Category Archives: Humor

Bringing Balance to the Force

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There is much in my life that the Holy Trilogy has taught me. I refer of course to Star Wars (the original, not the unwatchable prequels). As I make my way through this long and often chaotic journey, I know that I can always refer back to it for understanding and comfort in the face of confusion. Of course, as Joseph Campbell pointed out, Star Wars was really just a vehicle for the re-telling of the story of the Hero With a Thousand Faces:

A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man. [Link]

The original Star Wars Trilogy featured Luke Skywalker as the Hero. The prequels featured Anakin/Darth Vader as an anti-hero. All this introduction brings me to the story of Sanjaya Malakar, the 17-year-old singer on American Idol. He is the one. The chosen one that will bring a balance to the force. The light must be completely extinguished and the darkness he represents must reign over us all, before the world can rise up and purge that which he represents once again.

Now, before I continue with my analysis I must state, again, that I don’t watch American Idol. It comes on at the same time as Pussycat Dolls Presents: The Search for the Next Doll, which I watch instead. I wish American Idol contestants were “hot like” the Dolls, but they just aren’t so it is an easy choice. I’m shallow like that.

Some xenophobic theories on the internet claim that the reason Sanjaya is winning is because all the call center workers from India are calling in and voting for him. As if they have nothing better to do (like ummmm…take incoming customer complaints through the night). Such racist filth masquerading as one man’s “theory” undermines what is really happening here. Likewise, pictures such as the one below, although they do make the proper Star Wars connection, miss the mark by thinking of Sanjaya as merely a Sith and not the Sith Lord:

Sanjaya Maul

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Buying your way to Nirvana. One charge at a time.

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Have you guys seen the freaking fantastic new credit cards from VISA (thanks Eleanor)! I don’t know about you guys but I am stoked and mailing in my application as I type this post. Now, by purchasing lots of things on credit, I am actually actively working my way toward enlightenment. CO2 producing gasoline at $2.50 a gallon? Charge it. $100 bar tab? What would Buddha do? The more that the U.S. sinks into debt the more we are actually improving our collective karma. In no time at all we’ll be able to work off that whole Iraq thingy. This is so much more worthwhile than that stupid desi(RED) campaign.

It’s Everywhere you want to be!

Look, just think of it this way. You KNOW that you’ll never be able to redeem your dollars for airline miles. The airlines always screw you on that stuff by making you fly on a Wednesday at midnight. Rather than waste your time with cards that give you miles or cash back, why not use a card that will help save your eternal soul? I’m just sayin’.

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Cricket: Farewell, My Aloo

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…wherein Whose God is it Anyways? inspires a second cricket post in a row!

The Sound of Cricket.JPG

The education of my cricket-ignorant kundi continues; I shall torment you with my progress, much like a toddler rushes back to a parent to exclaim, “I did it in the potty!” Like aforementioned kid, I, too would like a cookie and a pat on the head. Thanks, you’re the best.

So. WGiiA left a comment on my last World Cup post which piqued my kitten-like curiosity:

ok. just got very emotional seeing inzi get out and leave the field for the last time in an ODI. he deserved better circumstances under which to leave. [link]

I immediately assaulted consulted one of my cricket tutors, the one who kindly told me a bedtime story via speakerphone last night which starred Sachin Tendulkar– look, when one runs out of Ambien, one reaches for desperate alternatives– and expressively typed “?” in his GChat window. I didn’t expect to like or care about what I’d learn, but I wanted to find out more nonetheless, if only because I’m a sentimental wench and anyone’s last ____ always makes me a bit verklempt. Continue reading →

Bring Me the Head of Nina the Infidel!

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So, towards the end of my essay on acceptance, a commenter thoughtfully asked me to clarify what I meant by mentioning the fact that Nina Paley had lived in Kerala more recently than I had even visited it. Here’s what I said, which prompted her inquiry:

Nina has been to Kerala far more recently than I have; my last visit was back in the dark ages of 1989. In fact, she lived there, which is something I’ll probably never be able to claim. Who the hell am I or anyone else for that matter, to pull rank over that?

Did Nina’s stay in my parents’ home state give her carte blanche? No, of course it doesn’t. When I said that I wasn’t going to “pull rank”, I meant that I was going to acknowledge that others, even white others, might be more familiar with what everyone expects me to be an expert on, and because of that, I especially loathe the idea of playing the race card, i.e. I am desi, therefore I know more about (and/or get to restrict the unbrown from) my culture. If you read my post, you’ll know that I have a very intimate and poignant reason for why the part I italicized resonates with me.

I appreciate that Nagasai and Amitabh both opened a respectful dialogue about how they feel about Nina’s art but I also am known to be a fan of keeping threads on-topic, so I thought I’d spin this discussion off in to its own separate post, because the issues at play here are fascinating and significant.

What does Nina’s artwork mean to you?

What role does race play in all of this– how many of us would have the same issues we do if her name were Nina Patel vs. Nina Paley?

And how far do these “rules” go? Do some of you have a problem with the fact that I’m writing this post (i.e. that I’m a Christian, commenting on the appropriateness of Hindu imagery in art)? Inquiring and potentially bored mutineers want to know! Continue reading →

Research NOT to conduct with daddy

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For those of you who missed it, there was a groundbreaking study out of Texas last week:

The traditional theory of beauty says that for every man who chases the voluptuous type, such as Jordan or Marilyn Monroe, there is another who prefers to woo a waif such as Twiggy or Kate Moss.

But this and the idea that beauty is subjective and ever-changing has been overturned by Prof Devendra Singh and his daughter Adrian Singh…

The psychologists from the University of Texas today publish research showing that lovestruck men have only one thing on their minds: a woman’s WHR – waist-hip ratio, calculated by dividing waist circumference by that of the hips.

Jordan and Twiggy have something in common: both have waists that are noticeably narrower than their hips and Prof Singh has found evidence this “belle curve” is ingrained in the male brain in his studies of Playboy centrefolds, the ancient Egyptians and tests on men from Africa to the Azores. [Link]

Ok, I know this is science but…eeeww. If I had a daughter I wouldn’t want to be looking through stacks of Playboy magazines with her, even if it was for the good of science (which I normally support). Anecdotally, I know these two have hit upon the correct theory. Just this past weekend I leaned over to a friend and mentioned that I was totally “crushing on that girl’s WHR.”

The team also found the hourglass in ancient literature. Two ancient Indian epics, Mahabharata and Ramayana (first to third century), and Chinese sixth dynastic Palace poetry also link attractiveness with a wasp waist.

Consider, for instance, the description by Chinese writer Xu Ling (507-583): “Beautiful women in the palace of Chu, there were none who did not admire their slender waist; the fair woman of Wei.” Similarly, the Mahabharata contains the description: “accept this slender-waisted damsel for thy spouse…” [Link]
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Cricket: No Play and Yet, He’s Not Salty

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Wot’s this?? Apparently, boycandy Sreesanth will not be part of India’s opening line-up at the World Cup (damn you, Khan, Agarkar and Patel…damn you all!).
My Baby Daddy Sreesanth.jpg

Paceman Shanthakumaran Sreesanth looks likely to miss out on a starting place for the World Cup but said that could be the best thing to happen for him.
…”I like it this way,” he said at a team net practice near Port-of-Spain on Wednesday. “I like to struggle and get something rather than get it easily. I’m sure I will get the opportunity.”[Reuters]

I dig a good chase too, but if my sweet little neyyappam ain’t playin’, suddenly, I am way less inspired to impersonate Mandira Bedi poorly. Many of you might recall that my fling with Cricket commenced with a post which celebrated Sreesanth’s glorious obnoxiousness towards Andre Nel:

After hearing about Mallu hotness Sreesanth (thanks, DTK), I had to visit ye olde YouTube to find out about this right-arm fast-medium-pace bowler, who is a right-handed tailender. Apparently, excessively lippy South African Andre Nel questioned Sreesanth’s heart/courage/skillz after Sreesanth evaded something called a bouncer. Sreesanth responded by hitting Nel for a six and then performing a dance I’d normally associate with an end zone. Oh, that was just brutal to write. I can’t imagine how many men I’ve just annoyed. 😉
I may not know a damned thing about what is arguably the most popular sport in all of South Asia, but I know the art of trash talk well and if anything could get me to fall in love with this very Brown game, it’s the video I’ve posted…[SM, biatches!]

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Purple Reign

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Shilpa and the Queen.jpg

Shilpa Shetty blah blah racism blah reality show winner blah. 😉

…Shilpa was in London to meet Elizabeth II at Commonweath Day on Monday, celebrated at Westminster Abbey.
The actress delivered a speech on — you guessed it — racism.
Shilpa — reportedly wearing an intricate purple velvet Tarun Tahiliani sherwani — curtseyed before the Queen, and then almost slipped in her high heels. Apparently Prince Philip smilingly told her to be careful about the shoes, averting the fall. [linkypoo]

In other news, yesterday, Pakistan should have stuck with spinners, but decided otherwise. 😉

In other other news, Since I don’t talk cricket walk cricket and laugh cricket, I have no clue what the previous statement involving Pakistan means. I’m just shamelessly flirting with all you cricket-fiends.

Finally, for those of you who might be wondering why on earth I posted this if I was obviously sooo not interested in it, it’s really just because I thought sherwanis were for boys and I wanted to consult my kitchen cabinet. Well? Continue reading →

Do You Want to Know What’s Under my Blouse, too? ;)

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my desk.jpg In the kitchen one recent morning…

“Anna! How are you?”

“I’m well Asif, thank you for asking. And you?”

“Ah…busy with _____, but you know how that is.”

“Yes. That’s why I’m caffeinating.”

“What you are drinking?”

“Espresso concentrate and milk.”

“Cold?”

“Yeah. It’s good.”

“Don’t you like tea?”

“I do, but I’m more of a coffee drinker. It’s a South Indian thing.”

“Where your parents are from?”

“Kerala.”

“Where that is?”

“Madras.”

“Ah, Madras. But you were born here.” Continue reading →

Hari the Comic on Kimmel (UPDATE: Kimmel Clip Found!)

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A friend emailed me over the weekend, notifying me that desi stand-up comedian Hari Kondabolu was going to appear to on Jimmy Kimmel on Monday, February 19. Unfortunately, I was out of town and didn’t get to check my email in time (drat!) so I missed the whole thing. And I’ve been scouring the internet since then, trying to find the clip for this post but I have yet to find it. (If anyone can point me to it, I’ll upload it here.)

UPDATE: My friend emailed Hari and asked him for the clip, and he was nice enough to send it to her. Here you go. I love it!

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