Several months ago, we received the same tip so many times, I started deleting my emails, because I knew exactly what they contained. Read or unread, every one of them was an exclamation-point-enhanced reference to a certain BBC South Asia article which heralded: Condoms ‘too big’ for Indian men

Finally, Siddhartha took one for the team and posted the mildly infamous, Oh, All Right. But You Asked For It, which immediately exploded in to a 400+ comment orgy about the injustice of it all.

Fast forward to last night, when Conan mentioned a related bit of news in his monologue, which, after some googling, I found here. My brown brothers, take heart.

From News-Medical.Net:

Women are much more interested in a man’s personality and looks than the size of his penis, but men can experience real anxiety even if they are average sized, according to a research review published in the June issue of the urology journal BJU International.

And this is all based on

the findings of more than 50 international research projects into penile size and small penis syndrome carried out since 1942

Men, it’s all in your head:

A survey of over 50,000 heterosexual men and women found that 66 per cent of men said their penis was average sized, 22 per cent said large and 12 per cent said small. 85 per cent of women were satisfied with their partner’s penile size, but only 55 per cent of men were satisfied.

The commenter formerly known as Prince Al Mujahid for Debauchery quite rightly asked:

What about the girth????????

Your eight question marks now have an answer:

Two studies reported that 90 per cent of women prefer a wide penis to a long one. Other studies pointed out that the issue of male attractiveness was complex, but that penile size was not the most important factor for women.

Maybe y’all asked for it, with all that surreptitious pr0n watching:

One study found that 63 per cent of men complaining of small penises said their anxieties started with childhood comparisons and 37 per cent blamed erotic images viewed in their teenage years. None of the men studied actually had a micropenis.

Quondam guest blogger Sin really might be superior… 😉

Another report based on data collected by Kinsey in the 1940s reported that, on average, homosexual men had larger penises than heterosexual men. The report authors suggest that exposure to male reproductive hormones in the womb may be one explanation.

VINDICATED! The wrong Asian was fingered for the “too small” distinction:

The review also provided little evidence of racial differences, with the exception of one Korean study where the men had smaller than average-sized penises. The authors suggest this area needs further investigation.

And the final sepia connection comes from our superior self-improvement skills:

Evidence on the effectiveness of vacuum devices, penile extenders and traction devices was found to be limited, but the authors noted that patients may experience psychological benefits from some of them.

(from earlier in the article)…Indian Sadhus men are known to use weights to increase the length of their penis

Spoor Lam’s saffron brigade doesn’t have a monopoly on shockingly successful techniques:

Wylie and Eardley also looked at the bizarre practices used by men worldwide to enhance the size of their penis, including the Topinama of Brazil, who encourage poisonous snakes to bite their penises to enlarge them for six months!

…Dayak men in Borneo pierce the glans of their penis and insert items into the holes to stimulate their partner.

Men worry too much. Stop sweating the small stuff. 😉