news he can use:

I’ve enjoyed much of this race, especially the people I’ve met…even you! I see your deficits–not all of them, and your potential–but not all of it. Only your Creator knows the real potential He’s put in you. Get to know Him and know yourself…you’ll be more interesting even to you!

The race of your life is more important than this one–and it is my sincere wish that you’ll get to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. He died for the sins of the world, yours and mine–and especially for those who accept His forgiveness.

The message continues in this vein, with quotes from Scripture, before ending as follows:

There’s nothing like belonging to Christ…not winning, not money, not degrees…it’s the best.

Good wishes and better wishes…until you wish for the best!

“To get a sermon is definitely a surprise,” Chaudhary told WCCO. (Perhaps he should write back: “Tat tvam asi, Rae!”) Incidentally, Chaudhary’s state senate district overlaps with the US Congress district of Keith Ellison, the nation’s first Muslim congressman, who was asked this gem of a question a couple of days ago on CNN Headline News. It seems that in Minnesota, much of the Lord’s work remains shamefully undone. Continue reading →

Banal and Sad

Posted on by

Today’s New York Times report from Myanmar (or Burma, if you prefer) is in large measure the same old sad story of a country wracked by poverty and disease while its dictatorial elite has fun and makes money. The angle this time, at least in the lede, is the contrast between the ongoing rush for Myanmar’s natural gas reserves and the domestic penury of petrol and electricity. The article then opens onto a number of other topics; no scoops here, but a useful reminder of a situation that many have found easy to forget. It’s also a timely reminder, considering the imminent passage of the US-India nuclear deal, of the way great-power strategic considerations still trump more ethical goals; for all their differences in other areas, India and China are both big supporters of the Myanmar regime.

Burma372.jpgAlso timely, considering our recent discussion of “citizen journalism” by means of camera-phone, is the article’s mention of video footage of the wedding of the Myanmar leader’s daughter that was smuggled out and posted by The Irrawaddy, a publication and website run largely by Burmese and based in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Senior General Than Shwe has been the head guy in Myanmar for the past 14 years and apparently has given himself the airs of traditional Buddhist royalty, as several examples in the Times story attest. The wedding of his daughter Thandar Shwe to a mid-ranking government official involved a ceremony costing a reported $300,000 and, perhaps more egregiously, $50 million in houses and cars as gifts. Recently posted online, the video gives Burmese a specific target of outrage in the spirit of the great Bob Marley line, “Dem belly full but we hungry,” although how much it wil be seen within Myanmar is unclear.

I took a look at Irrawaddy.org and was extremely impressed by the coverage, analysis and professional values of the website; it can’t be all that easy reporting on a largely closed society and excavating the ties of its leadership with neighboring powers. Perhaps someone more versed on the subject can give more advanced commentary.

Meanwhile, watch the wedding video and what is striking is not so much the six fat ropes of diamonds that the bride wears, nor the train of her dress or the devoted attention of the dinner guests, but rather the sense of emptiness that the whole thing conveys. It seems to be held in an oversize function hall where the trappings of luxury have been grafted onto ultimately ordinary surroundings. The guests, the dinner tables, all look small and lonely and despite the lifting of bottles of Champagne it doesn’t seem like anyone (including the betrothed) is having much fun. The cheesy music only compounds the sense of tawdriness, even sadness, that suffuses the scene. Of course you don’t need to look as far as a paranoid dictatorship to find sensory evidence of the absolute, mind-numbing banality of power, but settings like this one display the phenomenon in its full, melancholy glory. The staging expresses the dialectic that binds the construction of power and spiritual decay, and supplies an updated, self-contained meaning to the term puppet regime. Continue reading →

M.I.A. Reappears Amid Charm City Grime

Posted on by

wire.jpgOn September 15 BidiSmoker wrote this about the best show on TV:

I know there isn’t much of a desi angle to the story, but I’d love to write a post for SM on the Wire just because it’s such a great show that everyone should watch and no one does.

and Salil replied:

I TiVo and watch it religiously. It is, in my opinion, the best show on TV. I lived in Baltimore for a year, and they’ve captured the feel of that city to perfection. It’s gritty and raw without being forced or unbelievable, and the stories are really powerful. I kind of wish for a desi angle on it, too.

It is written, ask and ye shall receive! For it turns out that only a few days later the desi angle manifested itself. Allow me to take you through the steps:

1) The best show on television is The Wire.

2) The Wire takes place in Baltimore.

3) Baltimore has two major current cultural exports that share a rough, hyperrealistic griminess. One is The Wire, the other is the bass-heavy sound known as Baltimore club.

4) A major recent convert to Baltimore club is DJ Wesley Pentz aka Diplo.

5) Diplo is the music- (and sometimes more-) mate of Mathangi “Maya” Arulpragasam AKA M.I.A.

miabalto.jpg6) M.I.A.’s first reported appearance in the United States since her reported troubles with U.S. immigration took place on September 25 at Baltimore club Taxidermy Lounge, in a surprise set with Diplo before about 20 late-Monday-night revelers. (There she is to the right; photo from the Tazidermy Lounge MySpace page.)

7) M.I.A.’s new track “XR2,” now spreading virally over the internets (thanks Ismat and Nirali!), and its Diplo remix “XR2 Turbo,” are heavily influenced by Baltimore club.

So there you have it; the connection is drawn. Now you macacas can talk freely here about the show — or about the song, which marks something of a new artistic direction for the sista. I think it’s pretty dope. Continue reading →