Obituary: WIDWNR

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MUTINEERS,

I am saddened to report the sudden and unexpected demise of our beloved friend, Whoa– is dating White not right? (July 28, 2007 -August 1, 2007).

Right was born in an indie coffee shop, in the heart of Washington, D.C., via the twin modern miracles of a stickered, 12″ iBook and wifi. In his short life, he profoundly affected many mutineers; Right challenged long-held assumptions, enlightened us about dozens of subjects and was a welcoming, tolerant figure in our community. He will be missed.

In lieu of flowers, Right’s grieving family humbly requests that when SM does its annual plea for donations to keep the site going, a la PBS/NPR, you contribute a rupee or two in his memory, especially since his Mother HATES ADS AND WILL NEVER AGREE TO HAVING THEM ON THIS SITE.

::

I had to close the uber-thread. 🙁

Many of you are writing to me, letting me know that you can no longer access it. Not sure what’s going on, but I can’t see new comments, either, which means I can’t moderate…so unfortunately, the party is over…not that I needed to do a lot of moderating in the first place. 🙂

I am delighted; considering the provocative subject material, there was far less ickiness, trolling or flaming than one might expect. All credit for that goes to you.

Thanks for one of the most lively, fascinating and relevant discussions we’ve ever had– and don’t fret, my pets…plenty of you left comments which could be spun off in to so many different threads, about queer dating, seduction via bharatnatyam, evaluating what’s worse– emasculation or exoticization, outting Iyengars, South Asian inter-religious/regional relationships, where to find B-Boy/punker Punjabis, how to procure puliyodarai, internalized self-hatred as evidenced by externalized comment-stupidity, whether I-Bankers are evil, where to find the mythical straight-haired, hyper-maintained desi goddesses whose knickers disintegrate for private equity types, San Francisco’s alternately sucky/fantastic dating scene and of course, HAIR.

More of all that, soon. In the meanwhile, pour a little sum’n out for “Right”, the next time libations are flowing. Sigh. Time to cue Tupac:

Rest in peace young homie, there’s a heaven for a G…

300 thoughts on “Obituary: WIDWNR”

  1. is there any way to resurect this thing, or have a second post to continue that conversation, or something? it was still interesting…

  2. is there any way to resurect this thing, or have a second post to continue that conversation, or something? it was still interesting…

    Psssst…come here….I think this is it. 😉

  4. I recently dated a brown bangla woman (see my earlier comment about sexual prefernce). She was a skinny long straight haired La Perla wearing Harvard educated high-powered career fast track architect in NYC. I think the only reason she dated (rather brief, but fun) me was because of my alterna-profession (filmmaker).

    i thought these grls only chased bankers. d*mn it….im confused….

  6. where to find the mythical straight-haired, hyper-maintained desi goddesses whose knickers disintegrate for private equity types

    They wear knickers for private equity types??

  7. That’s so not cool…I had a few hundred more things to say.

    I supposed you could still say them here…i’ll read em…

  8. They wear knickers for private equity types??

    i think they wear nickers for everyon else…they just take them off for private equity guys..

  11. I got the last word on the uber thread. My crowning glory (the queen in me) and biggest achievement. Screw you Hollywood. You don’t need to buy my screenplay!

    Puli @ 4 Yes, her type would usually date i-banker types. She may have been an exception. But the exception proves there are no rules right?

  12. Yes, her type would usually date i-banker types. She may have been an exception. But the exception proves there are no rules right?

    thats it…this friday, im going down to the village and h!tting on every grl i see. ill tell you how bad my miserable game is….sigh

  13. South Asian inter-religious/regional relationships

    Is it harder for grls to “out-date/marry” than guys? do they get more family resistance?

  14. thats it…this friday, im going down to the village and h!tting on every grl i see. ill tell you how bad my miserable game is….sigh

    7pm, Lupa–or do you prefer fishing solo….

  15. 7pm, Lupa–or do you prefer fishing solo….

    i dont suppose i mind some mutual wingmanning….

  17. @puli

    Tulsidas –

    “Kaal karey so aaj karey, aaj karey so ab, pal mein parlay hogi, bahuri karega kab?”

    trans – what you must do tomorrow, do today, what you must do today, do now. In a second, the universe will come to an end, when will you do it then?

    Thursday better than friday. today’s better than thursday.

  18. Annaji, was this due to technical issues? It would have been nice to keep it going and make it into the longest thread in the world (TLTITW). Oh well, bloody ‘ell.

  19. Thursday better than friday. today’s better than thursday.

    hmm…i could try this today…but….in a sentence that will forever out me as a dorky desi guy…

    “tomorrow is a schoolnight”

  20. …when SM does its annual plea for donations to keep the site going, a la PBS/NPR, you contribute a rupee or two in his memory

    ,

    I got five on it.

  21. Come on mate, you’ll be in your jammies by 9, Well in time for bedtime.

  23. 17

    “Aaj kare so kaal kare,kaal kare so parson Jaldi hai kis baat ki bhaiyya, jeena hain jab barson” Translation:

    What you need to do today, do tomorrow What you need to do tomorrow, do day after Whats the hurry when you have many more years to live

  24. i was sad to see you go, WIDWNR, but i was also relieved that ANNA whacked you – our chemistry (the good kind, HMF) was overwhelming.

  25. There are a lot of desi women in non-profit compared to desi men and way too many desi docu-makers. Every feamle desi filmmaker I know is a docu-girl and I don’t know a single male docu. This has to be coming from somewhere and I will go with HMF and Puli about expectations on brown men and the careers they choose.

    Thank you, Mr. DT. Anyone who’s spent any kind of even reasonable amount of time in the filmmaking business, knows this to be true.

  26. Come on mate, you’ll be in your jammies by 9, Well in time for bedtime

    .

    oh…thats not an issue. i actually have class after work untill 9pm, so….i have this crazy obsession with furthering my own education for no rational purpose. maybe masochism…

  27. Tulsidas –

    “Kaal karey so aaj karey, aaj karey so ab, pal mein parlay hogi, bahuri karega kab?”

    wasn’t this kabir?

  28. our chemistry (the good kind, HMF) was overwhelming

    No problem, I’m sure they’ll be much more opportunity to campaign for czar of O-Land.

  29. …although its oddly comforting to now i have the moral support of a mutinous horde…

  30. I-Bankers are evil, where to find the mythical straight-haired…

    Haha reminds me of leveragedsellout

  31. Is it harder for grls to “out-date/marry” than guys? do they get more family resistance?

    in my parents’ active search for a groom (for my sister), they have a hierarchy of preference : 1. language (tamil or telugu – though i think tamil might beat telugu out here) 2. pan-south indian 3.hindu

  32. …although its oddly comforting to now i have the moral support of a mutinous horde…

    and yet… some very members of this mutinuous horde would hesitate nil to shoot you/peoples like you/us down.

  33. No problem, I’m sure they’ll be much more opportunity to campaign for czar of O-Land.

    just emphasising when good chemistry exists, since you seemed to doubt it…

  34. 1346 · milli oh, and rob, what’s with the interest in MD? why not JD?

    MD is just more–elite, you know…. Stereotypical, I know, but I still think it. Of course, for a true “barbie doll,” I’d break any rule!! I’m really tired, but going to hit the Village Italian places again tonite looking for Desi barbie dolls or MD’s–sigh–how did all this culture and education lead to this–this is teh suck in a way….

  35. and yet… some very members of this mutinuous horde would hesitate nil to shoot you/peoples like you/us down.

    well….b*nging isnt required for moral support…i mean..i dont need THAT MUCH “grounding”

  36. Here’s a thread for you to start:

    WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY: “your Mother HATES ADS AND WILL NEVER AGREE TO HAVING THEM ON THIS SITE.?”

    Are you disgruntled at your co-authors/founders that your most recent thread has been cut-off ? I do enjoy reading your posts, but at times it’s hard not to feel that you make SM your own blog site ( a la Dear Abbey/ Dear Anna (?)).

    keep writing GOOD posts, SM

  37. I’m really tired, but going to hit the Village Italian places again tonite looking for Desi barbie dolls

    Good man! good luck….

  39. Is it harder for grls to “out-date/marry” than guys? do they get more family resistance?

    Sorry I missed that monstrosity of a thread 🙁 but my two cents on the above is that it’s actually harder on guys because they have far more pressure to “conform” and continue to be part of the family than on girls. Not that it’s easy, girls will get disowned more than a guy but to me the perception is that if a girl is going to belong to someone else and go into another family it doesn’t really matter and it might be lesser grave for her to out-date/marry than a guy.

  40. Sorry I missed that monstrosity of a thread 🙁 but my two cents on the above is that it’s actually harder on guys because they have far more pressure to “conform” and continue to be part of the family than on girls. Not that it’s easy, girls will get disowned more than a guy but to me the perception is that if a girl is going to belong to someone else and go into another family it doesn’t really matter and it might be lesser grave for her to out-date/marry than a guy.

    hmm…that kind of balances against the expectation that grls are supposed to “carry on the culture” etc….

  41. just emphasising when good chemistry exists, since you seemed to doubt it…

    Oh no, I don’t doubt it, I clarified my dislike of the term was when it was used in a negative, “euphamistic”, all-encompasing sense

  43. hmm…that kind of balances against the expectation that grls are supposed to “carry on the culture” etc….

    I’m not sure I’m so convinced that it’s the girls that carry on the culture. Patriarchy sort of forces women in the roles to perpetuate the culture I don’t feel like it’s a voluntary position. It’s who calls the shots that carries the culture IMO.

  44. what? where? this is what i get for leaving a party early? I think i need a hug

    yo dawg…in the uberthread i asked you to vouch for me not being a complete slimy sleaze. no shout out from you!

  45. that if a girl is going to belong to someone else and go into another family it doesn’t really matter and it might be lesser grave for her to out-date/marry than a guy

    . hmm…interesting point cuz its not always on the girl to carry on a family name. Desiness is so complicated

  46. It’s who calls the shots that carries the culture IMO.

    hmm..ive often experienced that the guy has a lot more freedom to not adhere to “culture”. and just needs to bring home the bacon. the grl is then required to pass culture on to the kids…have you had a different experience?

  47. Desiness is so complicated.

    Tell me about it dude. Some days I wish I were a Martian so I don’t have to decipher all the cardinal, complicated and almost always unexplained or untold rules of being Brown.

  48. seduction via bharatnatyam

    drop down n get ur eagle on girl, they so copied that move from Bharatnatyam.

  49. Tell me about it dude. Some days I wish I were a Martian so I don’t have to decipher all the cardinal, complicated and almost always unexplained or untold rules of being Brown.

    I dont think its any more complicated than being anything else. just matters how much time you spend thinking about it…

  50. no shout out from you!

    Puli bhai, (sorry cant bring myself to call you a kuta) my bad for leaving you like that, you know i got your back……………way back

    being Brown

    ahh, there it is! We can fill the whole universe with Indian traditions and our personal interpretations of those traditions