May I be the Mother of 100 Sons…

…for they shall all be spermy. (Thanks Anonymous tipsters!)

My Stewie-like plan to flood the world with my genetics is even MORE likely to be successful than I previously fantasized. HA! From MSNBC:

U.S. women who eat a lot of beef while pregnant give birth to sons who grow up to have low sperm counts, researchers reported Tuesday.
They believe pesticides, hormones or contaminants in cattle feed may be to blame. Chemicals can build up in the fat of animals that eat contaminated feed or grass, and cattle are routinely given hormones to boost their growth.
“In sons of ‘high beef consumers’ (more than seven beef meals a week), sperm concentration was 24.3 percent lower,” the researchers wrote in their report, published in the journal Human Reproduction…
Of the 51 men whose mothers remembered eating the most beef, 18 percent had sperm counts classified by the World Health Organization as sub-fertile.

Score ANOTHER one for Team Vegetarian. I’ve never TOUCHED red meat. w00t!

39 thoughts on “May I be the Mother of 100 Sons…

  1. Thanks mom. Now, when the time comes I can ask for more bonking from my wife because I have a low sperm count.

    Score ANOTHER one for Team Man.

  2. Hah! I knew it.

    I just read this out loud to my tenth graders. You have breathed new life into today’s lesson.

    Thanks chica!

    BTW, The link for team veg may not be working or it could just be my school comp, not sure.

  3. coach

    BTW, The link for team veg may not be working or it could just be my school comp, not sure.

    because there is no link . Team Vegetarian is just underlined :)

  4. Wendell Berry once wrote that when we took animals off farms and put them onto feedlots, we had, in effect, taken an old solution–the one where crops feed animals and animals’ waste feeds crops–and neatly divided it into two new problems: a fertility problem on the farm, and a pollution problem on the feedlot. Rather than return to that elegant solution, however, industrial agriculture came up with a technological fix for the first problem–chemical fertilizers on the farm. As yet, there is no good fix for the second problem, unless you count irradiation and Haccp plans and overcooking your burgers and, now, staying away from spinach. All of these solutions treat E. coli 0157:H7 as an unavoidable fact of life rather than what it is: a fact of industrial agriculture.[link]

    Respect to you Coach. I wish I had a highschool teacher who told me even a wink about food. And, in all seriousness, it’s the fertilizer, antibiotic, and hormone problem that has lead me to ween myself off of meat.

  5. Respect to you Coach. I wish I had a highschool teacher who told me even a wink about food. And, in all seriousness, it’s the fertilizer, antibiotic, and hormone problem that has lead me to ween myself off of meat.

    There are high school teachers out there who have this kind of information but they don’t tell the public on purpose because they don’t want to hurt the economy or take away money from the school cafeterias.

    But I had a chemistry teacher who told me about how good fruit is for you because of the antioxidants in it.. And about how bad soda is because it takes all the nutrients away from your body.. I also had a health teacher tell me that 2% milk really has more than 2% fat because the percentage of fat is measured by weight and not by calories, but fat has more calories per gram than carbs do or something like that..

  6. sperm concentration was 24.3 percent lower

    Tsk tsk as anyone who’s watched “300″ knows by now – it’s not the numbers that matter, but the quality of the soldiers! :)

  7. “they shall all be spermy” ????? Eww!

    “More than seven beef meals per week” ???? Holy Kamadhenu! What are they eating down in Texas!? (on second thought, please don’t answer that)

  8. 7 beef meals a week! damn…reminds me of that king of the hill episode when hank’s colon was severly blocked…ugg

  9. Ummmmm, eat a steak or give my genetics to a son/daughter, who will grow to love me less then the 1st girl/boy who blows them and at the same time take time away from me getting laid?

    Ill take the steak!

  10. I read that wrong!

    What about men who eat alot of beef? Do they grow to develop low counts?

  11. On the other hand, eating hormone-laden beef has been linked to early puberty in children. So Anna’s sons may have more sperm, but the other boys will start spreading theirs around faster.

    And yet the beef-hormone kids will be sowing their oats at age 5, so most of the good seed will probably end up… well, probably in the wrong place. (Oh, come on, use your imaginations!)

    (BTW sorry for the loose source; I wanted the NYT article but it, of course, was long in the archives.)

  12. Low sperm count isn’t a bad thing, especially if you don’t want your soldiers to find any targets.

  13. So is this Anna’s not so subtle way of announcing that she’s pregnant with a boy? Congrats!!! When’s he due?

  14. More than even meals of beef a week?!

    Forget sperm counts, wouldn’t you be more likely to have a heart attack before you, er, reached the moment?

  15. I remarked on something similar to a cousin of mine. “Pah!” he remarked.

    But I’ve not seen red meat on his plate since then. Muahaha.

  16. Sonal: Exactly, I think that any woman eating more than “seven beef meals a week” might have more to worry about in the long run than the fertility of her progeny. (Uh oh, I sense a rap coming on…)

  17. Don’t worry Ms. Anna I got plenty of sperm.

    You know what they say…anyone who has to mention it…ah, nm.

  18. I am surprised nobody mentioned anything about Anna mentioning may she be a mother of 100 “sons”, not daughters. Come on.

  19. If I change over to an “All Quarter-Pounder” diet, does that mean I can stop wearing condoms?

    (Well, maybe not, judging by the women I’ve been dating lately…yuck)

  20. You know, if I did change over to an “All Quarter-Pounder” diet, I probably could stop using condoms. Mainly because no one would sleep with me.

    Crap, I’m typing to myself out loud on SM again.

  21. I am surprised nobody mentioned anything about Anna mentioning may she be a mother of 100 “sons”, not daughters. Come on.

    That’s true. I demand equal representation for the sperm count of women.

  22. you know what they say…anyone who has to mention it…ah, nm.

    No, actually I don’t know. But regardless of whether I have a high sperm count or low. Anna is hot.

  23. Wah wah! another piece of divine equilizing. Some poetic justice in all this. ‘Kill me to eat and your son shall bear low sperm-count Hahaha!’

    Although, its already been a while since its been clear that non-veg food can’t compare to veggie food for nutrition and low-risk-iness. Except fish… Oh wait, seeing as fish are top bio-accumulators, and are full of heavy metals and all sorts of crap inorganic impurities, it may be harmful to eat that too.

    Looks like humanity may swing towards veggie-dom for having polluted/found harmful all the various non-veg sources. (and so I dream on…)

  24. A pity really. Syrian Beef fry as made in Mallu land does smell good, and I know my non-veg pals love it to distraction. Hmmm… evil diabolical plan begins to take shape.

  25. And, in all seriousness, it’s the fertilizer, antibiotic, and hormone problem that has lead me to ween myself off of meat.

    C’mon NVM, I just dropped another 8 bucks for a tri-tip sandwich last night and, despite what this study says, those Brazilians are looking as virile as ever. Plus, the cilantro and green olives mask any residual amoxicillin taste the beef may have. @=)

    “More than seven beef meals per week” ???? Holy Kamadhenu! What are they eating down in Texas!? (on second thought, please don’t answer that)

    scoff Amateurs. You haven’t lived until you’ve gone into convulsions some your three Double Bacon Cheeseburgers a day habit.

    Speaking of, did you know that Domino’s makes a Double Bacon Cheese Burger PIZZA in Australia??? You read that correctly: a Double Bacon Cheese Burger Pizza. They put f*cking mayonnaise on the pizza! I’m telling you, you know America is losing it’s competitive edge when its citizens are forced abroad in search of a the perfect heart attack on a plate.

  26. C’mon NVM, I just dropped another 8 bucks for a tri-tip sandwich last night and, despite what this study says, those Brazilians are looking as virile as ever. Plus, the cilantro and green olives mask any residual amoxicillin taste the beef may have. @=)

    They may look virile ol’ buddy but there is only one way to measure Brazil or a Brazilian and that’s by their football team.

  27. They may look virile ol’ buddy but there is only one way to measure Brazil or a Brazilian and that’s by their football team.

    Agreed, and Rolando is obviously the most virile on the team, if not the entire sport.