I was at the amazing barbershop around the corner from my apartment the other day getting a haircut. I love my barbershop. It is an old school “barrio” barbershop with a spinning pole outside and men grunting inside as they speak in a mixture of Spanish and English. They spend an obscene amount of time on each haircut. It makes me feel very special. Anyways, as I am sitting in the chair this young Hispanic guy waiting to get a haircut, strikes up a conversation with the young black gentleman in the chair next to mine. They started by talking about neighborhood chicks that they have or have wanted to bleep, then moved on to gossiping about prominent members in the local gangs. “Yeah I know T-Lo. He’s mellowed since he been out of the joint.” I was loving this conversation. Then it got educational all of a sudden. The Hispanic guy felt the need to unburden himself by telling this black man, whom he had just met, that he had used the word “N–ga” recently while he was watching a football game with his best friend (who was black). “I think I may have offended him cause he hasn’t been the same. I’m not racist you know. Its just that many of my friends are black people who be saying N–ga this, N–ga that all the time, and being in that environment it just came out. I hope he wasn’t offended.” The poignancy of the situation struck me. This guy was asking for absolution from a black man, whom as I mentioned he had just met, for the guilt he felt over using a word that didn’t “belong” to him, in front of another black man. This made me think of my own experiences. I have never been able to grow accustomed to the N-Word being used by South Asians as it increasingly is (free registration required for Feb 14th article):

You can see it on television, where comedian Chris Rock makes the word a staple of his routines.

And it’s obvious in local schools, where students of all races concede the word – when used in the right context – is a playful way to talk with your close friends.

“I just grew up hearing it from my friends,” said Zibi Zarghese of Englewood, a student at Rutgers-Newark and a 1999 graduate of Dwight Morrow High School.

Even though Zarghese is Indian, he feels comfortable using the word with his close friends who are black. He even uses the word with his white friends.

“I was accepted in using it. I only used it with my friends,” he said.

But it can cause problems. Zarghese recalled an incident in high school where he used the word with one of his friends and someone else overheard it and started giving him grief.

He learned there are rules. Use it only with and around friends. Always say the word as if it ends in an “a,” never with the harder sounding “er.” Saying it with an “er” is always offensive, no matter what the context. And never use it in front of parents, Zarghese said.

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From StrategyPage –

February 14, 2005: A new CIA report predicts that Pakistan may well come apart in the next decade. Corruption and poor government are making Islamic radicalism more popular, especially in the Pushtun (northwest) and Baluchi (southwest) tribal areas. Most of the population is not tribal. In fact, about have the population is in one province, Punjab. When India and Pakistan were formed in 1947, Punjab was split, with about 70 percent of it going to Pakistan. The Indian portion, with better government and less corruption, has done more than twice as well as the Pakistani part (on a per-capita basis). India also has problems with tribal separatists (in the northeast), but in Pakistan the tribes comprise a larger portion of the population (at least ten percent.) It’s expensive to fight the tribes, and the Baluchis are eager to take control of the lucrative natural gas fields operating in Baluchistan. The CIA report sees the country coming apart along ethnic lines, much like Yugoslavia did in the 1990s. This would create a Punjabi state, with at least half the population, plus Pushtun and Baluchi states, plus one or two more. The big question is what would happen to Pakistan’s nuclear weapons. The Pakistanis dismiss the report, pointing out that, while they created the mess, they’ve also learned to deal with it.

Personally, this whole scenario feels a bit far fetched… But, I’m just the messenger 😉 Continue reading →

The article itself isn’t as “directly” brown as everything else we dissect or publish here, but the subject matter is familiar enough– even if it doesn’t explicitly mention south asians:

…parents, relatives or a designated member of the community took on the sacred task of arranging for a young person to create a new household, thus ensuring the continuity and stability of society. Although in much of the world that tradition continues, in our mainstream culture of individual choice and romantic self-determination, finding your own mate is a rite of passage, an exercise in autogenesis.

Among certain immigrant groups in this country, like those from Southeast Asia and Africa, ancient traditions of arranging marriages continue. In the Jewish tradition, arranging three marriages secures you a place in heaven. Ultra-Orthodox marriages are routinely arranged, and conservative communities often have informal matchmakers.

I am so curious about the “Southeast” reference…does she mean to include us within that inaccurate phrasing? Or is she the last human alive to know that we’re all about the auntie-facilitated set-up?

No matter what the author meant, it’s a fascinating piece from the NYT magazine. I’ll totally vouch for it. Oh, and if you’re going to take my word for it and try to read the rest, but you don’t have a username/pw for the site, there are ways around that.

:+:

The Grey Lady: “The New Arranged Marriage”

*Shadchen: yiddish word for “matchmaker” Continue reading →