Obituary: WIDWNR

MUTINEERS,

I am saddened to report the sudden and unexpected demise of our beloved friend, Whoa– is dating White not right? (July 28, 2007 -August 1, 2007).

Right was born in an indie coffee shop, in the heart of Washington, D.C., via the twin modern miracles of a stickered, 12″ iBook and wifi. In his short life, he profoundly affected many mutineers; Right challenged long-held assumptions, enlightened us about dozens of subjects and was a welcoming, tolerant figure in our community. He will be missed.

In lieu of flowers, Right’s grieving family humbly requests that when SM does its annual plea for donations to keep the site going, a la PBS/NPR, you contribute a rupee or two in his memory, especially since his Mother HATES ADS AND WILL NEVER AGREE TO HAVING THEM ON THIS SITE.

::

I had to close the uber-thread. :(

Many of you are writing to me, letting me know that you can no longer access it. Not sure what’s going on, but I can’t see new comments, either, which means I can’t moderate…so unfortunately, the party is over…not that I needed to do a lot of moderating in the first place. :)

I am delighted; considering the provocative subject material, there was far less ickiness, trolling or flaming than one might expect. All credit for that goes to you.

Thanks for one of the most lively, fascinating and relevant discussions we’ve ever had– and don’t fret, my pets…plenty of you left comments which could be spun off in to so many different threads, about queer dating, seduction via bharatnatyam, evaluating what’s worse– emasculation or exoticization, outting Iyengars, South Asian inter-religious/regional relationships, where to find B-Boy/punker Punjabis, how to procure puliyodarai, internalized self-hatred as evidenced by externalized comment-stupidity, whether I-Bankers are evil, where to find the mythical straight-haired, hyper-maintained desi goddesses whose knickers disintegrate for private equity types, San Francisco’s alternately sucky/fantastic dating scene and of course, HAIR.

More of all that, soon. In the meanwhile, pour a little sum’n out for “Right”, the next time libations are flowing. Sigh. Time to cue Tupac:

Rest in peace young homie, there’s a heaven for a G…

300 thoughts on “Obituary: WIDWNR

  1. not as tragic as microwave idli!

    ak you wouldn’t say that after my idlis. :) really. the trick is attention to science and detail…

    which could be spun off in to so many different threads, about queer dating, seduction via bharatnatyam, evaluating what’s worse— emasculation or exoticization, outting Iyengars,

    if you do that to me, wtf will i tell my parents, huh?

  2. 141 · Shalu

    Wow, It never fails to amaze me to discover there are guys who think like this. You actually admit that it sucks that you think this way–yet you make no effort whatsoever to change your shallow point of view. I also recall your saying that you are only attracted to “skinny, Indian girls”, is it really any wonder your game is off? (just quoting from another post of yours..)


    Shalu–only the shallow know themselves. ;-)

  3. I go to her bathroom, and there is valtrx on her bathroom counter. i would freak out.

    Oh Puli,

    You are chaneling Jerry Seinfeld. Episode where he runs from girlfriend after discouvering anti-fungal cream in her medicine cabinet ( it was for her cat !!)

  4. Especially given that those of us who are an NC-45 on the Mac scale don’t get enough coverage (in my opinion) on product options. I wonder if I can find anything on the hippie listserv I’m on re: earth-friendly products, as well.

    foundation is the worst. since my shading is ‘problematic,’ i am going to start experimenting with those mineral powders (fewer chemicals and all)

  5. You are chaneling Jerry Seinfeld. Episode where he runs from girlfriend after discouvering anti-fungal cream in her medicine cabinet ( it was for her cat !!)

    If you thought Puli’s scenario was bad, you won’t believe the one where I dated this girl who went on a tractor ride.

  6. ak you wouldn’t say that after my idlis. :) really. the trick is attention to science and detail…

    i recommend MTR rava idli mix – supar simble…

  7. oh my comment seems to read opposite of what i wanted—microwave idlis is a “skill” i have. you will change your opinion of m-w idlis after you eat them… that’s what i meant :)

  8. foundation is the worst. since my shading is ‘problematic,’ i am going to start experimenting with those mineral powders (fewer chemicals and all)

    I tried Bare Escentuals in 2004 and the makeup artist at Sephora finally admitted after 30 minutes of busily dusting a brush about my face that no, it really didn’t match my skin tone. I had pointed this out to her approximately four times, but first, she kept saying that I just couldn’t see it…then we progressed to, “well, buy this shade and the darkest and mix it!”* …and then finally, acceptance on her part, that I was apparently the first customer who didn’t find a match. I looked at her so skeptically. They had all of three color choices. Really? ALL women fit in that spectrum?

    *Right. Like that shit wasn’t messy enough. This stuff gets everywhere, no matter what the brand.

    **Loreal’s was the “best” I’ve tried, and by best, I mean barely tolerable…it still irritated my skin (!) and didn’t look normal…kinda ashy. The brush is nice, but having to unscrew it from the base, to get at the powder is a pain in the rondure.

    ***Neutrogena mineral foundation has THE BEST PACKAGING, ever, but didn’t really do much for me. And yes, my skin was itchy and rashy.

    So, in conclusion, the Bare Escentuals had the best “coverage” and didn’t irritate my skin…but it also didn’t look like my head belonged on my body, either.

  9. Jeet, Puli, the gang.. this thread is funny!! Thanks for providing a good laugh at the end of stress day.

  10. byte words, i’m going to stick to the old-fashioned way. lately i’ve been really into kuli paniyarams – easier than idlis, and tastier, too. plus, i get all the sides (the main point of eating some of these things, really)

    ANNA, thanks for the LD (but i do think BE has added several new shades in the last year or two). i still have not found a foundation that matches me. the counter girls really have no idea what to do with darker desi skin.

  11. malathi, with respect to what part(s)/topics of the thread?

    The hair/hair products part is what I glanced at briefly, Camille (didn’t go further upstream; busy day). But also probably because the extent of my hair care these days is stealing the kids’ baby shampoo…

  12. (but i do think BE has added several new shades in the last year or two).

    Now THAT is news I can use. :D Thanks!

  13. Lupa, Po, etc. await–will try to catch up with this thread tonite before bed–have fun, mutineers!

  14. the counter girls really have no idea what to do with darker desi skin.

    nor the light ones. my mom has extremely fair skin — i think if you saw a picture of her legs only (which of course never see the light of day), you would assume they were a white person’s legs. she kind of gets “golden” during some times of the year. anyhoo, back in the 80s (before cosmetics companies put their big toe in the pond of diversity), when the counter girls saw my mom’s long braid and pottu, they never, ever failed to pluck the darkest foundation off the rack and insist that this was the shade she needed. at first i refused to believe they’d do something so asinine, but i’ve witnessed it many a time myself.

  15. I actually love my powder. I’ve been wearing the same one for fifteen years– it’s just that I, like ak, wanted to try the mineral stuff, because it sounded so nice and natural…I mean, wouldn’t you be seduced by a tagline like…

    make-up so pure, you could sleep in it.

    …and ruin your pillowcase, too. :p

  16. (but i do think BE has added several new shades in the last year or two).
    Now THAT is news I can use. :D Thanks!

    this is why i beseech you to write the beauty post.

  17. this is why i beseech you to write the beauty post

    THE beauty post? No, my darling girl. There must be posts. ;)

  18. THE beauty post? No, my darling girl. There must be posts. ;)

    of course, my mistake. if it were just one, we would run into the overload that led to the creation of this one. btw, what is the powder?

  19. foundation is the worst. since my shading is ‘problematic,’ i am going to start experimenting with those mineral powders (fewer chemicals and all)

    ak, I am totally with you on this one. For me, my shading is darker than the average northie (wheatish, perhaps? hahahah), but also my undertones are rose/pink whereas the rest of my family has yellow undertones. This makes matching a real pain in the butt, and most makeup counter girls DO NOT know how to deal with “ethnic” skin. They always want to go darker, which makes your face look like it’s disembodied from the rest of you. That said, my face IS a bit darker than my neck/decolletage, but not darker than my arms, so sometimes I match against my wrist.

    Actually, ANNA, I just switched to BE from Mac (I love Mac, but their coverage is either ashy/too dark, or it’s too heavy — even the oil-free stuff). I’ve tried almost every foundation under the sun, and for a while I really liked Dior’s “light” series (I wish I could remember the name.. and if it was Dior or YSL). I think BE has definitely expanded their foundation colors, so it’s easier to find a match now, but it IS messy and not as easy to carry around as a compact. Their foundations do tend to make your face look flat unless it’s paired with some kind of blush/accent, though, so that’s important to accommodate for. That said, I also really like their “mineral gel” or whatever it’s called. It exfoliates/smooths your skin all day, but it’s the first exfoliant I’ve found that doesn’t dry me out, make my skin feel oily (in reaction to drying out), or feel super harsh and make me break out. BE’s also selling starter kits that have two shades of foundation so that you can color match as the seasons change (this is always a problem for me — I’m like a Mac NC42/45 in summer, depending on region, and an NC40 in the winter).

    Oh, but for good skin care, I also really really like Body Shop’s vitamin E moisturizing mask. It feels super light going on, but I’ve been surprised with how often I feel like I need a “drying out” mask when what I really needed was a great moisturizing mask. I’m also loving Clarin’s moisturizer with SPF 20.

    Awww, it’s okay malathi. I feel like products change every 2 months, so finding something new/fun is a process.

  20. ak, it’s Chanel’s Double Perfection compact; can be used wet or dry AND as Allure once put it, “the mirror is so luxurious, you can easily get pretty in the back of a cab”. :)

    Feature and Benefits:
    Silica microspheres, micronized talc and nylon powder give a natural, light makeup result. A complex of sugars and amino acids contributes to the non-drying effect, leaving skin soft and supple. Protects with SPF 10. [Saks]
  21. make-up so pure, you could sleep in it. …and ruin your pillowcase, too. :p

    Actually, I have no idea if their minerals are really “better” for you (after all, lead and mercury are “natural” and “minerals,” also), but even in this hot hot humid summer heat my makeup DOES NOT run when it’s BE [what? how is that possible? It's powder!], and I have slept in it (once) and woken up 100% ok [usually my skin gets super irritated]. I’m not trying to oversell the product, but I’m a recent (enthusiastic) convert. It may not work for everyone, but it’s worth a second look, I think.

    Ooo, and if we wanted to talk thick brows (a la Siena Miller), I really like Bobbi Brown’s brow gel.

  22. “the mirror is so luxurious, you can easily get pretty in the back of a cab”. :)

    thanks. but i prefer to get busy in the back of cabs ;)

  23. ak, it’s Chanel’s Double Perfection compact; can be used wet or dry AND as Allure once put it, “the mirror is so luxurious, you can easily get pretty in the back of a cab”. :)

    I find myself going, “oooo! ahhh!” So I suppose in that sense we’re fulfilling the beauty and booty elements of the thread, Rahul ;)

    I’m going home. Have a good night, folks!

  24. Sorry to chime in a bit late in the day.

    Re talk about wingmanning (#15, #153 etc), please be advised that the target audience may have a different idea about wingmen.

    Re summer hair care (#222 etc), am I the only person here who tries an evolutionary fitness approach to hair? I brush it vigorously when it’s wet, causing all the weak frizzy unfit hairs to be eliminated from the hair pool. Whatever remains, however interesting-looking, must be strong.

    Re the rasam travesty (#234), aargh my brain!

  25. I went on BE starting 2005. I made the purchase from a BE boutique and the color is perfection on my skin. I originally bought my BE at Sephora and got the wrong color. The BE boutique girls know their product. I am in love with BE. I definitely can’t do foundation in the car though — way too messy. But I met this desi chick who has similarish coloring and she used Loreal true match foundation. Her skin looked AMAZING from a less-than-$10 compact. She made her purchase from the Loreal retail store (only in Farmington, CT & Los Angeles). I plan on checking out the Beverly Center’s Loreal boutique.

  26. PindaUSA, HMF hereby banishes you to OppositeLand.

    Rahul, you forgot the relevant youtube link. Now you can’t expect me to do your job for you all the time.

  27. NOOOOO…herpes zoster (chicken pox or shingles) is NOT the same virus as herpes simplex (genital herpes or cold sores). They are related, true, but different. Both hide out in your nerves and cause intermittent recurrences when your immune system is down. And both are treated by valtrex and similar drugs. Herpes zoster is transmitted initially by droplet infection, when you get your initial chicken pox infection. Herpes simplex is transmitted by direct contact. The cold sore variety is more common (up to 80% of the population may have it), but not everyone develops blisters. If you have a cold sore, you can give it to someone in the form of genital herpes. And you can get genital herpes from someone without any visible blisters.

  28. lately i’ve been really into kuli paniyarams – easier than idlis, and tastier, too. plus, i get all the sides (the main point of eating some of these things, really)

    my end-of-the-day mind cannot figure what this means (all the sides??)..

    but i leave this thread for one second, and look how many comments!! what do you guys do for day jobs?

  29. bytewords: i think it’s ’cause you’re an iyengar (or maybe i misunderstood an earlier comment?) i dunno.

    and i, for one, am on vacation!

  30. Rahul, you forgot the relevant youtube link. Now you can’t expect me to do your job for you all the time.

    I was just being sympathetic to your predicament on posts relevant to you, HMF. Us Tambram guys (you’re a guy, right?) should stick together, shouldn’t we?

  31. ah. well I wasn’t expecting any special accomodation. I’ve been conditioned to not expect it, even if a situation might warrant it.

  32. @milli:

    i am iyengar all right. i never heard of paniyaram before, though from the pics, it somehow seems vaguely familiar. maybe something i ate at someone’s place..

    and the blog seems interesting—though i am usually no good at cooking dishes ppl are familiar with :) . read into it what you will, but i prefer making things that i can always claim are “variations” so that way no matter what i do is the “best” way.

    fried version of idlis—who would have thought? :)

  33. Harbeer, you psychic. :)

    Your link is part of a soon-to-be-published post. In exchange for ruthlessly executing your comment, I’ll credit you when it goes up. :D

    Good taste on you, btw!

  34. JOAT is a fashion diva (right, JOAT? don’t you work for a beauty company?) That said, I love the product recommendations! Ooo, speaking of, I think I visited your blog like months ago and there was a recommendation for C&O Bigelow lip gloss. I just wanted to give a resounding “hell yes!” to that as well.
    Unlike Ash, JoAT is the original L’oreal girl and Ash consults her blog for advice…

    You guys are way too kind :-) I need to do a summer hair post for sure.

    *Right. Like that shit wasn’t messy enough. This stuff gets everywhere, no matter what the brand. **Loreal’s was the “best” I’ve tried, and by best, I mean barely tolerable…it still irritated my skin (!) and didn’t look normal…kinda ashy. The brush is nice, but having to unscrew it from the base, to get at the powder is a pain in the rondure. ***Neutrogena mineral foundation has THE BEST PACKAGING, ever, but didn’t really do much for me. And yes, my skin was itchy and rashy. So, in conclusion, the Bare Escentuals had the best “coverage” and didn’t irritate my skin…but it also didn’t look like my head belonged on my body, either.
    i still have not found a foundation that matches me. the counter girls really have no idea what to do with darker desi skin.

    So I’m not a huge fan of foundation, never have been. I’m a big fan of tinted moisturizer. It deposits just enough color to cover minor imperfections, blends with your skin and is like face lotion, not thick but super light. No waterproof and no minerals. Hate to say it but at the end of the day it’s a powder, cakeface anyone? I use Lancome’s Aqua Fusion Teinte #3 Bisque for my very average Brown Indian skin and it blends well and gives me a flawless look without foundation. Go to the counter and ask them for a sample so you can try it in daylight at home.

  35. Oh my goodness, why did I see the “skinny post” when I got home and feel the need to continue commenting?

    Re summer hair care (#222 etc), am I the only person here who tries an evolutionary fitness approach to hair? I brush it vigorously when it’s wet, causing all the weak frizzy unfit hairs to be eliminated from the hair pool. Whatever remains, however interesting-looking, must be strong.

    I think my problem is that my frizzy hairs are not weak — if I’m rough with them they split, which is even more of a nightmare. I totally style when my hair is wet to help it “set,” but no luck.

    NOOOOO…herpes zoster (chicken pox or shingles) is NOT the same virus as herpes simplex (genital herpes or cold sores). They are related, true, but different.

    Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be confusing, just saying that they’re both in the “herpes” family although they aren’t the same thing :)

    but i leave this thread for one second, and look how many comments!! what do you guys do for day jobs?

    Haha, jobs that require heavy computer and internet use!

  36. HMF, usually on their standards for dating and going out with friends. I’m sure part of this is b/c I’m the oldest (and parents generally are stricter with older siblings), but a lot of it was b/c I’m a girl.

    Hmm. Camille, I guess what I meant was on what basis did they choose to all of a sudden ‘double standard out’ on those points you mentioned?

  37. are you girls using foundation all over your face or just to camouflage trouble spots?Try using something like that tinted moisturizer and a foundation a shade lighter than your skin tone on under eye circles and uneven spots. This seems to work ok and you don’t have to cover your whole face with a layer of spackle. I hate foundation. It always makes me break out.

  38. are you girls using foundation all over your face or just to camouflage trouble spots?Try using something like that tinted moisturizer and a foundation a shade lighter than your skin tone on under eye circles and uneven spots. This seems to work ok and you don’t have to cover your whole face with a layer of spackle. I hate foundation. It always makes me break out.

    Uh-uh, that’s what concealer is for! :) What I like about foundation is that it evens out your skin tone a bit, but I don’t like it feeling caked on or gross, which is why I like BE. I know it’s a powder, but it doesn’t have the same thick, oil-based feel of compact/pressed powders.

  39. Camille: “For me, my shading is darker than the average northie (wheatish, perhaps? hahahah), but also my undertones are rose/pink whereas the rest of my family has yellow undertones”.

    The question is do you have pink nipples ;)

  40. Incomplete data from today, Puliogre. Several more hours to go before you can compare 24 hours with 24 hours.

  41. Hmmm – I smell the possibility of subversion here. Anyone up for a talk on what everyone’s favourite sexual position is?

    The site’s turned into a dull all boys’ party since Anna got sent to her room.

  42. Has anyone ever tried Real Cosmetics, a line of makeup founded by a Pakistani woman named Lubna Khalid? The line was specifically made for those hard-to-match skin shades. My shade is “Lahore,” and I’m loving it.

    Satya the curly-haired Iyer female who actually occasionally likes to straighten her hair, for anyone who wants to know

  43. Yea! My mother used to say ‘wait till Papa gets home’. When I was ten I told her I liked Chinese food soo much I could eat it evevery day and that I was going to marry a Chinese girl when I got big. She got upset then told me to shut-up.