Several months ago, we received the same tip so many times, I started deleting my emails, because I knew exactly what they contained. Read or unread, every one of them was an exclamation-point-enhanced reference to a certain BBC South Asia article which heralded: Condoms ‘too big’ for Indian men
Finally, Siddhartha took one for the team and posted the mildly infamous, Oh, All Right. But You Asked For It, which immediately exploded in to a 400+ comment orgy about the injustice of it all.
Fast forward to last night, when Conan mentioned a related bit of news in his monologue, which, after some googling, I found here. My brown brothers, take heart.
From News-Medical.Net:
Women are much more interested in a man’s personality and looks than the size of his penis, but men can experience real anxiety even if they are average sized, according to a research review published in the June issue of the urology journal BJU International.
And this is all based on
the findings of more than 50 international research projects into penile size and small penis syndrome carried out since 1942
Men, it’s all in your head:
A survey of over 50,000 heterosexual men and women found that 66 per cent of men said their penis was average sized, 22 per cent said large and 12 per cent said small. 85 per cent of women were satisfied with their partner’s penile size, but only 55 per cent of men were satisfied.
The commenter formerly known as Prince Al Mujahid for Debauchery quite rightly asked:
What about the girth????????
Your eight question marks now have an answer:
Two studies reported that 90 per cent of women prefer a wide penis to a long one. Other studies pointed out that the issue of male attractiveness was complex, but that penile size was not the most important factor for women.
Maybe y’all asked for it, with all that surreptitious pr0n watching:
One study found that 63 per cent of men complaining of small penises said their anxieties started with childhood comparisons and 37 per cent blamed erotic images viewed in their teenage years. None of the men studied actually had a micropenis.
Quondam guest blogger Sin really might be superior… 😉
Another report based on data collected by Kinsey in the 1940s reported that, on average, homosexual men had larger penises than heterosexual men. The report authors suggest that exposure to male reproductive hormones in the womb may be one explanation.
VINDICATED! The wrong Asian was fingered for the “too small” distinction:
The review also provided little evidence of racial differences, with the exception of one Korean study where the men had smaller than average-sized penises. The authors suggest this area needs further investigation.
And the final sepia connection comes from our superior self-improvement skills:
Evidence on the effectiveness of vacuum devices, penile extenders and traction devices was found to be limited, but the authors noted that patients may experience psychological benefits from some of them.
(from earlier in the article)…Indian Sadhus men are known to use weights to increase the length of their penis
Spoor Lam’s saffron brigade doesn’t have a monopoly on shockingly successful techniques:
Wylie and Eardley also looked at the bizarre practices used by men worldwide to enhance the size of their penis, including the Topinama of Brazil, who encourage poisonous snakes to bite their penises to enlarge them for six months!
…Dayak men in Borneo pierce the glans of their penis and insert items into the holes to stimulate their partner.
Men worry too much. Stop sweating the small stuff. 😉
All I have to say is Coke can.
Your use of the Scripps-worthy $64 word, “anxiolytic,” was anxiogenic for me.
This was by far my favorite quote. 🙂
Did she say Topinama!!?
Of related news. Mr Woods gets a Boost.
Gentlemen! where there’s a willie, there is whey.
My one-eyed snake will swallow them whole, if you know what I mean. (Cuz I don’t).
Is this thread in the weewee hours of the working day going to peter out into a set of dickadent euphemisms? Or will it be an anaconda that will rise again?
And any of your concerned readers out there who are looking for help, I’ve got some pills for you that will turn you squib into a space rocket, your peanut into a zucchini, your tiny mouse into a roaring elephant. No longer do you need to be the little guy in the club. What, girls don’t like you? Satisfy your girlfriend 3 times a day! It will turn you into an orgasmotron. 67% of our customers got laid. Last chance to supercharge your performance. Are you Re@dy for E_R_E_C_T_I_O_N?
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Ok. I guess I can’t speak for all men, but I have never experienced any kind of this anxiety about size. I am short, only 5’4″ and so I am kind of small but I have never cared about size or had any anxiety about it. I could care less. But there are a lot of stupid people out there who think men actually care, trust me, most men don’t even think about it.
Rahul. I think I love you.
Also I understand that Indian men may be smaller down there, but aren’t Indian women smaller too? So don’t they match?
Sadaiyappan, that is relevant only you if are against miscegenation. And surely that’s not a charming thought in this day and age when India looks to match the growth of the well developed world.
or the old, “Let a ChEElayn black widduh byte et.”
Well I have nothing against miscegenation. I wouldn’t mind miscegenating myself, but that is what one of my buddies told me when I was in high school — that Indian dudes are small but the Indian women are small too so it matches.
All knowledge about the dirty that you learn in high school is sacrosanct. Alright, I need to stop typing this stuff now or I might get cooties from my keyboard.
that Indian dudes are small but the Indian women are small too so it matches.
is this true??? i had a friend with a japanese gf who he was too big for
Also in the newsletter for phallic worshipers is Mr Chestnut.
Mr Kobayashi, if you’re out there, you have been overthrown by the mighty Mr Chestnut. Surrender your weapons old man. USA! USA! USA!
Amen, Nina 🙂 I don’t think I’ve laughed so continuously for a long time.
Sai, that is a classic “how not to get laid” line 🙂
razib, not sure, but early in college I read the average length of a woman’s vagina from opening to cervix was about 6″. Isn’t the average guy 5.5″?
To continue the Colbert riff, that would be one messy seppukku for the Samurai of Snout Stuff.
64″ Sadaiyappan? Not too bad.
I second the <3 for Rahul.
See boys, it’s all about personality.
Also, if we’re going for phallic symbols, the Taj Mahal is an excellent example of the girth vs. length debate. It’s the world’s most potent architectural symbol of love, compared to the skinny fug towers all over the western world, like that weird one in Seattle that always shows up on Grey’s Anatomy 😉
Thanks, Nina, Camille, and tash. But one at a time. Otherwise, I’ll have to impose strict measures.
In case you are wondering, BJU International stands for British Journal of Urology.
And full of piss and vinegar ’tis, laddies.
“The review also provided little evidence of racial differences,”
This is complete rubbish, as anyone who has seen a black pornstar knows.
but aren’t they a porn star for a reason – i.e. isn’t a large penis generally a requirement? in that case, would there not be much difference between the penises of porn stars of different races?
Even I gotta admit, Rahul, you’ve livened up these threads quite a bit. Thanks for the laughs (good serious commentary too).
No there is serious difference between pornstars of different races, other groups have large ones of course, but black guys can have monstrous, unthinkable ones.
you see how bigger can sometimes definitely not be better…
This is complete rubbish, as anyone who has seen a black pornstar knows.
LOL. selection bias: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selection_bias
Thanks, Amitabh. But you gotta get in line 🙂
If you’re using the “they” pronoun of ambiguous gender, I think your statement is true only for guys. And maybe trannies.
What do black people have to do with this thread? Black people did not make up the we have bigger penises myth that was used by slave owners to make their women scared. Oh and by the way porn star women are real small in height and wieght next to nothing.
rahul, i would hope so. i meant non-females, so yes, males and trans-sexuals would be included. in any case, it would apply to anybody with a penis, in which case i would think a large one would be a requisite characteristic. but i am not sure exactly what it takes to be a porn star in terms of the penis-related requirements.
i really never thought i would have to use the term ‘penis-related’ in more than one thread. at least not in the same day.
naidu, why is it that your contributions always seem to offend and defy logical argument?
ak, would it apply to women wearing strap-ons, then? I’m just teasing. Somehow that doesn’t sound right.
Razib – except that the blacks are bigger than other pornstars. if it was simple selection bias then every pornstar from whatever group would have similar lengths, but they don’t, blacks completely dominate at greater lengths, despite being a smaller percentage of the population. Also – in Asian porn the men have small penises, and one never sees Asian men in American porn.
With all the penis-related stuff, this is becoming a regular orgy.
ak, surely this thread provides you some relief from finding out a shelter for all those endowments?
Double the entendre, quadruple the pleasure!
naidu, you’re asserting. do you have data on this? i don’t pay much attention to the shlongs when i watch porn myself, so i couldn’t. but in any case, it seems plausible that black porn stars fill a certain “niche,” for which huge cockitude is necessary. the porn industry is not a good representative of the population at large, after all, jewish men are overrepresented in the porn industry (see luke ford, http://lukeford.net/blog/?p=325, himself a convert to judaism).
Rahul, Can I join your harem too? I am so hearting your comments today!.
William Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and civil rights, made the same observation.
“Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular … Hollywood likes anal sex.”
His tirade was interrupted, though, when the pizza guy rang the bell just as his wife was coming out of the shower.
yes, rahul it does, double entendres and all, and particularly today. thanks for the unsuual experience of love at first blog.
Just wondering, the doors are always open! Remember, though, it’s like the Hotel California. You can never leave.
lol
Hollywood likes anal sex.”
anal sex was “normalized” in american porn by european directors, not jews. see porn gold (1988).
Rahul in ’08. That’s all I have to say.
None of the men studied actually had a micropenis.
You know, I used this term on the last penis-related thread and I think the response was something like, “micropenis? now i’ve heard it all …” See folks, it is a real term. Unfortunate, but real.
Also, anyone but a porn novice knows that black men are hired by the industry to fit the “huge monster cock” niche — it’s just one more way of portraying black men as monsters/animals/etc. There are plenty of average sized black men who, sadly, will never make it in the porn industry the same way their white counterparts will.
Folks, now I’m getting serious performance anxiety with the weight of all this expectation. My stand-up might not satisfy your eagerness.
My stand-up might not satisfy your eagerness.
Well, as long as it’s just the comedy that falls down…
Rahul, I refuse to engage in the the soft bigotry of low expectations.
Rahul…
You just turned from Cosmo into Michael.