And thanks for all the fish

We Sepiaites recently had a facial hair contest down in the North Dakota bunker in honor of our one-year-and nine-month anniversary. Ennis and Amardeep went all uncley (‘you young pups’) and were excluded for obvious reasons. The womyn were granted compassionate dispensation. Vinod dropped out early, muttering something about ‘Malayalee genetics’ and ‘evolution into hairless geniuses.’ The rest of us sported five o’clock shadows by eight o’clock in the morning.

Siddhartha broke down under the strain of the face-off and admitted to having his back waxed this one night in Tijuana. Neha looked ready to leap in with war stories, but something in Anna’s look said ‘unh-unh, don’t go there, girlfriend.’ The legend of Cooch Behar is apparently not, repeat not about royalty.

Finally it was down to Sajit, Abhi, Fofatlal and me. Sajit flexed his square jaw thoughtfully and instantly sprouted whiskers. Abhi downed some freeze-dried astronaut food and grew a Mangal Pandey before our very eyes. Fofatlal misheard the goal of the contest. He had his eyebrows singed off with incense and honey and pranced around yodeling ‘Ya-hoo!’ like Shammi Kapoor.

I, having out-hirsuted the Greeks, out-grown the Sicilians, out-whiskered the Iranis, was now faced with my own private I-da-ho’: geek stubble from the Punjab was beaten by astronaut stubble from Houston. Abhi once bragged:

I haven’t met a person alive that has more lethal stubble than I. Any girl I might date would have friends thinking I was abusing her because her face would be left raw.
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Unable to bear the shame, I went down to the SMU, passed out some endangered bananas and whispered a stoic farewell to my fine-furred friends. And then left the bunker for the last time, the pneumatic doors closing in the distance. Unlike Star Trek, they don’t say ‘shhhhhhhh’ when they close, they say ‘Desi please!’ with sass in the neck and quiver in the booty. Goddamn back-talkin’ bunker doors.

We’ve always thought of the Mutiny as a salon with a rotating cast of hosts. Nearly two years on, I’m proud of the neurocrack we’ve whipped up together. I’m proud of the rockin’ bloggers and readers we’ve managed to swindle rope in. And now I move on.

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Please write the Mutineers if you know Movable Type or PHP and are willing to help out on occasion. And do come read me at Vij.com. The samosas and Maggi sauce are always kept aflame.

No rage, rage against the dying of the light. I go gentle into that good night.

81 thoughts on “And thanks for all the fish

  1. may the maggi sauce always be maggilicious.

    To complete your samaosa and maggi meal…

    May the frooti juice always be frootilicious.

  2. You have gone down to the ‘motherland’. You have decided to stop blogging here. Are you writing a book? Let me know, and I’ll have something worthy to plagiarize.

  3. Aiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Alas and alack, Vij-o, what without which shall we do?

    Godspeed, O stubbly.

  4. I suppose I should be supportive and happy for you and wish you all the best in your future endeavors, tell you how much we’ll all miss you and your punny snark.

    But I’m so mad at you abandoning the Mutiny, Vij, that I’m not speaking to you. I’m going on hunger strike, in protest. :P

  5. Manish – Thanks for all the great posts and good luck with whatever it is you are going to be doing.

  6. you’ve done an amazing job with sepia and i wish you all the best – but don’t ever stop blogging/flogging or i will have to develop some sort of other habit to help pass my eight hour day :)

  7. ‘Malayalee genetics’ Are you kidding me? Where do the copious amounts of coconut oil go then?

  8. Manish, are you still in India and if yes, any plans to visit New Delhi? In case you do, a round (or two) of beer is on me. All the best for whatever you have planned next and I do hope you’ll continue posting at SM occasionally, as a guest blogger.

  9. Yaar, vat is all dis drama? You can’t leave us like this! I mean, who else is going to present atrocious puns and stick up for Salman Rushdie’s writing and compose brilliantly hilarious captions, dammit? The puns were horrible, and I never did understand your fascination with Rushdie’s writing – although it did spark hella amusing posts/comments regarding Padma Lakshmi, so that was all good – but still…THE CAPTIONS! The literary musings! The incisive analyses of desi literature and book covers! (I will never be able to look at book covers on desi novels the same way again.) Dude, come back! Unless it’s all “wuv, true wuv”, in which case, again, it’s all good, because how could we argue with that? ;)

    May your journeys be radiant and blessed, Manish, fulfilling and eye-opening to the utmost. Keep on rockin’ on.

  10. Your writings are superb, and you are a smart, sensitive and extremely eloquent guy. I am sure that your contribution to SM will be greatly missed by everyone concerned, with regards to the other “founder members” and all the commenters/visitors to this blog.

    Fully agree with the above. I’ll especially miss your topic headings.

  11. Fully agree with the above. I’ll especially miss your topic headings.

    Not to mention the pull out quotes and oversized capital letters when starting paragraphs. Great sense of ishtyle. :)

  12. Thanks for all the benedictions and compliments, y’all. If I weren’t brown you’d see I’m blushing.

    I love conspiracy theories! I’m not getting married, haven’t yet written a novel (though am planning to) and am not an evil albino (though there are lots and lots of regular albinos cavorting around my neighborhood for some reason. If you can explain it to me, please do.)

    Fink Nottle– yes, technically, it would be ‘thanks for all the tofish’ in my case.

    CAD– two words: Kunal Kapoor. And “Who will take your baton?!” That, uh, is the issue of the day, innit (and I’m not talking blogging ;) )

    Neha– have a tissue!

    SG– I’ll still be blogging at Ultrabrown.com (check in 3 days).

    Payal– ok, it ain’t so (but it’s so so).

    Terence– can you please not post comments when constipated? ;)

    Mr. Kobayashi– without Orientalists, how would we get The Karate Kid?

    brimful– that’s actually a metaphor for my life…

    Ami– it was the Kryptonite.

    Payal– Fofatlal is a converted Borg. We sat him down in front of Indian cable and next thing you know…

    tashie– sadly, it’s not a holiday!

    Nilesh P– seriously, it’s bad for work :)

    WGIIA– now whose tips am I going to crib for posts?

    cicatrix– dhillon thomas was actually punjabi, little-known fact. think of me as on a west-coast tour.

    Shruti– you know, I’ve often asked myself the same thing :)

    AK– motion for summary judgment granted. and a textual stylist! what’s your font, Palatino?

    taz– the body’s not even cold yet!

    oxymoron– hasta la vista, beta.

    Sonia– seriously, I’ve forgotten to eat after hours here.

    mfunnierthanyou– he also said ‘na na na na na na na, gettin’ jiggy wid it.’ just thought i’d throw that out there.

    Jai– blush if only you were a chick. and single.

    DJ Drrrty P– I used to love H.E.R.

    alumnireader– she’s now married ;)

    flygirl– you’re in good brown hands

    Kenyandesi– :?

    Jeet– counting the stars, prahji

    MoorNam– I think belief in the invisible hand spreads wide

    KT– no

    Maitri– mmm, vintage Gulf of Mexico 2006 :)

    kavita– it ain’t easy being green

    gulab jamun– how did you know about my daily indulgence?

    zai viswanathan– the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak

    anandos– in shame i’ve bought a five-bladed Fusion razor

    seven_times_six– actually, fofatlal is staying. he’s tipsy in the bunker as we speak.

    aizaz– you want me to tell you how it all ends?

    DD– that’s so unfair to the booty

    roopali– that reminds me of the end of ‘The Truman Show’ :)

    Masale.Wallah– thanks in advance for the Kingfisher

    yasmine– someone once told me puns are the most evolved form of humor. but he was drunk

    bengali– for ten paise a week i’ll send you headlines without stories

    Is it just me or did we just have a big yearbook orgy?

  13. Oh so this post was Manish saying farewell ? I hadnt read it. Now I did. Manish will be missed. Who will point us to the subtle and hidden “orientalism” in the movies ?? and Who will do the movie reviews?? All the best to Manish for what ever is ahead. !!!

  14. Manish,

    I am very sad to see you go : something has been irretrievably lost from this website today. You had a unique perspective on things, and of course, a kick-ass sense of humour. Please keep writing elsewhere on the Net.

  15. Oh my gosh nooooooooooooooooooooo….I’m seriously seriously seriously heartbroken and I’m not being melodramatic or insincere…Please say it ain’t so…

  16. Fare ye well, Manish. All the best for all future endeavours..cliched though it is, its sincerely meant. And Thanks.

    Oh, yeah, and the towel. Remember the towel.

  17. mein Gott, and then he goes and individually replies to every single freakin’ comment, too. I LOWE the guy even more now! Dammit, yaar, I come out of hiding long enough to comment on Sepia Mutiny twice in one day, and he’s still leaving? Hmph.

    Looking forward to seeing what’s going on with ultrabrown, dude.

  18. Dang! you’ll be missed. Well atleast you’ll be around at ultrabrown.com Good luck with Rocketpost & everything else.

  19. WHOA WHOA WHAT?! I don’t read the Mutiny for a few days and all hell breaks loose? WTF?

    /splutters.

    Um. Okay. Uh, wow. I don’t really have any eloquent words to say. Thanks. . .Good luck. . .You’ll be missed. . and wow, this kinda sucks.

    Well for the love of god, blog on your own site more often! Sheesh.:-p

  20. Sigh. RTFC (Read the f—ing comments. ..) . ..

    um, it better be a good novel. but yes, i guess that’s an acceptable reason. . .a more than acceptable reason. sigh. i guess we must all suffer for great art these days.

    bah.

  21. Dunno why, I’m really sorry to hear this. Sincerely wish you all the best in your future endevors.

  22. I have only one thing to say: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    BTW, I don’t suppose we could persuade you to stay by pulling some silly stunts like threatening violence upon ourselves?