Terrorist tech support

This tech support parody (warning: sound) has a wild-eyed Sikh wearing an Afghan-style turban surrounded by Hindu icons in southern India (thanks, Avi). The usual bad Indian accent and cow jokes ensue. I supposed we should thank the animator for drawing him in an office instead of squatting on the ground with an abacus. Its dissection of brainless tech support is pretty cute, though.

Screwy Flash animations shouldn’t be politically correct, but they shouldn’t be ignorant either. Team America knowingly poked fun at American stereotyping even while engaging in it, by putting together a Middle Eastern disguise for the protagonist. The ‘disguise’ consisted of stray bits of toilet paper stuck to his jawline and brownface splashed on as if by a 2-year-old. That’s about how well Americans understand the Middle East, the movie was saying.

This animation doesn’t do that — it cheaps out with crude, wildly inaccurate ethnic stereotypes. I’m not saying don’t poke fun at desis. Hell, we do it all the time. I’m saying: Ill Will Press, this creative work is trite and lame. Get it right next time. There are a quarter million of us right in your backyard, the second-largest Asian-American group in NYC, so just ask somebody.

Granted, it might be a strained conversation (‘Say, dude, fact-check this animation and do a bad accent so I can make fun of your country of origin’)… 🙂

Related posts: 1, 2, 3

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And you thought your nephew/niece’s name was bad

This unfortunate baby was born on February 22, 2005 in the tiny little town of Roseburg, Oregon (Population 21,000). Why do I say that she’s unfortunate? It has nothing to do with the dress she’s wearing, that’s really not her fault. And all babies look like boiled aloo when they’re born. Nor was she born too small or too large; at 9 lbs 3 oz, she’s well within normal parameters.

The unfortunate thing about this baby is her name: Aryan Justice. This poor little girl is going to have to go through life with the name of a political cause that frankly, hasn’t been on the winning side of many battles lately. Probably the last time the Aryans won anything was when they invaded India, thousands of years ago. They would have been better off naming her “Christian Right” (assuming they shared those values, many Aryan Nation folks are Pagans [NSFW], and talk about the “brutal dictatorship of Christian tyrants” [NSFW]), at least then she could have been called “Chrissie” by her schoolmates.

Also, it’s unfortunate this this girl looks so … well … tan. She looks more like she fits the earlier definition of Aryan as “Indo-Iranian” than the revisionist definition of “blue eyed, blond haired, supremacist puke.”

Lastly, I love the hospital’s little helpful name explanation guide. Aryan, they tell us, is a name of French origin, and means Holy. Riiiiiiiight. And if you believe that, I have a Reich to sell you. Here’s hoping that this poor baby grows up at least as sane as Moon Unit and Dweezil Zappa ……

UPDATE: Runnerwallah points out that the name was no mistake [NSFW], and that her parents really are White Supremacists. I hope she tells people it’s pronounced “Arianne”, and that her parents named her after the European space program. Then she can move to India when she grows up, where her name isn’t so unusual, and marry somebody of her own skin tone.

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New York, quieten down…

M.I.A. and DJ Rekha spin, grind and wobble at a free concert in Central Park, August 7 at 3pm (thanks, Anna). The suspiciously absent-as-of-late Diplo is still on the bill.

It’s an odd combination, electrogrime and Rekha, and a long way from Simon and Garfunkel and Strawberry Fields. But if the show draws hipsters shedding layers of snitty reserve to blog archly about it later, it’ll rock as hard as the Knitting Factory. And once my fellow bhangraleros arrive, it’ll be ebony ‘n ivory all over again — carefully mussed shabby chic versus the authentically disheveled 😉

I can get squeaky so she can come and oil me at:

Central Park SummerStage is… at Rumsey Playfield… on East 72nd Street off Fifth Avenue… enter the park on 69th Street and 5th Avenue.

Entrance to the SummerStage area begins 90 minutes before the shows start on weekends, and 60 minutes before for weeknight performances… If you’re not into battling crowds and are content to just hear the music, there is plenty of space on the grass outside of the SummerStage area. From there, you can easily hear the concert while lounging on the grass. [About.com]

Also, Missy Elliott gets ‘hur’ freak on with everyone’s favorite Salt ‘n Pepa fan on her new album (via Brooklyn Vegan):

M.I.A.’s… rumored to be on Kanye’s upcoming Late Registration… [and] has a guest spot on the last track of the new Missy Elliott joint, The Cookbook. The cut, “Bad Man”, also features Vybz Cartel and was produced by Missy herself. [Pitchfork]

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What became of Hadji?

When I was a kid there were no cartoon characters that looked like me on TV. Well, there may have been one that kind of did, but we won’t get into that.

An anonymous tipster directs our attention to Nickelodeon‘s site where a cute round-faced little Indian girl named Maya is on a mission to bring cultural awareness to today’s kids through short animated clips. There are two clips you can click on to enjoy: Happy Holi Maya and Maya the Indian Princess. The animator is Kavita Ramchandran, who I couldn’t seem to find a whole lot about on the web. I presume that these clips run on live television.

In what is surely a symptom of my need to find a woman, I thought the animated mom in the clips was kind of cute.

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Jagdish Bauer

I watched the FOX series “24” during its first season. I stopped cold after that. EVERYONE watches that show, but I am no longer allowed to follow Jack Bauer and his exploits. You see, I began having paranoid delusions and kept trying to save the world an hour at a time. Even when I did something as ordinary as go to the grocery store, I could hear this clock ticking in my ears. I once freaked out at 6:58 p.m. when there were only two minutes left in the hour and nobody was around to bag the groceries I had just purchased. I swear the guy in front of me in the checkout line was a Muslim terrorist just trying to slow me down. I feel sorry for my friends who still watch the show (now in its third season). They are totally paranoid. If I am talking to them and its like 8:55p.m., all of a sudden they’ll ask me if my phone is tapped and will insist they have to go. ZEE TV is trying to cash in on the paranoia and anxiety with their own rip-off of 24 titled, “Time Bomb 9/11.” FOX isn’t happy. From the FinancialExpress.com:

Zee Telefilms Ltd can go ahead with the release of its Ketan Mehta-produced thriller Time Bomb 9/11 as scheduled tonight [Tuesday night] at 10 pm as the Delhi High Court on Monday adjourned the matter for Wednesday. Hollywood producer Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation had sued Zee for infringement of its copyright on its ongoing TV serial 24 starring Emmy award nominee Keifer Sutherland.

[Fox Lawyers] alleged that concept of Time Bomb 9/11 was based on TV serial 24 and explained how the act of Zee Telefilms amounted to infringement of copyright.

On the other hand, senior advocate Arun Jaitely appearing for Zee refuted the allegations, saying that Time Bomb 9/11 was its original concept and a sequel to its earlier serial Pradhan Mantri, launched in 2001. “Nobody could monopolise on the concept of terrorism,” he said. Senior advocate Gopal Subramanian will be appearing for the producer.

Nobody could monopolise on the concept of terrorism.” Indeed, I say. Where would society be without the concept of terrorism? The show even has an actor who portrays Osama Bin Laden. Jack Bauer never had to tango with such a malevolent adversary. Mid-day.com reports:

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Posted in TV

High aspirations

Sajit posted earlier about a remarkable Spanish-Hindi fusion track called ‘Mírame’ (Look at Me). It’s by Daddy Yankee, who sings reggaeton, a popular genre of Latino hip-hop:

Daddy Yankee is reggaeton’s biggest crossover contender: He has already rhymed alongside Nas, Lil Jon and Terror Squad, and his brassy, slogan-strewn flow suggests both a quick-tongued thug and a Latin crunkster.

This pounding reggaeton song leads off with ‘Eli Re Eli’ from Yaadein, covered by Hindi singer Deevani. But not only is this a rare Hindi-Spanish mix, Deevani also sings in Spanish. Well.

>> Listen to a clip

The song innovates on several levels by merging similar sounds rather than contrasting ones. A lot of desi fusion has a low hip-hop beat, bass-heavy and distinct from a high-pitched tumbi or bhangra track which soars above. But in this song, the male reggaetonero is almost higher-pitched than the female Hindi singer. Which, to state the obvious, is insane. It’s playing chicken by shriekiness.

Desi remixes often use a smooth-voiced rapper or reggae artist; the rough edges are provided by the Hindi/Punjabi singer. In this song, the roles are flipped. Daddy Yankee’s style is aggressive and cants forward against the honey-voiced Hindi singer.

Remixes usually highlight the differences in pronunciation between the German-influenced English, with its hard, aspirated consonants, and the much softer Hindi/Punjabi. But in this track, Spanish and Hindi flow seamlessly into one another. It’s the same reason why Spanish teachers would always go nuts over desi kids’ Spanish accents. Years of trying to teach a soft language to American kids left them putty in my Hindi-speaking hands.

Remixes often mock the foreignness of the tweeter track. ‘Indian Flute’ by Timbaland & Magoo with Raje Shwari says, ‘Sing it to me, but I can’t understand a word you’re sayin’.’ ‘Rock The Party’ by Bombay Rockers says, ‘I don’t know what you’re sayin’, all I know’s that I came to party.’ But this song doesn’t take the easy out. Deevani sings in Spanish and pulls it off respectably.

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Nusrat picks a face (Kinna Sona remix) – updated

Three months ago, I met some friends of friends for drinks in a dimly-lit Times Square hotel lounge. The group included Nusrat Durrani, who runs MTV World and is now launching MTV Desi. Like the Bombay Dreams team, Durrani bemoaned his casting issues. Everyone and her mom had auditioned for VJ, but nobody looked ‘authentically’ desi American, whatever that is.

Until I met Durrani, my only image of a rocker past his 30s was of the dyed-haired, aging rockers showing off studded belts and butt-cracks at the gym or in the West Village. You want to throw an arm around their shoulders and say, ‘The ’60s, the ’70s and the ’80s are over, man. Let it go.’

Durrani is nothing like that. He’s the most punk fortysomething I’ve ever met. He’s got a wife and kid(s) and a spacious Brooklyn loft, but he still dresses like a rock star. In person he’s a shorter, desi version of Mick Jagger: the lips, the shaggy hair, the dog collar around his wrist.

But I still feel bad for the guy. Charismatic though he may be, we all know MTV has a terribly difficult time creating buzz 😉 So I was greatly relieved to hear that the NYT covered Durrani’s VJ auditions (thanks, Arun and Sachin).

Mr. Durrani said that he worried that Ms. Taufiq was too much of an Indian-American stereotype (beautiful overachiever) and that Mr. Usman would be straitjacketed in a V.J. role. Ms. Desai had no experience in front of a camera but she was cute, hip and sassy, and this captivated, as she put it, the Man… [NYT]

No shit — look at how these three are dressed. R&B singer Reshma is vamped to the max, MTV India-style. Comedian Azhar Usman is kitted out for the burbs. But video editor Niharika Desai’s look has Brooklyn artist all over it. Her site’s called Post-Punk Kitchen (hot PoPu, come ‘n get it!), for chrissake:

Niharika graduated from the University of Pennsylania… Some of her editing credits include… Alanis Morrissette Live! and SHARKS! (a series pilot on female Poker champs). [Post-Punk Kitchen]

Her female rival, Reshma, has a day job y’all might be familiar with. Ah yes, HP, the paragon of parking cushily. A college friend chose HP as his day job because they don’t make you work more than 8 hour days. He built and sold night job, a tech startup, for gobs of money, so who looks silly now?

Ms. Taufiq summed herself up: R&B artist who is bilingual in English and Hindi… and, well, chemical engineer now working in software development at Hewlett-Packard. [NYT]

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Kitsch Idol

Sometimes we run across artistic works so breathtaking that we wonder whether in all the preceding years we have actually lived. Sometimes we find übermenschen who leap cultural chasms in a single bound. These artists have an intrinsic Goodness which translates in all cultures: Márquez. Rushdie. And… Mehndi?

For your amusement, I offer Daler Mehndi’s ‘Tunak Tunak Tun’ in Flash (via Freedom Shock). There’s some charm in this badly-drawn boy (doesn’t Daler deserve a full beard?), but the original was even more craptastic. ‘East Indian,’ flying carpets and comments about bin Laden, check. Hello my crazy-eyed future girlfriend!

Here’s the white boy version, bhangra moves and all, by SUNY Buffalo. I think my family owned a buffalo by that name once. It sounds Punjabi.

Here’s a disturbing industrial version, proving that there’s nothing so saccharine that a German can’t make it depressing.

Previous posts: 1, 2, 3

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New Entry into the Annals of Bad Writing on South Asia

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I think we have another entry into the annals of really bad writing on South Asia. This entry comes from perennial favorite, our friends over at Condé Nast Traveler.

Those of you who have been to the region understand my initial surprise when I received my June 2005 issue to see on the cover a piece entitled Driving India. I mean, there is a reason that Hertz and Avis car rental companies aren’t on every corner (I believe there are 16 Hertz locations for the entire country of over a billion people). Ever wonder why no ingenious Indian business person hadn’t created the rupee car rental company? Perhaps because it isn’t safe for those unfamiliar with the country/roads to drive there. Like any good mutineer, I immediately flip to the story entitled “Accelerating Mayhem,” and began reading to see how crazy the writer, Stephan Wilkinson must be to take on the Indian roads. Instead I was left wondering how his article got published.

Well as soon as I flipped to page 92, I began to see the signs, not so much that he is crazy, but for bad and clichéd writing on the region. What are these warning signs you ask? Let’s have a looksee:

  1. Required discussion of arranged marriage, check. I have no idea what this has to do with a travelogue or driving India, but yes, people in India have arranged marriages. It has been written about, TMBWITW Aishwarya has explained it, and some (gasp) even prefer it.

  2. The requisite mention of the “Indian head shake,” check. To be fair, Wilkinson describes it as “a vague cock of the head.” I think we should formally rename it here as the South Asian head shake because I know they do it in Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, and Sri Lanka as well.

  3. Use of the word “the” before mentioning the state of Punjab, check. I never understood how this trend started, to say “the Punjab.” Writing, “From Delhi through the Punjab” is the equivalent of saying from Washington D.C. through the PennsylvaniaÂ… Continue reading