Category Archives: Humor

If not Torino, then where?

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The XXth Olympic Winter Games are just a few weeks away. Guess what? The U.S. team doesn’t have a single desi athlete representing? What gives? Aren’t there any Mohinis or Rajs out there that like the snow? There will be one desi participating at least:

Uday Joshi, SportsCenter [ESPN STAR Sports’] presenter will create history on January 18, 2006, by being the first man of Indian origin, to be one of the celebrity Torchbearers for the XXth Winter Olympics, which commenced in Genoa, Italy in December 2005…

On being part of the relay team, Uday Joshi, said “This is a big honor for me. I am personally very proud and happy to be a part of the relay. At the same time it is a very humbling experience to be suddenly pushed in an esteemed group of the biggest athletes in the world…” [Link]

In truth, I think there will be four athletes from India at the games (although I was hard pressed to find mention of them in the news). I couldn’t find any athletes from other South Asian countries, so perhaps readers can fill me in. The realization that even now in 2006 there are a dearth of desi athletes, has left me quite jaded. I took it upon myself to do something for my people, for South Asians both here and abroad. I searched the internet for an alternative. What could desis compete at AND have a chance to win at? The answer arrived a few days ago in my email inbox from my visionary friend Tushar:

Witness how he mocks us

The World Beard ChampionshipsNo brown people compete- it’s like the NBA before black people were allowed to play. Maybe five of us should enter…

Just hear me out people. Right now white folks DOMINATE this event. Just look at their website. Do you see a single brown face? The U.S. Beard Team even has their own blog. Yep. No desis. If I grew a beard I could kill a man with it in just one month. Its razor sharp texture makes for some lethal shit. Desis would absolutely dominate this competition. We’d be like the equivalent of the Kenyans in the marathon. I urge my people to rise up. Who will stand with me? Ennis? Amardeep? Vinod? If not now, then when?

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Some Folks are Just Too Sensitive

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An Oldie but not covered here before –

Angry youths in this Kerala capital Friday burnt an effigy of US President George W. Bush, not because they are anti-American but because he has named his cat India.

Members of the citizens group Prathikarana Vedi assembled before the Kerala assembly saying that Bush calling his cat India was an insult to the country.

“This is a disgrace to our great country and this has come from none other than US President George W. Bush. This is nothing but an insult to India because there are hundreds of thousands of Indians in US, and many who occupy key posts in the White House,” said M.A. Latheef, president of the group.

“He should make amends,” Latheef added.

The members of the group walked to the front gate of the assembly building but were stopped by police. After a brief speech and some slogans, the members burnt an effigy of the US president.

Behold the latest tool of post colonial oppression and humliation. In response to Bush’s callous racism, citizens’ group leader M.A. Latheef, speaking on behalf of 1 Billion desi’s decreed that he had named his girlfriend’s … err, wait, that’s too easy.

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Badmash, Drew Carey, Sheetal Sheth, and Karma

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Last night I went to the sold out Badmash Comedy Night in West Hollywood. The Badmash guys (Sanjay Shah, Sandeep Sood, Nimesh Patel, and Aron Bothman) are going to be putting on a recurring comedy night in LA (next one is on February 9th), which brings together both South Asian and non-South Asian comics. This is a smart mix. Audiences get tired of a whole night full of desi comedy, with only desi “insider” jokes. The comics end up competing with each other over who will use the same hackneyed “aunty joke” first. Some of the best new South Asian comics that perform here in LA are already moving away from such played-out routines. Their jokes are well balanced and appeal to a general audience, which is key for long term success. Badmash is trying to foster this new talent.

Continue reading this post to learn the sad real life story behind this picture

Sanjay was recently quoted in a Newsweek article about young comics using the internet to launch their careers:

[The internet] has also allowed Sanjay Shah, 28, and his friends to find an audience unserved by traditional TV. For the last few years, their weekly South Asian-themed animations–like an Indian spoof of “The Simpsons” ‘s opening theme–have drawn millions of visitors to his site, Badmash.org. “I look at the Internet right now as the incubator, the RD department for traditional channels,” Shah says.

I actually attended the comedy night as “Press.” One problem. The batteries in my camera died just as the show began. THIS folks is why I am a mere blogger and not a journalist. I’d make a sorry excuse of a journalist. It was quite unfortunate, because none other than Sheetal Sheth was in the audience. The night was co-sponsored by Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World, which was plugged throughout the night. Also performing was a surprise guest. Mr. Cleveland himself, Drew Carey, was in the house. His jokes are a lot dirtier in person than you would think from watching him on television. Comedian Jo Koy was on fire. Good stuff.

As much as I complain about life in LA, THIS is why I do like living here. Everyone desi you meet in LA has a thing that they do on the side. They have their main job, career, or way to pay the bills, and then they have their “side thing.” The truly brave ones make their “side thing” their main thing. I’ve always felt that life would suck unless you have “a side thing,” going at all times. You should, at all moments of your life, be pursuing something that you will probably fail at. Speaking of which…

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NYCB’s Amar Ramasar: I Saw Him First

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ramasarx.jpg A fabulously helpful anonymous tipster sent me my newest and sweetest crush: a boy who can DANCE! Said my anon-penned GMail:

Hey gang, I was reading a NY times article about ballet and it mentioned an Amar Ramasar, an Indian-American male ballet dancer with the NYC Ballet. How cool is that?!

…I hope you write about him! Bonus points if you include lots of Billy Eliot/Center Stage references. 😛

More about this gorgeous man, whom the Voice deems “extremely promising, both forceful and softly muscular” (hell yes!)

Amar Ramasar was born in the Bronx, New York. He began his studies at the School of American Ballet (SAB), the official school of New York City Ballet, in 1992. In addition, he studied at the American Ballet Theatre Summer Program and The Rock School of Pennsylvania Ballet. In July 2000, Mr. Ramasar was invited to become an apprentice with New York City Ballet, and in July 2001 he joined the Company as a member of the corps de ballet.[nycb]

I think I’m feeling faint. A brown face in the New York City Ballet? You can’t hear my eeeevil cackle, but I’m gloating over the fact that our DesiDancer is married, else I’d have to whip off my bamboo earrings (at least two pair), smear vaseline on my face and get DIRTY. I keed, I keed…I’m all about the “sistas before mistas” principle (ahem. until someone else comes up with a feminized “bros before hos”, we’re stuck with that).

Amar said the following about his unique situation:

I actually looked at my race as an advantage because there was no one who looked like me. In New York City Ballet especially, I felt my casting has always been great. The biggest one for me was Fancy Free because, if you think of the history of that ballet, it’s not necessarily the case that in the 1940s an Indian guy was one of the sailors fighting for America. But they let me do that here, and I thought, “I’m breaking boundaries that people automatically put up for a stereotypical white ballet.” [link]

So hot. Continue reading →

Cell Phones of SHAME and LONGING

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Damn modern technology and its capacity for conveying horniness (via the Beeb):

Bangladeshi authorities have ordered mobile phone operators to stop offering free calls after midnight, to protect the morals of young people.
A telecommunications regulator said it had received scores of complaints from parents that children were using the service to form romantic attachments.
They said children were losing sleep and some indulged in “vulgar talk”.

Oh, Razib…talk genetics to me. 😉 Eek, didn’t mean to lose sleep while being a strumpet.

Every 40 days, a mobile phone company in Bangladesh called Grameen signs up another million customers. That number just seems insane. Predictably, the persecuted purveyors of phones in that nation are a bit perplexed:

The phone companies say they are surprised by the order, which the regulator says must be obeyed immediately.

One spokesman has been quoted as saying that if the authorities wish to stop young people meeting each other, by the same logic, fast food restaurants and universities should be shut down, too.

Whatever will the youth of Bangladesh do, if they aren’t able to lose sleep by covertly murmuring nothings sweeter than ras malai in…to plastic? The horror. The HORROR! WON’T someone think of the CHILDREN? Oh wait. That’s how this whole cluster started. 😉 Continue reading →

Always record phonecalls to your mom

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In my previous post about the National Security Agency’s (NSA) wiretapping of U.S. citizens, I quipped:

I’ve also been using a calling card (from what may be a shady NSA front company) to call my parents who are vacationing in India. I should think twice about what I say…

NPR commentator Sandip Roy must have had the same thought. In a humorous piece this morning he plays a recorded conversation between him and his mom who is in Calcutta. At various times he pauses the tape long enough to advise the NSA, what he is NOT talking about.

This just reiterated to me that every single person should have a library of recorded phone conversations with their parents. Even the most mundane conversation can make you smile.

Listen.

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Britney Tikka Masala

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britandkfuggg.jpg BREAKING NEWS (well, sort of) via PEREZ HILTON (and tipster Simran):

Casually dressed erstwhile pop superstar Britney Spears attended an event at a Malibu mandir yesterday, Feder-spawn never out of her arms. More pictures of her doing so are available here.

At least this is one occasion where it was appropriate and not disgusting for Brit-Brit to be shoe-free.

Seriously though, motherhood agrees with her– and so does going to mandir. While I have NEVER been a fan and I am gloating that she’s not wearing her ring (DUMP HIM! You still have a chance! Turn your future “Behind the Music” ep around NOW!), I sincerely hope she got something out of her trip to temple.

Anyone have any idea why she was there? After some lazy googling, I haven’t discovered further details so I leave it to you, Mutineers. Kindly call your religious cousins in or near Malibu and beg them for deets, thanks. 😉 Continue reading →

The blog formerly known as Sepia Mutiny

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As you may have heard, last month Bangalore decided to change its name to Bengaluru, a contraction of a Kannada phrase, ‘benda kaal ooru,’ which means ‘city of boiled beans.’

We here at the Mutiny fully support casting off the linguistic corruption of the oppressor. We raise our henna’d fists in solidarity and announce the following:

Sepia Mutiny shall henceforth be known as Faärtinfernø, which means ‘blog of hopeless flames.’

Anyone visiting us in North Dakota must use the new name, or their luggage will wind up lost.

Anyone using the old name will be refused entry into places of worship for being insufficiently brown.

We are spending 900 kajillion dollars to update our signs and stationery. That leaves us nothing to fix our traffic jams, deteriorating infrastructure and inadequate power and bandwidth for our technology operations, but our readers will be happy knowing that we’re spending our time on what really matters.

All blog business will be conducted in our native language: uninformed bloviation, semantic squabbles, unfunny jokes, incomprehensible literary references, tales of virility, meandering personal stories and poli-sci-theory put-downs which nobody gets.

We apologize for this radical change.

To more fully throw off the yoke of the oppressor, every post will be written in our ancient script of Chefspeak.

Yørn desh born, desh born Yørn, børk! børk! børk!

Related post: The tyranny of a transposition typo

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55Friday: The “Curry Rice Girl” Edition

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Last week, the Mutiny was anomalously quiet and for that I am very contrite.

I love our weekly nanofiction orgy just as much, if not more than you, our phenomenal contributors do, so please don’t think that our creative fun came to an abrupt and unexplained end. It didn’t. As you can see, we are back on track this week, now that I am up to being the hostess you deserve, after a very difficult week. Forgive me for leaving you without a Friday you’re in love with? Thank you.

:+:

This week’s “theme” is inspired by all of YOU, or more specifically, those of you who commented on my last post about “Which Celebrity Do I Not Look Like?” When one of you discovered that you resembled TMBWITW, you joked about adding such valuable information to your biodata. Which got me thinking about auto/biography as advertisement. (This shit is bananas! B-I-O-D-A-T-A!)

Surely you know where I’m going with this, as I cackle wickedly. 🙂 55 words. Sell yourself (or the celebrity you look like OR someone whose identity we try and guess OR a Mutineer) in exactly 55 words. Do it well and who knows who might make a bid. 😉 Continue reading →

All You Injuns Look Alike

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If only you knew what goes on behind the scenes here in North Dakota– the GMail arrives constantly and furiously, let me promise you that. No, it’s not easy to foment a mutiny, but we try our damnedest.

Without going in to too much detail, since I love you all too much for such carnage (it involves someone exhorting others to give his caruthu kundi an ooma), I’ll just let you know that I ended up at a verrry interesting website, which scanned a picture I uploaded before telling me which celebrity in its database I resembled. Mutineers, I present to you a most inapposite result:

anna aka kk.jpg

See whom YOU don’t look like by going to MyHeritage.com y’self. Continue reading →