By now, everyone’s probably heard about Abhi’s illustrious career as astronaut in training, scientist, mountaineer, pilot, blogger and all-round stud. But what most people don’t know is that he descends from a long line of adventurers of all stripes.
I present to you the Tao of Abhi.
Inspired by the stellar reporting of The Times of India. Shine on, you crazy hacks.
Apul posted about a satirical article by The Spoof where Aishwarya was supposedly going on Jerry Springer to wrestle a woman over a mullet. And the infamous Times of India reported that same story as straight news! Hilarious!
Aishwarya Rai is slated to appear in a special version of the American show ‘Jerry Springer: Too Hot For TV’ episode in which she will contest with a 380 pound woman. Simone Sheffield, manager to Aishwarya Rai, said, “Miss Rai would be appearing on a special version of ‘Jerry Springer: Too Hot For TV’ episode where the beautiful actress will fight with a 380 pound woman in a trailer over some guy with a mullet, no teeth, and a 7th grade education…”[In Blind Date] Aishwarya will date Lorenzo – a former stripper who… wants to form a love connection and score on the first date.
And then the ToI reporter felt compelled, compelled, to add a topping of snippiness and whipped cream to what s/he believes to be an actual story:
We’ll just have to see how far he gets with Aishwarya.
The reporter virtually defines the phrase ‘irony-challenged.’ Great Bong has me rolling…
Now let’s consider the TOI staffer who wrote this. He stumbles across an article in a webzine called “spoof.com”. No warning bells ring. Evidently he does not know what “spoof” means. Nor does he want to find out… Does TOI have an editor or do correspondents just barf anything they want to?
Update: The reporter with the Times byline, Soumya Menon, disclaims any connection with the story. Dal mein kuch kala hai…
Update 2: The Times pulled the story from its site. Cached copy here.
Update 3: A commenter on CSF says, ‘She [the reporter] has quit ToI but I do not know if it is related to this incident.’
As Abhi posted, Amal Dorai of MIT threw a party for time travelers last Saturday. He begged visitors to bring a cure for cancer or some other proof of their travels. Here’s a report from Afua, the Samoan particle physicist-slash-bouncer:
“Two surfer dudes named Bill and Ted showed up claiming to be from the year 1989. I asked them to prove it, but all they said was ‘way!’ and ‘bogus.’ So I threw ’em out. They yelled ‘Party on, dudes!’ and disappeared into a phone booth.
“A crazy-eyed old man with Van der Graaf hair showed up in a DeLorean. I ejected him, and he peeled out at 88 mph stuffing garbage scraps into a blender.
“Some huge thug showed up in a monster suit. He gave his name as Moore Locke, shrieked loudly and bit someone’s head off.
“A tall, thin man with pointy ears wandered by muttering something about a whale.
“A guy named Spicoli showed up stoned out of his mind. ‘Dude, I’m, like, from 30 seconds in the past,’ he said, adding, ‘huh-huh-huh.’
“So there were no time travelers at the party.”
By the end of the party, the only confirmed time travelers were Dorai’s purple leisure suit and zebra-stripe shirt. No other travelers showed up, so the party was a bust. The MIT boys squabbled over the only female-like creature in the room, a girl from BU who took a wrong turn and got trapped in Morss Hall like a dinosaur surrounded by velociraptors. Thousands of years later, they will find her bones.
As far as I’m concerned, the best day to buy the New York Post is Snarkday Sunday. THAT’S the day when the Post gets extra wacky; weddings are announced and more celebrity photographs than usual are displayed, replete with delightfully rude captions which allow otherwise demanding readers to overlook the nightmarish-lack-of-editing this tabloid embraces, as a way to distinguish itself from big apple-rivals like the Grey Lady and the “Daily Snooze”.
Still, let’s be honest– other papers have “Vows” sections and every third magazine and fourth cable channel offers celebrity drivel. So why waste three-quarters-of-a-dollar (or hell, three quarters) on The Post? Simple. NYP goes a step beyond, by allowing you to recall the halcyon days of yore when Chuck Woolery helped hapless singles attempt a “Love Connection” with three potential dates.
Chuck is busy, so the Post’s uber-creatively named “Meet Market” feature is what’s in control of some New Yorker’s social fate. And this week? Oh, my Mutiny-lovers. THIS week (drumroll…er…tabla, please) Continue reading
Ajai protests Ann
Police enact heckler ban
For the memories
The Smoking Gun has a mugshot of Ajai Raj (thanks, Mili), who was arrested after asking Ann Coulter why it’s okay for her to use her penis to ass-fuck other women.
As Abhi posted, Sesame Street is creating an Indian version. But it’ll be nothing more than a homecoming. It’s a little-known fact that Sesame Street follows the narrative arc of a masala western.
Why Sesame Street is like Sholay:
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An Indian-American actress without an accent slaps comedian Steve Carrell in an episode of The Office called ‘Diversity Day’ (thanks, Amardeep). Pop Matters explains:
Michael… goads… a bewildered Indian employee with an outrageously offensive imitation of an Indian convenience store manager [and] earns a hard slap for his trouble…
Watch the clip (18 MB; you need a BitTorrent downloader: Windows, Mac). The thappad is at 1:37 in the clip.
Here’s Apul’s post on another funny incident in the same episode.
The Onion discovers India’s new tech-support caste:
“While we rank below members of the reigning order, those of us responsible for helping Americans track their online purchases and change their account PINs share many privileges not enjoyed by the merchant class below us.” (said technical-support agent Ranji Prasat). [The Onion]
The Onion: New tech-support caste arises in India
When Dias turns into nights… Ratz! Cardinal Ivan Dias, the Mumbai mandarin, is outpolled by the Frankish Pope:
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was elected pope today, taking the name Benedict XVI, then telling a wildly cheering crowd from a balcony on St. Peter’s Basilica, “I entrust myself to your prayers.”
Rediff isn’t ready to bury the hatchet just yet:
He is known as ‘the Pope’s enforcer’ due to his uncompromising conservatism… Ratzinger was head of… the church’s chief think-tank that has dominated discussions on sexual morality and birth control and prevented liberals from gaining ground.
Got that? An Indian publication’s chiding the Vatican for being too conservative.
On balance, it’s a good thing that Dias didn’t prevail. The cardinals’ traditional cry of ‘habemus papam,’ or ‘we have a Pope,’ might have been changed to ‘habemus papad,’ or ‘we have a crispy pre-meal appetizer.’
Here’s Ennis’ post on the blasphemous betting.
