Somewhere a Goth is like, totally jealous.

A gravely unique story out of AhmEdabad (I can’t hear you groaning, so ha!): cafe culture.jpg

In India, death is a part of life — and, at one restaurant in western India, a part of lunch. The bustling New Lucky Restaurant in Ahmadabad Ahmedabad is famous for its milky tea, its buttery rolls, and the graves between the tables.
It’s a spot where old men page through newspapers and argue politics in the morning while young couples share candlelit meals and hold hands at night. That the candles sit atop graves only adds to the ambiance.
Krishan Kutti Nair has helped run the restaurant built over a centuries-old Muslim cemetery for close to four decades, but he doesn’t know who is buried in the cafe floor. Customers seem to like the graves, which resemble small cement coffins, and that’s enough for him.

Sure, the customers like it…unlike me, they are apparently not haunted by MJ’s Thriller video! Anyway, trust a desi to bring it all back to auspiciousness:

“The graveyard is good luck,” Nair said one recent afternoon after the lunch rush. “Our business is better because of the graveyard.”
The graves are painted green, stand about shin high, and every day the manager decorates each of them with a single dried flower. They’re scattered randomly across the restaurant — one up front next to the cash register, three in the middle next to a table for two, four along the wall near the kitchen.

I think business is good because the waiters seem fantastic:

The waiters know the floor plan like a bus driver knows his route, and they’ve mastered the delicate dance of shimmying between graves with a tray of hot tea in each hand.
“We’re used to it,” said waiter Kayyum Sheikh. “There’s nothing odd about it.”

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For the Ladies: “Tell Me What,” A DBD/ABD Hip Hop Video

Check out the following video, which is currently in rotation on MTV India:

Who are all these people? I hadn’t heard of any of them: the producer and male rapper calls himself Deep (he seems to be an ABD rapper). The woman singing in Hindi (with the short hair) is Pratichee (she is definitely a DBD). The woman singing R&B style, in English, is Janina Gavankar (who has had a role on “The L Word”; she was also featured in an earlier Sepia Mutiny post by Abhi). And the woman rapping — ferociously! — in Punjabi is Navraaz (could not find any links; I have no idea who she is).

I won’t try and translate the Punjabi rap (any takers?), except to say that the English chorus (Back the **** off me) makes a good summary. (I might also add that the lyrics might make even Ms. Hard Kaur blush…)

Incidentally, the label responsible for this track, IndiAudio, has made an MP3 available for downloading here.

What say you? Continue reading

Headlines I’d Like To See


Musharraf Resigns, Narendra Modi to Replace Him

Advani Resigns BJP, Plans To Take Up Gardening, Play With “Wii”

Vikram Pandit, Enthusiastic About New Job, Changes Name to “CitiPandit”

New Citigroup CEO Demands Subordinates Address Him as “Panditji

Sources: Dem Anti-Outsourcing Campaign Outsourced to India

Indian American Athlete Wins Heisman Trophy

Impoverished By Writer’s Strike, Simpsons’ “Apu” Returns to India For Good

Rushdie Marries Older Woman, Adopts Large-Nosed Infant Named “Saleem”

Sonia Gandhi Disowns Rahul and Priyanka; Monica Bellucci To Join Cong.

(Feel free to add your own, or spin off/tweak one of the above.) Continue reading

A Bombing to Lose Some Sleep Over

Sadly, suicide bombings in Pakistan (and to a lesser extent, India) have become so commonplace that we don’t really report on ’em much anymore. Sure there was some interesting coverage of the bomb that altered the political landscape by nearly killing Benazir Bhutto (and the fact that it may have been strapped to a 1 year old baby makes the details even more chilling). But that was just one of perhaps a half dozen bomb blasts that have rocked the country in as many months.

Given that media glory is, in many respects, exactly what the bombers are looking for, there is at least one morose advantage to this state of reportage. Most Pakistanis live quiet, peaceful, productive lives and would certainly prefer other aspects of their society get highlighted in the global media.

However, a bombing in the past few days is significant because, as with Bhutto’s attempted assassination, it has tremendous implications for the geopolitical order far outside of Pakistan. In this case, the target was a suspected nuclear weapons facility

As the Pakistani military continues the slow push to regain control of the settled district of Swat, suicide bombers struck in two locations, one at a sensitive weapons facility near Islamabad.

…the attack at a Pakistani Air Force base in Kamra, while only injuring seven, has far more serious implications. The Kamra complex is a likely location for Pakistan’s nuclear weapons program. The suicide bomber targeted a bus filled with 35 children of Pakistani Air Force officers. The driver, a conductor, and five children were wounded in the strike.

…While Taliban and al Qaeda suicide bombers have targeted secure military facilities over the past year, it is unclear if the suicide attack was a target of opportunity or a demonstration of the groups’ capacity to penetrate security at sensitive locations.

Back when nukes were a *really* tough thing to build, a society had to achieve a rather high degree of coordination and thus consensus to pull off construction of these beasts. As the march of globalization and technology steadily lower the cost of proliferation, expect more and more fractured societies to reach for them….

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Ivy-league admissions racket

The NYT ran a story yesterday about how aspiring Ivy league parents are trying to get their children admitted as athletic recruits … in squash:

Squash pros and coaches say that in the last few years the sport has seen a sharp increase in participation by children and teenagers, some of whose parents seem to have one eye on the ball and the other on college applications. [Link]

Grey lady, please. This is so Opal Mehta meets the Spice Girls, that is, this is old news for subcontinental strivers. Here’s an article from the TOI from 5 years ago:

Do you know the easiest way to book a free seat in an American Ivy League college? No, you do not have to secure the highest marks in your GRE/GMAT examinations. Just being a good squash player, should suffice… over a dozen squash players from Mumbai have made it to the American Ivy League, purely on the strength of the racquet sport…Indians stand the best chance with squash, because, there is little competition in this sport. [Link]

Siddhartha Suchde is the top player at the top Ivy School (Harvard has won 13 out of the last 16 squash championships) where he squashes his opponents with gusto:

Siddharth Suchde ’07 has played at number one in every Harvard men’s match since his sophomore year. Last season he went undefeated in all his regular-season matches and was named Ivy League Player of the Year

“A turning point came when I was 16 and I got a call from the Indian Squash Federation asking me to play in the world junior championships,” he says. He trained hard and became captain of the Indian junior national team, which finished fifth at the tournament, the best result in India’s history. Suchde has remained on the Indian national team for the past five years. Last December he played at number three for the Indian senior national team at the world men’s team championships in Islamabad, Pakistan. (It meant missing three weeks of classes.) India finished eleventh in the tourney, one of its best performances ever. [Link]

If squash becomes an Olympic sport in 2016, we’d finally have a sport that either India or Pakistan would have a chance of medalling in! w00t!

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An Afro-Pakistani Poet

Via 3 Quarks Daily, I read a profile of Noon Meem Danish, an Urdu-speaking poet from Karachi who is of African descent. The author of the piece, Asif Farrukhi, makes reference initially to some places I hadn’t heard of:

Whether you think of Lyari as Karachi’s Harlem or Harlem as a Lyari in New York, for Noon Meem Danish places provide a context but not a definition. ‘I am what I am’; he explains his signature with a characteristic mixture of pride and humility. Off-beat and defiant, he was a familiar figure in the literary landscape of the ’70s and ’80s. His poems expressing solidarity with the Negritude and the plight of blacks all over the world were referred to in Dr Firoze Ahmed’s social topography of the African-descent inhabitants of Pakistan. Karachi’s poet Noon Meem Danish now makes his home in the New York state of mind, and feels that he is very much in his element there. (link)

Lyari, one learns, is a town in/near Karachi where many of Karachi’s Africans (an estimated 500,000 of them) live. Their ancestors came to Balochistan as slaves via Arab traders (Noon Meem Danish defines himself ethnically as “Baloch,” which was confusing to me until I made the connection).

The Afro-Pakistani community, perhaps not surprisingly, hasn’t been treated particularly well, according to this essay in SAMAR magazine (skip down towards the end for some disturbing references to the extra-judicial killing of African youths). It’s not surprising that Noon Meem Danish, given his penchant for poetry, would consider leaving.

Danish is pretty forthright about the difference in how he is perceived in Karachi vs. New York:

More than home, Karachi was for him the city of the torment of recognition. ‘I was black and in Karachi it was always a shocking experience when people would ask me where I came from. They would ask how come you are speaking saaf Urdu. I had to explain myself each time.’

Karachi University wouldn’t hire him, but NYU did, and now he teaches at the University of Maryland (in the foreign language department — teaching Urdu, I presume). It’s interesting to think of someone of African descent emigrating to the U.S. because it’s less racist than the place where he grew up, but there you have it.

You can see Noon Meem Danish reciting at a Mushaira on YouTube (he’s at about 2:30 2:10). Continue reading

The Drama of Diversity

Five years ago, I attended my first and last HOKANA FOKANA, the conference which is held every other year for Mallus who really want to marinate in Malayaleeosity. At the time, I was working for a non-profit and one of the organizers was interested in some of the post 9/11 stuff I was doing, so I was invited to speak at three of the week’s “Youth” panels.

Since they offered, and the woman who had contacted me was just wonderful to work with, I accepted. Thanks to her, I was treated to one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had, once I arrived at the hotel in downtown Chicago, only to find myself among the most Malayalees I’ve ever seen in one place. It was a little bit bewildering, but it was edifying and fascinating, too.

There was so much to absorb: the regional cliques, the cousins from different coasts squealing as they spotted each other among the crowds, the Uncles strutting about, moustaches in full effect, declaring random things in voices so loud, the three or four white people who dared venture in to this quagmire jumped each time another Malayalee shout rang out. The energy (and scent of Drakkar mixed with Chivas) was potent. I’m glad I went. Everyone should, at some point.

I’ve often referenced my relatively “isolated” childhood– which so many of you share, according to what you confide via meetup and Gmail– and how unlike the other Malayalee Christian kids who grew up here, I never attended the Jacobite or MarThomite religious conferences which seemed to happen every few months, in different regions of the United States. Twenty years after my parents consciously blew off all of my Uncles’ recommendations that we attend that year’s FOKANA, my mother had a Eureka! moment in our kitchen, when during the one and only fight she and I ever had about my “settling down”, I shouted at her that if it were THAT important to her that I marry someone who was Malayalee and Orthodox, then perhaps they should have exposed me to actual Malayalee people while I was growing up.

“You never took me to FOKANA!”, I snapped and there it was, the look of recognition and acceptance. “How was I supposed to find this elusive dream son-in-law of yours, Ma?” I had a solid point. Every wedding we had attended in the two years preceding that argument had one thing in common besides parents who were attempting to one-up the last event by inviting an additional 100 guests; the bride and groom had met at church, at one of the regional denomination-specific conferences or yes, FOKANA. My mother never broke it down like that again. Yindeed, instead of the now familiar barrage of “Is he Jacobite? Marthoma? CATHOLIC?? Ehm…Malayalee at least???”, I was greeted with, “Found a nice boy yet?”

So these strange mega conferences, they have their place in our imperfect, carefully negotiated lives lived in on the hyphen. Sometimes, they can be an opportunity for pure good, like when one of you coordinated a massive effort to “Get Out The Marrow” at the TANA convention which was held in DC this year. What better place to rep Sameer and Vinay’s cause, than at an event which had several thousand potential matches? Continue reading

Parties to make my heart grow three sizes bigger

Despite the fact that I’m a total Grinch during the holiday season, I have to acknowledge that this time of year isn’t only about consumption (monetary and culinary) and bad music. It is also a time for helping out those less fortunate. With that in mind I’d like to recommend two holiday parties to our readers (and I shall be at both). The first is tonight at 10 pm. in Washington D.C. at Cafe Asia:grchheart.jpg

In the years past we have worked with many organizations in the Greater Washington area to help bring local children a wonderful holiday season and give them encouragement and assistance in bettering their lives. We have also worked with a number of international organizations to help bring children hope who have been orphaned, affected by natural disasters, displaced by war and or have been born with disability. These organizations through our generous donations have been able to help build schools, provide education and sustenance for kids and provide hope for those that may have had none.

The Sumil Shah Foundation for Children is looking for your support this year for the seventh annual toy drive. Through the Toy Drive we are able to collect numerous toys that are further distributed throughout the local DC area by way of our network. We also collect cash donations which we rely on greatly to help many unfortunate children locally and internationally. We welcome you to visit our website at sumilshah.org to get more information on these wonderful organizations.

The second charity party is in Houston next Saturday night at 9p.m. at Zimm’s Martini and Wine Bar:

Join us on Saturday December 15, 2007 for a fabulous night! We are throwing a charity party benefitting the DePelchin Children’s Center – a Houston area orphanage.

Zimm’s is ours for the night! All we are asking is you bring a toy for the kids or an item off of the orphanage’s needs list. If you prefer you can donate money and we will buy the items for you.

If you guys know of any other charity parties thrown by desi organizations or individuals, please throw them up on our Events Tab (and mention them as a comment in this post). Please remember to drive responsibly when leaving these parties. And remember, if not us, WHO will think of the children? Continue reading

Rest in peace, young Desi, there’s a heaven for a G…

NOOOOOOO!.gif

If the pop culture ref I used for my title didn’t float your yacht, try this one from tipster Raj, who single-handedly ruined my afternoon by sending us the bad news:

“Oh my God !! They killed Asok, you Bastards!!”

A moment of silence, please, for the adorable, paavam*, wide-eyed IIT alum who will no longer be available for scapegoating and abuse. Wait a second…maybe he’s better off away from Wally, the Pointy-haired Boss and everyone else he (got) worked (over) by.

Asok (pronounced “a-shook”) is an intern in the Dilbert comic strip. He is a brilliant graduate from the Indian Institute of Technology…Asok often solves difficult problems in a few keystrokes, but he is still naïve to the cruelties and politics of the business world. As a result, he often ends up being the scapegoat for his coworkers’ antics. Despite many years as an intern, and performing the functions of a senior engineer, Asok has been denied permission to be a regular employee and the usage of company resources for his work.
It has been mentioned that Asok once lived in the handicapped stall of the bathroom; he later moved to a storage facility (but was only allowed an hour leave for moving by the Pointy-Haired Boss). Asok is also trained to sleep only on national holidays, a trait that he allegedly carried over from his alma mater. In addition, he was trained during his time at the Indian Institute of Technology in telekinesis, using it once to vaporize an obnoxious Texan and more recently to stealthily steal donuts in a meeting, and remove asbestos from the office. As well, he has mentioned that he has the ability to reheat his tea by holding a cup to his forehead and think about fire. Asok appears to be a fan of Indian music: in the animated episode “Art” he is shown listening enthusiastically to a female vocalist singing in Hindi. Recently, the Pointy-Haired Boss announced that Asok died while on a test of a moon shuttle prototype. Asok had planned to reincarnate into his clone, unfortunately Carol had used the jar containing his DNA as a candy jar. It is not known how Asok will return. [viki]

If you are one of the three people reading this post who has not been exposed to the charm of Asok, read on:

Asok: You can use my key to open the box with its teeth.

Dilbert: To open this box I’ll need something stronger than a key.

Continue reading

Follow-up on Romney (Muslims & Faith in Politics)

Last week several commenters criticized my post on Mitt Romney’s “Muslims in the cabinet” comments. Romney’s apparent gaffe quickly faded from the headlines, but Romney’s recent speech on his idea of the role of religion in politics might be a good opportunity to briefly revisit my earlier post, and take a look at some issues with Romney’s attitude to religion in politics that come from directly from Romney’s statements “on the record.”

First, on the previous post. In hindsight, I regret not taking seriously the people other than Mansoor Ijaz who say they heard Romney say he would rule out people of Muslim faith from his cabinet. At the time I wrote the post, there were two witnesses saying that; by the following day there were three. All three individuals work for one libertarian magazine based in Nevada, which does pose a concern (that is to say, it’s possible they’re part of a right-wing anti-Romney movement).

That said, four witnesses (including Mansoor Ijaz, who in my view is not very credible) is enough: Romney probably did say (at least once, possibly twice) “Not likely” when asked whether he would have Muslims in his presumptive cabinet. The biggest problem with that statement, of course, is that it’s discriminatory. And those of us who aren’t Muslims should be equally concerned: if he’s not having any Muslims in his cabinet, he’s probably not having any Hindus or Sikhs or Jains either.

Another unfortunate aspect of Romney’s statement is that it reveals his seeming lack of awareness of people from a Muslim background who might in fact be qualified for certain cabinet posts. One such person is the Afghan-American Zalmay Khalilzad, who has been serving as the U.S. Ambassador to the UN — one of the few high-level Bush political appointments that hasn’t been a total flop.

In the end, I do not think the Romney “Muslims” gaffe is a significant political event, partly because it seems no one caught it on video, which means Romney has “plausible deniability” (damn you, deniability!). Pressed on the question by the media, Romney finesses it, and argues that what he meant was that he wouldn’t have Muslims in his cabinet just to placate critics of America in the Muslim world. That explanation works just fine with the mainstream media.

Still, Romney’s recent speech on religion probably isn’t going to win him many Muslim friends:

“I believe that every faith I have encountered draws its adherents closer to God. And in every faith I have come to know, there are features I wish were in my own: I love the profound ceremony of the Catholic Mass, the approachability of God in the prayers of the Evangelicals, the tenderness of spirit among the Pentecostals, the confident independence of the Lutherans, the ancient traditions of the Jews, unchanged through the ages, and the commitment to frequent prayer of the Muslims. As I travel across the country and see our towns and cities, I am always moved by the many houses of worship with their steeples, all pointing to heaven, reminding us of the source of life’s blessings. (link)

Muslims have “Frequent prayers” — that’s the best he could come up with? Oy, vey. (I think Jews might also be a bit troubled that his praise of Judaism is for its ancientness, a quality which has sometimes been invoked by anti-Semites. It’s also untrue that the religion is unchanged; ever hear of Reform or Conservative Judaism? But I digress.)

Of course, what’s really wrong with Romney’s speech, beyond that absurd paragraph, is the way he completely flip flops on secularism. Continue reading