Author Archives: Ennis Singh Mutinywale

Be bold if you want to succeed

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You may have heard that recently a desi furniture retailer in Toronto got into a bit of hot water for selling a sofa with the tag shown below to a black family (Candians of Ghanaian origin). As paragons of racial sensitivity and spin, we thought Sepia Mutiny should offer some public relations advice to our Canadian brethren.

1. Respond to the customer’s complaints right away

The day after the discovery was made, Moore says that she called Vanaik Furniture and Mattress store, where the purchase was made, to address the issue. But her phone call was unreturned. At least three other calls were made to the store. Those were unreturned as well. [Link]

Don’t make the customer chase you, it looks bad. And don’t leave the sofa with a customer who is offended by it. Instead, offer to take the sofa back right away. Remember, this is one of your best selling pieces of furniture and you can charge a notoriety premium if you auction it on eBay. Put the tag proudly on display and sell it to the highest bidder. The only color that matters is green.

2. The best defense is a good offense

Your response thus far has been to pass the buck, which is OK for a start. So Romesh Vanaik, owner of Vanaik Furniture, blamed his supplier, Paul Kumar of Cosmos Furniture, who blamed the Chinese manufacturer, who blamed the company that made the auto-translation software, which blamed the out of date dictionary it was using [Link].

You really should go a lot further, though, and seize the initiative. Mount a press conference, stating that you are gravely offended that the Chinese have wrongly appropriated this term when they should have used “Macaca Brown” or “In need of Fair-and-Lovely Brown” instead. Use this press conference as an opportunity to announce your new dining sets, offered in Chinky Yellow, Redneck Pink and Lazy Injun Red.

3. Never plead ignorance, it makes you look weak.

Romesh Vanaik, owner of Vanaik Furniture … added that he had not known the meaning of the N-word. “It’s amazing. I’ve been here since 1972 and I never knew the meaning of this word,” said Vanaik, a native of India. [Link]

Big mistake. Ignorance is no excuse and who will ever believe you’ve been in Canada for 30 years without knowing what that word means? Instead, advertise your racial behavior proudly. Tell them that it doesn’t matter when a macaca does it, since we’re not white we can’t be racist! Furthermore, point out that this is proud part of Indian culture. Then announce a “West Indian week” where all the workers show up in blackface, just like in this Indian TV show [via UB]:

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Paulose? Puh-leaze

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One of the two major keynote speakers at this year’s NASABA conference in San Francisco is going to be Rachel K. Paulose, United States Attorney for the District of Minnesota [Thanks Maisnon]. Yes, that Rachel Paulose.

On the one hand, this makes sense – she’s a very prominent desi legal figure. As we said before, at age 33 she is:

the youngest serving U.S. Attorney, the first woman to hold that position in Minnesota and the first U.S. Attorney of South Asian descent. [Link]

So of course she’d make a great keynote speaker. The other speaker will be Kamala D. Harris, the District Attorney of San Francisco, so Paulose is the bigger fish of the two.

Then again, there has been a lot of controversy around her. Since our last post about her, which dealt with her credentials and swearing-in ceremony, a number of other problems have cropped up, including an unprecedented vote of no confidence from her subordinates who demoted themselves rather than work for her:

On April 5, 2007, three of her top administrators — First Assistant U.S. Attorney John Marti, second in command; civil division head Erika Monzangue and criminal division head James Lackner — voluntarily resigned those positions, reverting to simple assistant U.S. attorney status, reportedly in protest over Paulose’s management style. [Link]

This is very highly unusual since the key people in her office took a rank and pay cut both to avoid working directly under her. It’s strange enough that the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee may even investigate.

And just recently, to top it all off, the Republican Senator from Minnesota, Sen. Norm Coleman, has done a 180 in terms of his support for her. Whereas earlier he took credit for her nomination, now his office is claiming that the Senator never nominated her at all.

Paulose is clearly a hot potato, which should make for a lively convention. If anybody is going, let us know if she gets asked anything interesting when she speaks, OK?

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Wet below but Suni above

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Monday was Patriot’s day, the date of the annual Boston Marathon. While the streets of Boston were wet, the most famous desi entrant was shielded from inclement weather in her special climate controlled gym. While some had to pound hard pavement, she ran the marathon many times higher than a kite, floating on air. And while it took her 4 hours and 24 minutes to cover the 26 miles, in that same time she circled the globe twice.

I refer here to Sunita Williams, of course, who unofficially ran the marathon with bib 14,000. Although she was spared Heartbreak Hill, her race wasn’t just a walk in the park. In order to complete the run she had to be harnessed in place (so she didn’t just float away) on top of the Space Station’s Treadmill Vibration Isolation System, which, believe it or not, served to keep the space station steady while she ran:

you know when you run on the ground or on a treadmill at the gym, you are stomping on the ground/treadmill pretty hard – right? Well, the ISS can’t really take that stomping around. We’ve got huge solar arrays, radiators, module attachment systems, etc., which will feel the load of that stomping… The engineers came up with a vibration isolation system for both the treadmill and the cycle. The treadmill rides on a gyro which spins up and takes the loads of the runner. [Link]

This apparently isn’t easy on her body:

“That harness gets hard on her back and her shoulders or her hips …. Her foot was going numb because the strap was on her hip so much…” [Link]

But honestly, the hardest part of this experience would seem to be the inability to bathe or shower afterwards:

… astronauts wash their hair with no-rinse shampoo, their bodies with cleanser-soaked gauzy fabric, and their hands with baby wipes. [Link]

Wow. And she’s not going to be able to shower until she returns to earth, at the end of summer at the earliest. I guess the good news is that they won’t be able to smell the atomized wasabi any more.

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Same tired racist script

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Sadly, this pattern of looking to attribute motivation to the characteristics of a particular ethnic / religious group goes waaaaay back [Thanks Saheli]. While today’s attack in Virginia is the worst ever school shooting incident in US history, it is not the worst ever school killing. That bloody honor belongs to an incident almost 80 years ago, involving a suicide bomber and victims in elementary school:

The Bath School disaster was a series of bombings in Bath Township, Michigan, USA, on May 18, 1927, which killed 45 people and injured 58. Most of the victims were children in second to sixth grades attending the Bath Consolidated School. The bombings constituted the deadliest act of mass murder in a school in U.S. history. [Link]

The killer planned his attack very carefully for at least a year. Hundreds of pounds of explosive denoted but luckily enough an additional 500 pounds of explosive did not, thus limiting the damage. The terrorist filled his vehicle full of shrapnel and then detonated it, with himself inside, killing the school superintendent and some of the rescuers who had started to gather.

The killer was a school board member who blamed his financial problems on taxes levied to pay for the new school. The KKK spun this in a religious direction, saying that Catholics were opposed to paying for secular schools since it was against their religious beliefs. They provided multiple quotes from Catholic authorities strongly opposing “Protestant or godless schools” as evidence that Catholics thought that public schools were a tool of Satan (I give only two):

These forty-five lives were sacrificed to satisfy the lust of a shrewd mind, poisoned by intolerant, religious dogma. It is a self-evident fact that the Roman Catholic church, from the moment of birth, assumes the self-appointed duty of shaping and developing the mind of the Catholic born child… as the following quotations will show:

“We don’t want to be taxed for Protestant or godless schools. Let the Public School system go to where it came from – the Devil.” – Freeman’s Journal. (Catholic).

“The children of the Public Schools turn out … well versed in the schemes of deviltry… Catholics stand before the country as the enemies of the Public Schools” [Link]

Sound like a familiar tactic? They also produced quotes arguing that according to Catholic doctrine, the children at school were heretics and gave a quote from a priest in New York where he said:

“Heretics should be put to death and that if the Catholic church was strong enough, the Catholic people would hinder even by death, the spread of such error among the people.” [Link]

You see how the game is played? Nobody would believe it about white Catholics today, but they would believe it about brown Muslims. Same game, different players, and people just keep falling for it again and again.

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Tartan and Turban

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It’s not just Good Friday today, it’s also National Tartan Day so greetings and felicitations to all you national tarts out there.

I’ve been waiting for this day all year, and have managed to store up a large number of desi angles for this story, most of which, oddly enough are Sikh. The bagpiper at right is easy enough to explain – bagpipes came with the British army all over the world. It’s just a great image, as is this.

But the connections go far deeper than just bagpipes. For example, there is actually a Sikh Laird in Scotland, Baron Sirdar Iqbal Singh, who commissioned his own family tartan:

Mr. Singh, 67, who lives in Little Castle, a turreted Elizabethan mansion in Lesmahagow, South Lanarkshire, and holds the title Lord of Butley Manor, Suffolk, said … “I remember thinking ‘I’m in Scotland, so why not have my own tartan?'”

The new plaid, which is on display at Paisley Museum, incorporates the Singh family colour of blue, yellow for peace, green to represent the landed gentry and red as a tribute to Gertrude, his Swiss wife. [Link]

Here is the plaid as registered with the Scottish Tartans Society.

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Las Drogas

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This week NPR has been running a series on the “War against Meth ” as part of Morning Edition. These stories state that new laws restricting the retail sale of Sudafed — the same laws that gave birth to the “Operation Meth Merchant” prosecutions (see 1, 2, 3, 4) — have have been effective and meth production has drastically plummeted. With 44 states restricting the sale of various meth precursors, and a new federal law on the books:

The impact on meth labs was swift and dramatic, especially in the Midwest, where meth makers were especially prolific. Meth lab seizures are down 55 percent in Missouri, 73 percent in Iowa and Kansas and 88 percent in Nebraska [Link]

However, with a decline in domestic meth production has come an increase in imports of more dangerous crystal meth from Mexico:

Meth seizures at California’s ports of entry rose 40 percent in the last year, according to U.S. Customs and Border Protection. Meth seizures at the border at El Paso, Texas, jumped 479 percent since 2002. [Link]

The Mexican government recently recovered more than $205 million from a safe house in Mexico City as part of a crackdown. Interestingly enough, they found the safe house while trying after busting a company importing pseudoephedrine … from India:

Prosecutors said the raid was part of an investigation into a pharmaceutical company suspected of importing chemicals to make the drugs from India. The investigation began with the seizure of 19.5 metric tons of pseudoephedrine in the Mexican port of Lazaro Cardenas, they said. [Link]

<

p>So US cops are blaming Indians for supplying American meth producers and Mexican cops are blaming Indians for supplying Mexican meth producers. We’re lucky that in Canada they’re just blaming Indians for bhang.

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The proto-Gogol?

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[Warning: Spoilers!]

People who feel that The Namesake was too unrealistic might have to reconsider now that the “real” Gogol has emerged [via UB]. Vishaan Chakrabarti is a New York City architect. His father was a Professor (at Harvard, the book was set in Boston unlike the movie) and his mother a librarian who became a classical Indian singer. And yes, he had a nickname that he disliked enough that he legally changed his name while in college.

The Namesake’s Namesake?

Chakrabarti … has good reason to believe he’s the inspiration for Gogol, the protagonist of Jhumpa Lahiri’s novel (Kal Penn’s role in the movie). “Maybe it’s just coincidence that nine-tenths of the book is the same as my life,” he says, “but it was my friends who pointed it out. Anyone who knew me well saw the similarity immediately.” [Link]

[NOTE: Chakrabarti wasn’t trying to grab the headlines, a friend of his told NYMag, which then contacted him to inquire further.]

He met Jhumpa because, in real life, she was the proto-Moushumi figure:

He dates non-Indian women, to his parents’ chagrin, and, after his father’s death, shaves his head and lets his mother set him up for the first time with an Indian girl–which is how Chakrabarti met Lahiri. [Link]

However, as Chakrabarti himself points out, there was no grand drama between them, just a set-up that went nowhere:

Chakrabarti … does note many differences between himself and Gogol. Most important, he and Lahiri dated only briefly, not getting hitched and divorced, as in the book. Chakrabarti, who’s now married, says they simply never hit it off. [Link]

In fact, neither of them married Bengalis. I guess just being Bengali wasn’t enough . Continue reading →

More Mature Macaca Molested Montessori Minor

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The jury has returned in the Lina Sinha case, the now 40 year old former Principal of the Montessori School of New York. The verdict? Guilty.

The former principal of a Manhattan private school was convicted yesterday of having sex with one of her students in a classroom when he was about 13 and she was about 30. The jury deadlocked on charges that the principal… also had sex with a second student about five years after she seduced the first boy. [Link]

There’s actually a ton of desiness in here. Prosecutors brought up the fact that she lived with her parents to depict her as a sheltered woman, hence her interest in much younger guys:

Prosecutors portrayed Ms. Sinha as a sheltered woman who lived with her parents in the town house housing the school, which her family owned, until she was in her late 30s. [Link]

How did she live with her parents in the building the school was set in? Simple. They own the school. She not only lived with mom and dad, but she worked in the family business as well:

Sinha has been a teacher for 16 years at the Montessori International School of New York, which was established by her parents in 1969 … The parents own two similar schools in the city. [Link]

Interestingly, reviews of the school are very harsh and negative, particularly on the family owned aspect (to be fair, these were written after the scandal broke and may not be accurate):

It is a completely creepy school. It is family-run, and there seems to be absolutely no accountability. Parents are discouraged from being involved with the school and the teachers; it’s unclear what the teachers’ credentials are… we were quite traumatized by the school. The graduates of the school … seem to be brainwashed, as if all their personality had been bled out of them — it is very very strange. [Link]
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The Supremes and Arranged Marriage

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The Supreme Court has been asked to overturn a case arguing that under certain circumstances the fear of an abusive arranged marriage can be grounds for asylum.

The plaintiff’s request for asylum granted on appeal by the Second Circuit which argued that where forced marriages are valid and backed by law, the plaintiff “might well be persecuted in China – in the form of lifelong, involuntary marriage.”

The government is now asking the Supremes to overturn this verdict because they are afraid it would make America a haven for women fleeing abusive forced marriages. To be fair, they’re saying this is a decision that should be taken by Congress, and not the courts, but they also warn that this could lead to a flood of women in arranged marriages applying for asylum.

At the center of the case is a woman from China, not India:

At age 19, Gao was sold by her mother for the equivalent of $2,200 to become the wife of a man in her home village who, Gao says, will physically abuse her. [Link]

She was granted asylum by the appeals court, which extended the grounds under which one could traditionally apply for asylum:Approximately 60% of marriages worldwide are arranged

To qualify, an individual must show a well-founded fear of persecution on account of race, religion, nationality, membership in a particular social group, or political opinion.

In most cases, the persecution is meted out by a government. But the Second Circuit said in the Gao case that persecution could also stem from a personal relationship in combination with government-enforced customs.

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This will never sell in Thirunelveli

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In an earlier thread, reader Sadaiyappan reminds us of the reverence with which many cultures in India regard paper and books:

Ok, I’m a tamil. Tamils were raised to respect paper because you get education through paper and all legal documents are of paper, if my foot accidentally touches a paper, I must touch the paper with my hands and then touch my eyes much like I am praying / being blessed. So we are not supposed to use paper to wipe our ass because it is disrespectfull to the paper… [Link]

Sheep poo paper, complete with flecks!

Here’s a question though – how would traditional desis deal with paper made from animal dung?
The Elephant Poo Poo Paper company makes stationery and related goods out of dried, odorless elephant shit:

We can make about 25 large sheets of paper from a single piece (or turd) of elephant poo poo!!! That translates into about 10 standard sized journals including the front and back covers! Neat, huh!?!?!?… [Link]

There is also paper made from Moose Droppings (site in Swedish), Sheep Droppings, and even Panda droppings. Yeah, I can’t see this going over in India at all …

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