I wish we were beyond this exasperating stupidity. Via TOIlet (no need to visit and catch a VTD, the entire article is quoted below:
Three-month-old Livya was rejected thrice by prospective Indian parents, who found her too dark. A year later, however, an American couple chose to adopt her and flew her to the US. She now lives with her parents and has two siblings — one from Korea and another from Vietnam.
Livya was lucky, but the story is not the same for other adoptable children. Many who are legally free for adoption continue to face discrimination as wannabe Indian parents look for a “fair and lovely” baby, though the law prevents one from picking and choosing babies for adoption.
Perhaps those overlooked children are better off without such complexion-obsessed parents. After all, there is always the Angelina effect (aside: once again, Madonna is associated with the word “wanna-be”):
But most foreign couples prefer children who are dark-skinned, older or with medical concerns, HIV positive and with special needs.
And here, the reason for my title (and the explanation for the painful noise my jaw made when it fell on my desk):
Secretary for the Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA), O P Sirohe, says in-country adoptions have been encouraging and there is a long list of parents waiting. But still, they ask for fair-skinned, healthy and, preferably, Punjabi child as it is usually chubby. A child is no market commodity and adoptions become meaningful only when there is a change in people”s attitude, he says.
Preferably a Punjabi child. Wow. I love chubby babies, too (my Godson’s nickname wasn’t “The Pudgesicle†for nothing)…but this just makes my stomach twist. What are you adopting? A baby or an accessory? What does this even mean? That it’s too much work to feed your new kid butter-laced everything, so you can chub them up sufficiently yourself? “Honey, let’s go shopping for a baby on Saturday—I heard they have new Punjabi models in stock!” And to my Punjabi peeps…um…how do you feel about being objectified due to such a dubious distinction?
Foreign couples are more open to adopting any child, irrespective of its age, religion, skin colour or looks. Children who are older, with special needs and medical conditions are finding homes overseas, he says.
“NRIs and couples from Italy, Germany, US, Spain and Sweden take home kids with special needs. We place such children in Indian homes too, but they are an exception,” says Dr Aloma Lobo, chairperson, Adoption Coordinating Agency, Karnataka.
And thanggawd for it.
The following concern isn’t exclusive to India; American “waiting†children don’t have much luck when they are in their teens, either. Everyone wants a baby. And sometimes, a chubby one.
Another hurdle in the adoption of children is their age. For instance, Lakshmi, who is 13 years old, has still not found a home as her age is a major deterrent.
The law allows adoptions only up to the age of 12 (inter-country) and stipulates that the older parents age should not exceed 45. This is a setback as older children are not preferred by young couples and the older couples cannot adopt due to age limit.
It is quite a paradox as older couples have better financial status and parenting experience and can spend more time with the child, adoption agencies say.
When does this self-loathing end? I know people who have struggled with infertility; they just appreciate having a little kid to love. I can’t help but imagine the couples who rejected this infant. How does that thought process work? “Well, we can’t have a child of our own…but damn it if we settle for a dark one. We deserve more than that!â€
So do babies like Livya. I hope her parents don’t tell her anything about this aspect of her past; I’m glad she was adopted by two people who looked at her and saw a toddler vs. a dark, undesirable object.
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Thanks for leaving this on the News Tab, duax0001.
Yeah, well. Look at the almighty wisdom of the Sri Lankan government:
Oi, hit “post” too fast! I meant to ask… does the Indian government have similar restrictions? What about other countries? What are adoption numbers pre- and post-tsunami? (I seem to recall that there was a lot of interest in adoption from tsunami-struck countries in the wake of the wave.)
anna, i’m shocked at the anti-indian slant of your post. unlike americans, indians have family values and aren’t so materialistic and consumer oriented. indians aren’t shallow like americans, who are always on the look-out for their latest bling or leave their parents to rot in nursing homes.
btw, the “skinny baby” thing. i’m wondering if any has noticed trends here. i talked to a tamil guy yesterday who rejects family values and lacks morals and so married a chinese woman. their daughter he notes is very skinny, and his chinese relatives note that that’s pretty weird and all the other chinese babies in the family are plump, while and his family the babies are skinny. we just found out that there are metabolic differences between brownz and whites in terms of mitochondrial efficiency, and i wonder if plumpitude or lack thereof might be a side effect? http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/02/080229112210.htm
3 · razib said
Naive fool! Do you not know that I am a plant of the Government of the Pakistan! Haha, I say. Haha!
on a serious note, stuff like this changes. korea, and later china, “exported” a lot of orphaned (or abandoned) baby girls. but the laws and social mores are shifting and that is now less common (korea is shifting toward girl preference, as japan did a generation ago). but i’m not sure about the skin color and preference for european features. my own exp. with ABD (which is only within the past few years) is that they don’t care as much, but it is something that is in the background (e.g., people contrasting themselves with their darker sibling, but much more rarely pointing out how they themselves are the dark one). but perhaps it won’t be an issue with the next generation, since the ABD parents aren’t don’t really talk about it like their parents do, so the implicit bias will go away. the same might happen in india even it is a much more slow going process (unless you contend that there is a hard-wired preference for these sorts of things).
Terrible but reality. I didn’t realise that Punjabis were considered ‘better’ in India. In Pakistan I think Pukhtoons are considered more valuable b/c they are very light skinned.
In Pakistan I think Pukhtoons are considered more valuable b/c they are very light skinned.
right. in india high-status muslims claim they are pashtun cuz that is more prestigious. if they are very “white looking” they will claim turkic or persian antecedents. a persian is a “black fellow” to a russian, a pashtun is a “black fellow” to a persian, a punjabi is a “black fellow” to a pashtun, a gujarati is a “black fellow” to a punjabi, and a tamil is a “black fellow” to a gujarati. if you read SM just note that some south indians who aren’t tamil are at pains to distinguish themselves from ‘madrasis.’ when parents mentioned that telugu sounded like tamil to their ears at a party where most people were from andhara pradesh they had their heads ripped off. welcome to the brown-great-chain-of-being. at least there are the real kala-folk from africa even if you are are a madrasi….
For the record a cousin once removed has adopted 3 kids – and she’s a desi living in India. None of which are chubby, Punjabi or fair-skinned(and two of which are girls) 🙂
CRAPPY TOI ALERT!!! Not really sure how that sentence got through an editorial staff with an eye and a pulse. And if that unqualified trend IS true, doesn’t that say something about the adoptee’s currency on foreign shores? If there are consistent trends in sought-after qualities (be they fair skin, dark skin, issues of health), it would seem that there’s objectification and tokenisation either way.
So if they want punjabi babies, they would have to be girls only. Cause there many abandoned punjabi baby girls who made the mistake of being born a girl.
i suppose it would make sense to want to adopt a punjabi baby if the parents are punjabi though. it could be good because then they could teach it its own language, customs, etc. but if skin color is the sole basis of wanting a punjabi baby over others, that’s not right..
Cause there many abandoned punjabi baby girls who made the mistake of being born a girl.
doctors which malpractice and let such fetuses come to term should have their license revoked!
it could be good because then they could teach it its own language, customs, etc.
i know what you’re trying to say. but can we move beyond the idea that people are born with language, customs, etc. in their genes? mebee it’s the amerikan in me, but the whole concept seems noxious to me. do muslims in india only adopt “muslim” babies and hindus vice versa?
The myth of a light skin punjabi is overrated.
I live in the Vancouver which now like the 2nd punjab. And least 95% of the punjabi I see here are darker then I’m. So I don’t get the deal with punjabi being light.
On the hand I’m very light myself for a punjabi.
The myth of a light skin punjabi is overrated.
the distributions are real. i can post some skin reflectance values later , but there is a NW-SE gradient in the subcontinent. there are many dark punjabis, and many light ones, just as the are many light tamils and dark ones. but the distributions are real.
This makes me appreciate my uncle and aunt in Ahmedabad even more. They adopted two very dark-skinned dalit girls when they were 3 and 4 years old, and they (my cousins!) are now two beautiful ladies–one is studying in England, and the other is in medical school in Mumbai.
i know what you’re trying to say. but can we move beyond the idea that people are born with language, customs, etc. in their genes? mebee it’s the amerikan in me, but the whole concept seems noxious to me
But these poor desi kids raised in the west by white familes miss out on so much of there customs.
10 · ptr_vivek said
Oh, thank you so much for bringing this up– like Sugi, I wondered about the rules re: adoption, and if it wasn’t a question of such children being fetishized so much as such children being “easier” to adopt for NRIs or non-brownz…
Also, such as. Can’t help it. Was inspired by my own current inability to articulate things properly (awful day at work, vat to do).
the distributions are real. i can post some skin reflectance values later , but there is a NW-SE gradient in the subcontinent. there are many dark punjabis, and many light ones, just as the are many light tamils and dark ones. but the distributions are real.
The funny thing is that when I go to California[Fresno to Bay Area], I notice that the punjabi there are more lighter then they are in Vancouver. I guess part of that is my family, but still it seems like they have lighter skin tone.
I agree with vivek, the objectification going the other way is equally sickening. I think the problem is that many from the enlightened classes deem themselves rescuers of the downtrodden third world children.
When I want on my nightmare vacation to the Punjab in 1996. I can recall that people were saying that I was a good catch for some girl. Not only of my Canadian passport, my taste in music and my skin tone. I had no idea how bad the skin tone was until I want there. And all I would here was gora rung[I think that means white skin tone]
Suki, I think for being someone who claims to be enlightened you sure drop multiple refrences to how you are a light skinned Punjabi.
I have never in my life heard of that sterotype of Punajbi babies. Are there any more sterotypes that I dont know about Punjabi’s? However, if Punjabi babies is what you people want then I just slapped a for sale sign on my balls.
I wish changing culture was as easy as taking a class in college, but this is something that will change in the next 100 years and even then it will still be a issue from some. I cant imagine how it is like to be a human being that has grown up in a orpahnage and never have been adopted. I honestly cant blame that person if they are angry at the world and rob people for a living.
Suki, I think for being someone who claims to be enlightened you sure drop multiple refrences to how you are a light skinned Punjabi.
The reason I bring it up is cause I have seen it make a difference in my life, for being light skined. Also I have a daughter who is more darker then me and people have asked me if I which she was lighter, which I think is stupid.
Why does this not surprise me? There’s all kinds of cultural issues at play on both sides. It’s hard not to descend into stereotypes, but when you see the same things played out over and over, you begin to realize it really is about the way that people think in general – the messages they are sent and receive, consciously or unconsciously.
First, yeah, Indians are obsessed about skin color like Americans are obsessed with weight. This is reality, and it is thrown in your face everywhere you turn, from the chemist’s shop to the hoardings in Gurgaon to Femina magazine. “Dark” is a euphemism for “ugly,” even in English. I’ve heard it used for girls who are i guess “wheatish” but really not pretty at all though NOT dark. I have a friend who, if she gets dark spots on her face, her mother will apply turmeric paste till the yellow stain doesn’t come off even with washing. And I hate to say it, but I look around at work and, in my department of about 50 people, there is 1 dark-skinned female and 1 Muslim male (but lots of pretty Punjabis.) Who knows – maybe the dark-skinned people and Muslims just aren’t applying for these kinds of jobs.
And the prejudice extends to anyone who’s dark-skinned, not just Indians. Never have I seen such overt racism as I have seen in Delhi. It is socially acceptable for even educated people to say things like “well, I might sleep with a white guy, but never an African, that’s just disgusting.” And there is no condemnation; this is just the way things are, the way people are. Think pre-Civil Rights in the southern US states … not so much the lynchings, but the thought patterns are similar: Racism is okay, as long as it’s to preserve our culture.
And on a more practical note – almost all potential adoptive parents in the US who travel overseas, pay attorneys’ fees, etc. have the wherewithal to take care of a child with special needs. Are the potential adoptive parents in India who overlook the special babies as wealthy? Good medical care here is still expensive according to Indian standards. Everyone I know who has had a family member with a chronic illness has told me that they wished they could go to Mumbai/New York/London to get better care for their loved one, but that it was prohibitively expensive.
So… an Indian parent who wants to adopt a perfect, fair baby is certainly no stretch of the imagination.
Second, Americans kind of have a complex when it comes to adopting. They see it as a noble thing to do, something that you do for “the least of these” … that it is a sacrifice you make that brings great rewards. Look at Madonna, at Angelina, at that family of 14 adopted kids from all over the world that makes the news every couple of years or so. This is typical of the “rooting for the underdog” thought pattern… let’s take the kid that no one else wants and make the best life for them. Is there some guilt complex too? Does adopting a baby from China, India, Malawi somehow abate that sense of guilt they have for living in the richest country in the world?
(non sequitur – do people from Saudi/Dubai/etc. also have a similar guilt complex? But that’s a post for another day and probably another website.)
So I see BOTH the Indian parents and American parents acting out of self-interest in some way or another, and can also understand how both sets of parents would justify it to you and insist that it was never about them, which they believe 100 percent. Indian, American, Indian-American, I believe at the core we are really very much the same… we just express that sameness in different ways.
Anyway… I can’t get angry at this… I just can’t. It makes sense in this culture in India to look for that fair Punjabi kid. It makes sense in America to take that one kid who is left behind.
However, if Punjabi babies is what you people want then I just slapped a for sale sign on my balls.
I don’t think any punjabi family would put up a precious baby boy up for adoption.
So there would be no reason to put a sale sign on you balls.
(non sequitur – do people from Saudi/Dubai/etc. also have a similar guilt complex? But that’s a post for another day and probably another website.)
No they don’t have a guilt complex, unless you count some Sheik’s who like to adopt young girls for there harems.
26 · triliana said
What does this anecdote have to do with anything?
What does this anecdote have to do with anything? Just saying that maybe the skin color thing goes deeper than OMG my daughter will have a hard time marrying. Does it affect who gets what jobs in the workplace? Don’t know. And I know that at least in my workplace we try to be inclusive… but maybe there are deeper prejudices.
I can second that. I remember the disgust with which my desi mates reacted when they learnt that I was dating a black lady. In India Dark = Ugly in most cases. No two ways about it and the sooner that the Western World realizes it, the easier it is for everyone. Quite like Fat = Ugly in most situations in the Western World.
30 · triliana said
I don’t know if you can extrapolate that from your workplace experience. I sure there are high tech offices in the Silicon Valley filled with very, very dark South Indians.
Triliana,
I am not sure if it is necessarily guilty conscious but a desire to save the poor of the third world from themselves. I call it the Oprah complex.
yes it does. Walk into any Citibank branch/ office in India and watch for the distribution of light skinned vs dark skinned employees. The skin tone fetish is true across male and female employees. Citibank is just an example coz it used to pay heaps and hence attract ‘cream of the crop’. It could easily be Mckinsey today.
Good thing dark-skinned Annna (ANNA?) was never put for adoption. Flixster (that zany world of foot foto’s and puffed up Malayali as-ses) would never be quite the same humorous adventure.
Maya,
I don’t think such personal attacks further any discussion. How about you discuss the post for its merits and leave the author out of it.
delurker: i’m in Delhi … the situation in the US is very unique to the history and politics there. I know that if I were to go to other places in India it would be a different mix too. But for a city with so many kinds of people, I am really surprised that the ethnic makeup of support staff and middle management is not more diverse.
Wait. triliana, are you India? If you are, ignore everything I wrote.
Who knows – maybe the dark-skinned people and Muslims just aren’t applying for these kinds of jobs. In general, Muslims from North India tend to be fairer (not all). According William Darlymple, and even others, Muslims around Delhi area have not so trivial English blood in them from mixing of races in 16th-17th centiry. Read White Mughal for reference. So Muslims in general are not dark skinned. Then Pathans and all with Iranian blood (from really north, present Pakistan, and Afghanistan) are naturally fairer skinned.
Think pre-Civil Rights in the southern US states … not so much the lynchings, but the thought patterns are similar: Racism is okay, as long as it’s to preserve our culture. There is one race in India. Many religions, but one race. Very tiny percentage are of Iranian origin (Parsis), and very, very tiny percentage of Afircan origin (they existence is an anthroplogical enigma) in India. Power dynamics of India – good, bad or ugly, take your pick – is very different from 1950s-60s America
Oi, hit “post” too fast! I meant to ask… does the Indian government have similar restrictions? What about other countries? What are adoption numbers pre- and post-tsunami? (I seem to recall that there was a lot of interest in adoption from tsunami-struck countries in the wake of the wave.) This is a very touchy subject, and Indian, and Sri Lankan Government have to walk a very tight rope. While many western parents are genuine, are real, and should be let to be adapted parents. But some are pedophiles, or evangelical front organizations***, and with other agenda (even political) racketeers. Sometimes, easier adaption encourages baby for sale in develping countries. Cases in Sri Lanka, Thailand, and recently in Africa with the French group have been some examples. There are no simple answers. I wish they were. There are no easy way for vetting for adoption.
*** This became an issue immediately after tsunami in Sri Lanka
we are discussing skin colour fetish of desis in India not Americans in Silicon valley. In the early days, the top IT companies including Infy and Wipro would recruit only the prettiest women in the batch…. ie normally ones with the light skin tone. Nowadays, no one can afford to be so picky. However this does happen now when a top IT company goes a third rate college in a tiny town. Although saying that non-males in Engg colleges are pretty is a bit of a stretch – as many DBD SM commenters would agree.
and for further disambiguation, i should just post under ONE handle 😉 goin to bed now… 😛
but i’m not sure about the skin color and preference for european features. my own exp. with ABD (which is only within the past few years) is that they don’t care as much, but it is something that is in the background (e.g., people contrasting themselves with their darker sibling, but much more rarely pointing out how they themselves are the dark one). but perhaps it won’t be an issue with the next generation, since the ABD parents aren’t don’t really talk about it like their parents do, so the implicit bias will go away. the same might happen in india even it is a much more slow going process (unless you contend that there is a hard-wired preference for these sorts of things).
African Americans have been here for a while and the color thing/european features-hair is still an issue in the African American community.
Light skinned desi women actually are at an disadvantage because dark hair really stands out on the light skin especially on arms etc. which is not very attractive. You are better off being a white woman with golden/light brown hair which does not stand out or a darker skinned desi woman with dark hair which also does not stand out.
P.S. Suki Dillion: Nice coy reference to your lightness 😉 In all my time at SM, I am yet to see somebody let us know that they are dark. Only the light ones always accidently and innocently let it slip that they are light.
On the flip side, there was this story about an American mom who adopted an Indian kid and was taken aback by her own reaction to the baby’s darkness.
Why is this inherently wrong? On an absolute scale, abandoned kids in developing countries face a worse fate than abandoned kids in America. What is wrong with adopting from a developing country if you are motivated by helping “the least of them”? (I understand why the notion of the white man’s burden is criticized, and a lot depends on how the kids are brought up, but this motivation for choosing a country to adopt from doesn’t seem inherently bad).
And I know it’s fashionable to criticize Angelina Jolie, but unless she is a bad parent or somehow treats her children as belonging to some kind of Benetton ad, more power to her if she adopts more kids because she can afford it. Personally, I think some desis should adopt Jamie Lynn Spears’ or Nicole Ritchie’s kid (although I guess it won’t be chubby if mom has had anything to do with it).
I beg to differ. I’m fat, black, can’t dance, and I have two gay fathers. People have been messing with me my whole life. But there’s no sense getting all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. Plus I have a really large penis. That keeps me happy.
I have and so has Nala.
P.S. Suki Dillion: Nice coy reference to your lightness 😉 In all my time at SM, I am yet to see somebody let us know that they are dark. Only the light ones always accidently and innocently let it slip that they are light.
I guess we will have to wait for the Vancouver SM meetup, to see I’m telling the truth. You can also find my picture on the SM facebook site, as I’m the one of the few that outed myself.
I guess we will have to wait for the Vancouver SM meetup, to see I’m telling the truth. You can also find my picture on the SM facebook site, as I’m the one of the few that outed myself.
i was mocking you for letting us know you are light skinned. so what do you do? my point completely goes over your head and you come back and argue about the fact that you are in fact light skinned!
Light skinned people have it so hard, can’t catch a break from society. Of course, I know how that feels.
You were mocking me… really I had no idea.
PAFD,
I think the point is lost on a lot of people, in similar vein a lot of people subtly point to their upper class ancestory.