Category Archives: Humor

Q: What is more difficult than NAVY SEAL training?

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Last month the BBC had an article about the stern warning issued by Air India to its cabin crews:

India’s state-owned airline Air India has threatened to ground its overweight cabin crew unless they shed their excess pounds over the next two months.

Some 10% of its 1,600-strong cabin crew are estimated to be overweight or suffering from obesity.

S Venkat, Air India’s general manager public relations, told the BBC that the airline would strictly implement the directive.

“We have a tolerance limit that cannot be exceeded,” he said.

Although the Air India Cabin Crew Association welcomed this decision, they didn’t say anything about the fact that the “tolerance limits” were different for men and women. Quite simply the airline wants hot stewardesses in order to compete in the always cut-throat airline business (see the Kingfisher Airlines picture on the right). Want more proof? Check out the BBC’s most recent report (quite humorous) from freezing cold Delhi:

Delhi can be mercilessly chilly during the opening weeks of January.

Central-heating devoid houses constructed to withstand the furnace-like temperatures of high summer seem more like well-upholstered cold rooms…

So imagine my surprise the other afternoon at finding my favourite outdoor swimming pool absolutely teeming with glamorous young people, in what looked, from a distance at least, like a cross between spring break in Cancun and a Mumbai movie premier.

Swimsuits, stilettos and Speedos abounded. [Link]

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It’s a Boy: Naveen Joshua Andrews

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naveen_andrews_98.jpgThe tip line is burning up with news from readers about the latest scandal to put the drama in ABC’s hit “Lost“. I was ready to credit one of you helpful email-senders for this post, but it turns out Lulloo beat you to it. Who cares, pour some tea, call your neighbor and start gossiping!

Naveen Andrews, who plays Mystery Island’s resident Iraqi Republican Guardsman Sayid Jarrah, has admitted that he fathered a child last year while briefly separated from longtime companion, Barbara Hershey.

Andrews’ publicist released a statement to E! Friday saying that Andrews, 36, and Hershey, 57, “quietly” split for a period early last year, during which Andrews had a fling with another woman. He recently learned that he is the father of her baby boy.[E!]

No worries, Sayid fans. Your boy intends to do the right thing AND stick with his Hershey Bar…ba..ra:

“Andrews has every intention of assuming appropriate responsibility for the child and proceeding with all integrity in this matter,” the statement says.[E!]

Who’s calling Naveen her baby-daddy? A Czech acting student who met the star at a New York bar. Nope, I didn’t intend to rhyme.

The baby’s mother is pretty student Elena Eustache, who has alleged in the past that…he regularly flew her to the Lost set in Hawaii for love-making sessions.[tabloid]

That’s one way to conceive of “room service”. Anyway, she said they were hooking up for a year. He said something which sounded like a forgettable Shaggy song featuring Rik Rok. The paternity test proved that indeed, it WAS him.

When Elena announced she was six months pregnant following a year-long affair with Naveen, the actor denied those claims, branding her claims of an affair as “ridiculous.” Elena claims Naveen told her that his relationship with Hershey was over…[tabloid]

Sigh. Who knew you couldn’t trust boys you meet in bars, who are on the rebound?? I think we’ve all learned something here today (besides “The Pill is only effective when taken”). Continue reading →

Macho Meesha’d Men

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I get a daily email from Rediff.com. Usually I don’t have time to skim it for Sepia-ness, but tonight, I finished your 55s with time to spare so I gave it a cursory cook. 🙂 Near the bottom of the tailored-to-my-preferences Rediff-o-gram were the following words: Top Malayalam Actors 2005. Like I could pass THAT headline up. 😉

Before the page even loaded in a foxy new tab, I knew I was going to spy with my round eye either Mohanlal or Mamooty. Survey says? The man to the right, Mohanlal. I found myself wondering, “Sheesh…ARE there other mallu phillum actors besides those two??”

Browsing through the pictorial essay taught me that Manoj K Jayan (Anandabhadram), Dileep (Chaandupottu) and Suresh Gopi (Bharat Chandran IPS) also act in the sort of films my Aunt and Uncle sigh over as they eat their kappa and karrimeen (washed down with kappi, natch). I don’t join in, mostly because I hate kappa and meen. 😉

Perusing all this coconut-flavored photography, all I could notice was moustaches. Malayalee men are devoted to them and I was actually shocked when I noticed that one of the men pictured (Jayan) did NOT have one. It weirds me out as I pause and grok that I NEVER saw my father without a meesha. Same with the majority of my uncles. Meanwhile, I loathe facial hair, goatees included. No wonder I’m not married. 😉 Well, it’s either that or because I’m on the wrong team. Continue reading →

55Friday: The “New Years Day” Edition

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The next time I prattle on about orgies, nanofiction and Fridays, there will be a “six” marking the days of our lives instead of a “five”. 🙂 I didn’t know what would happen the first time I posted about daring to write short-shorts; I certainly had no expectation that fiction-filled Fridays would become a much-loved tradition here at the Mutiny. Now, I can’t imagine an SM without tiny stories, each exactly 55 words in length.

Thank you for writing so regularly, so publicly, so generously. You have become some of my favorite authors, and reading your creations is something I look forward to all week long. For those of you who lurk, doubt or hesitate…make one of your resolutions a promise to yourself that you will write. Almost everyone I know lists “write a novel” when answering one of those silly numbered/question-riddled memes, specifically when asked about “things you’d like to accomplish eventually”. Baby steps. Fifty-five of them. You can do it, we’ll be thrilled to watch you try.

Happy New Year, writers. 🙂 Continue reading →

Beebful of Russell

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Here’s yet another Russell Peters comedy clip. A thinner Peters makes an appearance on the Beeb and does a shout-out to Meera Syal, who’s sitting in the front row.

Madhuri Dixit and Vinod Khanna in Dayavaan

You’ve probably heard most of the material before, but there’s a cute joke about what porn would be like if it conformed to the standards of Bollywood censors. Contrary to popular belief, there have been oodles of smooches in Bollywood films, including by the faux-virginal Rai, and even some toplessness.

Way back in 1933, Devika Rani shocked people with her lingering kiss with Himanshu Rai in Karma. [Link]

… [Dimple Kapadia] created as big a splash with her comeback in Saagar when she flashed her exposed breasts to the camera for a few quick frames… a shocking first for a mainstream actress in a Bollywood film. [Link]

Mrs. Kapadia presents! This gallery of kisses through Bollywood history is way too rrro-man-tik to be saved for V Day.

For readers of different suasion, try Dosti: Friends Forever (trailer). Bobby Deol and Akshay Kumar gaze deeply into each other’s eyes, vowing eternal love and loyalty… on motorcycles. They were trying for ‘Yeh Dosti’ from Sholay, with Deol as the younger Dharmendra. What they got instead was Brokeback Hillstation. A film culture which only mentions gays when ridiculing them, affords lots of room for hot hetero phrendship.

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Long overdue

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A great many tipsters are informing us that People Magazine has included an Indian American as one of its Sexiest Men Alive. Yeah, he’s half Indian and he is “sexy.” So what, I say? That doesn’t really seem that blog-worthy to me. However, what eventually convinced me as to the importance of getting this story out to the people isn’t the fact that he is representing Indian Americans, but rather that he is a proxy for the previously unacknowledged sexiness of all geologists in the Earth and Space Sciences Departments of schools in the University of California system. Meet Michael Manga:

People magazine has featured a geophysicist of Indian origin alongside the likes of U2 frontman Bono in the ‘Smart Guys’ section of its ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ issue.

Michael Manga, a 37-year-old geology professor of UC Berkeley, who won the $500,000 MacArthur ‘genius’ grant earlier in 2005, shares pages with stars like Matthew McConaughey, Matt Damon, Jake Gyllenhaal and Orlando Bloom among others.

“My first inclination, of course, was to say no, because that’s not how I perceive myself,” Manga, father of two boys, said. “But it is a way to let people know about science and that it is OK to be a scientist.” [link]

I think it is a particularly sad commentary on the decadence of our culture that it has taken THIS long to point out that there are in fact “sexy” Indian geologists that deserve to share the same page as Bono.

Manga was one of only two men in academia admitted to the ranks of America’s dreamiest dudes. “That’s why I agreed to do this,” he explains.

“I wanted to get information out to people who wouldn’t normally hear or see anything about science.”

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55Friday: The “All I Want for Christmas is You” Edition

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And you. And you. And definitely YOU. Those of you who’ve viewed 2003’s sublime “Love Actually” will know exactly who I’m imitating, as I inaugurate this week’s nanofiction orgy.

Speaking of imitation, I’m still marinating in the afterglow of last week’s tryst with wit and creativity, when you, ahem, “emulated” other sepiates. One of you made me laugh out loud, the first time a bit of flash fiction has ever accomplished THAT rare result. Which one of you, you wonder? Why, a lady never tells. 😉

I will let you know that it was one of the three outstanding flashes of fiction below:

I have just completed downloading all the Sepia RSS feeds from past Nano-55 orgies into a central database. Upon regressing the frequency of posting comments/nano-fiction against Anna’s time-to-post (measured in hours-past-Friday-00hrs), it can be easily seen that as winter progresses, Anna feels like staying in bed longer, confirming our genetic propensity to hibernate. [DDiA]
Now, I think you’ll find I explained this in my articles on Sulekha HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE. It seems clear to me that poor, working class people should really stop complaining. If they canÂ’t work their way out of poverty, expel them from these compassionate American shores! They should learn from Hindus. [Bongsie]
I was with my girlfriend last night (stop sniggering), and we were chatting about whether certain desi morsels (cut it out) translate effectively to a Western audience. For example, do people like their lassi “sweet” or “salty” (careful now); or, if paan went mainstream, if they would prefer to spit or swallow after they’d finished. [Jai Singh]

Brilliant. 🙂

This week? Get in the Chrismukkah spirit, whatever that means to you. To me, it means wishing you tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy, ohhhhh ti-i-dings of commmmmfort…and joy. Quite predictably, you’ll bring me enormous amounts of joy simply by leaving 55 words of fiction or links to it in the comments below.

Merry everything, y’all, and to y’all a good night. 🙂 Continue reading →

Always dreaming

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Women from the Nicobar Islands have came up with a creative hack for feminine products handed out by Westerners:

Global NGOs brought in thousands of packets of sanitary napkins and distributed them to the Nicobarese tribal women this year. “Our women don’t use sanitary napkins, so they first used them as toilet paper because there was a water crisis in the islands. Then they made pillows out of them…” [Link]

But cultural misunderstandings can cut both ways. I wonder what NGO women think Indian-style pillows are for:

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Introducing the “stealth” headdress

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Are you a traditionally dressed Muslim woman who is simply SICK of being profiled because you choose to cover your head? Are you harassed every time you go to the airport? Well now there is a potential solution to your problems (thanks for tip Vikram). Introducing the Counter-Surveillance Headdress (Click on thumbnails to enlarge):

The purpose of the “Counter-Surveillance Headdress” is to empower the wearer by allowing him/her to claim a moment of privacy.

The design of the headdress borrows from Islamic and Hindu fashion. The reason behind this is to comment on the racial profiling of Arab and Arab-looking citizens that occurred post-9/11. Unfortunately the fear of terrorism led to the targeting of those of non-western decent. Therefore in its design my headdress is a contradiction; meaning although it’s goal is to hide the wearer it would make the wearer a target of heightened surveillance.

The “Counter-Surveillance Headdress” is a laser tikka (forehead ornament) attached to a hooded vest and reflective shawl. The laser is activated by pressing a button enclosed in the left shoulder area of the vest. When pointed directly into a camera lens, the laser creates a burst of light masking the wearer’s face. Additionally the wearer can use the reflective cloth to cover the face and head. The aluminized material protects the wearer by reflecting any infrared radiation and also disguises the wearer by visually reflecting the surroundings, rendering the wearer’s identity anonymous.

Call me crazy but I like the reflective shawl. The woman behind this great idea seems to be one Gloria Sed. Her website contains other examples of utilitarian fasions as well. I know what you are thinking. This could be a great Christmas present.

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