A number of you folks have emailed me with information regarding a possible con artist who has been allegedly accused of trolling desi matrimonial sites and hitting up desi networking events for women, then stealing their identities. According to a story in the Philadelphia Inquirer, “Police say the man they know as Jay. D. Singh but who holds several passports romanced his way into the bank accounts of at least three Philadelphia area women, ages 26 to 28, taking them for about $40,000.”
Authorities believe Singh may have also contacted Hindu and Sikh women in other states. One of his alleged victims sent me the following: “He targeted Indian women between the ages of 25-34 living in NYC, Philly, DC and there is high likelihood that he has victims in Boston, Chicago, Detroit. Hawaii and London as he often traveled to those places.”
View more news videos at: http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/video.
Here’s what the Philadelphia NetIP folks sent me:
One of our members (M.) was dating a gentleman of Indian origin, who she met on Match.com, under the screenname his screen name backtophilly7 (he also uses britishinphilly). He said his name is “Jay Singh, Jai Singh, and Jay Dudley Singh.” Other females knew him under the name of “J.D. Singh, Jai Dhanoa, Jay Dhanoa, and Jaitass Dhanoa” (photo below). He claimed to be born in the United States or UK; however he spent much of his childhood in London, U.K. He had a mild British accent, spoke excellent Hindi and Punjabi, is around 6 foot, medium built with broad shoulders. Jay claimed to work for Deutsche Bank (both the Philadelphia and/or NYC office(s)) as the Assistant Vice President in the Asset Management sector. During the course of their relationship, M.’s identity was stolen twice. Credit cards were opened in her name. A postal box was opened inher name. Fake identifications were made in her name. It wasn’t until very recently (January 16th, 2010), that M. got a call from another woman who was also dating Jay. Soon after, the several women started piecing together that all of their identities had been stolen by Jay.
The Philadelphia Police believe that Jay was living in India from December 25th till March 22nd. During this time, he told various women he was in different countries and/or had fallen sick. This became a pattern – until yesterday. Yesterday the Philadelphia Police arrested Jay Singh (real name still unknown). He has multiple counts against him including defrauding creditors, forgery and identity theft.
I would also like to advise, if you or anyone you know, believe you may be a victim, please do not feel embarrassed, this man was good at his job (con-artist). If you have any information, no matter how brief or remote your contact with him may have been, please contact the South Detectives Division of Philadelphia immediately at 215-686-3013, 215-686-3014. Being from Indian families, we understand if you are concerned about your families or others finding out – the detective in charge has made clear your information is safe with him – they have been incredibly kind and understanding toward all of the women involved. The Philadelphia Police are thoroughly professional and committed to this case.
I took a quick look through shaadi.com to see if I could find his profile, but according to what I’m hearing, all of his accounts were active until yesterday. So to all my Internet-datin’ ladies, if this dude looks like somebody you may have taken home to the ‘rents for chai, now is the time to come forward. If anyone comes across some more information, please share in the comments. And play safe, kids.
Wow. Crazy. We have a problem in the Punjab with girls marrying American/Canadian desis and then getting ditched by them after a big dowry.
Cant help but laugh at the women who got conned. Now that is a player 🙂 What lady gives out money to a guy she is dating!!! I thought only men got conned by Asian / Russian girls.
Actually, md, identify theft occurs through other, more nefarious means. All someone needs is the number on your drivers license to take money from your bank account without your knowing it, which is what is alleged here…
a risk management program for the victims should include closer scrutiny of rich, sociable, successful and culturally simpatico candidates. Unfortunately, it is more likely that this scam will work again….and again…and again…
Wow, this guy does not look particularly ugly for his age either. That, plus the fact that internet dating sites (hell, the internet itself) are filled with unknown people desperately seeking human connection AND the fact that he went after young INDIAN women, who are likely doctors/lawyers/engineers…this was brilliant.
Of course, I hope his victims get the chance to have him tied up in a room to themselves with a lot of sharp knives lying around, but still….damn genius…
Check out this great infographic about online dating.
Thx for exposing Phllygrrl. We need more cross-checks like this. To Catch A Shaadi Suitor.
Wow, that graphic is eye-opening. Some might say I met my fiance online, but it was accidentally in the comments of a blog, not intentionally at a dating site (not that there’s anything wrong with that, unless you’re trying to steal someone’s identity). People can’t be too careful these days.
more like throw some hot chillies at him.
that means you can’t leave your purse even for a moment with your date! thanks for the post… you really do meet a lot of weird people online if you’re not careful.
I call dibs for turning this into a romantic comedy.
It is clear those women are not smart enough. Why does it always happen to women?
Relationships are based on trust. If I trust you and you take advantage of that trust, I refuse to feel embarrassed for trusting you. I haven’t done anything wrong; you have.
If we as a community make an effort to hold people (yes, people; not men, not women, but people) like this con-artist accountable for their heinous actions and stop blaming the victim for not being “smart enough”, maybe, just maybe, crimes like this and like the ones Shilpa mentioned wouldn’t occur so often; and when it did occur, maybe, just maybe, the first person (yes, person; not woman, not man) to be swindled would come forward sooner without fear or shame that they will once again be re-victimized by their community for not being “smart enough.”
Anita,
In the idealistic world, relationships are based on trust. Indians live in hypocratic world. Claim trust to be the most important factor of relationship but in reality money is the most important one.
Indians (men and women) in India and overseas see marital relationship a business. It was true and it is true now too. It was true in older generation and it is true now too. Most Indian girls (ABCDs and Indian born) are looking for guys who have money or potential to earn money e.g. doctors, lawyers etc. Indian guys are the same. Indian guys are looking how marriage can make them rich.
There is a possibility these cheated women were looking for wealthy or suitable (suitable defined as potential to earn a lot of money) match and he knew it.
http://arealblogger.blogspot.com/
Characteristics of Federal prisoners by Gender (2003):
Male: 93.3% Female: 6.7%
seriously? quite frankly, i’m surprised this is not happening more often, to either men or women. most people, when in a relationship, hardly bother to lock up all their items that can be used for ID theft, which means that both men and women are susceptible. i’m sure that we can all look back at romantic involvements and realise that there were plenty of times when we could have had our IDs or credit cards stolen by a partner, and conversely, if we had thought to, plenty of opportunities for manipulating a partner’s ID. if you are assuming that this always happens to women, for argument’s sake, maybe the question should be: why are men such criminals?
abhi – great infograph – #8 was shocking, #10 was depressing, and i was really surprised that con artists and sex offenders don;t use these sites more frequently (too much effort, i suppose, esp. if you have to fill out a 400-question survey…)
Hmmm Maybe he pretended to be a sensitive male unlike A and most desi guys. Just kidding A. You’re so enlightened.
@ A: If you believe Indians live in a hypocritical world, then choose to not perpetuate that characteristic in your own life and call people out when you see it occurring in front of you. Hold people accountable to their actions and words while holding yourself to those same standards.
By denigrating victims’ intelligence for actions that were perpetrated on them without their consent, we displace responsibility from the perpetrator onto the victim. This sends a message to the younger generation that the community will find fault with them when they are the victim, but they will be justified in being the perpetrator. Without raising our hand in violence against another, we become and perpetuate the cycle of violence.
At some point, as adults, let’s choose to break the cycle and not pass on the legacy of being silent perpetrators. Along the lines of AK’s question, we mustn’t ask “what’s lacking in the victim” but “what’s wrong with the perpetrator.”
I think a lot of people are too trusting of a stranger that seems nice. Happens to people of every ethnic group a lot, so I don’t think desis are some unique case here.
A, I don’t think the girls are so much obsessed with money/status. It’s more the parents that want the doctor son-in-law and think that even a lawyer/engineer/accountant isn’t good enough for their daughter. The American-born are much better than parents in this respect. Regardless, nobody deserves to be scammed like this.
The crass materialism, status fixation, and doctor mania you see among 1st generation Indian-Americans really is something to behold, unfortunately. It does give lie to the theory that the arranged marriages are based on parental wisdom or compatability.
“i’m sure that we can all look back at romantic involvements and realise that there were plenty of times when we could have had our IDs or credit cards stolen by a partner, and conversely, if we had thought to, plenty of opportunities for manipulating a partner’s ID”
Is that what occurred here?
” if you are assuming that this always happens to women, for argument’s sake, maybe the question should be: why are men such criminals?”
Characteristics of Federal prisoners by Gender (2003):
That’s a fair question. This guy does not deserve any kind of justification, however, that statistical study does not distinguish between violent crimes where the victim is AWARE they are being victimized at the time of the crime, and crimes where the victim is UNAWARE of the crime until much, much after. Hence the word “con” for “confidence”-artist.
The question isn’t why does it always happen to women, it’s what prevents women from becoming more acutely aware of such dealings when they actually happen?
All in all, it’s sad though, a bad apple like this ruins it for the good guys out in the pool.
Amita is absolutely correct. Blaming the victim is not the answer here. This fellow is a con artist, “con” being short for “confidence” — he played on their confidence. We don’t go onto a site like shaadi.com with the mindset of “I must be vigilant, someone’s out to scam me”, instead we go with the mindset of “My prince(ss) awaits me here”. We go into it with a trusting heart, often not realizing until it is too late that we are being contacted by a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
“We go into it with a trusting heart, often not realizing until it is too late that we are being contacted by a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
But isn’t there a problem in that?
Don’t we go into any store, expecting demonstrated value in a product before we purchase it?
Don’t we go into any agreement or contract with some level of credibility in the person we’re contracting with?
Reminds me of this movie if anyone has seen it : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095031/
AK,
It probably happens more often but if it happens with men, it is not reported.
RM, he probably prentends to be a sensitive heart with truk load of money. The best combination to con women.
Amita, I am not blaming victims. But all Indian women I come across don’t trust strangers for a long time. That is how they are raised. In an arranged marriage setting, money/status plays the most important role. I am saying these women probabaly fell for money and overlooked the obvious signs. Would you give money to a stranger who you met on internet? I would not.
JT, Most my friends are second or third generation Indians settled here. All of them had arranged marriage. I was surprised to find out. All of our unmarried second generation Indian girls are looking for so called handsome and RICH guys. All our unmarried second generation Indian guys are looking for subdued, docile, homely Indian girls and targetting India to get one. These guys don’t know there are no such girls in India too. Check it out around you, you will find most second generation Indian guys are going to India to get married. I hear a lot that parents force but how can parents force you to marry a particular person…that does not happen in India now.
Manju, I am not going debate the data you presented. That only shows women don’t commit crime. That does not mean women don’t break relationship or are trustworthy in relationships.
A
http://arealblogger.blogspot.com/
thats just hilarious… displays a complete disconnect with human nature. of course grls want tall rich guys! the same way guys like h*t grls.
one grl acgtually asked me for proof of income on my first date, cause she didnt want to “sign up for poverty” or live a “middle office lifestyle”
He’s hot. I can see why (straight) women would take interest. But internet dating is an iffy scene at best…everyone should wise up and and take a more responsible approach instead of being in love with being in love.
if someone showed similar crime statistics showing that blacks get conviced more, ppl would take it as evidence of bias in the justice system. but if its males, then we can just all be judge jury and executioner.
A con artist is the most likeable person in the room.
Hence the reason they can “con” people out of anything.
There are alot of former millionares in this country because of a con artist that just went to jail for running a ponzi scheme. A con artist can reach every level of society.
That is hilarious. Still laughing.
Identity theft has nothing to do with gender or “being smart.” A couple of years ago, a young university student in Philadelphia was arrested for stealing the identities of dozens of acquaintances, including former flings. If someone really wants to steal your identity, it’s very easy to do, really. And women do it as well.
Good one, BGD.
It’s a lot more commonplace now then it was, say 10 years ago. More and more people are using the Internet to date. But there are always going to be a few bad apples (regardless of whether you’re desi or not) and in a case like this, involving an alleged professional con artist, I honestly don’t see what safeguards any reasonable person could have established to protect themselves against such an invasion. In the case of one victim, the relationship lasted for almost a year. To echo what was already said, blaming the victim only helps to perpetrate such crimes and creates an environment where people are unwilling to come forward – thus preventing more criminals from being discovered.
reminds me of a guy i knew who, when s.com first came out he spent his summer driving up and down the west coast of the united states f_cking brwn grls hed meet off there and then dissapearing off into the night.
While he is a con artist and the blame fully rests on him, it is inexcusable that someone goes out with a guy for a year without knowing his background. What this person needs to do is get out of falling in lone with falling in love and hire a sleuth whether she wants a love marraiage or an arranged marriage!
Yes, because we ALL hire a sleuth when we date. Cause that’s totally normal. And totally not paranoid and over-excessive. What part of professional con artist are we missing here? If someone like Bernie Madoff was able to bilk thousands of investors out of billions over a period of years, it’s totally feasible for one man to prey on smart, successful women and perpetrate a scam like this for a good, long while.
Fyi, over time the victims did become suspicious. They were observant and did pick up on the warning signs, which is how they were able to cooperate with police to arrange the sting that caught him.
Mad props to these ladies for getting this guy off the street and for sharing with the rest of us.
Okay, this freaks me out because I am a s.com/online dating newbie. So far, the men have been so lame that I am not worried that I’ve given out too much information. Can some veterans here come up with a reasonable algorithm for how much should be disclosed at what stage? I’d appreciate it greatly. Thanks.
N
Spare me the histrionics.
Minding your business (ie. actually reading your bank statements, getting credit reports from mulitple agencies, etc.) should already be common practice for any responsible adult. I’m not saying the victims are at fault; just that much of the BS would’ve been caught had they remained on top of their affairs.
its a tricky balancing act. some grls are so close guarded that they are just shady looking. I dont mind being fairly open. I treat it like any other date really.
But they did. That’s how he got caught. And how is that not blaming the victim?
Neha — I have seen both sides of the dating coin — successful marriages from shaady…ahem, shaadi.com to horrific tales of fiances cheating with newer members on the site. Be ultra-careful and bewarned of the intentions like any date — offline or online.
I have a friend, a real live friend, who states on his profile he is 38. In reality, he’s 42. Abhi’s link pinpointed the fallacies and insecurities of dating online. How did I uncover this? A friend expressed interest, they exchanged 2-3 emails, had that first ill-fated chat, where she learned his name. JUST his name led to a Google search showing his Friendster profile (with real age), Facebook friends (showing his drunkard times), and place of employment (which was a plus for her).
The Internet is a scary place to be. I decided to tweet about this nonsensical bukwas as I now have 25-30 yr old cousins shopping online.
Exactly. Being too guarded pretty much guarantees a boring conversation so what I’ve come up with is – I don’t use my real name initially. But beyond one or two dates, I start feeling a bit uncomfortable if the other person is being open and trusting. Once they have your name, google spits out the whole history of your entire life….And of course your credit card etc will come out if you pay for stuff. I don’t see what the poor girls in question could have done differently. I wish there were more details on exactly what information this guy stole.
N
Neha – I don’t get upset about men lying about age or height or income anymore :), I expect it. I have some sympathy actually since I also see the harshness of the online scene. It’s a bad system so I don’t have a problem with people gaming it as long as no one is really hurt by the white lies.
Of course, I am not including identity theft in the white lie category.
N
wow..why didnt i think of that? 🙂 how u been puli?
if a grl does that i would just consider her a liar and untrustworthy.
I havent been doing that. does that mean that girls assume that im poorer and shorter than I say I am?
Same $hit, different day.
@Neha 1249pm. Thanks, I have just begun marking my age down. Turns out women love a sale, a 10% discount and smaller numbers more than anything when they are shopping!!
Seriously? Is this a representative view (asking other men out here)?
Until a sanity check has been done, a virtual stranger could be felon writing from the prison library. Why would you give out your real name (and therefore your address, phone # and employer etc)?
N
well, if you conceed the data shows women don’t commit crimes (and that the only criminals are men, more or less), why are you still wondering “Why does it always happen to women”?
Puliogre in da USA “if a grl does that i would just consider her a liar and untrustworthy.”
Word. If anyone lies about something as petty as their age, it’s more indicative of their insecurity as opposed to being a “steal of a deal.” Shoes are meant for sale, not men. An insecure man is NOT on my list of dating ‘wants.’
If start off on a blatant lie, how does a relationship come back full circle to a truthful one? Sure, we all embellish our resumes, paneer-cooking skills, and past romps, but really your age?
geez. what if i truthfully put my age and height and income (and assume the height is low, the age is getting a bit higher, and the income is a high number).
That would make ppl think im like a midget cause they assume im shorter than i say i am, and assume im lying about having a high income, and assume im a bit younger than i am. the kicker is im being honest baout everything!
I actually understant my uincome significantly, cause im an ibanker and i dont include any bonus number. i just list my (meager) base.
Geez, so now I gotta do math to get a date? I don’t list my income. Period. No need to base a date on that. But, I do know one shaadi, shady suitor, who is lying. Mutual friend, listing $200K + as his income. If you all saw his shoddy, studio apt in WeHo, and desperate hunt for a job, ladies would delete away.
PS – to Puli, I got the opposite problem of being too tall. But, I won’t downgrade my height to fit some id-ee-ots quota for a wife. You are your height, your age, and nothing more.
dont write off everyone as a liar… some ppl are honest in thier profiles. no need to subtrace anything or add anything else. why would you marry someone who lies to you off the bat?