Any email which has Bowmp chika bowmp bowmp-Zindabad! for a subject line is guaranteed to be a good time. SM Reader “HappyNoNoPlace” didn’t disappoint with the content [Via TOI]:

Indians have emerged the third busiest love-makers in the world, with the most exciting and satisfied sex lives much like the Nigerians and Mexicans, who took first and second respectively in a global survey.

w00t team brown!! We’re number three! We’re number three! Wait a second…I’m remembering something. Oh, yes…this one time, when I was in high school, my father said, “Third? There’s a trophy for third? Third place means YOU LOST”, after a speech and debate tournament. What a halcyon childhood.

According to the Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey, Indians have also emerged the most expressive lovers than most of their global counterparts while the Chinese made the shyest lovers.

Noooo, that’s incorrect and one swiffer of a sweeping generalization. You see, it’s just the Bengalis and Malayalees who can’t shut up. Ever.

Indians came third on the sex index with 61% of the respondents saying they were fully satisfied with their sex lives. Nigerians were the most satisfied at 67%, followed by Mexicans at 63%. Japanese at 15% are the least sexually fulfilled.

How is that final fact possible, when this fantastic thing exists [NSFW]?

The survey also indicated that nearly 74% of Indians don’t hesitate to tell their partners about their preferences in bed. The Chinese, on the contrary, emerged the coyest in the bedroom — as 44 per cent do not talk with partners on how they feel and what they like in bed.

Now if the following is not considered “synchronicity”, I don’t know what can be– last night’s rerun of SATC was the episode wherein Miranda is nonplussed by her special friend’s constant request that she be more vocal. Maybe the Chinese are like, the Mirandas of the world. Omigosh, they could all get that stupid tank top which states, “I’m a Miranda!”

The survey further showed that nearly 68% of Indians find their love lives stimulating, which is again higher as compared to 38% for English lovers and 36% for those living in France.

Again, I think this study is flawed. You see, the French cultivate that impressive ennui like it’s a cherished Kari Patta/Kari Bevu/Limda/Karivepaku/Karuveppila plant. Silly Durex! They should have probed more deeply.

In the sex frequency category, Indians again stood third, with 53% saying that they had sex as frequently and as often as they liked, trailing behind Nigeria and Mexico, with 58 and 56%.

Who says the news is always negative? More than half of India is gettin’ some. Isn’t that a happy way to start your weekend? Go forth, my brown brothers and sisters! Let us celebrate our third place standing (if that’s what works for you)! Continue reading →

Periodically, we see stories about how folks in India involved in the global economy are taking accent classes to work on their English accents. Thomas Friedman wrote about the accent training many call-center workers undergo in The World is Flat. And today there was a typically fluffy piece in The Times of India about people who work on “regional” accent-training within India.

But it seems to me there hasn’t been enough coverage of accent problems that go the other way around. Watching Aliens in America the other night, it occurred to me that ABD actors and comedians who play immigrants in comic roles in Hollywood sometimes need their own accent training. You wouldn’t expect it, but most ABDs can’t really do a perfect Indian English accent. It’s either overdone (too musical), or inconsistent (those American ‘D’ and ‘T’ sounds creep in at telltale moments, as do those flat American ‘A’ and ‘E’ sounds) — or both. Adhir Kalyan doesn’t have many obvious flaws, though in my view something isn’t quite right with his accent (check it out at 1:45-2:00 in this clip). Kal Penn’s “Taj Mahal Badalandabad” character in Van Wilder has an accent that I find more convincing (see this clip), and it becomes funny when he says things that are particularly obscene or outrageous (as he does in that somewhat NSFW clip). And Russel Peters is quite good — accents are his particular strength. But there’s a host of lesser-known actors and stand-up comedians in parentally-financed movies like American Desi (and its various clones and imitations), who sound like they learned their Indian accents from Apu on The Simpsons, rather than real Indians.

Somehow Brit-Asian actors don’t seem to have this problem. The accents on Goodness Gracious Me and The Kumars at No. 42 always sound perfect to me. Why is that?

At any rate, I’m hereby calling for an accent-accentuation school for aspiring ABD actors and comedians trying to get a break in Hollywood. The staff, incidentally, will be entirely composed of Indian call center workers fired because their accents were too thick (or indeed, too regional). Classes will be held exclusively via videoconference (the instructors, of course, will all be based in India). Continue reading →