Last week, the Mutiny was anomalously quiet and for that I am very contrite.
I love our weekly nanofiction orgy just as much, if not more than you, our phenomenal contributors do, so please don’t think that our creative fun came to an abrupt and unexplained end. It didn’t. As you can see, we are back on track this week, now that I am up to being the hostess you deserve, after a very difficult week. Forgive me for leaving you without a Friday you’re in love with? Thank you.
:+:
This week’s “theme” is inspired by all of YOU, or more specifically, those of you who commented on my last post about “Which Celebrity Do I Not Look Like?” When one of you discovered that you resembled TMBWITW, you joked about adding such valuable information to your biodata. Which got me thinking about auto/biography as advertisement. (This shit is bananas! B-I-O-D-A-T-A!)
Surely you know where I’m going with this, as I cackle wickedly. 🙂 55 words. Sell yourself (or the celebrity you look like OR someone whose identity we try and guess OR a Mutineer) in exactly 55 words. Do it well and who knows who might make a bid. 😉
yes anna, i joked about adding it to my biodata..
and it is hot in the press now…
copies will be passed out soon.. 😉
cheers chica…and hope you’re doing better… just think…in a few weeks you’ll see brimful 🙂
I am muchtache strong big coastal kerela man and can catch and cook katla for my girl in a trice.I want sophisticated girl who wears a mund of starched white and sandalwood paste on her forehead…or syrian christian girl whose father owns a cardamom plantation.religion orientation etc no bar.
moh’d Koya.
Responses sought for eligible teetotaler son, 30 years old only 2 years ago (looks 28), 5’8” tall (looks taller in turban). Holds executive management position, oversees highway from office window. Green Card holder, Canadian citizen. Seeking never married physician Sikh girl, younger than 30, from highly placed families. Caste no bar. Reply at box #31224.
okay.. so my friends wrote a tongue in cheek biodata up for me.. this is a snippet for the mandatory 55.. laugh away.. and have a fantastic friday y’all…
Beautiful,Intelligent Doctor looking for smart and handsome man. Must have a great sense of humor, and love to cook have fun and giggle. Must love Hollywood Trivia and knowledgeable People magazine. Boy must love USC Trojans . Boy must like dancing on tables or be able to catch Girl if Girl falls off table.
The parentally-approved official version:
Respectable North Indian couple in UK (father doctor) seek equally respectable homely, pretty Indian girl to keep son out of trouble. Must be highly-educated, non-smoker, non-drinker, good Indian values. Son is disappointingly not doctor but is allegedly-highly-successful business professional with multiple university degrees and postgraduate qualifications. Allegedly handsome. Again apologies he is not a doctor.
The real version:
Roguish-but-charming professional North Indian guy seeks equally saucy girl with a good heart for lots of naughty, borderline-illegal fun and potential marriage. Romantic fool at heart, much more sidha than he pretends to be. Woman must be smart, sexy, kind, and look great from all angles in low-rise skinny-fit jeans. No gold-diggers, social-climbers, or neurotics.
Bride sought for philandering blogger. Boy has never learned how to type properly but humps and pecks quite well. Girl must be willing to support him as he battles the “man” and insane comment leavers all day. Perks include relocation to secret bunker in North Dakota, and long walks in the snow. Caste no bra.
Partner in crime needed for atypical Gujarati girl. She is a thugni who secretly craves fang-shaped gold fronts. Looking for a ‘He’ to spend hours with listening to Keith Sweat and Jodeci while playing 3-dimensional chess. Must be willing to pose for pictures*.
*All pictures will be posted on Flickr
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blockquote>Boy…humps and pecks quite well…Caste no bra.
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blockquote>
snicker
sorry, from one bad typist to another…a thousand apologies. I couldn’t resist 😉
whew, am I ever so glad that I mentioned my bad typing skills… did I also mention that I can’t code for shit?
Back story: I was on the phone with a friend talking about many things including my man-less-ness, and my love for my amazing massager. He asked if it was a battery powered one, and (completely falling for the trap) I said, hell no! This is a plug in the wall type and it’s great for all sorts of spots, which he warped into something dirty…no real transition from that is possible, but I charched him with the following mission:
Your mission is to find me a ride that I don’t have to plug into the wall, although if this ride can cuddle, massage, talk, be kind, earn some dough, occasionally cook and clean, and father my children I really don’t care if it occasionally needs a little plugging into the wall.
but only occasionally.
Mysterious pajamahadeen, muscular yet partial to velvet, seeks wheatish girl for soulful rocketblogging sessions. Must be fluent in Unix, C++, Perl, DHTML and more. Lissome, long-haired, and bra must match panties at all times. Jewel-toned clothing preferred. Implanted microchips a plus. Come let your airport meet my wifi, as I bathe you in rosewater…my Padma.
Cicatrix, did Manish ask you to write an ad for him? So shy that one.
I’m technically following ANNA’s directions for this week’s 55. But Manish’s PayPal $55 really helped too…
MISSED CONNECTIONS: Our eyes met in the glare of high-intensity LEDs. Let my stalactite meet your stalagmite. LetÂ’s redpoint K2 without oxygen assist. Feel the steady yet gentle thrust of my ion propulsion. MyHeritage says I look like Wesley Crusher. IÂ’ll take you into orbit, my Seven of Nine — fly me to the moon.
Can you edumacate on Talvin Singh vs. Tabla Beat Science? SBF, ‘don’t call me Indian,’ with exquisite found-fashion sense, searching the slush pile for my Man Booker Prize. ‘Scuse me little hombre, take my number call me, if you like smacking skins, mm, mm, mmm, for the sound of it. You had me at dhage-nate-naka-dhina.
Open-minded parents seek adventurous girl for rocket-scientist son. Must have beauty and wiles of Sita to draw son away from this blogging plogging nonsense. Must be outdoorsy since he likes to hanky panky on campsites, hiking trails, zero-G flight simulators, the moon. Must also be ready for a three-way with Paul Krugman should opportunity arise.
ok manish, call me an idiot but can’t resist asking this. But is “edumacate” a popular slang/neologism for “educate”? The other day we had a headline with “edumacation”. Just reading that word makes me feel as if I’m munching on something …chow chow 😀
cicax, howd be you? welcome back 🙂 it was just the other day one of the saree posts here reminded me abt you.
it’s great to be back Suhail 🙂
Edumacate is slang for educate, yes, in an ebonics sort of way.
Like, when Manish aksed me about Mr.C, I tole him that I ain’t aksin for no stinkin edumacation, yo! This be real close to war…I’ma thinkin ’bout getting me somathat retaligiation!
THEY CALL ME DENZEL. SBM seeks smart, libertarian SBF with massive signing authority. Wake up to Town Hall, watch Fox and read StratPage. Feel the pinprick accuracy of my .22. Enjoy my invisible hand. Good at BBQ and salsa. Must look chipmunky and watch the History Channel. Must not suffer BDS. Michelle Malkin, call me.
Well educated Indian Boy, likes to read and cook, needs a bad Indian Girl with a taste for bad movies and good wine. Must be willing to put up with disorder and the occassional wild partying. Also, must be able to act coy before in-laws and ridiculously large extended family. Must like MIA only in moderation.
I religiously avoided ladders of any kind – even those that may have led to success. No black cats were going to cross my path. I reached home with no mishaps.
I opened the door and suddenly I hear the sound of a mirror shattering.
The Television was on and there she wasÂ…Â….
Bianca Castafiore.
Also available at http://srini70.blogspot.com
What can brown do for you? IÂ’m not a UPS guy, but I can certainly help with a package. So, you really love curry? My great-grandfather wrote the Kama Sutra IÂ’m not a football player, but I know the important positions
Don monpayee, jesuis un supair Etoile Back in my country, I am a Superstar
This 55 is dedicated to all the lines I can use (and may have used) to find the right curry and rice girl 🙂
Innocently divorced parents seek bright spot for their dim-witted son. Must be clean-shaven, kid-tested and mother-approved. Must be H1 or one-in-a-million and must own car. A must-see for anyone on a budget, please send photo, proof of virginity and 1$ for shipping & handling. Delivery in 3-5 business days.
Sikh-ret agent man seeks similarly smart sweetheart. Must love NYC, cuddling and African pop music. Loathing chocolate chip bagels (a shanda!) and alcohol are both plusses. Caste and age no bar (I dislike liquor, remember?) I am luxuriously tressed, well-dressed and all of my ex-girlfriendsÂ’ best. You be too. Well, except for that last one.
Mixed Race Pleasure Bot. Can be anything you want. Whatever you like. Fully Upgradeable. New Special Feature for today only: a detachable penis for those long boring trips.
Ennis (so cute) and Vinod (am I right Manish?) sent secret PayPal commissions too, I see 😉
Guess who…..
Exponentially-intellectual apostate seeks blonde, alabaster-skinned Scandinavian-type beauty for lifelong psychological intercourse and Mendelian cross-fertilisation. No fundies. Must be prepared to engage in rigorously-systematic academic congress utilising multiple frameworks and across numerous philosophical, scientific, and political disciplines. Definitely no fundies. Must have high tolerance for obscure nomenclature, long paragraphs, and no capital letters. Fundies not welcome.
Sensational Gujarati girl with splendid bearing seeks matrimonial alliance with equally attractive and sophisticated, more intelligent, educated, ambitious and unconventional gentleman with an eye for adventure and an interest in housework. Must be easygoing, funny, love to cook and able to drive her into paroxysm of passionate frenzy. Not to mention wealthy. Caste no bar.
Corrupted life-partner sought by widowed dark lord for love, romance, and Total Domination Of The Universe. Hobbies include picnics, picturesque desert vistas, and strangling people from a distance. Leather fetishists encouraged to apply. Must be prepared to tolerate surrogate “father-in-law from hell”. Kissing not possible, but has bright red lightsaber that glows in the dark.
Talkative village belle sought by boisterous Jatt “son of the soil” on the run from the law. Must enjoy tonga rides, sitting in motorbike sidecars, and dancing on broken glass. Relationship may involve protracted confrontations with charismatic bandits and their henchmen. All candidates will be vetted by laconic best friend. Apply now, before soocide committed.
Glamorous, exotic woman with sexy foreign accent sought by debonair British Government employee with licence to kill. Cannot guarantee lifelong romance, but relationship will involve international travel, exposure to billionaire fiends, and dramatic escapes. Hobbies include dry vermouth, fast cars and even faster women. Apply now for undercover adventure of a lifetime. Complete discretion assured.