A guy wrote the following letter to the “Dear Prudence” column at Slate.com:
I am a 25-year-old Indian-American who has been in this country since I was 5. I started dating a Caucasian classmate four and a half years ago in college. The romance bloomed, and we are still together. She is kind, loving, beautiful, and a great inspiration. I see us together for the rest of our lives. There is only one problem: My parents are very traditional Indians and have told me since I was a young boy that they wanted me to have an arranged marriage, and if I did “bring home an American girl” that they would disown me. After two years, I told them about the relationship, and they were rightfully hurt and upset I’d kept it a secret. They say now that they were “joking” about disowning me and that I should have come to them. But it is close to three years later, and my girlfriend has still never met my parents. I greet holidays with a sense of dread because I feel pulled in two different directions. Even when I bring her up in conversation, they quickly change the subject or just walk away. They say that my relationship is just “a phase” and that I will “come to my senses.” I also feel a sense of embitterment from my girlfriend for being completely shunned by her potential in-laws. My parents have told me that they will accept my girlfriend when we become engaged, but by then I fear that their attempt to build bridges will be too little, too late. I know that my parents love me and want the best for me, but is there anything I can do to unharden their hearts? (link)
Prudie’s advice in response to this was pretty good, I thought (read the column to see). But I was wondering — what would you tell this person? Would it be better for him to push his parents, and demand they accept his girlfriend, or is it better to kind of wait and see (until, say, getting engaged)? Do parents really mean it when they say “we’ll disown you,” or is it just something they say?
Finally, do people have experiences of their own along these lines they want to share?
“I think a lot of it is about power play… the more clout you have in the community, whether by profession or knowing powerful people or being super rich, etc., the more you can get away with.”
Kohlgirl you’re right on point with this one..
I just shared last week about my own experiences being raised in a strict, traditional Bengali home on KGO’s View From The Bay, basically making the point that parents change, too. We had our share of tears and fights, but thanks to humor, grace, and plenty of affection, our relationship now is sweeter than ever. Grandchildren definitely help, too. My seventy-something mother and my teen sons chat online at least once a day.
Indians are “caucasian”? I know it’s something most don’t like to acknowledge (for some unexplained reason) but there is evidence that most desis are more geneologically aligned with Africans than anyone else.
I found BillingBelle’s comment at #11 strange;
Sounds to me like they put LOVE over $$$, not pride. The parents are the once holding out to their pride after 8 years of not even meeting the girl because they could not digest the fact that their son could not be bought out!!!!
With parents like that, who needs enemies? I say “good riddance”. And the woman he married is much better off not having to deal with such type of in-laws. Just from the standpoint of principle only I wouldn’t deal with them.
Khoofia at #13 is also curious;
Questioning someone’s adulthood/masculinity qualifies as “abuse”???
Let’s face it, if a grown working man in his 20s, 30s (and even I’ve seen cases like this in 40s), cannot “man up” and stand proud next to the woman he loves, then what would you suggest? Geez. Develop some principles already!
I certainly hope that these desi parents with such attitudes are living in India, not abroad. If they are living in America and expect to be treated with respect, not get yelled out names from passing teenagers in cars, and not discriminated against, then they need to NOT DISCRIMINATE AGAINST OTHER PEOPLE THEMSELVES!!! What a concept!
And how about using some reverse psychology;
“Mom, Dad, I love Stacy, and if you want to see me again, you will accept and love her also. Otherwise I will disown you as my parents and I will never speak to you again and you will never see your grandchildren.”
I’m with JOAT on this. Desi men, grow up, move out, move on. Parents are for visiting on weekends and holidays.
“Mom, Dad, I love Stacy, and if you want to see me again, you will accept and love her also. Otherwise I will disown you as my parents and I will never speak to you again and you will never see your grandchildren.”
I did something like that once and even though that relationship didn’t last (due to cultural issues not having to do with parents), the next time I had someone I was very serious about who wasn’t “like us,” I got a lot less flack because they knew I could and would hold to it. Let me tell you, some Italian-American families could be interchangeable with some Desi families both there and in the US in their positions on religion, culture, etc.
I sincerely doubt parents would really “disown” you per say. However the cold shoulder is probably more likely. Luckily Im staying within my religion/culture so I wont encounter this issue.
153 · Dear Abi said
That’s cold.
NYC, that’s probably the safest position and I wish you all the best, but you find who you find, and sometimes they are just like you and sometimes they compliment you in their similarities and their differences. Me personally, if I wanted someone just like myself, I’d get a mirror about 5’10-6 ft (I am soooo not this tall!) and prop it up. As it is, I found someone who is more like me in background and intellect than I ever would have thought, and he sure isn’t Italian-American! His Italian sucks but I figure that’s fixable…it’s not like I can make samosas that you coulnd’t kill someone with…
There is room in the world for many ways- all roads lead to Roma (to be a little ethnocentric), or wherever you think the navel of the world is. Some paths may just be a little harder than others…
156 · portmanteau said
That’s how it usually is though.
I get the chills when I read stories like these. I am a desi girl who’s been dating a white European guy for more than 3 years now. I told my mom about him last year, and she luckily didn’t blow up. She was actually very curious, and almost laughed and sounded happy (she lives in India). Every now and then she even asks how we are doing. I think what maintains her sanity is that this guy lives in a different city than I do. What’s irritating though is that knowing about my relationship doesn’t stop her from trying to arrange my marriage. She keeps asking if I would be willing to meet some random guy and if she should “start looking.” Her philosophy is “if he hasn’t already proposed to you, then you should move on” even when I try to explain to her that we are not at that place right now and that we want to be able to stand up financially on our own feet before we take that step. She is visiting me for the first time this summer, so I am hoping she can meet him and see what a wonderful guy he is and stop harassing me!
Anyway, that’s my story. It is nice to know though that there are a bunch of people out there experiencing the same stuff and who are not as judgmental. As for the whole “disowning” thing: my parents actually made me and my sibling sign a piece of paper saying that we forfeit our share in their property if we marry against their wishes. It’s strange, yes, but I also see the logic behind it AND find it highly amusing.
157 · zazou said
Most definitely. Some things are important to people like culture, religion, langauge, or foot size. But hey as long as the two are happy right?
Then it’s better not to mix too much with a wide variety of people, due to the greater chances of falling in love with someone who does not share the same culture, religion, language, etc, as you.
It’s just easier to marry within race & religion. But for others, it works (it works for my uncle).
That depends on how invested you are in your religion and race.
Alot of people are not invested at all, but granted, most desis are, so I agree, for them.
NYC- exactly. SO, maybe the point in all this is to be true to what you believe and value. If you cannot cannot see yourself with someone of a different background, then, ok. You look for someone in that category who will make you happy and whom you can make happy. But if difference (slight or large) is acceptable, then you take what comes and makes you and the other person happy. We, for example, hit a compromise. I make Indian comfort food when needed (although there is that little discussion on the amount of salt to still settle) and he deals with French and is charming when we go to North African fetes. He teaches me about American indie music and I teach him about Schumman and since we both write on film, we argue the merits of this or that film til we’re blue in the face. And one day, he will no longer eat pasta from Pizza Hut but opt for the real stuff and I’ll get the salt and the samosas right. That all should take awhile…;-)
This boggles my mind. For me, it wouldn’t even have to come to the point of enforcement; if my parents wanted me to sign something like this, that would be enough to seriously damage the relationship. The people who’re supposed to care about me want to control me with property? A cardboard box would be a blessed and welcome alternative to what I’d see as a staggering lack of respect for me.
I agree with the ‘gentle persistence’ idea first mentioned by Kali above. I was recently engaged to an Indian girl but my parents weren’t happy about finding out we were dating because although we are the same religion/culture her family are from a different part of the state that we are from. Gentle persistence eventually paid off, now five years after being with her we’re engaged and soon to marry. If you do anything more drastic than this, you could potentially hurt someone. Just remember this: no matter what they say, deep down, our parents love us.
It was interesting today. I was walking along Michigan Ave (where all the big restaurants & shops are located in downtown Chicago), and I saw so many desi interracial couples (mainly white guys & Indian chicks). The big jerk that I am, I always gave a nasty glare to the gora man.
I don’t know…this guy needs to grow a pair.
This is not about not lacking a pair. It doesnt take much to tell your parents to f*** off. Its much harder to try to convince your parents and work it out with them. Its pretty easy to walk away from your parents.
I used to be a big believer in trying to win over the parents, but over time I have reached the conclusion that parents also need to just get over their hang ups and sometimes trying to accomodate them only fuels their sense of entitlement. Being firm and resolute with your parents right from the beginning is a better strategy. They engage in drama because they believe that they can make you change your mind. If they see no hope, they will lose the desire to fight and resign themselves to the reality.
I once dated a Hindu girl (nominally Hindu) and her mom let her know that if we were to get serious and eventually think about marriage, she would kill herself so she should end the relationship before it gets serious. I am not Muslim but of Muslim origin and she still could not accept me at any level.
I’m an Indian girl in my early 20s, so the thought of marriage hasn’t crossed my mind yet, but so far my parents have been surprisingly cool about my interracial relationships. I did notice, though, especially early on in the commenting, that the general consensus is that grandkids will ‘bring the parents around’ should a family rift-type situation arise. As someone who doesn’t want kids, I can’t help but wonder how much more complicated and bitter the rift might become for people with similar desires.
As a side note — being in college and observing a lot of desi students around me struggle with their own interracial relationships, it saddens me to observe that many desi parents expect their kids to live the American/Canadian dream to the fullest (work hard, nice home, enjoy life with family and friends) except when it comes to romantic relationships. I’ve seen parental reactions that range from denial (‘I know you’re shagging a non-Indian boy but I’m going to look the other way’) to strict curfews and monitoring of phone calls, to a family actually packing up and moving back to India upon learning of their daughter’s relationship. The latter is especially tough to comprehend – she grew up in Canada and, ironically, was dating a desi guy (although not from the same community). I agree with other comments that it’s not even (always) about race, but about how much control your parents want over your life, and how willing or unwilling they are to let you make decisions that might ‘take you away from them’.
I only do that if she’s good looking. If not, heh, no bother.
I once felt guilty and admitted this to my female friend, and she said she’s only bothered when she sees a sexy Indian guy with a white girl, if he isn’t all that, nothing to worry about.
I think it’s a primal thing.
I think there are two kinds of anxieties that lead parents to make demands that are totally not reasonable — folks are either uncomfortable with “dating culture” (I think gappa summed it up earlier, that many desi parents equate dating with “sex, sex, sexin'” or impermanence or lack of “seriousness”) or have strong beliefs (normative or otherwise) regarding the characteristics that they believe make a successful future partner. I think there’s also just a really heavy bias towards long-term relationships and generally disapproving of dating if it’s not moving towards marriage, but that’s another post. Then there are crazy parents, where it’s all about control, their status, their hopes, their dreams, etc. I think it’s much easier to work with lack of familiarity than with crazy.
I also think parents sometimes say things to their kids when they’re young (i.e., adolescents) to scare them out of dating, not realizing that it could cause your kid a lot of grief in the future. I remember my parents making some off-handed comment about religion and future partners when I was like, 15. I cannot tell you how many times that conversation replayed in my head. My mind would race each time a romantic possibility came up, wondering “what if this becomes serious? what if it doesn’t? what am I going to do? am I going to have to choose between my parents and my partner? between my partner and faith?” Finally I told them that there was a very high likelihood that I wouldn’t end up in a long-term relationship with another Sikh, let alone another Punjabi, etc. (I wasn’t even dating at the time, just trying to cushion the blow before anything “big” came up). Lo and behold, THEY DIDN’T CARE. They told me that they had pretty much expected as much at this point, but that they hoped I kept ALL my options open (including race, religion, etc). Here I was, a 20-year-old woman walking around with 13-year-old baggage, realizing that my parents really don’t care who I partner with as long as I’m happy. What a crock.
Camille, just out of curiosity, you allude to being Punjabi and Sikh, but why do you leave caste (or tribe/ethnicity if you prefer) out of your analyses? You don’t have to answer this question…but it seems pressure to marry within the caste/tribe is strongest amongst the Jatts (and I believe you mentioned you come from a Jatt background)…rivalling and probably exceeding that amongst even South Indian Brahmins. I know of one guy who was physically beaten by his dad and chachas for wanting to marry his gori girlfriend. Even though caste has apparently not been a big factor for your parents, would you agree it is for a lot of folks out there? If not from your parents, have you ever faced this pressure from extended family? Again, please don’t answer if this is too personal. And I’m not criticising Jatts for this…they have every right to preserve their culture, heritage, and ethnicity and ensure the continuation of their community.
Amitabh your not a jatt?
and I saw so many desi interracial couples (mainly white guys & Indian chicks). The big jerk that I am, I always gave a nasty glare to the gora man.
If the girl punjabi, I’m thinking way to go sister, if you get married you won’t have to deal with a punjabi mother-in-law.
Nope.
So if so more desi women marry outside than desi guys what happens to Desi guys here? Where do they find their desi partners? Is it that Desi women like to talk about their inter racial marriage more or they actually marry out more than guys? I am asking it because the ratio of all the stories on this thread is higly tilted towords desi women marrying outside.
I think more brown guys will be gay then.
It seems as though Indian women are starting to act like typical Asian women (marrying outside their race). These women are bitter, so they cling on their white men.
But just think of all the novels that will come out of it!
Amitabh, I never really had a sense of caste-consciousness (in any non-academic or external way) until I was about 10. My parents don’t refer to people by caste, or to themselves that way. The first time I heard the terms “Jatt” and “Pappa” was at Khalsa School — I still don’t fully understand the concept or history of it, and when anyone bothered to break it down they did so as “clan affiliation” (not as caste). There is NOT any pressure in my family to marry Jatt, but I really couldn’t speak intelligibly about the pressure that other ABPunjus may face.
166 · Ajit said
if you should be so lucky…
Whoa, what planet did you just come from? You obviously made the wrong assumption and read the wrong book, and I can tell that you have more on your plate than you can digest so go back to Europe and start sweeping the streets, you stupid European peasant, leave America alone.
And its also funny how you said that theres “evidence” and then failed to back it up with a proper citation. Given that you are not very knowledgeable, I would like fill you in on something that is so obvious that you got be a an ass not to know, and I am assuming that you are from across the border, the term Caucasian applies to Indians and Europeans because they look, talk, and walk the same.
I also noted that you said most Indians have connection to Africans genealogically, when in reality most Indians are Aryans and the Dravidian population is a minority here. So take your illiterate ass out of this forum and don’t come back, because we don’t like to “hang” with outcastes like you.
153 · Dear Abi said
WTF, is this guy Dave for real, or is he a troll? Either way, if he could be moderated, that would be great. I for one would rather not have to deal with reading about how other posters should “go back to Europe and start sweeping the streets, you stupid European peasant.”
Dear Abi, just ignore him. Some folks just got to be hatin’ – whether it’s other people or themselves (see, eg, “the term Caucasian applies to Indians and Europeans because they look, talk, and walk the same”, post 182.) Actually, in view of the latter possibility I guess he should be pitied rather than ignored (or reviled, hard as it might be not to respond in kind.)
178 · Rahul S said
You bet we are bitter! And it’s comments like your’s that make us even more bitter. They makes “clinging” to a white man seem infinitely better than to a “typical Indian male.”
183 · mexicalidesi said
You sound obnoxious, but I like quesadillas de pollo a lot, its one of my favorites, so you can stay.
They go to the Desh and use their NRI status to marry and import a rich girl, of course. Then the girl can cook all their favorite dishes and supply the culture that the guys never bothered to imbibe.
Both of these conclusions are premature. But to actually try to divide Indians into Aryans and Dravidians is ridiculous. So I guess we should page Razib and the Scythian/Lemurian lobbies.
wow, so many stories. I have to say I haven’t been in this situation YET. My older brother was dating a white girl for a couple of years, and my mom and dad tried a bunch of different tactics. My dad would get angry and say she couldn’t come to our house, my mom would feign various physical ailments, including high blood pressure (which she actually has). My brother called out all this BS and was very angry with them. He still brought her over once in a while, and my parents didn’t speak with her except for my mother maybe saying hi. If she came in the room while they were there, she would speak to my brother in urdu, which really angered my brother and his girlfriend. I’m not sure how her parents took the relationship, they were polite at least and exchanged gifts with my brother at christmas etc. Anyway, my bro and his gf broke up eventually (I think it was partially about religion, we’re muslim), and he had a bout of clinical depression. To this day, he blames my parents for a lot of his problems, and I’m been trying to get him to see a counselor.
Then my sister: She’s been dating a white guy for the last 4 and a half years, and he converted to Islam a couple of years ago. She tried to move away for school (to a different campus of the same university) where he was going and my parents threw a fit. My dad said she couldn’t go, and then changed it to she couldn’t go unless my mother moved with him (without taking my mother’s feelings into account, he is such an ass (though i still love him, he is a very bad temper, and is a huge control freak)). My mother was so upset, that my sister finally decided not to go. She spent days on the floor crying, because her bf was going to be another city for the whole year (he had promised his best friend to live with him and their friends for the year, so he couldn’t come back until the next school year). While my brother had been pretty open about going to see his gf, and didn’t care that my parents would be angry, my sister resorted to sneaking around to see him. My parents being very snoopy, would find out and be alternately upset and angry. I didn’t help much, because I felt bad for my parents and I really though my sister could do better. I’m friends with her bf, and he’s a nice guy. I don’t have anything against his ethnicity, I just really think she could do much better ..:( Sorry, if that seems like I’m intruding into her life.
Anyway, now they’re both in grad school in the same city. I on the other hand, have never dated. My parents think of me as the ‘good girl’ now, because I’m the only one they see as still potentially going to med school, and doing what they tell me to do. This is because I don’t want to fight with them, and also because I feel if I rebel, they’ll think they were horrible parents, because none of us actually did what they said. So next year, I’m moving far away for grad school, and I don’t know what to do. I want to meet someone, but will feel guilty if I date. But what guy is going to want to be someone without dating? Who would want to be friends first, and then get engaged or something? I’m really not sure what’s going to happen. I may end up getting a lot of cats (I’m 21 by the way). So sorry for the long post.
Ethnic fetishist.
I don’t pretend to completely understand this stuff and arguments about “Scythians” make me shudder, but the genetic distances between various populations have been mapped so while there’s plenty more to discover, no doubt, we’re not totally in the area of conjecture. http://www.genome.org/cgi/content/full/11/6/994 is one link that talks about the genetics of the major castes and their genetic “distances” among themselves and from other populations. surprise! The link seems to be pretty technical and scientific and doesn’t vere into sociological commentary, just the facts such as they are currently understood. This study of some castes in India shows greatest genetic relationship to Asians! Then to middle eastern I think,some to European lines and least of all to Africans. I was a little suprised, but skin color is a poor marker for genetics. This is a generality and didn’t mention where in Africa–possibly Ethiopians would have more relationship to some Dravidians. Ofcourse some parts of India have African influence so this doesn’t describe everybody. What I draw from it so far is that “Indians” are Asian and their genetic profile is sort of unique despite our mixture. One thing I didn’t read through enough to get is what are “Asians” to whom Indians show the greatest genetic relationship? Chinese? Or just Indian Asian as opposed to other kinds? is there a geneticist in the house?
“It was interesting today. I was walking along Michigan Ave (where all the big restaurants & shops are located in downtown Chicago), and I saw so many desi interracial couples (mainly white guys & Indian chicks). The big jerk that I am, I always gave a nasty glare to the gora man. “
Among desis, unlike black/white or far eastern asian/white, the gender percentages that marry “out” are roughly equal though some white american girls may think desi men have certain old-fashioned expectations–which may or may not be there. People tend to focus on what most irritates us. Just do a survey taking note of race/gender/age. Some people think young girls go for older men. Pretty rare actually. black/white couples? Pretty rare statistically and from my vantage point, and especially in the most racially mixed areas of the country, very unlikely to increase. Asian/white–fewer asian girls are marrying out perhaps because they have more asian options now or because of pressure in their own race. If you can get over the family probs i don’t see any big deal being made about desi/non-desi marriages. They are one of the least discussed or fretted over interracial unions–but i guess that could be because there aren’t that many desis in proportion to the whole population.
I dislike that word “interracial,” it comes with too much ideological baggage. Does anyone really believe that whole continents like America, Europe and India have been genetically isolated from each other for centuries? (America was populated by migrants from all over the world; the “American race” has never existed.)
When people say “race,” they often mean “class” and “culture” — and some put “class” before “culture” but won’t necessarily admit it. (Quick: how many parents cry bloody murder if your spouse from the “other culture” happens to be a multimillionaire?)
No Indian parents ever disown their SONS- especially parents of this type
My parents had a ‘love marriage’ yet when it came to my own marriage they tried to arrange the hell out of it. When I met my wife, who incidentally fit their cultural requirements, my mom (mostly) now had questions about her educational profile. I finally said something to the effect of ‘either you can participate in my wedding or I am going to be the lone participant from my side’. That was enough to make them stop. Now, a father of a 4yr old girl – my wife and I know one thing-we want her to be happy, respected no matter who her partner will be. I wonder how many DBD generation 1.5ers like me on this forum feel that way-thats what counts. I think that this generation will basically come to their senses when it comes to intercultural marriage.
The issue becomes desire vs coercion. Many parents favor an atmosphere of coercion…desire freaks em out. No one likes having their clothes picked for them. If you’re over 25 and “mummy daddy” are still telling you who to date then you need to take active steps to break those strings. The most troubling thing I see amongst my desi friends over say age 28 who have had rigid parnets is that they are so UTTERLY burnt out by the prospect of marriage that I could never see them being active participants in their own happiness. When some of them have married there remains a glaring vibe of skittishness and paranoa. Ultimately you are responsible for your own happiness and only you can find out what exactly that is. Your parents will pass on and you will be left with the debris of their fear.
I never really had a sense of caste-consciousness (in any non-academic or external way) until I was about 10.
It was 4 years ago for me when I was 27. Before that it was just a word that when I want to punjabi parties that drunk men would all say over and over.
Grossly simplified version of my story:
My parents tried to disown me a few months ago. They waited until my brother went out to run errands one evening and told me that, now that I was about to graduate, they wanted to start looking for a guy for me to marry. They told me they wanted to set up a profile for me on shaadi.com. At that point, I felt this weird determination come over me, and I had to be honest with them. I told them that I’d been struggling with something my entire life, blah blah blah, and finally told them I was a lesbian. Well, they’ve been trying to cure me ever since. About a month after I first came out to them, my dad finally said that I’d have to choose between my “lifestyle” and being in the family. I said I didn’t want to break up the family, but that I knew I had to live the way God wanted me to: honestly. So the next day, my dad said to me, “You’ve made your choice, now I’ll make mine.” He said they’d support me financially until I graduated, but after that, they never wanted to have any contact with me again. So I left them in tears, but I wasn’t sad. I felt strangely liberated. It was the best feeling I’ve ever felt, really. I hadn’t even arrived in Davis before my brother called me saying they wanted me to come home the next day. What made that day so much worse, though, was that it was my father’s birthday. My parents are still trying to make me straight, we just don’t talk about it ever. I dread coming home because I’m afraid they’ll kick me out again. I dread them visiting because I’m afraid they’ll want to start talking to me about it. It sucks because I depend on them for any and all financial issues, and I only have one more quarter left before I graduate. They also talked about taking me out of school (yeah, with one quarter left to graduate). It was hard, and still is, but my faith definitely helps me deal with them in a calm way.
Sorry my story’s so broken up and horribly relayed, I just wanted to contribute something in a hurry. Keep the faith, people!
And I’m not criticising Jatts for this…they have every right to preserve their culture, heritage, and ethnicity and ensure the continuation of their community.
Well there is this place call the Punjab, where they can preserve all they want.
The sacrifice, and the hard work your friend’s husband is making is remarkable, especially in this environment, where the thought of sending american kids to madrassas and to pakistan would scare the bejesus of the average American parent
I guess the key is creating the environment in which the kids grow up and the more external influences you have the more difficult it becomes. I figured with interracial marriages this becomes even harder, since the strains are more. (and which fail at even higher rates than the already high rates of the general US population)
I commend your friend and her husband for being so involved and focussed, and wish them all the best.
@mfunnierthanyou 196, Honesty is only upto a reasonable point. After you have made all efforts to try to make them understand, if they are using their financial hold over you to make you do things you hate, that’s a form of abuse. This is different from mere emotional blackmail. Simply tell them that you totally see the light and have become straight and are seeing a guy, make it desi too (why not!). If they think you are not telling them the truth, tell them that you are just telling them what they can deal with since they can’t handle certain other things (Don’t answer the question of whether it is true or not and stay calm). Graduate, live your lifestyle of choice and pay back your “student loan” from them ASAP. Once you are on independent footing, you and they can work on your relationship if it is meant to be.
First of all, do you have a job/financial aid for school lined up? If not, get working on it. Financial independence as soon as possible is essential to ending this drama.
188 · Sawa said
Don’t take my quote out of context!! I was replying to another comment that I felt was extremely stereotypical and almost racist. I hate it when people try to figure out why people date/marry outside their “race” or “ethnicity.” As far as I know, race is a social contruct based almost entirely on skin color, and ethnicity one on national origins. People never stop to think that that the reason might simply be love.