The Tao of Abhi

By now, everyone’s probably heard about Abhi’s illustrious career as astronaut in training, scientist, mountaineer, pilot, blogger and all-round stud. But what most people don’t know is that he descends from a long line of adventurers of all stripes.

I present to you the Tao of Abhi.

Abhishek Singh Rathod, the nawab of Blogpur, was famous for his love of hunting. Here he is killing a tiger with his bare hands. Muay thai has a famous move called Hanuman in Lanka, but Rathod called his move Pet the Kitty. It’s used in the martial art of Shek Kwan Do to this very day.

Abhidolf Nureyev, ballet pioneer, opened up the enormous market for ballet in Tamil Nadu, which was severely lacking in classical dance forms. He was well-known for his innovative costumes. He disdained tights and point shoes in favor of a jumpsuit and trainers, although his pink tutu was a hat-tip to tradition. Abhidolf’s deconstruction of the Austro-Hungarian ballet Ã¦sthetic inspired pop imitators from Devo to the Crash Test Dummies.

Sir Abhimund Hillary, daredevil mountaineer, not only was the first to climb K2, he did it one-handed and freestyle: no oxygen, no ropes, no crampons. As you can see, Sir Abhimund had already lost one hand to Everest. It was just him, the mountain and his bare blue fingertips.

Abhinarayan Shankaracharya, ancient Hindu priest, was renowned for his physical strength. One day his guru asked him to carry the temple’s blingity-bling from one chamber to another. Some impressionable young men from Jerusalem saw his feat of strength and, well, I think you know where this is heading.

Abhi Bloggerati, geobiologist, is well-known for his lab work. He’s famous for grabbing female apprentices, reaching into his box and adjusting his equipment. That’s known in scientific circles as the Vomit Comet. What? You people have minds like gutters.

I hope you’ve found this genealogy informative. If you remember nothing else, I’m sure you’ll remember this: don’t put Photoshop fodder on the Internets ;)

Bonus: Here are some of the other dancers in Abhidolf’s ballet company:

23 thoughts on “The Tao of Abhi

  1. Abhi is so fierce in his tutu. Want to join my dance co? You and Punjabi Boy can do an Item Pas-de-deux

  2. Pas-de-deux is literally just “step of 2″, so any partnering dance or a duet qualifies.

  3. Abhi

    Tell us about the weightlessness thing. When i was a kid I wished I could have a zero-gravity button attached to the light switch that would make everyone weightless in the room. Then I could escape if I ever got in trouble withmy parents. I would flick the switch and they would be like, what the hell? And I could get the hell out of there fast. I always thought you could move doing the breast stroke like you can swim across the room in zero gravity is that so?

  4. DesiDancer

    I have retired from dancing on account of my moves being so hot and sexy I became a fire hazard.

  5. DesiDancer

    Shit! Those men have ivy growing all over them…

    DD, take a look at these dudes, scroll down to the third picture and tell me those cats didnt have style, and I dont care what anyone says, that lady with the blonde hair is sexy! Look at the guy in green with the shopping bags! They’re so groovy baby! I reckon they really knew style in those 1970′s movies! Thats how they thought Indians lived in England in the 1970′s! When really we were living in ghettoes!!

  6. Oh. God. I just woke up. To THIS. The whole point was to confuse. Nobody should know what is real and what is false. I wanted to follow in Kathuria‘s footsteps. I’m currently dating Salma as a matter of fact. You’ve runied that Manish. You’ve ruined me.

  7. Abhi

    Seriously man, please do write a paragraph on the weightlessness experience. Can you swim through air? I always wanted to swim towards food with my mouth open in zero gravity. I am jealous.

    DD

    If I was a star I would grow a moustache like that dude in green with the shaggy hair. He’s like an Indian Austin Powers!

  8. Manish just did an excellent job of advocating for blogger anonymity. Although- going to this much trouble can only come from a place of affection.

    PB, you think that’s the effects of weightlessness? Nah, he’s just using the force. :)

  9. Brilliant. Absolutely Brilliant.
    Though I think Nureyev was a stage name, and the real name was Shankar. Hat tip to the sadly too often forgotten Uday.

  10. HeÂ’s famous for grabbing his female apprentices, reaching into his box and adjusting his equipment.

    Hahah nice job Manish!

    Abhi what is with you and those green overalls. Must you engage in all of your other vocations and activities wearing them? And more importantly, where can I get me a pair of thems?

  11. PunjabiBoy, I can’t do it justice, nor do I have time to blog today. Instead I reference you to this article in Wired. It says it much better than I can. I did rendezvous with a spinning bannana though. I pretended that I was the Mir and it was a Soyuz coming to replenish my supplies.

  12. This must be what it feels like when your soul leaves your body. That’s all I could think when the first parabola hit, and I floated in zero gravity for the first time.

    Great link Abhi, thanks.

  13. “I pretended that I was the Mir and it was a Soyuz coming to replenish my supplies.”

    Sounds like love…:-)

    Hilarious piece…

  14. lol! Nice manish! I wanna float in zero gravity. sticks bottom lip out and the green pants are ugly.