Headlines I’d Like To See

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Musharraf Resigns, Narendra Modi to Replace Him

Advani Resigns BJP, Plans To Take Up Gardening, Play With “Wii”

Vikram Pandit, Enthusiastic About New Job, Changes Name to “CitiPandit”

New Citigroup CEO Demands Subordinates Address Him as “Panditji“

Sources: Dem Anti-Outsourcing Campaign Outsourced to India

Indian American Athlete Wins Heisman Trophy

Impoverished By Writer’s Strike, Simpsons’ “Apu” Returns to India For Good

Rushdie Marries Older Woman, Adopts Large-Nosed Infant Named “Saleem”

Sonia Gandhi Disowns Rahul and Priyanka; Monica Bellucci To Join Cong.

(Feel free to add your own, or spin off/tweak one of the above.)

171 thoughts on “Headlines I’d Like To See”

  8. Osama Bin Laden downloads jihad music illegally, found by the RIAA and sued. Settles for undisclosed amount.

  10. Clueless said:

    It just be fun to hear long time Cubs announcer Ron Santo say Fukodome.

    Imagine a drunk Harry Carrey saying “Fukudome”. Now imagine Ron Santo and Harry Carrey in the same booth talking about Fukudome. I pray to God that Will Ferrel will do a impersonation of Harry Carrey talking about fukudome.

    “FCC shoots itself in the head after listening to Harry Carrey and Ron Santo discuss ‘Fukudome'”

  14. Narendra Modi Admits He’s SpoorLam: Self-Depreciating Parody or Serious Comments? Stunned Supporters Debate.

  15. Popular Commentator Camille Admits She’s White: Stunned Mutineers Question Their Ethnic Identity

  16. Paula Jones Weds NASA Scientist: New Husband Vows to Use Blog to Undermine Hillary

    … then goes on to create “The Hillary”, new Maximum Absorbancy Garment to better catch “crap in Zero G”

  18. Johnny Walker Red Beats Black in Taste Test: Stunned Punjabis Malayalees Express Disbelief, Question Faith

    😉

  20. HMF, Denied Promotion at Nation of Islam, Alleges Racial Discriminati

    on

    That would be so beyond funny, of course HMF would some how blame the white racist system.

  22. Imagine a drunk Harry Carrey saying “Fukudome”. Now imagine Ron Santo and Harry Carrey in the same booth talking about Fukudome. I pray to God that Will Ferrel will do a impersonation of Harry Carrey talking about fukudome.

    I would pay good money to hear that. But I’m afraid that Fukudome will be like Ichiro and go by his 1st name Kosuke which would be lame. Cause a Fukodome jersey would be very good seller with the big Cubs fanbase.

  23. Manju mudwrestles Dinesh D’Souza in the buff on PPV. Proceeds go to the Committee to Re-Elect George Allen.

  24. @86/Amrita…

    I guess the link is down (or moved to here). The article was titled “Sanjay Dutt Resumes Shooting”

  26. Manju mudwrestles Dinesh D’Souza in the buff on PPV. Proceeds go to the Committee to Re-Elect George Allen.

    No Von Mises Breaks Wrist While Watching PPV. Forced to Miss Daily Kos Convention

  29. 1.Oil fields and Gold mines worth Trillions of dollars discovered in India. The new currency Exchange rate is pegged at $1 = 50 paisa.

    2.Pappu Packs up and takes the first flight to Mumbai (for 500 rupees).

    1. Anna, Ennis(?), Abhi and all other ABDs and/or SM posters apply for an Indian H1 work visa (which is renewable 3 years for upto 2 terms.) to pursue their great Indian Dream.

    2. Lou Dobbs and All FOX TV affiliated personnel denied H1 Visas because of extremist links.

    4.Sepia Mutiny is renamed Sepia Destiny. The battle has just begun…

  30. President Obama vows that he will change name to Osama if he doesn’t catch him in Pakistan dead or alive

  39. Goldman Sachs to Advise on India-Pakistan Merger

    Lehman Brothers advises India that acquisition or a hostile takeover would be a better approach.

    M. Nam

  41. >>Goldman Sachs to Advise on India-Pakistan Merger Lehman Brothers advises India that acquisition or a hostile takeover would be a better approach.

    Board overrules both options as ‘too twentieth century’ and ‘old thinking’. Acting on shareholder sentiment, and forward-looking strategic advice, while rejecting ‘all or nothing’ approaches, opts instead for loose holding arrangement which enables pooling of certain assets and launching of joint ventures but retention of original brand identities. Two chairpersons are appointed to the joint enterprise, rejecting also the linear hierarchical leadership model. Shareholders in the new holding company face no diluted equity, since they continue as shareholders in the original companies while also retaining the option to trade in both the the holding company and the counterpart company freely and without legal restriction. Old school analysts reeled from the development, while more with-it folks got it from the get-go.

  42. Board overrules both options …Shareholders in the new joint holding company …retain the option to trade in both

    Vikram Pandit declared as CEO of joint venture. Rumours afloat that he will swing the axe on bloated areas of the joint company where breeding has exceeded profitability.

    >>”Writers’ strike enters 4th week, Fox news officially on reruns.”

    Writers’ strike enters 5th week, Leading Democratic candidates unusually quiet.

    M. Nam

  43. Chachaji,

    Take a bow please.

    My own ‘umble contribution;

    “Most Bengalis feel its time for Ganguly to retire”

    “MoorNam gets drunk,confesses to his secret love affair with a Pakistani girl from Rawalpindi”

    “An American team consisting mostly of expat physicians from India enters the finals of the cricket World Cup”

    “I am not the one to spit, says a famous Bollywood actress. Riots break out in Mumbai.”

  44. Chachaji,

    If only the board acted in shareholders best interest this world will be a better place 🙂

  45. To no one’s surprise, Indian Olympic Team admits it has never used steroids; Team trainer says only supplement used is desi ghee.

  46. Roger Clemens was on the juice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    And that headline just came true….hahahahahahahahahahaha