The standard opening line

The standard opening line for a desi comedian in the U.S. is to get up and tell people s/he’s desi. You don’t see black comedians getting up and saying, ‘Hi, my name is David, and I’m black.’ They can see you, they can see your name, it’s a given.

And the standard first joke is a desi joke so lame that even Hollywood wouldn’t touch it today. Here’s comedian Rahul Siddharth’s opening joke at a NYC show (watch clip):

‘Papa, are we really Indian? How can you be so sure?’

[In horrible Indian accent] ‘[Because] your mother wears a red dot, and I sound like a Muppet!’

I’m all for supporting the brothas, but how about the brothas supporting us? If that’s your kind of humor, he’s doing a show tonight, and please don’t come near me

In all fairness, a friend of mine says the rest of the show is pretty good. It’s just that once I choke on an appetizer, I don’t stay for dessert.

Related posts: Veezher, Russell Peters strikes again, Russell Peters show online, Paul Varghese delivers on ‘Last Comic Standing’: God’s own comedy, God’s own comedy

Rahul Siddhartha and Vijai Nathan, ‘Don’t Tell Mamas,’ Friday, Feb. 3, 8pm, 343 W. 46th St., Manhattan, $20

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Why does the Philippines dislike India? (updated)

A new BBC World poll says that people in the Philippines, South Korea, France, Finland and Brazil think India is a negative influence on the world (via Style Station). Pakistan was not polled. On the other hand, Iran, Afghanistan, Sri Lanka, the UK and Russia rate India highly. Saudi Arabia, Turkey and the African countries polled are most neutral about India, while Sri Lanka and India are most neutral about the U.S.

Though India’s global profile has grown significantly over the last year, it fails to elicit strong feelings… The exceptions are two Muslim countries with positive views: Iran (71% positive) and Afghanistan (59% positive). The only country with widespread negative views is the Philippines (57% negative). Notably, India’s small neighbor Sri Lanka has a mere 4 percent reporting negative views and a robust 49 percent expressing a positive one.

Europeans are divided about India. At the positive end of the spectrum is Great Britain (49% positive, 30% negative) and Russia (47% positive, 10% negative), while at the other end are France and Finland–both being 27 percent positive and 44 percent negative. The US leans slightly positively (39% positive, 35% negative). [Link]

India has the strange distinction of being most loved by the most hated, Iran. Forty-three percent of the Indians polled seemed only lukewarm about their own country:

Interestingly, Indians themselves are the most tepid or modest in their self-estimates. While in most countries a large majority give their country a positive rating, among Indians only 47 percent give India a positive rating, but only 10 percent give it a negative rating. [Link]

The Philippines and Brazil are economic competitors of India. The others are more puzzling: South Korea is an economic partner, France has long-standing cultural ties to India, and the Finns might enjoy the weather

Globally, the most disliked countries are Iran, the U.S. and Russia. The African countries polled and some where the U.S. assisted against political repression (Poland, Afghanistan) are the most appreciative of the U.S.

Style Station points out that the sample sizes (and, for that matter, the methodologies) vary widely across countries, so take the poll with a grain of salt. Continue reading

South Asia in the State of the Union

As you know, Dubya gave his State of the Union address on Tuesday. Here are all mentions of India and Pakistan in State of the Unions dating back to 1947*.

It’s interesting to see how the themes shift and how U.S. presidents viewed the subcontinent. Clinton, for example, injected artificial balance by only mentioning India and Pakistan together. Dubya has made electoral hay out of Pakistan and terrorism, but this year marks the first time a U.S. president has mentioned India as an economic competitor in this annual address. Carter and Johnson viewed the subcontinent primarily through the lens of poverty. Kennedy linked China’s invasion of India with the Bay of Pigs via the red scare. Eisenhower seemed to think of Pakistan as part of the Middle East.

Perhaps most tellingly, the year after Indian and Pakistani independence from the same colonial power the U.S. jilted, Truman made no mention of that momentous fissure. Maybe it made an ally look bad.

Year President Excerpt Theme
2006 Bush Jr.
In a dynamic world economy, we are seeing new competitors, like China and India, and this creates uncertainty, which makes it easier to feed people’s fears. [Link]

Outsourcing

2005 Bush Jr.
Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and nine other countries have captured or detained al Qaeda terrorists. [Link]
Terrorism

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The end of an era

R.I.P. Loews State

The Loews State cinema, the last cinema on Broadway and the biggest Bollywood theater in Manhattan, closed last Friday, a victim of the AMC-Loews merger. This Times Square theater was so central that it showed up in movies ranging from Kal Ho Naa Ho to Phone Booth. As far as I know, the much smaller ImaginAsian is now the only theater on the island regularly playing Bollywood flicks. Where will I go to get my regular phixx?

I loved and hated you, my State. From playing telephone with the non-Hindi-speaking ticket window to watching tripe masquerading as film, you brought me the best and the worst on giant screens. You brought me up with Parineeta and down with Deewane Huye Paagal, up with Mangal Pandey / The Rising and down with Bluff Master; you brought me sold-out crowds (for Pandey) and a hall to myself (for everything else). Not three weeks ago, I ran backward down your escalator to retrieve a scarf and met two cuties doing the same. In recent years you were a second-run theater, but watching desi flicks at the center of the world was its own distinct thrill. And your location in the Virgin Megastore was so Bolly-apropos

When I lived in S.F., a friend of mine hosted stylish, witty desi parties for the mid-20s to mid-30s set. She had a baby, the parties stopped, and everyone felt the loss. Some things are as much community services as profit-making ventures. The Bollyrun at the Loews State was such a creature.

Fifty years ago, the neighborhood was the world’s largest showcase for cinema — the area housed over a dozen grand movie palaces, including the Paramount, Roxy, Capitol, Strand, Warner, Rivoli and the National. In late 2004, the Loews Astor Place closed on 44th Street (it is now a concert venue, the Nokia Theatre), and a few years before, the area lost the Embassy two-plex and the Criterion Center. Much of the blame can be laid at the feet of increased rents for commercial space, the recent AMC-Loews merger, and the flourishing new multiplexes on 42nd Street near Port Authority, the AMC Empire 25 and the Loews E-Walk. [Link – NSFW]

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The profiling myth, part 2

NYC police chief Ray Kelly agrees that racial profiling is trivially defeated by terrorists and too dangerous to rely on:‘I think profiling is just nuts’

— NYC police chief
Ray Kelly

“If you look at the London bombings, you have three British citizens of Pakistani descent. You have Germaine Lindsay, who is Jamaican. You have the next crew, on July 21st, who are East African. You have a Chechen woman in Moscow in early 2004 who blows herself up in the subway station. So whom do you profile? Look at New York City. Forty percent of New Yorkers are born outside the country… Who am I supposed to profile?… Could a terrorist dress up as a Hasidic Jew and walk into the subway, and not be profiled? Yes. I think profiling is just nuts.” [Link]

The author of this New Yorker piece, Malcolm Gladwell, explains that a racial profile fails against an adaptive foe:

… what the jihadis seemed to have done in London [was that] they switched to East Africans because the scrutiny of young Arab and Pakistani men grew too intense. It doesn’t work to generalize about a relationship between a category and a trait when that relationship isn’t stable–or when the act of generalizing may itself change the basis of the generalization. [Link]

Kelly had previously eliminated ineffective profiling in the U.S. Customs Service:

… he overhauled the criteria that border-control officers use to identify and search suspected smugglers. There had been a list of forty-three suspicious traits. He replaced it with a list of six broad criteria. Is there something suspicious about their physical appearance? Are they nervous? Is there specific intelligence targeting this person? Does the drug-sniffing dog raise an alarm? Is there something amiss in their paperwork or explanations? Has contraband been found that implicates this person?

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TODAY: Kiran Desai reading

SAJA and the Rubin Museum of Art present
Kiran Desai reading from The Inheritance of Loss
Today, Wednesday, February 1 at 7pm
(how’s that for notice?)

Rubin Museum of Art
150 West 17th St. between 6th/7th Aves., Manhattan [map]
$11 / $5 SAJA members
(includes admission to the museum of Himalayan art)

The novel wears the tricolor on its sleeve and savages wealthy immigrant privilege:

The Indian student bringing back a bright blonde, pretending it was nothing, trying to be easy, but every molecule tense and self-conscious: “Come on, yaar, love has no color…” He had just happened to stumble into the stereotype; he was the genuine thing that just happened to be the cliché…

Behind him a pair of Indian girls made vomity faces.

And yet she lives in…

Kiran Desai was born in India in 1971. Educated in India, England, and the United States, she received her MFA from Columbia. She lives in Brooklyn.

Related posts: The tree groom, ‘The Inheritance of Loss’

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The tortoise and the hare

A business professor at MIT Sloan argues in the Financial Times that India is economically underrated. Yasheng Huang sounds a clarion call for China to relax its financial controls:

Rama vs. dragon? Cake.
But Rama vs. Chuck Norris…

From April to June 2005, India’s GDP grew at 8.1 per cent, compared with 7.6 per cent in the same period the year before. More impressively, India is achieving this result with just half of China’s level of domestic investment in new factories and equipment, and only 10 per cent of China’s foreign direct investment…

… in 2003 and 2004, [China] was investing close to 50 per cent of its GDP in domestic plant and equipment – roughly equivalent to India’s entire GDP. That is higher than any other country… China’s growth stems from massive accumulation of resources, while India’s growth comes from increasing efficiency…

While India’s stock market has soared in recent years, the opposite has happened in China. In 2001, the Shanghai Stock Market index reached 2,200 points; by 2005, half the wealth wiped out. In April 2005, the Shanghai index stood at 1,135 points… [Link]

Huang argues against using foreign direct investment as a key measure of economic growth:

Brazil was a darling of foreign investors in the 1960s but ultimately let them down. Japan, Korea and Taiwan received little FDI in the 1960s and 1970s but became among the world’s most successful economies…

With few exceptions, the world-class manufacturing facilities for which China is famous are products of FDI, not of indigenous Chinese companies… [Link]

· · · · ·

His analysis is that India has a more laissez-faire attitude in both politics and entrepreneurship:

[Infosys] was founded by seven entrepreneurs with few political connections who nevertheless managed, without significant hard assets, to obtain capital from Indian banks and the stock ­market in the early 1990s. It is unimaginable that a Chinese bank would lend to a Chinese equivalent of an Infosys…

China was light years ahead of India in economic liberalisation in the 1980s. Today it lags behind in critical aspects, such as reform that would permit more foreign investment and domestic private entry in the financial sector. [Link]

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Star of David Brooks

Sajit shredded Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World as being unfunny and culturally inastute. I come bearing a lukewarm defense: having seen the movie, it is much better than its trailer and is on balance good for the South Asian brand launch.

The main flaw of the movie, a simple-minded farce, is that it’s done by Albert Brooks. Brooks is the Jewish Bill Cosby, his character a throwback, a Mr. Smith Goes to Delhi; his humor is suburban, family-friendly, with all its edges rounded off. The centerpiece of the movie is a comedy show Brooks performs in Delhi, funny to neither the Indians on-screen nor the American audience off-. He does have some choice one-liners, though none stray beyond the safety of stereotype (he gets neither green M&M’s nor a greenroom in Delhi). Even the inevitable outsourcing jokes happen only as background chatter. It isn’t insightful, but for the most part it isn’t brain-dead or offensive either.Sheetal Sheth plays a clueless, shiny-haired chipmunk. I couldn’t decide whether to smack her or take her home

You also get a Brooksian touch like Sheetal Sheth’s character, a wide-eyed naïf. Sheth plays the role like a shiny-haired chipmunk with saucer eyes and a bottomless supply of perk and oblivion. She’s Clueless in Connaught Place; I couldn’t decide whether to smack her or take her home. Sheth gets second billing in the credits. My college buddy Shaheen Sheik also got two brief closeups; it’s always cool seeing someone I went to school with.

The central elision is intact, India is not the center of the Muslim world, and the exculpatory hand wave fails even on screen. But the India-Pakistan subplot is cute in a Sleeper kind of way. And in one witty riff, the sitar on the score switches from desi ishtyle to ‘There’s No Business Like Show Business.’

There are some cultural oddities about the script. Brooks is way overdressed in formal sherwanis for a day at the office. A Native American teepee makes a baffling appearance and leaves you wondering whether exposition was cut from the script; it’s not Brooks’ style to make you think. The Iranian boyfriend’s accent sounds like a cat in a blender, the unhappy coincidence of an inflated resume (‘Dialects: Hindi’) and actually landing the role. Sheth’s own accent is painfully inexact, but you get used to it as the movie wears on. At least they’re attempting Indian accents (Casanova: the Venezians speak in British accents? Really?).

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Karnik the Magnificent

Keep an eye out for Rani Karnik, a NYC lawyer auditioning for the new season of American Idol who saves some money by reusing her Halloween costume:

In law school, she was president of an org which bears the best name ever:

I’m a lawyer by day, actor by night. [Link]

My Extracurricular Activities at Penn Law: President, South Asian Law Students Association (“SALSA”)… Prior Education: 2000, B.A. in English… Columbia University… [Link]

She also does voiceover work, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at the photo, in which she’s apparently advertising an ottoman. She’s a disciple of Vanna White’s Path of the Open Hand, horizontal variation.

Related post: American Idol bhangra remix, South Asian crooners belt it out on ‘Idol’, Devika Mathur — one Righteous sister, Can an American Idol save a Bombay dream

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Posted in TV

Coopetition

Desperate to lock up oil supplies and fresh off a smarting Central Asian oil field loss to China, India has signed a deal with Saudi Arabia:

India and Saudi Arabia have signed a deal to develop a strategic energy partnership and have agreed to “fight the menace of terrorism” together… The deal promises to provide India with a “reliable, stable and increased volume” of crude oil supplies…

Saudi Arabia currently supplies nearly 175 million barrels of crude oil a year – a quarter of India’s oil needs. India imports 70% of its supplies and is currently exploring fresh supplies from Central Asia to South America. [Link]

Meanwhile, the Saudi government continues to fund madrassas in Pakistan which churn out militants for Al-Qaeda and Kashmir:

Since the1980s, Pakistan’s education ministry has depended solely on the tuition-free madrassa system of religious education, funded by Saudi Arabia and other orthodox Sunnis, to see a large number of poor Pakistani children get to school. The theocratic education of Pakistan’s orthodox madrassas was tailored to produce the leaders of the Taliban movement. The madrassas also produced the Sunni militants and others who protected the anti-American Taliban and al-Qaeda militants… [Asia Times – author also writes for Indian defense publications]

Zahidullah, 31, a grad student in Islamic law at the Bahrul Uloom madrassa in Pakistan’s northern mountains, boasts of how many recruits he has gained for the outlawed Kashmiri guerrilla force Harkatul Mujahedin: “Many youths here are anxious to join the jihad when I tell them stories of our heroic Islamic resistance against Indian aggression…”

In recent months, thousands of young Afghan men have swarmed to madrassas just inside Pakistan… On the Afghan side, meanwhile, the influx of madrassa students and graduates has helped to produce Taliban battle units as large as 100 fighters, where a year ago the guerrillas were mustering squads of barely a half-dozen men. [Link]

The madrassas are popular because the military-controlled government spends far more on bombs than brains:

… Pakistan desperately needs its madrassas. Without them, an estimated 1.5 million young Pakistanis would get no formal education at all. According to a recent analysis by the U.S. Agency for International Development, Pakistan spends only 2.2 percent of its GDP on public education, the tiniest share for any country in South or Southeast Asia. [Link]
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