Author Archives: A N N A

KJ + TMBWITWBFF = ?

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Koffee vith Preity.jpg

“Original” Sonia posted a link to some new AbhishwaryaPalooza pics which proved that TMBWITW really was happy on her wedding day; O.S. (like OG, but so much more hard kaur) hooked us up via last week’s “caption game”-post, which featured a picture of the Bollyest bride and groom ever looking…interesting. Since you have affirmed your love of interpreting and misinterpreting photographs AND one of you swears the reason why Little B looked so forlorn at his shaadi was because his Koffee buddy wasn’t the one on the dais at his side (scandalous! meow!), I thought you catty kittens would take to this captured moment like it was Nepeta cataria.

So? What do you think is going on between Preity Zinta and Karan Johar in the image above? You might find it amusing to learn that I wouldn’t have been able to identify these two for you had Chic Mommy not helpfully pointed out who they were under where she posted this pic on her blog. Anyway, mutineers…start your hatin’ imaginatin’! Continue reading →

Allergic to Hypocrisy?

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radaknet.jpg

A tip about this photograph was posted on our News tab a few hours ago by “namantra” under the title Dehli ad on Metro. It was their description of the link which interested me:

The same country that often frowns down upon public displays of affection has billboards that openly use curse words.

I must say, I was slightly surprised to see one of my favorite blue words gettin’ dropped so blatantly, but I know nothing about advertising in the Motherland. Does this ad signal a coarsening of Indian culture? Or did it not raise the threaded eyebrows of those of you who are familiar with such things? And are we comparing jack fruit with ambarellas; does one have nothing to do with the other? Continue reading →

CRICKET: Today, We Are ALL SRI LANKAN

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When I first agreed to delve in to the World Cup for the mutiny, I did so because I knew it was important to South Asia, our diaspora and several cute commenters here…but I had no idea how powerful the sport truly is, until now.
Go Sri Lanka.JPG Apparently cricket can do what diplomacy, prayers and tears cannot (all quotes via Reuters, Thanks Karthik):

Cricket fever has gripped Sri Lanka after their team secured a place in the World Cup final, diverting attention — at least for the time being — from a worsening civil war.
Cricket-mad fans sat glued to their television sets until the early hours of Wednesday morning to watch Sri Lanka defeat New Zealand by 81 runs in Jamaica.
The success of the cricket team in the Caribbean has provided a welcome distraction from the worsening military conflict between the government and Tamil Tigers, which has left a 2002 ceasefire agreement in tatters.
The two-decade civil war, which has claimed around 68,000 lives, has intensified in the past year with almost daily battles, denting business confidence and contributing to spiralling inflation.

One higher power, many paths; one fervently-desired wish, many prayers:

Multi-faith religious ceremonies are being planned in the lead-up to Saturday’s big game to bless the team, and President Mahinda Rajapaksa will even fly to Barbados for the final.

Yo, this is serious:

The Excise Department has even delayed the start of an alcohol sales ban for Buddhist Wesak holidays by one day. It will now come into effect after the World Cup final.

I got my hopes up…

Even many Tamil Tigers, who control swathes of land in the north and east of the country and are fighting for independence, are watching.
“There are people in the controlled areas watching,” rebel military spokesman Rasiah Ilanthiraiyan said by telephone.

Then felt them sink, even though I’m not Sri Lankan, Tamil, or particularly conscious of this violent, on-going tragedy:

But he added: “Our activities will not change because of these matches. These matches are not going to make any difference.“

I hope he’s full of it. I stupidly and naively hope that cricket really will do for Sri Lanka what nothing else has been able to– give diverse communities a reason to stop killing each other, at least for a little while. As far as I know, it’s difficult to cheer effectively if you’re holding a gun. Yes, that was paneer-laden…but I’m serious. In 1996, Sri Lanka destroyed Australia to win the World Cup; I hope they do so tomorrow, too. If ever there were a country which deserved some cheer… Continue reading →

DC SMeetup V: The Belated Writeup

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Sixteen of you showed up to one decadent brunch at Heritage India in Dupont on Sunday afternoon; afterwards, most of us meandered over to the Cosi across Connecticut Avenue because we couldn’t bear to stop listening to and laughing with each other. What a FANTASTIC meetup (click the picture above to enlarge it, if you’d like proof of that). DC’s fifth was easily its best and that’s saying a LOT.

That makes what I have to type next even worse. I know. You mutineers are disappointed in my lack of prompt meetup writingup; if it is any consolation, you can’t possibly be as irritated as the actual attendees, some of whom came all the way from New Jersey and Florida, all of whom watched me type furtively and furiously, only to later wonder, “WTF?” as references to one of the BEST events we’ve ever hosted in any city popped up on my diary blog and my ancient fotolog. Will you reduce the number of spankings I deserve if I point out that I flickr’d the album of photographs from the meetup that same night? All 72 of them? No? Damn.

Well, here’s the cringe-inducing story, morning glories. I am an idiot. I am so used to Microsoft word saving, checking and wiping my kundi for me that I have become ridiculously lazy. I no longer do any of the above on my own (okay fine, maybe I do one of them) because I just assume it will all be taken care of…and by assuming…oh, how I’ve made an ass out of you and me. Or maybe just me.

I lost everything, because I no longer HAVE MS Word on my uber-adored iBook. I have whatever no-nonsense word-processing crap it comes with…and while it worked just dandy for my purposes, it taught me a very expensive lesson by not spoiling me via auto-save. Le sigh. If only I had been able to get online to liveblog all the mischievous merrymaking…

I’m not exaggerating– this was one of the funniest seven-hour conversations this website has ever inspired and it’s awful you won’t get to read any of it.

Here’s an example of what went down:

PORN!
This still reduces me to giggles. Ok, I’m going to summarize for the benefit of the poor people who were unable to share in the joy that was Sunday’s DC Meetup. Be warned, the following description is NSFW or children.
At a certain point in the conversation, our beloved ANNA decides to STAND UP and wax eloquent about this great new reality show she’s discovered…”Debbie Does Dallas Again.” She relates this great moment wherein our favorite brown porn star, Sunny Leone, is seeking career advice FROM HER BROTHER, and actually begins to mimic a certain act. “Should I start doing boy-girl?” our Anna yells, “because if I do, it’ll mean I have to do double-penetration,” and here she pantomimes with her hands…um…well…fellatio and spelunking the small hole, if you will. One hand forward, one hand back, so to speak.
Now, this wouldn’t be so bad if we’d had the restaurant to ourselves, which we did right up until roughly that moment. But fortuitously, a largish gaggle of desis wandered in at JUST THAT POINT, children in tow. While the parents were discussing whether to park themselves at a table, two or three 8-to-10-year old boys walked to the door, then froze there, utterly stunned, mouth agape, transfixed by Anna’s enthusiastic rendering of her new favorite TV show.
This led some of us to comment that Anna had more-or-less kick-started puberty in a few kids that day, and that there would be some interesting Q&A sessions with the parents in the Accord / Camry on the way home that night. “Mommy, I feel funny…in my pants.”
I still get the giggles when I think of the total expressionless intent stare on the faces of those kids while watching you, AJ. Pure gold!

Continue reading →

Do I Make You Offended Baby, Do I? — The Snorenell Edition

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An “anonymous” tipster [Thanks, gf.] passed on a link to the Cornell American, which seems to be a free newspaper available on campus up there in gorge-us Ithaca. Apparently, it is a publication so desirable, you are limited to one copy per person, but I’m keeping you from the relevant background info so I’ll give you a sec to peep the following blockquote about the awesomeness which is The Cornell American:

Founded in January 1992, its mission is to “raise a traditional American perspective, so as to balance debate on campus and to further conservative ideals.” The opinions presented in the Cornell American are solely those of the individual authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the advertisers or persons listed as staff.[link]

The alert mutineer who blew up our hotline asked this salient question:

Satire or “Ivy Twerps [being] Ivy Twerps” to quote Siddhartha?

She posed that query regarding a mock schedule of events for “Islam Awareness Week 2007!”, a piece so significant, it didn’t have a byline more specific than “staff”. How thoughtful! How helpful.

Here’s what I have to say to that— and by responding thusly, I have now officially turned in to my parents, but I think their take on such things is appropriate in this case, especially– if you have to hide something, doesn’t that tell you you’re doing something wrong? Eh, edi?

Highlights of the agenda after the jump. Continue reading →

Bewitched, Bothered or Bewildered…

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someone gonna get hurt real bad.jpg

…is Abhi? Not our Abhi of course, but the other Abhi, the one who vedded TMBWITW on Friday, as millions of far-less-fortunate people cursed his luck for snagging such a delicious piece of barfi [Thanks, Sushma :)] . Since you mutineers just loooove engaging in conjecture regarding what’s actually going on in random paintings in Indian restaurants, I thought you might also yenjoy deciding what on earth Big B’s little B was thinking at this moment.

While you do that, I’m going to try and give the outstanding, fifth DC SMeetup the sort of write-up it deserves. And after I do THAT I’m going to tell you why 80% of the people who read Perez Hilton deserve to be sterilized, lest they reproduce more racist idiots… Continue reading →

55Friday: The “There is a Light That Never Goes Out” Edition

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TIALAINGO.JPG

I wore burnt orange and maroon today, did you? I almost feel guilty hosting a flash fiction fete on a day which is dominated by vigils and remembrance. But maybe this is exactly what we need, maybe this will be an outlet or a distraction or a comforting little bit of familiar. There is no theme this week; the title song is there for an entirely different reason than “usual”. It is one of my favorite songs of all time and it means quite a bit to me. It conjures youth, loss, sadness, faith and eternity the moment I hear its first few notes. It is what I listened to when I wrote a letter to Minal Panchal on Tuesday. It’s a song which moves me, which breaks my heart a little whenever I hear it and that is why I can’t get it out of my head.

::

Write 55 words about whatever moves you and post it below. If you can’t do that, but you can write a poem, a haiku or a slightly shorter or longer piece of flash fiction, feel free. While I usually try and insist on adhering to the 55-word shape, this is a week for inclusion, sharing and acceptance, so whatever you want to leave is welcome. Continue reading →

DC: Brunch Meetup THIS Sunday? [UPDATED]

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sepia brunch.jpg

We’ve had some rough times in the bunker…when Manish and Vinod first broke up…when Ennis was told he couldn’t smuggle anymore adoring groupies in and pass them off as interns…when Manish and Vinod broke up again…when the lemurs went on strike to protest the lack of parties…when one of our guest bloggers developed a very rare allergic reaction to…ah, never mind.

My point is, what we faced before were minor challenges; this has been a rather difficult week, as we confronted far more sobering matters, which affected us all. This week, we dealt with real pain, as tragedy reminded us of how fleeting life actually is. Such “big news” always means more traffic, which means more moderating and more possibilities for this or worse, this.

So, I’m a little down right now and I know many of you are, too. This is what I propose to lift our sepia spirits: an eleventh-hour sort of meetup at reliable and hospitable Heritage India this weekend. Perhaps what this community needs is…more community. Let’s bond, y’all! You know you want to. All are welcome: trolls, lurkers, smurfs and elves included. Vogons, however, will not be tolerated, since it’s highly possible that they might be feeling poetic and no one deserves that.

We can do brunch like we did the first time we were there, at the third DC Meetup or we can have dinner like we did the last time we were there, at the fourth DC meetup which was also our first-ever SM Channukah extravaganza. No, that wasn’t convoluted at all. 😉 The more significant issue is that we haven’t met up in FOUR MONTHS.

Dinner on Saturday, April 21 at 8ish

or

Brunch on Sunday, April 22 at Noonish it is!

Either way, I feel like it is an apposite time to revisit Heritage; I’ve had a sad sort of craving for Golgoppas and I’d like to sate that, in memory of someone else who loved them.

FYI: Heritage is Metro accessible (Red line).

Heritage India Brasserie
1337 Connecticut Ave NW
Washington, DC 20036
(202) 331-1114

Continue reading →

Bring me the Head of Alfredo Wolfowitz

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When I first interviewed for my current position, I had to do so at Starbucks. This was not a fortuitous accommodation of my addiction to milky coffee, it was an acknowledgement that I was a risk, a threat until proven otherwise. Why was I so suspect? Well, for once, this had nothing to do with my pumpernickelish skin or brown subcontinental roots; I was risky business because I wasn’t cleared. And until I was, I would not be allowed more than five feet beyond the very beginning of a large lobby which contained a metal detector, an x-ray machine an imposingly high desk and several cameras. Five feet from the doors I had entered, that’s where I waited for almost 20 minutes, to meet the hiring manager who would sheepishly later ask if I minded conducting such an important interview at…Starbucks.

While I waited for aforementioned manager, my nerves invaded my stomach, from where it staged a coup attempt on the rest of my body. I felt like I was going to suddenly reacquaint myself (and everyone else in this very busy, very important lobby) with the protein shake I had chugged for breakfast. Horrified, I turned to one of the four guards and beseeched him to edify me regarding the location of the closest bathroom.

“Can’t do that, miss. You’re not allowed past this line.”

“But I think I’m going to be sick…”

“Yeah, you don’t look so good…hold on—Jay!”

“What’s goin on’…is she all right?”

“No. Do you think we can let her use the bathroom…”

“I don’t know man…she ain’t allowed back there-“

“But she’s going to get sick right here!”

“True, true…all right, just this once. Miss! Come with me.”

And with that I was escorted past two different checkpoints, down a hallway, to a door I have never been happier to see.

Once inside, I washed my hands. It’s a reflexive thing, in part because I’m a clean-freak, partially because I find the sound and texture of water soothing. I tried to be mindful, to focus on the bubbles and the hand-wringing and everything else, to distract myself from my hyper-anxious state. It was starting to work. I took deep breaths. I felt a bit better. I checked myself out in the mirror—I looked horrid. Well, might as well touch-up my makeup since I’m—

“MISS! PLEASE BE AWARE WE ARE ENTERING THE BATHROOM-“

“Damnit, where is Sadie? Oh, there she is…Sadie, you go in there, I hate goin in the women’s’ room!”

What on earth? And just then, the door exploded open and a very irate woman accosted me.

“What are you doing in here?”

“I…I was just putting on…lipgloss?”, I stammered.

“You are NOT even allowed to be back here.”

“Oh, well, I thought I was going to puke, so—“

“I am aware of the situation! You have taken too long—if you were going to get sick, it would’ve happened already.” Continue reading →