Kal Penn, UPenn, Wait…what happened??

kal.jpg

GujuHottiee120586: wuz up, ho?

NjDe$iQTpie: who u callin a ho, ho?

GujuHottiee120586: watevr

NjDe$iQTpie: OMFG, i totally forgot to tell u!

GujuHottiee120586: ??

NjDe$iQTpie: u r gonna DIE when u hear this

GujuHottiee120586: wtf? if its that big a deal u wouldve texted me. u need to stop w the frapuchinos lol

NjDe$iQTpie: biach, please…im desi, its all about the chai tea latte

GujuHottiee120586: like thats keepin it real…such a dumb name for a drink..i mean…is NOT a latte

NjDe$iQTpie: N E WAYZ

GujuHottiee120586: hurry up…my momz like tivod koffee with karan and shes going to watch it in like 2 secs

NjDe$iQTpie: FINE. ok u know how ur parents wanted u to go to penn soo bad n u were all, “hellz no, i aint goin to college n livin at home” n they were all sad n shit?

GujuHottiee120586: yeahh. wat about it? fuuuuuck,i wish i got in a school farther away than columbia :(

NjDe$iQTpie: ha ha…rhode islands FAR

GujuHottiee120586: yeah, but brown isnt even a real ivy league school…so lol on THAT

NjDe$iQTpie: its as prestigous as columbia so f u

GujuHottiee120586: wtf, u have sumthing to tell me or wat…momz is screamin i’ll bbl

NjDe$iQTpie: fine. but jus so u know, kal penns gonna teach at penn nex yr. c ya.

GujuHottiee120586: omfg. OMFG. OMFG!!! ur so lying

NjDe$iQTpie: nope.

GujuHottiee120586: is this april fools??

NjDe$iQTpie: do u not know todays date

GujuHottiee120586: don’t u like have to have a phd to teach in college

NjDe$iQTpie: he probably does…my cousin ami went to MIT wit him..ill ask her

GujuHottiee120586: u retard…he went to ucla n ur cuzn took like 1 class there

NjDe$iQTpie: still…at least she knows him, unlike some desperate bitchz…lol

GujuHottiee120586: fuuuuuck. wats he teaching???

NjDe$iQTpie: hold on…ill find out

GujuHottiee120586: this sux.

NjDe$iQTpie: Penn will teach one lecture course, tentatively titled “Images of Asian Americans in the Media,” and a seminar, “Contemporary American Teen Films.” Each course will be cross-listed with Cinema Studies.

GujuHottiee120586: cross listed with wat? south asian studies/

NjDe$iQTpie: um no asian

GujuHottiee120586: thas wat i said

NjDe$iQTpie: as in asian american studies

GujuHottiee120586: that doesn’t evem make sense

NjDe$iQTpie: yeah…were not asian. duh

GujuHottiee120586: watevr, i so wouldve majroed in that

NjDe$iQTpie: lol…now u can major in being bitter…just think, some other desi ho is going to ask if she can get extra credit n that couldve been u lolol

GujuHottiee120586: this is so cepressing

NjDe$iQTpie: y cant u spell whenever kal penn comes up…r u that obsesed lol

GujuHottiee120586: this isn funny. my mom so said that i’d regret pickin columbia…n now I do :(

NjDe$iQTpie: lmao

GujuHottiee120586: stop hatin

NjDe$iQTpie: ooooh professor penn…i <3 u…ur my faaaave EVER

GujuHottiee120586: more like prof modi…daaaang, gina…dint u pay attention at namesake??

NjDe$iQTpie: which time…cant believe u made me sit thru that shit twice…so effing BORING. waaaah, my parents r immigrants, n im like sooo confused about who i am, i think ill date white girlz until i get wat i deserve from some desi bitch. then ill cry some more in some guava orchard b4 my arranged marrage with some chic in cheetah-print heelz who smokes which ill agree to bc now ive returnd to my rootz and shit after living with some widow n a bunch of lower cast peepz in the motherland…waaaaah

GujuHottiee120586: u seriously jus mashed together 4 bookz, u dum ho

NjDe$iQTpie: watevr. all sound same.

GujuHottiee120586: u mus be soo releived to b going to a school with no grades

NjDe$iQTpie: kiss my chuddies, ho

GujuHottiee120586: wonder if its too late to change my mind about penn

NjDe$iQTpie: kal or the school?

GujuHottiee120586: SCHOOL u hater. ill always luv kal…watch hes gonna be my baby daddy

NjDe$iQTpie: yeah, xcept i heard he wuz g-

GujuHottiee120586: OMFG STFU. ill ttyl when ur not being lame.

::

Thanks for the tip, Nina. ;) And thank you to the dozen other people who also sent it in, after you.

87 thoughts on “Kal Penn, UPenn, Wait…what happened??

  1. Holy @&i#! Amazing!! I’ll simply have to show this to my cousins — especially to QT3.14159 and to kochiBABE (& no, I didn’t make up those screen names).

  2. yindeed. i bow to such awesome nerdery.

    Nerdery, possibly. But here in South India, QT3.14159 is treated like a total goddess (at least by the folks of her own age whom I’ve met)!

  3. Anna…you are incredible! That was really funny…I was reading it out loud to my husband, adn we coudn’t stop laughing.

  4. Excerpt from http://nymag.com/movies/profiles/28866/: Yet Penn is eager to brush off comparisons between Gogol’s upbringing and his own childhood in suburban New Jersey—for one thing, he and his parents have always gotten along. “It’s sort of like saying, ‘Gogol drank a lot of coffee growing up, I drank a lot of coffee, therefore I relate to Gogol,’ ” he says. “Gogol to me is interesting because he’s tormented by being named after a Russian author who died a virgin. I mean, his being Indian isn’t interesting in the least.”

    I think one of my friends put it well when she said: “there’s something to be said for not wanting to be an actor that can only play roles with the south asian/cultural part emphasized, but gogol’s character is the wrong role to overemphasize that him being indian doesn’t separate him out as much as his love of architecture blah blah”

    The architecture comment was from his appearance at the NYPL talk when he expressed a similar sentiment as in the NYMag article and stated Gogol’s love of architecture as one of the things that drew him to the character.

    Thoughts?

  5. here in South India, QT3.14159 is treated like a total goddess

    The Pythagorean cult was founded on the belief that numbers are the ultimate level of reality, from which all gods and demons emerge. And Pythagoras himself had strong ideas about reincarnation, ideas probably derived from Hindu thought.

    What goes around,is twice the radius multiplied by the goddess comes around.

  6. And Pythagoras himself had strong ideas about reincarnation, ideas probably derived from Hindu thought.

    And he was a vegetarian, which means he had a high sperm count.

  7. As for Kal “I played a terrorist” Penn being a professor of “Images of Asian-Americans in the Media,” I’m reminded of something Roman Jakobson once said.

    In response to the proposal to give Vladimir Nabokov a faculty position at Harvard, Jakobson quipped: “I do respect very much the elephant, but would you give him the chair of Zoology?”

  8. What goes around,is twice the radius multiplied by the goddess comes around.

    Haha..Mr. K, we know who you really are. Don’t be frontin homie! Keeping it real!

  9. ANNA, such a contrast from your post about growing up with the Greek Orthodox church, but still just as awesome!

  10. Hmm… I was thinking Arranged Marriage by Chitra Divakaruni, Hullabaloo in the Guava Orchard by Kiran Desai. No, yes. :)

    Hmm, is there a bit of A Fine Balance in there?

  11. And he was a vegetarian, which means he had a high sperm count.

    Wrong thread! (See here.) But Pythagoras was also male, which means he couldn’t have got pregnant. Back then anyway.

  12. i think ill date white girlz until i get wat i deserve from some desi bitch. then ill cry some more in some guava orchard b4 my arranged marrage with some chic in cheetah-print heelz who smokes which ill agree to bc now ive returnd to my rootz and shit after living with some widow n a bunch of lower cast peepz in the motherland
    1. hullabaloo in the guava orchard
    2. the namesake
    3. a fine balance
    4. ?
  13. Kal Penn would teach me if i got into PENN!

    OMG, PENN is releasing decision tomorrow!

  14. And Anna, It’s PENN and not UPENN

    Both are acceptable usage, but with your reading skills it’s going to be a miracle if you actually get in…

    NjDe$iQTpie: FINE. ok u know how ur parents wanted u to go to penn soo bad n u were all, “hellz no, i aint goin to college n livin at home” n they were all sad n shit?

    NjDe$iQTpie: fine. but jus so u know, kal penns gonna teach at penn nex yr. c ya.

  15. Both are acceptable usage, but with your reading skills it’s going to be a miracle if you actually get in…

    Chachaji, PENN is the preferred name.

    Both are acceptable usage, but with your reading skills it’s going to be a miracle if you actually get in…

    But then, everyone says that I have greatwriting skills(:D) Will anyone mind if I post my decision here tomorrow puppy eyes

  16. Mr. To be banned and Deleted,

    Did you really intend to boast about your writing skills with the essay you linked to? Adding to what chachaji wisely said in #71 it will indeed be a miracle with your writing as well as comprehension skills.

  17. I used to use a screen name ironically like the ones we’re mocking, I did it as a goof. But I had to drop it when 15 year olds started IMing me. I intend to resurrect it when I get called in as a creative consultant on To Catch a Desi Predator.

  18. Terrific. This is what I have to look forward to in 10 years when Little Asha is texting her friends HalfDesiHottie17:OMFG LOL ROTFLMAO….

    Random off topic comment by my mother-in-law regarding “Inheritance of Loss” “She won an award for that? I grew up with all that stuff. What a boring book. I could have written that. Now the DaVinci Code…”

    So who will be the Desi version of Chris Hansen?

  19. Mr. Kobs, you are one hilarious mofo.

    kekekeke

    gvn ax^2 + bx + c = 0, if b^2 – 4ac > 0, thr r like 2 dstnct rts. lol!

  20. gvn ax^2 + bx + c = 0, if b^2 – 4ac > 0, thr r like 2 dstnct rts. lol!

    but the prof sed somethn abt like 2 dstnct REAL rts right??? i soooo h8 this math $hIt.

  21. but the prof sed somethn abt like 2 dstnct REAL rts right???

    duh. course its REAL.

    (u say u h8 math, but ur email is @math.iisc.ernet.in, math totally pwns u. LOL on that!)

  22. Bookfiend- so close. :) 3/4. Do you want me to put you out of your misery? Here’s a hint– four books, only three authors. :D

    To everyone else- you are all so kind. It’s scary to try stuff like this and I was convinced you’d all hate it, so this comment thread is like a pedicure– delightful, blissful, fantastic. Thank you, thank you, thank you. :)

  23. GujuHottiee120586: this isn funny. my mom so said that i’d regret pickin columbia…n now I do :(

    Nothing to regret.

  24. Following Maitri got me here and I must thank her. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in quite a while. My compliments.