MUTINEERS,
I am saddened to report the sudden and unexpected demise of our beloved friend, Whoa– is dating White not right? (July 28, 2007 -August 1, 2007).
Right was born in an indie coffee shop, in the heart of Washington, D.C., via the twin modern miracles of a stickered, 12″ iBook and wifi. In his short life, he profoundly affected many mutineers; Right challenged long-held assumptions, enlightened us about dozens of subjects and was a welcoming, tolerant figure in our community. He will be missed.
In lieu of flowers, Right’s grieving family humbly requests that when SM does its annual plea for donations to keep the site going, a la PBS/NPR, you contribute a rupee or two in his memory, especially since his Mother HATES ADS AND WILL NEVER AGREE TO HAVING THEM ON THIS SITE.
::
I had to close the uber-thread. 🙁
Many of you are writing to me, letting me know that you can no longer access it. Not sure what’s going on, but I can’t see new comments, either, which means I can’t moderate…so unfortunately, the party is over…not that I needed to do a lot of moderating in the first place. 🙂
I am delighted; considering the provocative subject material, there was far less ickiness, trolling or flaming than one might expect. All credit for that goes to you.
Thanks for one of the most lively, fascinating and relevant discussions we’ve ever had– and don’t fret, my pets…plenty of you left comments which could be spun off in to so many different threads, about queer dating, seduction via bharatnatyam, evaluating what’s worse– emasculation or exoticization, outting Iyengars, South Asian inter-religious/regional relationships, where to find B-Boy/punker Punjabis, how to procure puliyodarai, internalized self-hatred as evidenced by externalized comment-stupidity, whether I-Bankers are evil, where to find the mythical straight-haired, hyper-maintained desi goddesses whose knickers disintegrate for private equity types, San Francisco’s alternately sucky/fantastic dating scene and of course, HAIR.
More of all that, soon. In the meanwhile, pour a little sum’n out for “Right”, the next time libations are flowing. Sigh. Time to cue Tupac:
Rest in peace young homie, there’s a heaven for a G…
that word not to be used in a discussion on anal me thinks. people get the wrong idea…
oh no, my parents were much too smart/evil for that – psychological blackmail – ‘disappointed’ and ‘ashamed’ were very frequent – those scars are far more deep and long-lasting. to this day, i get a queasy feeling when my dad says ‘i want to talk to you.’ i just got one of those last night.
“wash your mouth out with soap”actually, my mom put laal mirchi (crushed red chillies) on my tongue everytime i said something bad or talked back…it worked
if your a grl that gets oral, does that count? what if you give oral?
Duh, because you didn’t follow her directions– tell them you’re a lesbian!
if i told them i was a lesbian (being a dude) they would just laugh their ass off. if i told them i was gay, they would shrug their shoulders and stop looking for a wife.
it’s all sex, Puli. pretty much anything you’re thinking of doing with a girl – it’s sex 😉
hmm…who decides these things. is there some official rule about this somewhere?
thats y i love bubba….
Thanks, not sure that I can take the excitement in my advanced years.
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
(Seriously, the meandering serendipity of the stream of collective (un)consciousness that is an SM thread is always hilarious to observe.)
ANNA, i understand it in regards to hypocrisy – that should be called out. but Jeet used it regarding a girl who had a secret bf – no intimation of sex in PindaUSA’s reference, so I found it odd that Jeet would pull out that phrase; there was an implied negative connotation about women’s sexual activity. that’s what disturbed me…
ah, gotcha 🙂
i didnt get the sense that he thought that. i thought he was making fun of the negative perception of female sexual activity and how people handle that. ill let jeet speak to what he was saying though..
Are you serious?!? If I told my folks I was gay, they’d drop to their knees and implore God why I wasn’t a crack dealer
my dads a scientist. thinks of these things scientifically with no real emotion, and a generally socially liberal dude…
Rahul, I get lost in my own chakravyuh
PindaUSA, HMF hereby banishes you to OppositeLand.
oh…i had it really easy growing up. oth puli-amma and pulli-appa are pretty cool. my parents were always my best friends.
ak, I didnt mean to offend. I try not to go with hidden messages in my comments or in other words I am not that profound in these conversations.
And the cast of the cool boomers grows. Yo Dad, Yo Mom, Floridian, and now Puli-amma and Puli-appa. Maybe they can be SM’s own Traveling Wilburys?
Puli, i thought the wink (or whatever that was) was referring to the latter part of the sentence about experience – damn the intarvebs for allowing crossed signals.., btw PindaUSA, it’s nice that rahul sent you over here to OL, but #58 might have to send you straight back out…
HMF, my parents would have a similar response – they would rather have us unmarried (lets them keep the hope) then accept, or even know, if any of us were gay…
jeet – sorry, yaar.
Uh oh. The fences are already coming up around OL… PindaUSA, I was hoping that my making you the first (and only) man in OL would do wonders for my pulikaaichal karma.
not sure…come to think of it. ive only dated 1 brown grl ever. that was for like 2 weeks, and was a $hitsh0w. ive only had 2 grlfriends before that. a middle class whyte ch!ck, and an east asian stick grl.
and mine as well….c’est la vie.
But were they VERY religious? Mine are, and so are my maternal grandparents. (both practicing, mom taught Sunday school, dad helps gurdwaras with their structural design as his seva). The lesbian comment helped them get off my back re: “looking for a suitable boy” for me. that and telling them that I didn’t really believe in the institution of marriage. They know I don’t say these things to hurt them, but they were having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that my cousins (who are my age) were getting married, but that not only am I not interested in marriage right now, I’m probably not going to be interested in it later, either.
Jeet, mine too! My mom used to say she would wash our mouths with soap. She tried it once (I told my brother to “shut up” — I was 5), but my nani was like “You’ll kill the child! What if she swallows the soap!” So afterwards, she would use a toothbrush and a teaspoon of cayenne pepper. To this day I cannot eat peppers of any sort (including simla mirch). Maybe it’s a Punjabi thing. Just kidding, maybe it’s just a crazy mother thing.
Totally agreed. Maybe I am a prude in my definition, though 🙂
my father is, but believes that his religion has nothing to do with anyone but him, and recognizes my ability to think for myself. my mom says she a hindu,. but if you ask her some 15 questions about the nature of the universe, you realize shes an agnostic.
HMF, going by everyone’s comment on this thread, I think you are the one in Opposite land 😉
Desi fathers when trying to be understanding of gay sons, talk about homosexual “tendencies” and mothers say theek hai, but I know this REALLY nice girl that will change your mind.
“it’s all sex, Puli. pretty much anything you’re thinking of doing with a girl – it’s sex ;)”
What about holding hands and going for long walks on the beach? That’s what I put on my Shaadi profile and get no hits. Or maybe it was this – “Skinny awesome chic into threesomes MMF and MFF wanted”
Awww, that’s so cute! That’s EXACTLY the way my Mom is– about her political party affiliation.
Why? Because they’re boomers, or because they’re also strangely musical? 🙂
shaadi.com is whack. a depressing meatmarket….
Isn’t that what boomers did to be cool? I’m not so old, Camille, that I have come to this conclusion through keen personal observation, though.
one grl i talked to on s.com said she has “conservative indian values”. I asked her “what does that mean?”. she said “I only wear saris and selwar kameez”. i said “ok”, amd thought “its nice i can buy my values at a sari shop in exurban new jersey”
Rahul, I’m just teasing you. If all the SM parents + Floridian got together and formed their own mutinous band, I’m sure I would listen.
Ah, my parents worry about my soul 🙂 Ultimately, though, they know that their kids are going to do what they do, even if it’s not the decisions they themselves would have made. I’m lucky — they love us all really fiercely, and it’s not a stifling/repressive love, but sometimes it’s hard to make decisions you know are going to hurt the people you care about.
desi girls got some tricks up their sleeve, can do more than cook and be a nice a bahu. Create a niche and corner the market for converting gays straight. We can name it Badlo and online dating?? i’ve never tried that 🙁
Kids did not behave this flippantly to elders in my time.
how old are you? are you a really spivvy uncleji that came to the US in the mid 70’s or something?
I can’t believe everyone’s missing the Hetal and Kapila reference…
is that what kids are calling it these days
I’ve always wanted to be cool. If I have to move up age groups to do that, you know I will. A few years of Lohanesque living should help with the prematurely aged look, I hope.
Rob wrote:
Wow, It never fails to amaze me to discover there are guys who think like this. You actually admit that it sucks that you think this way–yet you make no effort whatsoever to change your shallow point of view. I also recall your saying that you are only attracted to “skinny, Indian girls”, is it really any wonder your game is off? (just quoting from another post of yours..)
mid 30’s then?
Re: 31 and 64
My mother’s criteria for a daughter-in-law evolved (devolved?) over time (what with her only child getting older and older and never seeming to want to settle down): Bangladeshi Bengali Muslim girl from the right family and background -> Bengali girl -> brown girl -> a girl, any girl.
You could almost hear the sigh of relief when I told her I was in love with the woman I wanted to marry.
whats wrong with having a type?
First, you ask me if I came to the US during the Nixon years, now you’re pushing me all the way back to the Depression era?
HAHAH! not those 30’s. i mean are you thirty something years old.
Puli, didn’t your progressive parents tell you the new rules? Never ask a man his age, or a woman her salary.
they just told me to walk on the outside 🙁
err…okay then….how much do you make 🙂
Shaad, that’s funny. I think parents realize their expectations can be a little silly sometimes (in terms of “requirements”).
Rahul, what do you want me to do? Bring you Alka Seltzer and your slippers!? 😉 PindaUSA, I think Rahul is pretending to be old in light of this comment.