Straight eye for the guerilla guy

Inspired by Anna and Sin, I thought that I would try my hand at fashion criticism. But where to start? I’m straight, and hardly fashion forward. I needed somebody who was in greater need of assistance than myself somebody like … Prabhakaran. While I may not be able to wage a decades long war against the government in Colombo, and I don’t have a cult of personality of my own, I can certainly dress better than him. [Yeah, I’m brave, blogging behind an anonymous handle and making fun of the head of the Tamil Tigers.]

So, ‘Tamil Eezha Desiya Thalaivar’ (how could I call him Thambi?) Velupillai, if you’re listening, here’s what I learned from reading GQ in the gym:

  1. Stocky guys should not wear horizontal stripes. And what’s with the camo tiger stripes? That was never in.
  2. Avoid mixing different kinds of stripes. For example, don’t have a sunburst coming out of your head while wearing a hat and shirt with the aforementioned camo tiger stripes.
  3. While hipster, ironic, trucker caps were in a few seasons ago, they’re not any more. And a thundercats type logo cap is only appropriate for a press conference if you’re Ashton Kutcher.
  4. If you have to have a big grimacing cat on your flag, don’t stand in such a way as to make it seem like the cat is taking a big bite out of your arm. It’s distracting, although not as distracting as the camo tiger stripes or the sunburst coming out of your head.
  5. Belts belong close to your waist level, not up above your navel. And a wide belt like that, worn so high? It makes you look fat. Also, try to match your belt with your shoes.
  6. Don’t wear a pistol under your armpit. It makes it harder to draw, and leaves the butt smelling … like armpit.
  7. Cyanide necklaces are out this season.
  8. Don’t shoot the messenger. Or blow him to smithereens.

More images of the man on the Tiger webpage.

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55Friday: The “Thank You” Edition

What, like you expected somthing else, after all this? ๐Ÿ™‚

Due to one memorable mindfulness class I took in 2003, I have spent the last few years growing more conscious of how we are surrounded by opportunities to be grateful. It’s been such an eye-opening experience, to the point where I feel horrible about the past, because I know I was oblivious to so much goodness which I didn’t acknowledge. I can’t do anything about that, but I’ve tried to incorporate gratitude in my daily life, because the truth is, the act of appreciating something or someone can be transformative and beyond that, it’s just the right thing to do. 294638412_005769f1fb_m.jpg

Around this time of year, it’s even easier to say “Thank you”. ๐Ÿ™‚ After all, you get time off from work to do it! I’m not sure if some of you partook in that ritual last night where you go around the table and state whatever you’re thankful for, but if you did, I’d love to hear what bullet points you offered to your family and the turkey carcass. Perhaps you can contain what thrills you in exactly 55 words, but because it’s a holiday, I’ll be just as appreciative if you haiku it. I’m just grateful that you kids play along with my inconsistent flashes of silliness and I’m delighted that a few of you mentioned how you are thankful for “55s” in the comment thread of my last post. It’s nice to know you care. ๐Ÿ™‚

This week, our theme song is extra flexible, because I can’t decide if I’m referring to the Dido version of “Thank You” or Alanis Morissette’s much-mocked take on the phrase. I know, the fact that the latter contains the phrase, “Thank you, India” might militate in favor of choosing THAT as our tune du jour, but then, if we invoked the Manish-Vij-anti-exotification clause… ๐Ÿ˜‰

So, write about flavor-free poultry, family, cranberry sauce, gratitude, popular female singers (one of whom was naked!) or whatever else you are loving right now. While you do that, I have to go remind my Mom to make her famous cranberry pickle while the berries are still available, because that exquisite hotness is ridiculously yummy. Unlike the rest of you foodies, I didn’t stuff my strict-vegetarian face yesterday so I’m still hungry. I could totally go for some chor, mor and pickle right now and you’d best believe I’d be thankful for how good rice, yogurt and an extra-spicy condiment always taste. ๐Ÿ˜€ Continue reading

55Friday: The “Blue Jean” Edition

Let’s motor“, a certain red Mini whispered my way late last night, so I happily complied. Careening down Rock Creek Parkway, I thought I was already as blissed as I could possibly be, since I had a sticky car on a curvy road obeying my right hand’s every whim. Then I realized that XM’s Fred was sending me some David Bowie-flavored sweetness; I hadn’t heard “Blue Jean” in at least a year, which is unfortunate, because it’s one of my top three Bowie songs of all time. Laughing out loud, I made the volume dial spin clockwise as I threw caution out the sunroof. My wrist chose sixth and my night was sublime.

I tend to name our nanofiction orgies after songs which helped me survive high school and “Blue Jean” can definitely take some credit for that feat. No, seriously…I don’t have any other reason for choosing it. It’s not like I’m trying to indicate a subtle preference when it comes to college sports or anything. CoughGOBLUEcough.

:+:

Today, we’re going to do something a little different with our flash fiction festivities. Yes, you have a theme, which you can mutilate as you see fit (blue, jeans, space oddities…it’s a very special Abhi-edition of the 55). You may also ignore it, if you have words within you that have nothing to do with the song which is still stuck in my head. However, if you are not inclined to write an amuse-bouche of a tale which is composed of exactly 55 words, I have another option for you. Continue reading

Gawker: Suddenly Less Brown

teh hawt.jpg Nick Denton’s flagship timesuck Gawker said “pinne kannam” to their perma-intern Neel Shah today (Thanks, Amit)– wait, you totally didn’t even know they HAD a brown intern, did you? What’s that? We are your timesuck of choice? Awww. That kind of loyalty is worth a solid kundi-grab at the next meetup, kids.

It’s so hard to see the little ones grow up and take wing; you nurture them, tutor them in the ways of righteousness, and then send them out into the big, scary world, hoping that the values you’ve imbued somehow help them through life’s most trying tasks, specifically, working for Maer Roshan. As Eat the Press reports, our own Intern Neel (whose tenure here at Gawker exceeds that of the four current editors combined) has taken the position of Assistant Editor at Radar.[link]

See? Told you he was the perma-intern.

Neel, whose party dispatches were legendary and who elicits a flood of “Is he single?” e-mails to the tip line each time we print his photograph, will write front of the book stuff for the magazine (remember, there’s going to be a magazine component) and Fresh Intelligence work for the website. Sorry as we are to see him go, we’re thrilled for him, and we look forward to reading his work in the two issues of Radar they put out before the inevitable loss of funding. Congratulations, kiddo.[link]

Is he single? The comments section to the post quoted above had certain gawker stalkers wondering if he was teh gay. Whichever way he plays, he is a little bit of brown adorable, yessiree Babu.

Gentlewomen (and teh gays), start your matrimonial engines– he’s got the following standard-issue brown-privileged background, according to this blurb which I lifted from a Gawker post on Kaavya, which used Neel’s insights to provide an insider view in to her plagiarism fustercluck:

Gawker Intern Neel Shah thinks he understands. Hailing from picturesque Port Jefferson, Long Island, Neel is a first generation Indian-American who took the SATs in 7th grade, went to the same dorky summer program at Johns Hopkins as Viswanathan, and recently graduated from Dartmouth. His father is a doctor, his family drives a Range Rover, and he played tennis in high school. In some small way, Neel knows where Kaavya’s coming from. His culturally specific analysis of her hell and humiliation follows.[link]

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I’m Not Vinod But I Play Him on TV

For folks outside of the tech biz, my job is a little hard to explain… but one way of summarizing it is that my startup (www.roundbox.com) is involved in next generation delivery technology for television to cellphones. To use one of my oft-invoked phrases, the gig’s a little bit geek (there have been multiple physics / EE / CS PhD’s minted in the devilish minutae here) and a little bit glam (it’s TV afterall). One interesting aspect is that I end up rubbing shoulders with folks around the globe who spend way more time watching TV than I do….

Twins Separated At Birth?

So… I’m at an international TV conference this week in NYC (hence the scheduled meetup on Saturday) and a guy from the Canadian Broadcast Corp (CBC) comes up to me in a sheepish, “I’m honored to meet you” sort of way and asks if I’m “Shaun Majumder.”

Since he’s now directly in front of me, the guy has a chance to read my name tag and can clearly see that I’m not Shaun. And despite being one of the guys who’s “in the know” when it comes to arcane tech specs & industry consortia, I’d never even heard the name…. My new Canuck colleague was taken aback and said “Man, my friend and I back there could have sworn that you were this big TV star in Canada named Shaun Majumder…”

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Finally, Indian Christmas carols

On our News Tab SM reader Pallavi introduces us to the music of “Boymongoose.” They’ll be dropping their album, Christmas in Asia Minor, just in time for the Holidays:

1. Thanking You
2. 12 Days Of Christmas
3. Single Girls
4. Internet Dating (Radio Saffron)
5. Once In Rahul Dravid’s City
6. Oh Therapy
7. No More Brown
8. It Had To Be Said (Radio Saffron)
9. Hark the Herald, Angel Singh
10. The Worst Motel
11. Miss India (Radio Saffron)
12. We Are Wishing You A Merry Christmas
13. Think Of The Children

Here is a video of their version of 12 Days of Christmas. It’s an outstanding 4 minute waste of time (and the animation is solid):

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What’s in a Name?

With what seems to be the ongoing theme on Sepia Mutiny this week of (self) identification of South Asian Americans and racialization of America, I had to share the following story I got in my inbox this morning. My friend’s name is Nirva. Nice desi name, right? Nirva is shopping for a bicycle, and found one on craigslist…

Nirva: I saw your add on craigs list about the bicycle sale. And, I’m really interested in the nishikisport and murray women’s bikes. Are both of these frames lightweight and are they new? Thanks, Nirva

Craigslist Bike Seller: what nirva, whateva

[What exactly deos the “whateva” mean? Was it an insult to her name? Or was it a “we have no bikes for you”?]

N: i am sorry what did you say?

CBS: oh yeah righ they are brand new for 80 dollars yes. come right over this is hollywood and you can buy a bike nishiki brand for 80 dollars. what boat did you just get off?

[“What boat did I get off?” Kind of presumptuous to get all of that simply from her first name, don’t ya think?]

N: Excuse you…..First of all. It’s a question. If you want to answer it then answer it right. Damn you’re great with customer sales. Ya really want the bike now. Go take some happy pills and think twice before you get on a high horse and act anti-immigrant.

CBS: anti-immigrant? I just saw the movie Borat and you can not take a Joke! I do not think you want the bikes since they are not Brand New. They are used and I am sorry if I offended you but you are obviously too serious.

[Oh no. She didn’t go there with a Borat reference…]

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Assertive Hindu Elephant

babyelephant.jpgVia Arun at Pseudo Secular Leftist Cabal SAJA, news of the Houston Zoo’s online poll to name the handsome critter pictured here, a baby elephant whose birth weight was a prodigious 384 lbs. Here are the choices, with the explanation for each name as provided by the zoo:

* Colossus (Heร‚โ€™s big!)

* Guinness (Because heร‚โ€™s a record holder ร‚โ€“ the largest baby elephant birth on record)

* Sundar (In Hindu/India it means ร‚โ€œattractive.ร‚โ€)

* Janu (In Hindu/India it means ร‚โ€œsoulร‚โ€ or ร‚โ€œlife force.ร‚โ€)

* Mac (Did we say heร‚โ€™s big? Like the truck!)

Now I have some concerns here. First of all, are we sure this is not an African elephant? The zoo does not clarify this point. Otherwise he should be named something cool in African, not in Hindu/Indian. Secondly, even if he is an Asian elephant, how do we know he is not South Asian? Or desi? After all, he is second-generation or at least 1.5. And why is SAJA taking up this cause, anyway? Is it because they don’t like Hindus? Are they ashamed of India? And if the baby was born at 354 lbs, how big are his saffron balls?

Many important issues of representation and identity here affecting both humans and pachyderms. I call on Abhi to investigate this matter as an urgent priority as soon as he opens the Sepia Mutiny Houston bureau.

UPDATE: The zoo has corrected its terminology from Hindu to Hindi. Another glorious people’s victory! The bandh is called off! Continue reading

I’ve Got Something SOUTH ASIAN For You

bery bad porn.jpg

I’m sure that no one reading this is “fuzzy on that whole area of geography” like the vellamban in the video above, but I have to say, I am immature enough to have found this bit of stuff from “verybadporn.com” EXTRA amusing after the roiling boil over in the comment thread of the post below.

I had read about this clip in the New York Post a few weeks ago and it kept falling further down my “mutinous stuff to potentially post” list; every time I remembered it, I was at Tryst or some hot splotch and I was apprehensive about visiting a site called VERY BAD PORN in public. I know, silly, right? Today, in the privacy of my apartment, I furtively, finally took a look. I wasn’t disappointed. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I love that I watched this spoof in all its PG-13, hilarious glory today of all days, as we quibble over India and Pakistan. ๐Ÿ™‚ Pay special attention to what “Sana Summers” says, both about Nepal (she might want to read the answer to question four of our FAQ) as well as activities which, ahem, involve hands. I totally missed the latter joke the first two times I watched. Yenjoy! Continue reading

Sepia Mutiny Good for Mental Health

I recently learned that people that are more in attune with their ethnic identity are also less prone to mental health issues.

Ethnic pride can help teenagers maintain happiness when faced with stress, according to a new study by a Wake Forest University psychologist published in the October issue of Child Development. […] Those with higher ethnic regard rated their daily happiness level higher.

“Adolescents with a high ethnic regard maintained a generally positive and happy attitude in the face of daily stressors and despite their anxious feelings,” Kiang said. “So, having positive feelings about one’s ethnic group appeared to provide an extra boost of positivity in individuals’ daily lives.” [link]

Despite integration being healthy, segregated local communities and same culture friendship groups are common. A previous study reported that traditionalism was more common among women but this study did not explore the relation with mental distress or health.33 Traditional friendship choices may minimise the stress related to facing new dress, beliefs, diets, attitudes, religion, and lifestyle. […] Bangladeshi and South Asian pupils with integrated friendship choices had lower levels of mental health problems than white pupils. [link]

So…the way I see it… Sepia Mutiny helps people of our ethnic identity with being more in touch with issues around the South Asian American diaspora. I would even propose that people that, oh say, click the refresh button repeatedly for www.sepiamutiny.com may actually not be psychotic, but actually exemplifies exceptional mental health. Additionally, reading Sepia Mutiny will make you happier.

Sadly, the South Asian American community is still a little confused on how they identify their racial identity here in America. Historically, the U.S. Court Ruling for ethnic individuals from South Asian since the 1920s has gone from: Hindu to Caucasian to Non-white to White and finally to Asian Indian.

The confusion goes much deeper into the self-identification of the South Asian American community – according to research around the 1990 Census, the first time Asian Indians were given a separate identity, we see the following.

When all Asian Indians from the 1990 census sample are considered, regardless of age or household status, and the children of all Indian household heads are included as well regardless of their reported ancestry and birthplace, 83 per cent of this sample of 7,758 describe themselves as South Asian. Among the US-born segment of this sample, however, only 65 per cent use a South Asian term. Instead, 25 per cent of the second generation is identified as `White’ , and 5 per cent as `Black’ . [link]

Allright… So maybe not everybody in our community is as in touch with with their ethnic identity as most of the people that read this site. 25% of South Asian Americans think of themselves as white, for goodness sakes. Granted this was taken back in 1990, and I firmly believe that 9/11 and the years after have significantly changed racialization in this nation. All the same, there are people in our community confused with their racial categorization. So it seems… Sepia Mutiny is additionally providing a service to this 30% identity confused population to further decrease their identity confusion.

I had no idea that SM was providing such a service – shouldn’t the government be funding us for providing this kind of service for society? Seems like we here in the bunker could use a new and improved tagline to reflect these results: Sepia Mutiny: Decreasing your confusion, increasing your happiness, integrating friendships, and lowering mental health issues.With the simple click of the refresh button!

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