Other reasons “Why They Hate Us”

The situation in Uzbekistan utterly frustrates me. After 9/11 people asked, “Why do they hate us?” Uzbekistan is a perfect example of why. The Uzbeks are ruled by a despot who does not believe in Freedom (which is supposed to be the one value that we are trying to spread). Uzbekistan however has an airbase that is of vital importance as a staging ground for combat operations in Afghanistan. The U.S. makes the choice to support a government that massacred its own people. American dollars keep that regime in power, thus setting the stage for the possibility of blowback. It would be a mistake to think that this most recent massacre is just a one time thing that surprised our government. Over a year ago I blogged about this article (a MUST READ) reporting on a prison in Uzbekistan. Gulags are “in” right now.

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Time Magazine’s Asia edition features Kishore Mahbubani’s new book, “Beyond the Age of Innocence: Rebuilding Trust Between America and the World,” which offers other reasons to explain how we squandered our once glorious reputation, and what we can to do change our course (although this second part is reportedly not very substantive):

Some of the ground Mahbubani covers is familiar enough, but much is not. One of his arguments is that the loss of trust between the U.S. and the rest of the world started years before George W. Bush invaded Iraq “unilaterally.” Mahbubani is particularly astute about how the Asian financial crisis of 1997-98 damaged America’s image overseas. He writes, for example, about how disillusioned Thais were when the U.S. did not bail them out after it had bailed out Mexico during a similar currency crisis in 1994. The reason the U.S. spurned Thailand may seem obvious to a lot of Americans—”you’re not on our border,” one U.S. Treasury Department official supposedly told the Thais. But for a country that had followed the global financial rules as dictated by Washington—opening itself up to large capital flows from abroad, only to get hammered as that same money flew back out in a matter of days—the truth hurt in ways that most Americans still don’t get. The perception was that the U.S. would prop up another nation if threatened with a massive wave of illegal immigration, but otherwise cared only that big American banks should be able to get their money out of Thailand ASAP. Is it any wonder, Mahbubani writes, that China—the one major country that didn’t play by Washington’s rules back then—now sees its influence gaining steadily, probably at America’s expense?

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Spinning towards the truth

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One of the best-selling books at your local store right now is the philosophical essay titled, On Bullshit. Philosophy is HOT right now, as are the philosophers who are philosophizing. That leads me to five year old Shruti Indiresan from the Bay Area. The SJ Mercury reports (thanks for the tip Runnerwallah):

Shruti Indiresan has been surprising people all of her life.

As a toddler she buzzed through books and slapped together puzzles developed for much older children. Today, at 5, the kindergartner at Faria Elementary School in Cupertino reads and writes at a fourth-grade level.

Shruti’s latest stunner: winning the Most Philosophical Kindergartner in America title with the essay she composed for the third Kids Philosophy Slam. Several thousand students across the country in kindergarten through 12th grade submitted essays on which is more important in their lives: truth or beauty.

“I feel happy when I am telling the truth,” Shruti wrote in her essay. “I become beautiful when I am truthful.”

Her mother was a bit baffled.

“She’s very fond of princesses,” Rohini Indiresan said. “So I figured she would choose beauty.”

So what was Shruti’s winning essay? Behold:

Truth means not telling a lie. It is good to tell the truth. You are telling the egzact thing that you did. I feel happy when I am telling the truth. I become beautiful when I am truthful. Beauty comes from your good behavior. You can find out you are telling the truth by the size of your nose. Truth means to me good behavior. Because truth is the only way adults will be proud of you. Everyone will like me.

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Devika Mathur- one Righteous sister

devika.jpgWho cares about “tall” desi guys on Amreekan Idol who go on to make us cringe (“Eye of the Tiger“? while pretending to run?)– Canadian Idol shall redeem us!

On June 8, on the third episode of Canadian Idol — the, well, Canadian version of Indian Idol — 2005, Devika was one among 32 contestants given a ticket to the next round to be held in Toronto.

I tripped over that last sentence…I always thought Canadian Idol and its North American cousin were inspired by Britain’s “Pop Idol”. I guess I’m mistaken. Apparently, so is wonderful Wiki:

Canadian Idol is a reality television show on the Canadian television network CTV, based on the popular British show Pop Idol and its US offshoot American Idol.

Hmmm. Well, whatever. The point is, a soulful version of The Righteous Brothers'”Unchained Melody” rocketed Devika Mathur (a.k.a “Rinku”) to the top 32. By the way, the judges love her. Check out this fawning action:

After comments like, ‘Your sense of pitch is fantastic and your sense of artistry is really lovely,’ ‘Your a-capella is unbelievable’ and ‘I don’t think you could be more beautiful if you tried,’ Devika was seen running with delight towards the judges who handed her the ticket.

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I yelled “Blog-life” as I emptied the clip

I am not a happy blogger. Every day on Sepia Mutiny I give some of my suga’ away for free. Don’t get me wrong. Blogging is a lifestyle. Wannabe bloggers sell out to the man and go all corporate. I believe in the small but dedicated following, playing the backroom internet cafes around the world where people log on even in the dead of night. Still, it would be nice to see some perks once in a while. A bigger dressing room and some bubbly every now and again wouldn’t be insulting to my sensibilities. Last week I mentioned that this guy got a $100,000 salary for staying at home all day and watching Dukes of Hazards re-runs and blogging about it. Where is my 100K for blogging about meaningful things? Also, last week I read that the Pennsylvania State Tourism Office hired several bloggers to road-trip around the state, have as much fun as possible, and blog about it to attract tourists. What the f*ck! What is this? Where is the beautiful struggle? Where is the sweat, blood, and tears? Blogging shouldn’t be about getting paid to roadtrip. I had just begun to calm down when Patrix sent us a tip. Two of the Pennsylvanian bloggers were desi girls. Meet Manisha and Preethi:

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Spittin’ image

Vikrum Sequeira, a desi American who’s spending some time teaching kids from Bombay slums, unpacks the desi head wiggle:

Affirming your Indian identity: … Since I was wearing sunglasses and talking to foreigners, many of the Indians wondered about my identity: was I a foreigner, an NRI, or an Indian? To answer their question, I made eye contact and waggled at them. No further explanation was necessary…

Making friends: … When I finally bought a phone card from him (after weeks of reciprocal wiggling), I realized that the weeks of waggling had paid off. Sagar, the phone-wallah, gave me a giant smile and treated me like an old friend…

Disarming people: … Once I was walking in a slum near Colaba and a few men gave me a look signifying, “What are you doing here?” I gave them the wiggle and they smiled and let me pass without a problem.

Here’s another gem: a commenter explains why religious tiles festoon Indian stairwells.

You will find these kind of tiles [stuck] to stairwalls [throughout] the country [in] almost 60-70% of govt. offices, apts, commercial complexes… [Paan] eaters used to spit on the walls instead of dustbins… so you may find red colors on the stairwalls where there are no tiles.

On a more serious note, Sequeira contrasts street crime with riots in Bombay:

In August 2003 in San José, Costa Rica, a seventeen year old was stabbed to death near my apartment because he refused to give his cell phone to the assailants who mugged him… Bombay is not like that… I have seen women casually walking through poor areas adorned with thousands of dollars of jewelry. A woman can walk through Bombay wearing gold earrings and a diamond ring and not be in any danger…

… While the Bombay volcano does not spew lava on a regular basis, it is an enormous volcano… What is scary is that many people believe that an eruption is imminent.

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Kids’ books for bookish kids

Got a desi young’un in your house who loves reading, or one who’s brown-friendly? Author Pooja Makhijani has put together a great bibliography of children’s literature with desi connections (disclaimer: she’s a friend). Check it out.

How these series come back to haunt me now, with their sense of ownership over the world, with the ways in which they defined a world… With all the ways in which they owned words. Strawberry blonde. We read these books, but there was no one like us in any of them. [Betsy, Stacy, Sejal, Tib by Sejal Shah]

Sadly, this plot summary of a picture book for drooling infants could just as easily be a blurb for the books of the mango/mehndi genre 😉

Chachaji’s Cup
Uma Krishnaswami, Illustrated by Soumya Sitaraman

A boy learns about his family history and the Partition of India from his great uncle, through stories told over a beloved old teacup.

Previous posts: Haroun, Ghee Happy

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The return of pungent Nixon

The Hinglorati are delighting in the return of Dick & Garlick, a Bombayite’s lingoblog which had gone on a six-month hiatus. D&G dissects neologisms in Hinglish, Indian English, Bonglish, Tamlish and other lingual collisions, some apt, others just hilarious. Here’s D&G on ‘Vitamin M‘:

Vitamin M: An Indian English colloquialism in which the M stands for money. It can be used as a nudge-nudge-hint-hint euphemism for bribes and speed money, or to cynically acknowledge the factor that makes the world go round. A phrase for greasy babus and elderly Uncles…

“We are all craving too much for Vitamin M,” says a bright, cool kid. `M’? Money of course! (The Hindu, Jan 6, 2003)

On being called a vern. This one even works in American English because of the Ernest Goes to Camp movies (‘Hey Vern?’):

‘Vernac’ is Bombay college lingo for a student schooled in an Indian regional language, a slang abbreviation of the word ‘vernacular’… Like its North Indian equivalent, HMT (Hindi Medium Type), vernac can be used to dismiss someone as a country bumpkin, as provincial, unfashionable, or unsophisticated… in the 90s, they labelled the starlet Mamata Kulkarni a ‘vern’ and frequently mocked her Maharashtrian accent.

On ‘hazaar fucked‘:

… she claims that ‘hazaar fucked’, that classic expression from English, August is ‘one of the phrases that, along with Yeh Dil Maange More and We Are Like That Only, ushered in the rise of Hinglish’…

“… Hazaar fucked. Urdu and American,” Agastya laughed, “a thousand fucked, really fucked. I’m sure nowhere else could languages be mixed and spoken with such ease.” (Upamanyu Chatterjee, English, August)

I have no hesitation recommending the blog, but someone with the ontological talents of R. Devraj shouldn’t use a title evoking a German cannibal 🙂

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Sofia Hayat’s wisecrack

A London TV presenter and former Bollywood Star contestant upstaged Nicole Kidman at the UK premiere of The Interpreter last month. Not only was Sofia Hayat not wearing any underwear, she decided to prove it. One can only admire her dedication to the scientific method. Click to see picture (marginally NSFW).

Bollywood Star was yet another Pop Idol ripoff, this one in summer ’04:
Bollywood Star is a four-part series following Channel 4’s search for the first British Bollywood star: an unknown who will go on to win the prize of a lifetime – a part in a Bollywood movie, directed by acclaimed director Mahesh Bhatt.

I hear Hayat is expanding from TV into politics. Yes, she’s been nominated for a position in Britain’s rump cabinet. Unlike most politicians, she lets her better half do the talking.

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Sukhdev Sandhu wins best critic

The author of that excellent Spiderman review was recognized for his talent in March. We’re slow over on this side of the pond:

Writer and journalist Sukhdev Sandhu won best critic at the British Press Awards… Currently the chief film critic for the Daily Telegraph, Sukhdev (pictured) also writes for the London Review of Books and Modern Painters… Sukhdev was educated at Oxford and has taught at New York University… He told AiM he was “a bit embarassed” about the award, as there were “tons of more deserving writers” than him.

“I wish there were more British Asian films I could rave about. They’ll come in time, I’m sure,” he added…

Don’t we all, Mr. Sandhu, don’t we all. Here’s a great passage from his review of the Indian Spiderman comic in New York magazine:

… people used to scoff at Japanese anime. Aside from the absurdity of being a purist about one of pop culture’s most pleasingly bastard and vulgar forms, those carpers, if they’re to be consistent, should bemoan the popularity of Indian religious iconography and henna motifs among Western fashionistas. Cultural exchange is a two-way process…

Hindi cinema has a long history of borrowing and adapting from Western sources, be they Busby Berkeley dance routines in the thirties, Chaplin-like heroes in the common-man social epics of the fifties, or Dirty Harry, a major influence on the wildly popular revenger tragedies of superstar Amitabh Bachchan… Hollywood animation companies have begun to outsource creative work to the subcontinent, where they can rely on a steady pool of ex-street painters whose former livelihoods waned because of crackdowns in illegal advertising and the rise of photography in film posters…

Sandhu’s the author of London Calling: How Black and Asian Writers Imagined a City. You couldn’t find a more recursive book topic, nor a more politically correct one 😉

Abhi’s previous post here.

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Wanta Fanta?—HELL NO!

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For years those silly Mentos commercials ruled the television airways as the most annoying and obnoxious commercials ever. They’d plant themselves in your head while some ad exec somewhere smiled diabolically. Recently that honor was emphatically stolen by Fanta softdrink and its stupid television commercials where a bunch of Fem-bot looking women ask you (or shout at you) “Don’t-cha Wanta Fanta, Don’t-cha Wanta Fanta…” until you break down and submit to their will, hoping that it hurts so good. Well SiliconIndia.com has this headline today: U.S. FDA rejects Indian consignment.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (USFDA) has rejected consignments of MNCs Coca-Cola India, Hindustan Lever, Procter & Gamble and Britannia from India on the grounds that they are ‘unsafe’ or not conforming to U.S. laws.

According to information sourced from the USFDA, a shipment of Fanta sent by Coca-Cola India from Mumbai to the U.S. was rejected on May 19 on the grounds that it contained ‘unsafe color’. The regulator said the ‘article appears to be, or to bear or contain a color additive which is unsafe’. Coca-Cola and Pepsi have been under fire in India for allegedly allowing higher pesticide content than permitted internationally.

Hmmm. I wonder if that unsafe color was yellow#5. Seems like the Fantanas evil plot has been thwarted and I shall never taste Lol…errr, I mean “Pineapple” on my lips. There were other items rejected by the USFDA as well. This one REALLY caught my eye:

A shipment of “decongestant vaporizing ointment” sent by the Indian subsidiary of U.S. FMCG major Procter & Gamble was also rejected by the USFDA on May 25 on multiple grounds including the grounds that “the article appears to be a new drug without an approved new drug application” and “the article appears to be a non-prescription drug and fails to bear the established name of each inactive ingredient…”

Come on. By a show of hands now, how many of you got rubbed down with some sort of ointment from India when you were a kid, that was supposed to cure the area in question whether you had a cough or a broken leg? The USFDA doesn’t know what it is talking about.

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