Headlines I’d Like To See


Musharraf Resigns, Narendra Modi to Replace Him

Advani Resigns BJP, Plans To Take Up Gardening, Play With “Wii”

Vikram Pandit, Enthusiastic About New Job, Changes Name to “CitiPandit”

New Citigroup CEO Demands Subordinates Address Him as “Panditji

Sources: Dem Anti-Outsourcing Campaign Outsourced to India

Indian American Athlete Wins Heisman Trophy

Impoverished By Writer’s Strike, Simpsons’ “Apu” Returns to India For Good

Rushdie Marries Older Woman, Adopts Large-Nosed Infant Named “Saleem”

Sonia Gandhi Disowns Rahul and Priyanka; Monica Bellucci To Join Cong.

(Feel free to add your own, or spin off/tweak one of the above.)

171 thoughts on “Headlines I’d Like To See

  1. Britney Takes Up Kabalah

    Britney Redirected From Grocery Store, Advised That Kabalah Is Not The Same As A Calabash.

  2. New evidence suggests Ram Setu built by Aliens

    Lou Dobbs Complains That Construction Jobs Are Being Done By Illegal Aliens.

  3. White House and Capitol foreclose, feds respond by dropping interest rate

    Manoj Kumar wins Oscar, visa to US rejected, immigration officials claim “his hand was hiding his face in the passport photo”

    Bachchan denies allegations of Aishwarya marrying telephone pole

    Modi retires, to release Hindu devotional R&B album

    Rudy Giuliani quits reminding Americans of horrors of September 11th

  4. Lou Dobbs rusticated to Mexico.

    Sania Mirza wins Wimbledon.

    Arundhati Roy wins the Noble prize.

  5. California Switches To Wood-Burning Cars. Inexhaustible Supply Found In Gov. Schwarzenegger’s Dialogue Delivery.

  6. “Sunny Leone to do item number in Bollywood movie”

    “Shilpa Shetty voted Prime Minister of England, Jade Goody gets Cultural Affairs”

    “Desi wins Heisman, late for awards ceremony”

    “Dr.420 to do item number in Bollywood movie”

    “Crisis in California: Fires burn granola factory”

    “F1 legend Schumacher races cab in NYC, loses race”

    “Sunita Williams to do item number in Bollywood movie”

  7. Times Of India Journalist Denies Being An Uninformed Hack.

    The Onion Wins Pulitzer For Public Service.

    /seriously

  8. Sania Mirza wins Wimbledon.

    Ms. Mirza is better on hard courts ;).

    My headline: “Sania Mirza wins in Melbourne.”

  9. Manmohan Singh grows a pair.

    Arundhati Roy and Shabana Azmi join the board of directors for Pepsico.

    M. Nam

  10. “Angelina Jolie returns Indian adoptee after he tries to put other children into different caste’s”

  11. 34 · rar on December 12, 2007 12:26 PM · Direct link “Mars rover discovers crumbs of chivda on Mars” …what are you on? im still dying laughing!

    When i posted that, I was on my 3rd cup of freshly brewed Colombian coffee. Now that it’s starting to wear off I may have to fix a new pot. Stay tuned ………

  12. SCIENTISTS LINK “FAIR AND LOVELY” CREAM TO PREMATURE WRINKLING.

    NEW WONDER BRA KEEPS BACK FLAB FROM BULGING OUT OF TIGHT BLOUSES.

    LYCRA MIRACLE SAREE MAKES WEARER LOOK FIVE KILOS SMALLER, EVEN WHILE BOUNDING IN WAVES.

    Okay, back to work.

  13. NEW WONDER BRA KEEPS BACK FLAB FROM BULGING OUT OF TIGHT BLOUSES.

    Here you go. 🙂 Braaaa-llelujah!

    The innovative, patent-pending design has naturally adjusting shoulder and back straps, made from a unique hosiery fabric that automatically conforms to your body like a second skin, banishing VBL (visible bra lines) and minimizing back fat. Front closure design eliminates uncomfortable metal hooks and clasps in back. Smooth, soft, molded cups provide uplifting support and coverage. Unique channel design guarantees under wire never peeks or pops through. So, say good-bye to BBS (Bad Bra Syndrome) and hello to your new #1 bra…Bra-llelujah!
  14. Jindal renames Louisiana to Ludhiana

    Bush declines offer to debate Iranian president, suggests spelling bee

    Dead terrorists sue, the 72 promised virgins turn out to be 72 adult males

    Mel Gibson blames Jews for constipation problems

    Scooby Doo and Shaggy come out

    GEICO lizard visa expires, deported

    John Mark Carr confesses to Gandhi assassination, gets free business class trip to India

    Life discovered on Mars, India signs bilateral peace agreement

  15. Life discovered on Mars, India signs bilateral peace agreement

    Bush claims that Martians are a threat to our way of life, waits on Pentagon “Intelligence” report.

    Bush Seniors company signs energy deal with Martians.

    Goyal uncle asks the White House press secretary “If the US captures Mars, will Diwali be declared a holiday?”

  16. “Jindal renames Louisiana to Ludhiana”

    Now isnt that every Right wing radio host’s wet dream.

    “See I told you this would happen”

  17. I must say that this is one of the funniest post’s ever. People are really bringing the funny.

    I could literally sit here and do this all day, but I must resist

  18. Mass wedding arranged among SM’s members; Tiny mutinies arise in multiple locations..

  19. I usually lurk on this site but I couldn’t resist. BTW, I love the work and comments on this site, especially the recent blog on turban + beard. Here’s some:

    Jessica Alba admits she changed her name from Jessica Kaur to further acting career.

    Playboy survey of playmates reveals that Desi’s do it better.

    Boston Red Sox admit to gay love.

    Desi women don’t talk about marriage till after third date.

    Desi family allows their children to marry whomever they love.

    Modi caught in Dubai Airport bathroom with Larry Craig and Ahmadinejad “sharing” toilet paper.

    Anna named as new Victoria Secret runway model.

    Shinda, Daler Mehndi and Juggy D to headline at next Victoria Secret concert; Models to bhangra down the runway.

    Ashwariya Rai divorces Abishek to marry Jangali Janwar. Father objects as Ash isn’t punjabi, sikh or jatt but relents after he learns how many Euro’s she has.

    Vancouver Punjabi’s stop killing one another, join RCMP to overthrow local government to create a new country called West Punjab-Kannada. (mispelled on purpose)

    ER’s 2008 cast changed to all Desi with Jewish supervisor to reflect real world.

    Peace on Earth.

  20. Manju denies everything, says HMF only provided paid massages.

    HMF Denies Confession, Says He’s Been Misquoted

  21. Manju denies everything, says HMF only provided paid massages.
    You’ve just gotta love ’em.

    Manju states unequivocally that he cannot recall whether massages ended happily.

  22. There has to be a desi angle to this somehow, but I have feeling there are many here who want to see this headline

    The Chicago Cubs win the 2008 World Series!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I have feeling now that signed one of the best players from Japan Kosuke Fukodome. It just be fun to hear long time Cubs announcer Ron Santo say Fukodome. And anybody who knows Ron Santo is, this has a chance for great hilarity.

  23. Indian govt announces 100% reservation for backward castes. Entire nation now declared backward.

  24. Huge reservoir of oil found on mars! Exxon sending a mission to mars next month.

    Huge Mars oil reservoir sparks run on indentured third-world labor, Terran refineries at risk of closing.