55Friday: The Panni Flu-edition

Every week, for the last eight months, I have received emails, facebook messages, tweets and texts plaintively asking, “What would it take to bring back the Friday 55?” Twitter : @suitablegirl_1257545747064.png Well apparently, it would “take”…H1N1, or as it is often referred to, swine flu.

That’s what I was diagnosed with two weeks ago, and while at this point I’m simply festering with a secondary infection, I’m still at home, sick. This means I actually have a moment to gasp BLOG. So 55Friday it is.

I know we have many newer Mutineers who may be unaware of the history behind this writing game, so a brief introduction seems apposite. On Fridays, I used to choose a theme and write a post which invited you, our readers, to create a piece of flash fiction (a very, very short story). Each submission was to have exactly 55 words: no more, no less (see: wiki). That (and the theme, if one chose to follow it) was all that constrained creativity.

The last time I posted a 55Friday, we received some flashes of greatness. Here’s one from commenter Non-sequitur; it was a bit of a run-on, but who cares, he fit a whole story in a single sentence with exactly 55 words!

Thomachen couldnt buy the Sony TV because his brother Vareechan didnt get paid the last two months because Dubai’s construction boom has evaporated because global investment and demand is down because U.S. banks are going under because the US consumers took home equity loans they couldnt afford because they wanted a Sony Plasma TV.

As another commenter noted afterwards, “wow – Global Economy Meltdown – 101 in 55 words. loved it.” I did, too. See? There’s so much you can do. 🙂 Now whether you want to write about pannis, being ill, Run-D.M.C. (get it? GET IT?), or flu shots going to undeserving evil like Goldman, feel free. In fact, feel so free– because you can ignore the theme completely. We only provide you with them to help. Panni-themed or not, say something via 55 carefully-picked words in the comments below; I can’t wait to read what you’ve written, as I mend. Continue reading

2 UPDATES: Murdered, In Front of his Three-year old Granddaughter

Update: Ekram Haque passed away today.

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I just read a horrifying, heartbreaking story in the Daily Mail: Ekram Haque.jpg

A Muslim pensioner was on the brink of death last night A Muslim pensioner has died today after an appalling race-hate attack by a gang of schoolboys.
Retired care worker Ekram Haque, 67, was battered to the ground in front of his three-year- old granddaughter Marian.

Continue reading

Can I get one at the “As Seen on TV”-store at the Mall?

So Foursquare* isn’t rewarding me with any points for running around my city and worse than that, GMail is down (boo! et tu Goo?). What’s a web-addicted fool to do? Check her facebook, natch. It’s a good thing I did– because that’s where I saw this:

Posted by SM reader Jisha to her feed, I found the narrator’s sorority accent to be soothingly familiar, as she gushed about the very things I love to mock: Starbuck’s redundantly-named and poorly-made “Chai tea latte“, scam-y scientology…and movies about schlubby guys who miraculously pull hot chicks.

Judging from their comments below it, Jisha’s friends weren’t feeling the clip (I believe the word “weird” was offered as a reaction). I think it’s funny. Props to Lindsay Gareth and Kosha Patel, who did such a cute job with this spoof that I can almost overlook the use of “a” instead of “an” in “1-800-uh-Indian”. Almost. Every time she intones that number, all I can think of is “An, an, AN, damnit, AN!” And yes, I know that they were probably prioritizing having seven digits over preventing glottal stops, but still. Does anyone have $19.95 which they can spot me? Like J. Wellington Wimpy, “I’d gladly pay you Tuesday for a Indian today”. Continue reading

Top Chef: Las Vegas “Vice”

Wherein we recap epidsode one and live blog episode two, of one of the best reality shows EVAR.

Exactly one week ago, a few of you joined me for the season premier of Top Chef: Las Vegas. Together, we good-foodies watched with breaths abated as Google’s Executive Chef, Preeti Mistry, took on a ginger who blew off MIT for cooking (he’s like the anti-brown!) and Michael Isabella, whom I know by name because I’m devoted to his restaurant, Zaytinya, even if he’s shaping up to be this season’s honorary representative from Massengill. Speaking of that currently-beloved epithet, this amusing blog thinks Preeti is one of three “Contenders for Top Douchebag”. Wow, not only are we a post-racial nation, we’re living in an era where a woman is nominated to be a “top” DB. That’s…something.

Like last week, you are invited to join in the chant by tuning in at 10pm, when you will be able to crash this live-blogging party:

Now about that Mise-en-place relay race from last week, which is ALL people can mention when I bring up Preeti… Continue reading

UPDATED: Have you seen Ambika Subramanyam?

She has been found, alive (thanks for the good news, Sandhya and Rajagopal):

Miller said Subramanyam, of Montgomery, contacted her parents early today, and the parents called police. No other details were immediately available.
“She will be talking with our detectives later today,” Miller said.

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Have you seen Ambika.jpg Ambika Subramanyam is 18 years old and 5’6.

She went to the University Book Store in New Brunswick, NJ, on Friday afternoon to return some textbooks and hasn’t been seen since.

She is wearing a grey polo t-shirt and blue jeans. We are looking for anyone who may have had contact with Ambika or seen her.
She is a Rutgers Student.

Please study her picture, look at the website that her worried family has set up and forward a link to it to everyone you know in or near New Jersey.

If you have seen her, contact Mr. Martinez with the New Brunswick, NJ Police at 732-745-5200.

On Friday afternoon, Ambika called her father at about 3:15 to ask him about parking; he cautioned her about feeding the meter and that was the last time anyone spoke to her. When he didn’t hear from her in a few hours, he went to the parking lot and found her car, unlocked. Her purse, cell phone and keys were still on the passenger side seat. Continue reading

Why yes, SM will be live-blogging Top Chef Tonight.

Like an alliance between a homely, fair, slender, God-fearing maiden and a Doctor, it’s ON!

TONIGHT, at 9pm EST we’ll start the live-blogging party (like we did for the Slumdog-sweepin’ Oscars) for the newest season of Top Chef.

Like last season, there is a brown girl in the ring– San Francisco’s Preeti Mistry. She’s 33, a graduate of the Cordon Bleu, a locavore and the executive Chef at God’s own empire, I mean, teh Google. More: Continue reading

Valare Upakaram, Google

Indic_screenshot.jpg Via the “web clips” which perch above my 5,090 unread GMail messages, news that Google’s email is now down with some brown languages:

Until now, there hasn’t been a good way to send email to friends and family in Hindi, my native language and their language of choice. That’s why I’m happy to announce a new feature for Gmail that lets you type email in Indian languages. If you’re in India, this feature is enabled by default. If not, you’ll need to turn it on in the “Language” section under Settings. Once enabled, just click the Indian languages icon and type words in the way they sound in English — Gmail will automatically convert them to their Indian language equivalent. [link]

3410684214_542408482e_m.jpg Oh, if only there were some way for me to type Malayalam words the way they sound in English to me…and have GMail (or anything else, for that matter) automatically convert them to the correct Malayalam-in-English spelling equivalent.

For example, sometimes while I’m writing, blogging, tweeting or commenting on your Facebook crap, I feel the compulsive need to refer to the side dish I loved most as a small child: a fried, potato-y concoction which I’d spell “oorelkarunga merehkwerty or in a similarly butchered fashion.

Do you know how that shiz is actually spelled?

urulakizhangu mezhukkupuratti

Continue reading

Murder-Suicide in Silicon Valley Claims Five Innocent Lives

kalathat.jpg A heart-breaking story out of Santa Clara, in Northern California. Devan Kalathat took his own life– but only after shooting his wife, his two children, and three other relatives (including an 11-month old baby girl) who had just arrived from India.

A father is suspected of killing his two children and three other relatives before taking his own life in an upscale neighborhood of Silicon Valley where the family had recently moved.
Authorities were still searching Tuesday for a motive in Sunday night’s slayings, though they have said financial issues did not appear to be a factor. [Yahoo]
Everyone died except Kalathat’s wife, who remained in critical condition Tuesday with multiple gunshot wounds in her upper body. She managed to stumble outside and collapse on a concrete pathway, where she was found in a pool of blood by neighbors. Along with the bodies of five others, including his two children and niece, police found Kalathat inside with a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The two handguns were laying nearby. [SJMercuryNews]

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When I watch Indian movies…oh, wait. I don’t.

The popular website PostSecret featured a brown-tinged confession this week (Thanks, Niki):

another brown secret

So far, three of you have sent this postcard in as a tip, which is hardly surprising; you mutineers love to discuss these secrets which have been expressed as art.

For those who are unfamiliar with the site:

PostSecret is an ongoing community mail art project, created by Frank Warren, in which people mail their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. Select secrets are then posted on the PostSecret website, or used for PostSecret’s books or museum exhibits.
The simple concept of the project was that completely anonymous people decorate a postcard and portray a secret that they had never previously revealed. No restrictions are made on the content of the secret; only that it must be completely truthful and must never have been spoken before. Entries range from admissions of sexual misconduct and criminal activity to confessions of secret desires, embarrassing habits, hopes and dreams. [wiki]

When I first saw this, I oddly wondered if a non-Desi might have submitted it. I think my guess was inspired by the artist choosing to use the term “Indian” movies instead of “Bollywood”. Then again, maybe this secret-poster watches Tollywood, Mollywood or Kollywood fill-ums, but didn’t bother getting so specific, since they’re relatively obscure in the U.S. Part of me also thought “Bolly” because of the image used (is that Aamir Khan?). That’s all I’ve got. 😉

Meanwhile, the person peering over my shoulder hypothesized that whoever sent it in might be a second-gen American who is being pressured in to an arranged alliance. What do all of you think? Interestingly enough, in at least one instance, the person who created the postcard we wrote about was a reader who later de-lurked to debunk assumptions. I’m cool with that happening, too. Let the idle conjecture begin… Continue reading

Posted in Art