PSA: Yo Desi Ladies, Did You Date This Guy?

Jay-D-Singh_360.jpg

A number of you folks have emailed me with information regarding a possible con artist who has been allegedly accused of trolling desi matrimonial sites and hitting up desi networking events for women, then stealing their identities. According to a story in the Philadelphia Inquirer, “Police say the man they know as Jay. D. Singh but who holds several passports romanced his way into the bank accounts of at least three Philadelphia area women, ages 26 to 28, taking them for about $40,000.”

Authorities believe Singh may have also contacted Hindu and Sikh women in other states. One of his alleged victims sent me the following: “He targeted Indian women between the ages of 25-34 living in NYC, Philly, DC and there is high likelihood that he has victims in Boston, Chicago, Detroit. Hawaii and London as he often traveled to those places.”

View more news videos at: http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/video.

Here’s what the Philadelphia NetIP folks sent me:

One of our members (M.) was dating a gentleman of Indian origin, who she met on Match.com, under the screenname his screen name backtophilly7 (he also uses britishinphilly). He said his name is “Jay Singh, Jai Singh, and Jay Dudley Singh.” Other females knew him under the name of “J.D. Singh, Jai Dhanoa, Jay Dhanoa, and Jaitass Dhanoa” (photo below). He claimed to be born in the United States or UK; however he spent much of his childhood in London, U.K. He had a mild British accent, spoke excellent Hindi and Punjabi, is around 6 foot, medium built with broad shoulders. Jay claimed to work for Deutsche Bank (both the Philadelphia and/or NYC office(s)) as the Assistant Vice President in the Asset Management sector. During the course of their relationship, M.’s identity was stolen twice. Credit cards were opened in her name. A postal box was opened inher name. Fake identifications were made in her name. It wasn’t until very recently (January 16th, 2010), that M. got a call from another woman who was also dating Jay. Soon after, the several women started piecing together that all of their identities had been stolen by Jay.

The Philadelphia Police believe that Jay was living in India from December 25th till March 22nd. During this time, he told various women he was in different countries and/or had fallen sick. This became a pattern – until yesterday. Yesterday the Philadelphia Police arrested Jay Singh (real name still unknown). He has multiple counts against him including defrauding creditors, forgery and identity theft.

I would also like to advise, if you or anyone you know, believe you may be a victim, please do not feel embarrassed, this man was good at his job (con-artist). If you have any information, no matter how brief or remote your contact with him may have been, please contact the South Detectives Division of Philadelphia immediately at 215-686-3013, 215-686-3014. Being from Indian families, we understand if you are concerned about your families or others finding out – the detective in charge has made clear your information is safe with him – they have been incredibly kind and understanding toward all of the women involved. The Philadelphia Police are thoroughly professional and committed to this case.

I took a quick look through shaadi.com to see if I could find his profile, but according to what I’m hearing, all of his accounts were active until yesterday. So to all my Internet-datin’ ladies, if this dude looks like somebody you may have taken home to the ‘rents for chai, now is the time to come forward. If anyone comes across some more information, please share in the comments. And play safe, kids.

96 thoughts on “PSA: Yo Desi Ladies, Did You Date This Guy?

  1. I’m not saying the victims are at fault; just that much of the BS would’ve been caught had they remained on top of their affairs.

    but it is one thing to know your money is being stolen, and another thing to track down who is actually doing it.

    if someone showed similar crime statistics showing that blacks get conviced more, ppl would take it as evidence of bias in the justice system. but if its males, then we can just all be judge jury and executioner.

    accepted that these go more towards proving conviction and not reflective of all criminals. however, one would require proof that juries are more likely to convict a man than a woman, and i think that bias is far different than the racial bias to which you referred. in addition, the divide between females and males is so great, that it is highly unlikely that the bias against men is that high.

  2. dont write off everyone as a liar… some ppl are honest in thier profiles. no need to subtrace anything or add anything else. why would you marry someone who lies to you off the bat?

    puli,i sympathize. but there still are some people out there who don’t assume anything that they cannot verify in person.in any case,it all sounds awful,like people are just looking out to see how they are being conned.yikes.

  3. If start off on a blatant lie, how does a relationship come back full circle to a truthful one? Sure, we all embellish our resumes, paneer-cooking skills, and past romps, but really your age?

    geez. i dont even do that if a grl asks me about my dating past etc, i just tell her about it… am i just doing this all wrong? is this why im still single? ppl assume my

  4. puli,i sympathize. but there still are some people out there who don’t assume anything that they cannot verify in person.in any case,it all sounds awful,like people are just looking out to see how they are being conned.yikes.

    i guess its time to be a jerk, and change myself into a taller richer persona, then i will be swiming in women…geez.

  5. if the grls assume you lie anyways, even if your honest, i suppose im obliged to start lying. there are strong incentives…

    no incentives to be honest.

  6. if a grl asks me about my dating past etc, i just tell her about it… am i just doing this all wrong? is this why im still single?

    well, if the first thing out of your mouth is about spring break in tijuana 1999, particularly that one night when you got to know all there is to know about the crying game, then perhaps one should remember the better part of valour is discretion.

  7. I am relatively new to the US, but how do you steal someone’s bank account with their driver’s license ID? I need considerably more identification, passwords, etc. to access my bank accounts! What am I missing (don’t want to get cleaned out!). . . .

  8. I am relatively new to the US, but how do you steal someone’s bank account with their driver’s license ID?

    You brandish it in front of the teller while screaming; “I’m gonna paper cut ur ass!”

  9. well, if the first thing out of your mouth is about spring break in tijuana 1999, particularly that one night when you got to know all there is to know about the crying game, then perhaps one should remember the better part of valour is discretion.

    i dont really have anything like that in my past anyways…

  10. You can just as easily meet someone looking to dupe you at the gym, in a class or even through an Auntie (how much do they really know about the people they recommend sometimes?) as you can through one of these sites. It really is about what you do after you meet them, and everyone dating has to walk the line between being open and being careful, no matter whom you’re dating.

  11. OK, let me put it this way, with respect to the claim in comment #3. No way. I’ve done programming on bank security systems.

  12. displays a complete disconnect with human nature. of course grls want tall rich guys!

    I must be doing something really wrong then :-(

  13. You can just as easily meet someone looking to dupe you at the gym, in a class or even through an Auntie

    tru, when i was a kid, b/f there were Internets, the hottest indian chick in town (she was really hot, btw) got duped by the richest indian family in town, who arranged a marriage with some skeeevy relatve back home who turned out to be a total fraud….much older than he said, different profession, etc. the well respected family served as a a referral so the hot chick and her fam didn’t do the due dilli i guess.

    they got divorced and she remarried outside of the arranged scene i think.

  14. well, if the first thing out of your mouth is about spring break in tijuana 1999, particularly that one night when you got to know all there is to know about the crying game, then perhaps one should remember the better part of valour is discretion.

    I guess the grl equivalent of that is me assuming that every pretty grl i meet has gone down on the new england patriots and has been drilled more times than the arabian peninsula…

  15. Okay, this freaks me out because I am a s.com/online dating newbie. So far, the men have been so lame that I am not worried that I’ve given out too much information. Can some veterans here come up with a reasonable algorithm for how much should be disclosed at what stage? I’d appreciate it greatly. Thanks.

    You cant call people lame and ask for an “algorithm” in the same thought.

  16. Puliogare – I am not advocating dishonesty at all ( I certainly don’t lie on my profile and good for you for being honest). I AM advocating a bit of compassion for human frailities. It is awful out there (as you seem to know) and people have gotten hurt by being excluded on trivial bases.

    I guess I am more willing to forgive people their little online white lies because I see s.com messing with my own head/judgement. The first time someone canceled their interest after seeing my picture, I anxiously started googling ‘how to use make up’ (never mind the 25 other guys who were just fine with the photo). I will still feel an extra bit of interest when a dude with a high income expresses an interest. (Happily,I am well on my way to being cured of this by the fact that the highness of the income correlates really well with badness of the manners).

    As for marrying a liar – the first time I meet someone in person, I figure out if their height/age is an issue and they know that too. A small transparent lie made for reasons I can sympathize with, is quite okay in my book.

    BGD- completely agree with not putting income in at all. I get that men need to sell themselves but there are classier, subtler ways of doing it than putting it out there like that.

    N

  17. Puliogare – I am not advocating dishonesty at all ( I certainly don’t lie on my profile and good for you for being honest). I AM advocating a bit of compassion for human frailities. It is awful out there (as you seem to know) and people have gotten hurt by being excluded on trivial bases.

    yeah, but not advocating lying, but rewarding it by ignoring it and meeting ppl that get past your filters by lying and then understanding actually incentivizes lying. sure “good for me” for beuing honest, but if being dishonest actually gets me more dates, then that would actually be better for me (if grls behave as you do).

  18. OK, let me put it this way, with respect to the claim in comment #3. No way. I’ve done programming on bank security systems.

    Good catch, Shilpa. My apologies. To clarify, according to what I’ve been told, one can open credit cards in someone else’s name using their driver’s license no…

  19. Puliogare – I am not advocating dishonesty at all ( I certainly don’t lie on my profile and good for you for being honest). I AM advocating a bit of compassion for human frailities. It is awful out there (as you seem to know) and people have gotten hurt by being excluded on trivial bases.

    I mean, if you behave like this, then you are incentivizing men lying. what you end up with are a bunch of men who lie….

  20. although it kinda works both ways. Every grl i meet has on thier profile that they dont drink. when i meet them they do…. if i knew before hand i wouldnt express interest in the first place. why lie? it just digs up a guy that is looking for something else that you are not. that cant work out well…

  21. Puliogre: Say you get the date dishonestly. She knows instantly you lied. If she cares, you just wasted a nice evening. Where is the incentive for dishonesty?

    By being honest, you are meeting women who are actually interested in you and not wasting your time.

    Anyway, I may not be typical and should probably not thread jack anymore.

    N

  22. yeah. how dare you…

    There are things that are cool to do and those very same things could not be cool to talk about.

    It is awesome to be able to knit a sweater.

    It is not awesome to talk about the knitting style in which you like to knit.

    Unless you are talking to another knitter.

  23. uliogre: Say you get the date dishonestly. She knows instantly you lied. If she cares, you just wasted a nice evening. Where is the incentive for dishonesty? By being honest, you are meeting women who are actually interested in you and not wasting your time. Anyway, I may not be typical and should probably not thread jack anymore. N

    obviously there is an incentive to lie. say you dont luie. you basically get very few to no dates (cause ppl assume you are lying, and are actually worse than you are).

    now, say you lie. you get a whole bunch of dates based on that lie. 50% think “he lied about his height, so forget him” 50% say “its understandable lalala” which is your view. then all of a sudden, i got 50% of the ppl who responded to me actually dating me, where as if i didnt lie none of these grls would even talk to me. hence there is an incentive to lie.

  24. I’m saying the 50% who didn’t care you lied is the same 50% who will not filter you out to begin with based on height alone (or would date you if you expressed interest anyway). If everyone is like me. Which they’re not or I wouldn’t be single.

    N

  25. By being honest, you are meeting women who are actually interested in you and not wasting your time.

    Ah, but there is a critical part of the puzzle you’re missing. Looks and money are important in a relationship and they are also somewhat minor compared to personality and values and such, but the problem is you can’t communicate that important stuff with a first impression easily.

    At first impression all you have to go on is looks and maybe income. (I suppose with online dating where you get to make some kind of personal statement they can have some minor insight into personality but not much.)

    If your first impression fails then you get no date. If your first impression succeeds you get a date and then you get a shot at showing how witty, honest, sassy, or whatever you are. So you can make a gambit by taking an overly generous picture of yourself and slightly fudging your income and hope that gets you in the door to let your inner light shine through and get someone who likes you for you instead of arbitrary details about your income and background.

  26. It is not awesome to talk about the knitting style in which you like to knit. Unless you are talking to another knitter.

    …and then you might get your knitters in a twist

  27. Looks and money are important in a relationship and they are also somewhat minor compared >to personality and values and such, but the problem is you can’t communicate that >important stuff with a first impression easily. Well, like I said I’m new to this. My only exposure is shaadi.com and let me tell you the important stuff comes right through. The first time. In a two paragraph profile. Possibly, something about my target demographic is especially pathetic but all I see are typo-ridden, ungrammatical, series of adjectives that are devoid of imagination or personality.

    At first impression all you have to go on is looks and maybe income. (I suppose with >online dating where you get to make some kind of personal statement they can have some >minor insight into personality but not much.) You’re more cynical than I am. Or possibly the women you’ve met are especially shallow.
    Maybe I’ll get more cynical as I go along but so far my estimations of a person from their profile jive reasonably well with the person I actually meet.

    So you can make a gambit by taking an overly generous picture of yourself and slightly >fudging your income and hope that gets you in the door to let your inner light shine >through and get someone who likes you for you instead of arbitrary details about your >income and background. Precisely. Okay with me. Go forth and embellish and get your 50%. They need to meet you as badly as you need to meet them.

    N

  28. “Or possibly the women you’ve met are especially shallow.” Word sista.

    A job or income doesn’t give much info to security or date-ability of a bloke. I once met a guy, who said he was unemployed, but had assets valued at over $800K. Huh? But, I also know of guys & dolls who embellish there income to give an impression of security. I simply don’t judge a man by his job. Yes, I have met high school teachers, who make half of what I do, but had more class & heart than the IB’s and docs from shaadi.com.

    Don’t see an incentive to lie to get a date. And, don’t have patience to attend to the frailities of a man’s ego. if you have to lie about your age (or other deets), you are wasting your time & mine. And, here I thought dating a guy was all about fun, frolic, & romance. Geez, dollar details in the first call? Guess I’ve had it worse — one guy called up at 2 am EST, asking me if I dressed in Indian clothes…two minutes later asking what I wore underneath them. Click. Decline. Moved on.

    N — don’t google make up tricks. The burgundy laden auntyji-like looks from the girlies should be enough to keep you au natural…

  29. Manju,

    Your message #45

    well, if you conceed the data shows women don’t commit crimes (and that the only criminals are men, >more or less), why are you still wondering “Why does it always happen to women”?

    Your data shows more men commit crimes. It does not show they commit crime that hurt women. Most of the time men are fighting with each other. Your crime numebr include murder, theft, terrorism etc.

    When I say “Why does it always happen to women”? – I mean why a con artist can fool women…

    http://arealblogger.blogspot.com/

  30. okay…from my experience, that ‘rule-of-thumb’ [real height ~ height on profile - 2"] is actually true in general :) i have seen worse …. one guy who’s actually 5’5″ put his height as 5’10″ and so on. yeah, it surely makes things worse for people who are honest in their quest. the good part is though, most girls don’t put as much emphasis on looks as they’d on other parameters while initially accepting the profile. but, i am a bit surprised learning that some don’t even tell their actual name on first couple of dates? c’mon! are you serious?! i definitely tell my actual name and try to meet up in-person asap. if i feel something is wrong from the first in-person conversation, i don’t keep in touch with them. am i trusting people too much – giving out my real name and cell#? i hope not.

  31. Your data shows more men commit crimes. It does not show they commit crime that hurt women. Most of the time men are fighting with each other. Your crime numebr include murder, theft, terrorism etc. When I say “Why does it always happen to women”? – I mean why a con artist can fool women…

    Oh, i thought you were referring to these romantic situations, where–since virtually all the criminals are male–it stand to reason the vast majority of victims are female, given heteronormativity.

    But if you’re speaking more generally, then its likely your premise (it always happens to women) is wrong:

    Internet Fraud, Scam and Crime Statistics – 2009

    Among complainants, 55.4% were male…Males lost more money than females (ratio of $1.69 dollars lost per male to every $1.00 dollar lost per female).

  32. That is one handsome dude. I can see how all those women and their parents really hoped that he was “the one.”

    I don’t think that people can really protect themselves against identity theft. For example, your college roommate would have many more chances than some random guy/gal you’re dating. Also, your health care records have a ridiculous amount of sensitive information in them…pretty much anyone in your hospital system can access your electronic health records. So be nice to the nurses. ;-)

  33. ” A, I don’t think the girls are so much obsessed with money/status.

    thats just hilarious… displays a complete disconnect with human nature. of course grls want tall rich guys! the same way guys like h*t grls.

    We aren’t all the same. I don’t give a rats arse if a guy is taller or shorter than me, or what he makes. I care if I get along with him, share values, share interests, connect with him.

    In response to A’s “why does it always happen to women.” Does it?? Anyone find any good data on who has been conned in the U.S.? I didn’t find any with a quick search on the internet..

    Hearing this one story doesn’t mean only women are conned. Also, who REPORTS being conned? If women feel embarrassed being conned, what about men? Wouldn’t a man feel just as embarrassed to admit that someone has conned him? Maybe more so with this mentality that women are the victims. Something to think about.

    Different types of cons/scams (they don’t all seem like things that ‘target’ women to me)

    http://www.crf-usa.org/criminal-justice-in-america-4th-edition-links/unit-1-chapter-3.html#swindlers

  34. We aren’t all the same. I don’t give a rats arse if a guy is taller or shorter than me, or what he makes. I care if I get along with him, share values, share interests, connect with him.

    this is the kind of things that grls say. Im talking about what grls actually do. revealed preferences. You get a lot more dates if you are rich.

  35. this is the kind of things that grls say. Im talking about what grls actually do. revealed preferences. You get a lot more dates if you are rich.

    kind of missing the point, puli – she’s saying that not every girl does that, even if many/most do. basically – don’t generalise.

  36. kind of missing the point, puli – she’s saying that not every girl does that, even if many/most do. basically – don’t generalise.

    well, im taling about tendencies not universal truths.

  37. Maybe you need to look at yourself what you are doing wrong, then. The girls I know don’t give a shit about money. Perhaps your personality is off-putting. Actually, it really is, since you seem to blame the girls all the time for not being interested. And you can’t spell, either, so that would be a turn off.

  38. Maybe you need to look at yourself what you are doing wrong, then. The girls I know don’t give a shit about money. Perhaps your personality is off-putting. Actually, it really is, since you seem to blame the girls all the time for not being interested. And you can’t spell, either, so that would be a turn off.

    i spell fine when with grls, I do fine in person when i meet grls in real life. the online thing, i tend to get filtered.

    i just happen to know to many obnoxious bankers with a lot of grlfriends and a few artsy types who are great guys who get no love.

    im just trying to dispell a lot of warped out notions ppl seem to have about how this process works. everyone has preferences, its just best to not deny what they are.

  39. Well, like I said I’m new to this. My only exposure is shaadi.com and let me tell you the important stuff comes right through. The first time. In a two paragraph profile. Possibly, something about my target demographic is especially pathetic but all I see are typo-ridden, ungrammatical, series of adjectives that are devoid of imagination or personality.

    “Must be functionally literate” seems like a pretty low bar to set doesn’t?

    You’re more cynical than I am. Or possibly the women you’ve met are especially shallow.

    I’ve never done any online dating. I’m just putting myself in the shoes of someone who would embellish their profiles and explaining what could be going on in their heads that’s making them do so. But I have met some exceptionally shallow women in my day. I’ll give you that.

    once met a guy, who said he was unemployed, but had assets valued at over $800K. Huh?

    Of course, if a guy lies that much, then it’s pretty obvious what he’s looking for. And doubly obvious that he ain’t getting it.

  40. blame the girls

    im not even specifically talking about my situation, or even blaming anyone for anything. im just trying to get rid of these notions that wealth and height arent the primary drivers of generating dates online if your a guy. sort of a data observation.

    for guys looking at grls its primarily how pretty the picture is i think. i think if you had 2 grls, one with a very pretty picture, one with an ok one, the one with the pretty picture will generate dates with a higher frequency.

  41. once met a guy, who said he was unemployed, but had assets valued at over $800K. Huh?

    could be a rich guy who got laid off.

  42. Maybe you need to look at yourself what you are doing wrong, then. The girls I know don’t give a shit about money. Perhaps your personality is off-putting. Actually, it really is, since you seem to blame the girls all the time for not being interested. And you can’t spell, either, so that would be a turn off.

    i see you like to assume a lot of things… everyone needs a hobby.