Where can I get…

You’d be surprised at how often we get these kinds of questions come in over our “Contact Line.”

Message:

hey where did you buy the vikash dhorasoo jersey from? i’ve been looking for it everywhere

What do we look like…Google? Someone want to help this dude out? In the meantime I have another item that may interest Vikash Dhorasoo (a.k.a The Great Brown Hope) fans. The official Dhorasoo action figure from his regular team Paris Saint-Germain:

Now I know it may not look exactly like him. The skin color should be darker. But who really cares? A few years ago I actually looked into making bobble-head dolls and action figures of me. I thought, “what a great gift to give to friends.” Who couldn’t use a bobble-head Abhi to kick around? My action figure would have been extra-muscular though. And I’d finally have perfect hair. You have to buy in bulk though and I just don’t have that many friends.

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Why you should be nice to call center workers

This week’s edition of Time Magazine includes a cover story about the world’s next great economic superpower: India (via the News Tab). The cover features a worker from the industry that Americans are most familiar with. She is a representative from the ranks of those much abused call center workers. Similar to Manish’s fine entry, The Anatomy of a genre, I thought I’d take a shot at examing the nuances of this cover picture.

The next time a call center worker calls me about signing up with the Dish Network, I am going to pay a lot more attention…and flirt a little.
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Humpty Dumpty is an Evil Imperialist

humpty dumpty.jpg No, not Dubya — actually the real Humpty Dumpty, who has been banned from government schools in the state of Madhya Pradesh. According to the BBC:

The Madhya Pradesh government has banned the teaching of English nursery rhymes in primary schools to “reduce Western influence” on children.

Indian rhymes will now replace their popular English counterparts.

“There is no need for English rhymes when there are Indian rhymes to infuse patriotism in children,” says state education minister Narrotam Mishra.

He has asked government primary schools from now on to teach Indian rhymes and tales from the life of Ahilya Bai, the legendary ruler credited with building a number of leading temples in India. (link)

Because obviously, Humpty Dumpty is the Trojan Horse of cultural imperialism. Just think of the infamous lines: “All the king’s horses/ and all the king’s men/ couldn’t put Humpty together again.” They seem to suggest the monarchy is incompetent — making the seemingly innocent nursery rhyme into subversive Leftist agit-prop that criticizes the government.

Incidentally, I wonder why Education Minister Narrotam Mishra didn’t cite the fact that Mr. Dumpty is an egg in his decision to ban the him from schools in MP. Isn’t an egg a feminine entity, and isn’t Humpty Dumpty therefore a female in drag — and consequently in probable violation of sections 294 and 377 of the Indian Penal Code?

(Just kidding, yaar. Still, anyone interested in translating ‘Humpty Dumpty’ into Hindi or other South Asian languages for us? Or even in English: can we desi-fy him so perhaps Mr. Mishra might consider reinstating him? If we get some good ones, I will email them to the MP government. (Hint: Start with “Hum pati / dum pati”) Continue reading

55Friday: “World In Motion” Edition

Oh Laila.jpgEvery four years, the entire world pauses to watch very hot athletes play a game I find irresistible. We could get all armchair (or, more likely, office chair) psychologist on my kundi and consider that Soccer was the only sport my august father ever played, but it’s also the only sport I ever played.

One glorious summer a few years ago, I decided to sack up and work through all the issues I still had with forever being picked last to do anything in elementary school P.E. I played my heart out four nights a week and I had bruises the size of watermelons on my legs (playing indoors can be brutal) and a permanent ankle injury to show for it. Despite being black, blue and purple in addition to my usual brown, I’ve never been prouder of myself or my resolve to do the impossible: front like I’m actually coordinated.

This Friday, if you are so inclined, write exactly 55 words about: FIFA, footie, Footballers’ Wives (whose most memorable star from this past season was half-desi hotness Laila Rouass, pictured left), soccer camp, Adidas gear…whatever floats your World Cup boat. As always, kindly leave your flash fiction in the comments below or provide a link to where we can find some. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to attend to my mobile; Ennis keeps blowing up my spot with text messages which say “Goooooooooooooaaaaaaaal!” 😀

P.S. If you haven’t been watching Footballers’ Wives on BBC America, you’re so missing out. Laila Rouass plays “Amber”, erstwhile Bollywood star and sort-of-estranged wife of a Beckham-ish “Conrad Gates”. I won’t spoil the rest for you since they recently commenced re-running the entire season on Sunday nights at 10pm and 1am (at least that’s how Comcast does it here in D.C…YMMV, obviously). Watch. You won’t be disappointed. 😉 Continue reading

There’s No Business Like Masala Business

From the News Tab (thanks, Aliya), a link to an article in the New York Daily News: “Bhangra dance workout is a sweaty fitness celebration.” It’s a profile of Sarina Jain, whose “Masala Bhangra” aerobics classes have been mentioned at Sepia Mutiny before. The highlight has to be this passage:

Jain infuses her classes with elements of both Indian and American cultures, alternating shouts of “Balle Balle!” – a Punjabi expression of joy – with very American exclamations of “Sexy arms! Sexy arms!”

The steady beats of Bhangra and shouts of encouragement from Jain keep the energy level up, even as students’ faces get pink.

Jain’s students – women and one man at a recent session at a Manhattan gym — pulse their arms and follow her footwork as she instructs the class using a headset microphone.

“Her enthusiasm is quite infectious,” said Pradyot Dhulipala, a 26-year-old programmer and the only man in the class. Dhulipala said he mentioned Jain’s workout in his blog and got 30 to 40 additional hits that day. (link)

30 to 40 additional hits on his blog, huh? I wonder if we can do a little better: here. Pradyot’s comments on his experience at Masala Bhangra are pretty entertaining, and might bear comparing to Abhi’s own gym obsession: Continue reading

The dark side of gym rats

I self-identify as a gym rat. My body begins to feel ill and lethargic if I go even a week without working out. I have been working out at a gym regularly for the last eleven years. I consider going to the gym an almost spiritual duty. I believe in a personal philosophy that you must keep your body in the best shape you possibly can at all times so that it will be clean and ready if called into service for a greater cause (whatever that might be). I know that might seem silly to a lot of people but I really mean it. It isn’t about vanity. I actually eat four servings of fruits a day also, because being in shape isn’t just about going to the gym but about taking care of your health in general.

When I am at the gym I do not socialize. I only know the first names of one or two people at my gym. I always workout alone, I wear headphones, and 80% of the time I am there I don’t even make eye-contact with anyone. The gym is my “me” time. It is where I meditate on the things bothering me as well as on the things I am happy about. I toss around ideas for blog posts and also consider whether I should ban that one commenter who has been bugging me for months. It is my hour and a half of refuge from the storm outside.

An article published this week at Slate.com has got me reconsidering everything. Far from living a good example, maybe I, and those of you like me, are just a bunch of freaks in the making:

There have been three major terror attacks in the West over the past five years–9/11, the 2004 train bombings in Madrid, and the 7/7 suicide attacks on the London Underground. For all the talk of a radical Islamist conspiracy to topple Western civilization, there are many differences between the men who executed these attacks. The ringleaders of 9/11 were middle-class students; the organizers of the Madrid bombings were mainly immigrants from North Africa; the 7/7 bombers were British citizens, well-liked and respected in their local communities. And interpretations of Islam also varied wildly from one terror cell to another. Mohamed Atta embraced a mystical (and pretty much made-up) version of Islam. For the Madrid attackers, Islam was a kind of comfort blanket. The men behind 7/7 were into community-based Islam, which emphasized being good and resisting a life of decadence.

The three cells appear to have had at least one thing in common, though–their members’ immersion in gym culture. Often, they met and bonded over a workout. If you’ll forgive the pun, they were fitness fanatics. Is there something about today’s preening and narcissistic gym culture that either nurtures terrorists or massages their self-delusions and desires? Mosques, even radical ones, emphasize Muslims’ relationships with others–whether it be God, the ummah (Islamic world), or the local community. The gym, on the other hand, allows individuals to focus myopically on themselves. Perhaps it was there, among the weightlifting and rowing machines, that these Western-based terror cells really set their course. [Link]

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55Friday: The “Love and Marriage” Edition

Spring has long sprung and like several of you, I was at a wedding last weekend. ‘Tis the season for bridal registries, trips out-of-town and getting faded on Black at receptions (via trunk bar or open, natch). Even though it has almost been a week since I saw a priest recite ancient exhortations at the Cathedral of the Incarnation, I’m still very marriage-minded on this Friday. You would be too, if you had been at an Orthodox ceremony; I had several hours to ponder tradition, obligation and tying the knot (both literally and figuratively).

Then there’s the Mutiny’s role in keeping the vedding bells ringing in my head; I had read the “Modern Love” essay penned by Sarita James when it came out, but Amardeep’s post from earlier today prompted me to visit it again, since I knew it would be a hot topic (I predict 300+ comments). It’s mildly amusing to me that the one issue which can bring this entire community together/rouse lurkers from their anonymity/stir up so much drama is marriage. Not politics, not Arundhati, not spelling. Marriage. It’s a testament to how much angst and weirdness we all feel about this rite of passage, that whenever we feature a post like this latest, every F5 will bring you a brand new comment.

While we already had a Friday nanofiction orgy which featured a few 55-word biodatas, I think that the time is right to “go there” again. We haven’t 55’d in a while, might as well get reacquainted via a subject which inspires all of us to say something. As always, you may flash us with fiction about whatever you wish, just be kind enough to leave your words (or a link to them) in the comments below. I know, I usually name our 55Fridays after music I listened to in college, but no wedding reception is official until you’ve played Frank (though to be clear, the couple I just celebrated with danced to U2’s highly awesome “With or Without You”.) What are you waiting for? Nanofiction, already. Continue reading

Live-blogging the 2006 Bee (updated)

Tonight a Spelling Bee champion will be crowned in America. Unlike the Kentucky Derby there is no chance that one of the competitors here will be shot if they come up lame. Most likely. This competition marks the annual pinnacle of Indian American intellectual flexing, and we can almost guarantee a Thomas Friedman op-ed tomorrow.

Tonight we (Indian Americans) make up for all of the incidents where we got picked last in gym class or that one time we didn’t make the high school badminton team because we cut our head open and had to get like a whole bunch of stiches the night before tryouts and were in the emergency room until very late at night and the doctor said that we should stay away from all strenuous physical activity for at least a week but we tried out anyways…and got cut, from the badminton team, which even our other more nerdy friends made it onto.

Throughout the rest of the day please check this post for updates. I might be a little behind some of you during parts of the day but I will hopefully be online for the championship round this evening which will be televised on ABC.

Here are the desi horses in the race starting from Round 4 onwards. This is how it works. If you see a word appear under their picture it means they have been eliminated and should be banished forever from our thoughts. There is an ages old Scottish saying that is quite appropriate here: “There can be only one.”

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Arnold: "Must be a cultural thing"

Recently Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger of California spoke at the 2006 TiEcon conference in front of a large group representing the Indian American business and entrepreneurial community. The conference was held in Silicon Valley and dealt mostly with the intersection of California, business, and Indian Americans. A mash-up clip featuring the highlights of his talk are available on the internet. It is worth seeing (scroll down just a bit on the linked page) especially for the zinger that Schwarzenegger unleashes about a quarter way through the clip when he notices that all of his co-panelists are men. What’s up with that?

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