Category Archives: News

Meth Merchants out of options

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There have been new developments in the Operation Meth Merchant case that we have been following (see related posts at bottom) here at SM:

The infamous Operation Meth Merchant case in Georgia took an unexpected turn with as many as 23 of the accused pleading guilty and two more cases being dropped. Seven of them have already been sentenced to jail time.

“Different people pleaded guilty for different reasons,” said Deepali Gokhale, organizer of the Racial Justice Campaign against Operation Meth Merchant, an apex body of several organizations.

“Those living undocumented pleaded guilty, because in any case they would be deported,” Manny Arora, an attorney, said. Two of his clients pleaded guilty. Some pleaded guilty because the evidence against them was very strong and there was no chance for them in a trial which could have brought stiffer sentences.

One person with a green card was also among those pleaded guilty, Gokhale said. He could be deported because pleading guilty to felony charges is sufficient cause… Since all three were undocumented, the immigration authorities, specially invited by the prosecutor, were waiting to take them immediately to an immigration detention center. Pravin Patel’s wife and four-month old baby were taken to Chicago by her brother.

Though these men said they would leave on their own, the immigration officials did not agree. “INS interfered and used the mandatory detention provision to take them into custody. They may be in custody for up to eight weeks before being formally deported,” Arora said. [Link]

This is quite a convenient situation for the Feds. They don’t need to prove that the actual Meth case was legitimate, and not racially motivated. They can simply coerce a guilty plea. If you are one of the accused and are going to be deported anyways, then pleading guilty will at least move your case through the system more quickly. Even then, you will face jail time before the deportation paper work goes through. Illegal immigration laws should not be enforced in this manner which singles out a particular minority.

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One tough mofo

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Earlier, people were saying that desis were just not tough enough to play in the NFL. You want tough? This guy makes pro-football players with all their padding and helmets (and cups) look like toddlers having a pillow-fight in a moonbounce.

Handshake of iron, groin of steel

A two-time Guinness record holder is hoping to enter the record book for the third time by completing 114 fingertip push-ups in 60 seconds… His previous records are for breaking three concrete slabs on his groin and the most back-hand push-ups in an hour…. He already holds several national and international records for completing 133 palm push-ups in a minute, 819 back-hand push-ups in one hour and 1,448 stomach crunches in one hour. [Link]

With all these records, which one is his favorite? He’s a guy, the answer should be pretty clear:

… he is most proud of his Guinness record for breaking three concrete slabs on his groin. He said: “I was sent a letter by the Guinness authorities saying that this was my best record but they will not allow or encourage more people to attempt this one because it is potentially dangerous…” [Link]

Honestly? It’s not even clear to me what this record means. Presumably it means holding a concrete slab on his groin while somebody else breaks it with a sledgehammer (I’ve seen this in martial arts demonstrations). I can’t imagine it means anything else, but the image it creates generates all sorts of interesting nicknames for this guy …

His training routine for the fingertip pushup record was both intense and ascetic, involving an almost anorexic diet (presumably to lower his weight): He is most proud of his Guinness record for breaking three concrete slabs on his groin

“I did at least 4,000 fingertip push-ups for about six hours every day [since July]. “I would do a part of the routine in the morning and then a few hours in the evening,” he said. Mr Nayak also monitored his diet and survived on white pulses, one vegetarian meal and at least 15 litres of water a day during the training period. [Link]
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The Danish cartoon controversy: A contrast in protests

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Here at SM headquarters we have quite an intricate system for vetting which stories make it to our website. Most of our stories are unearthed by the army of ex test-monkeys (retired from military, space, and medical research) that we house in our basement. They are the ones who scour the internet all day and feed important stories to our bloggers, while we spend most of our time at our full-time jobs. We also have the tipline, by which dedicated readers send in tips. Later, in our conference room, we ask ourselves three main questions about a prospective post:

  1. Can I do this story justice/am I knowledgeable and interested enough to write about it without sounding ignorant?
  2. Does the story have an angle highlighting South Asians?
  3. Does the story have an angle of interest to North Americans?

The reason you haven’t seen us post on this topic before is because not all of us were convinced that we could answer yes to all three questions. After attending the SAAN Conference this past weekend (which will be summarized in my next post), I have become convinced that we have missed the relevance this issue has to our community, and that the answer to all three questions is yes. I am speaking of course of the controversy surrounding a Danish newspaper’s decision to publish a picture of the Prophet Muhammad with a bomb as his turban.

Arab foreign ministers have condemned the Danish government for failing to act against a newspaper that published cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad.
At the Arab League conference in Cairo, they said they were “surprised and discontented at the response”.

Islam forbids any depiction of Muhammad or of Allah.

The Jyllands-Posten newspaper published a series of 12 cartoons showing Muhammad, in one of which he appeared to have a bomb in his turban. [Link]

I see great irony in this situation that doesn’t seem to have registered in the press (as far as I know). Muslims around the world are protesting this cartoon (often violently) because it is forbidden in Islam to depict the Prophet, especially in such a vulgar manner as this. Muhammad, in his boundless wisdom, wanted to make sure that his image would never be used or treated as an idol, and that men would never worship him as one. In Christianity for example, many most sects now worship Christ as God, instead of seeing him as only a mortal prophet. It was the message of Islam, and not Muhammad the man, that was to better the world. By violently protesting this cartoon, it could be argued that Muslims around the world are acting as if an idol has been desecrated. Using violence to protest this “desecration” legitimizes that which the Prophet cautioned against in the first place. He has become an idol to be defended and avenged in the eyes of many. Continue reading →

I’m Fofatlal, and don’t you forget it

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Hi there!

Fofatlal Popatlal, Esq., at your service

The folks at the Mutiny in their infinite wisdom have finally chosen a new permanent blogger. I was buffing Salman Rushdie’s cuticles the other day — oh yes, he’s quite the dandy, don’t let the jacket photo fool you — when up rolled a black Honda Civic with a metallic Ganesh on the dashboard. Two brown valets built like linebackers emerged and silently unveiled their cargo. Inside there was a hard-looking guy in a pink tutu and a flattop. Instead of a moll, this guy had fourteen. They crammed into the back seat, sitting on laps, alternating like checker squares, and my personal favorite, the layover. After the molls disembarked, the guy in the tutu put on a headlamp with high-lumen LEDs. All of us were agape. The guy in the tutu looked coolly at me, snapped his fingers and incanted these magic words: ‘O no you di’nt!’ Then the big boss, the molls and the linebackers squeezed in and rolled away.

Three days later a strange transformation came over me. From dawn to dusk I had an uncontrollable urge to spew my thoughts about everything: current events, movies, bowel movements. At first I jotted down my thoughts hurriedly in red and blue, but I soon realized that out of one pen flowed only truth and out of the other only lies. In desperation I downed a fifth of Black Label and passed out drooling on my laptop keyboard. When I awoke I found that I had been typing frantically in my sleep. It was all half-baked gibberish which posted itself on the Internets.

You know what happened next. The Mutineers knew I was a perfect fit. I could no longer fluff Salman’s combover between bouts of obsessive blogging, so he fired me over the phone from South America. Padma left him for me because I had bigger glasses and he was too self-effacing.

One day the earth opened up and swallowed her whole. It all came out in the investigation: the mole-men operating the mole-machines drilling the last big tunnel in New York. In a city of fury, the gods must be appeased. The last instant of her life was captured by a photojournalist who happened by, a stricken Medusa-haired goddess teetering on heels, the pavement rent behind her. That photograph is all I have, a sepia-tinted fame, a palimpsest of privacy, her final words my name:

F-f-f-fofatlal!
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Today in 1819: Sir Raffles Finds Simha Pura

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Apparently as a result of all my negative memories of being stranded at Changi airport in 1989 while returning from my LAST trip to India, I stopped thinking critically about Singapore— there’s no other reason for why my etymology-lovin’ self didn’t think, “Sing-…Singh…lion” and “-pore…-pur…city”. When did I have my eureka moment? Today, as I glanced at Wiki’s main page, where under “Selected Anniversaries” I learned that today is the day that a British Knight (no, not the sneaker) founded Singapore. Symbol_crest.png

Sir Stamford Raffles, a man who went from London clerk of a certain trading company to Governor of Sumatra is the BK I mention:

In 1817 he was knighted by the prince regent. He came back to the island of Sumatra in 1818, and on 29 January 1819, he established a free-trade post at the southern tip of the Malay Peninsula — a site that became Singapore. This was an audacious move, against British policy not to offend the Dutch in a zone conceded to be a Dutch sphere of influence. In six weeks, several hundred traders appeared to take advantage of the no-tax policy, and Raffles gained retrospective approval from London.[wiki]
Raffles declared the foundation of what was to become modern Singapore on 6 February of that year, securing transfer of control of the island to the East India Company. He was also responsible for the Raffles Plan of Singapore. By the time he left the country in 1823, the city was on its way to become the largest port in the world. It continues to thrive as a low tax trading hub.[wiki]

Do tell “Everything-Is-From-India” Uncle that I was thinking about him today, would you please? 😉 Continue reading →

Desis in the NFL, Super Bowl edition (updated)

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Brandon Chillar

While Americans watch four hours of ads lightened up with a couple minutes of football, let’s take a look at the desis in the NFL. First up is Brandon Chillar, a St. Louis Rams linebacker whose parents are Indian and white:

After graduating from high school, he played college football in the Pac-10 for the University of California, Los Angeles, where he gained prominence on the Bruin defensive unit. After graduating from UCLA, he joined the Saint Louis Rams in 2004. Having a father, Ram Chillar, of Asian Indian descent, Chillar became one of the handful of Indian Americans or Asian Americans in the NFL. [Link]

Has a well-developed frame with good muscle definition… Also lettered in track, competing in the 100, 200 and triple jump. [Link]

The first thing he wants to buy for himself is a Cadillac Escalade… [Link]

Chillar is 6’3″ (190 cm), 253 lbs. (115 kg) and 23 years old. Before Chillar, there was Sanjay Rajiv Beach, a wide receiver whose parents are Indian and Jamaican:

Sanjay Beach… spent six years in the National Football League as a wide receiver for the San Francisco 49ers, Green Bay Packers, and New York Jets. He now is an investment banker with Dain Bosworth, Inc. in Denver. He and wife Kristy have a 3-year old daughter, Kalpana, and a 6-month old son, Makis. [Link – PDF]

Beach is 6’0″ (183 cm) with a playing weight of 189 lbs. (86 kg). He’s now 39.

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The standard opening line

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The standard opening line for a desi comedian in the U.S. is to get up and tell people s/he’s desi. You don’t see black comedians getting up and saying, ‘Hi, my name is David, and I’m black.’ They can see you, they can see your name, it’s a given.

And the standard first joke is a desi joke so lame that even Hollywood wouldn’t touch it today. Here’s comedian Rahul Siddharth’s opening joke at a NYC show (watch clip):

‘Papa, are we really Indian? How can you be so sure?’

[In horrible Indian accent] ‘[Because] your mother wears a red dot, and I sound like a Muppet!’

I’m all for supporting the brothas, but how about the brothas supporting us? If that’s your kind of humor, he’s doing a show tonight, and please don’t come near me

In all fairness, a friend of mine says the rest of the show is pretty good. It’s just that once I choke on an appetizer, I don’t stay for dessert.

Related posts: Veezher, Russell Peters strikes again, Russell Peters show online, Paul Varghese delivers on ‘Last Comic Standing’: God’s own comedy, God’s own comedy

Rahul Siddhartha and Vijai Nathan, ‘Don’t Tell Mamas,’ Friday, Feb. 3, 8pm, 343 W. 46th St., Manhattan, $20

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South Asia in the State of the Union

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As you know, Dubya gave his State of the Union address on Tuesday. Here are all mentions of India and Pakistan in State of the Unions dating back to 1947*.

It’s interesting to see how the themes shift and how U.S. presidents viewed the subcontinent. Clinton, for example, injected artificial balance by only mentioning India and Pakistan together. Dubya has made electoral hay out of Pakistan and terrorism, but this year marks the first time a U.S. president has mentioned India as an economic competitor in this annual address. Carter and Johnson viewed the subcontinent primarily through the lens of poverty. Kennedy linked China’s invasion of India with the Bay of Pigs via the red scare. Eisenhower seemed to think of Pakistan as part of the Middle East.

Perhaps most tellingly, the year after Indian and Pakistani independence from the same colonial power the U.S. jilted, Truman made no mention of that momentous fissure. Maybe it made an ally look bad.

Year President Excerpt Theme
2006 Bush Jr.
In a dynamic world economy, we are seeing new competitors, like China and India, and this creates uncertainty, which makes it easier to feed people’s fears. [Link]

Outsourcing

2005 Bush Jr.
Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and nine other countries have captured or detained al Qaeda terrorists. [Link]
 Terrorism

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Almost underneath their robes

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Part of Sepia Mutiny’s hidden agenda (we have never published our actual mission or spoken of the Machiavellian designs that drive us) has been to develop an influential and well placed system of CIs that will help our collective Mutiny to spread in both numbers and power (but especially in power). I have taken the liberty of modifying former U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno’s formal definition of a “CI” for those of you unfamiliar with this term:

“Confidential Informant” or “CI” — any individual who provides useful and credible information to a JLEA Sepia Mutiny regarding felonious criminal interesting desi-related activities, and from whom the JLEA Sepia Mutiny expects or intends to obtain additional useful and credible information regarding such activities in the future. [Link]

Basically this means that we want to encourage SM readers to send us the “goods” or the “dirt” on happenings that we don’t yet know about. Want me to give you an example of what kind of CIs that we are seeking out? SM reader Venkat of BTD gives us a heads up about some interesting developments at the Supreme Court. Three of the incoming Supreme Court Clerks are desi:

Scalia: Hashim Mooppan (Harvard ’05/Luttigator ’05-’06)… [Link]

Ginsburg: Arun Subramanian (Columbia ’04/Jacobs ’04-’05/G. Lynch ’05-’06) [Link]

Breyer: Thiru Vignarajah (Harvard ’05/Calabresi) [Link]

These three make ideal CIs. I am reaching out to them. If you know them then forward this on. We can be very discreet. Dead drops could be arranged in random parks by a variety of means. I have had pleasant dealings with clerks from lower federal courts before. Just ask around. We know that in the coming term the Supreme Court will be dealing with many cases involving desis, or with definite importance to the desi community. These three could maybe keep us up to speed on things.

The Drudge Report broke the Monica Lewinsky scandal before major media outlets did. We want SM to break more news also. That is where we need YOU dedicated reader. Are you in a position of power or influence and are just dying to share something you know, or stick it to the man? Do you work for some government agency or powerful corporation that doesn’t appreciate you enough? We appreciate you. Think of me as your very friendly case officer. The agent Vaughn to your agent Bristow. Will some real CIs please stand up?

[Disclaimer: For the record, I am not advocating that you break any laws, at least if they get me in trouble also…or if they get me subpoenaed, because I don’t think I could last in jail very long to protect you as my source. I would really try to though…unless they put me in a cell with some guy named “Tiny” who really isn’t.]

See related posts: The “Devils” Advocates, The Court has Hindu friends, …then you can’t have our money, Orwellian logic

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