Long have I bemoaned the often-fugly nomenclature of my people…but I was ignorant as to how good we have it, until I received a tip from one of you (thanks, M).

It turns out that Malayalees have nothing on Venezuelans, though if legislators in the land of OOogo Chavez have their way, we thenga-addicts will go back to being the undisputed world champions of weirdness (take that Lovelypreets and Pinkyjeets of the world! You wish you could be part of a set of siblings named Mincy, Quincy and Finsy):

Goodbye, Tutankamen del Sol.

So long, Hengelberth, Maolenin, Kerbert Krishnamerk, Githanjaly, Yornaichel, Nixon and Yurbiladyberth. The prolifically inventive world of Venezuelan baby names may be coming to an end.[NYT]

Inventive? That’s no exaggeration:

A glance through a phone book or the government’s voter registry reveals names like Taj-Mahal Sánchez, Elvis Presley Gomez Morillo, Darwin Lenin Jimenez…Other Venezuelan first names, which roll off the tongue about as easily in Spanish as in English, include Yusmairobis, Nefertitis, Yaxilany, Riubalkis, Debraska, as well as Yesaidú and Juan Jondre — transliterations of “Yes, I do” and “One hundred.” [IHT]

If electoral officials here get their way, a bill introduced last week would prohibit Venezuelan parents from bestowing those names — and many, many others — on their children. [NYT]

Oh, my. I need to pause for a giggle. Thanks. Okay, so what this means is that parents of newborns would have the pleasure of choosing a name for their baby, from a list of a scant 100 or so choices, which are all approved by the government, ostensibly to protect these fragile youngsters from a lifetime of mockery:

The bill’s ambition, according to a draft submitted to municipal offices here for review, is to “preserve the equilibrium and integral development of the child” by preventing parents from giving newborns names that expose them to ridicule or are “extravagant or hard to pronounce in the official language,” Spanish.

Okay. But why is this even an issue?

The debate over names starter last year when opponents of President Hugo Chavez questioned the accuracy of the voter rolls when it was found that a Superman was on the list.

However, electoral officials confirmed there are in fact two Venezuelans by that name registered to vote. [DailyIndia.com]

They’re doing it for the children, finally, someone is thinking of the children:

The bill also aims to prevent names that “generate doubts” about the bearer’s gender. [NYT]

Oh, boo-frickin-hoo. Try having to clarify, repeat, break down and spell Chandrashekharan Lakshminarayan Balasubramaniam daily, for the rest of your life. That isht builds character, yo. And patience. 😉

Guess what? Malayalees (and certain Punjabi Sikhs) have much in common with people in countries besides Venezuela! Who knew?

Whimsical names can also be found in other Latin American countries. Honduras has first names like Ronald Reagan, Transfiguración and Compañía Holandesa (Dutch Company), according to the newspaper El Heraldo. In Panama, local news media this year reported name-change efforts by an Esthewoldo, a Kairovan and a Max Donald. [NYT]

While I’ve heard of Mallu kids named Lenin or Stalin, people in Kerala don’t go this far (I think…scratch that, I hope):

Software searches of the voter registry find more than 60 people of voting age with the first name Hitler, including Hitler Adonys Rodríguez Crespo; eight Hochiminhs, among them Hochiminh Jesús Delgado Sierra; and six Eisenhowers, including Dwight Eisenhower Rojas Barboza. NYT

Maybe there are strong reasons for implementing such a bill?

…in Venezuela, where the tax authorities require name and national identity number for every purchase needing a receipt, pronouncing and spelling out Temutchin del Espíritu Santo can get tiring…With a name this complicated, you lose time,” he said.

“It also creates social problems,” he continued. “When interacting with others, not everyone can pronounce your name. I have to pronounce my name five times and spell it twice.” [NYT]

Seriously? Don’t make me get all Chandrashekharan Lakshminarayan Balasubramaniam on your kundi, now. Wuss. Derisiveness aside, are there more sinister implications behind this bizarre attempt to stifle whimsy?

Unusual names in Venezuela are often grist for awe or humor, but the issue is also politicized, given President Chávez’s gusto for renaming things, with critics of the bill claiming it would enhance his government’s naming authority in a realm where the fancy of parents still holds sway.

One of the president’s first moves was to change the country’s name from Republic of Venezuela to Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela. Part of Avenida Páez here has been renamed Avenida Teheran in a nod to Iran. The currency, the bolívar, is to be called the “bolívar fuerte,” or strong bolívar, starting next year.

In an editorial, the newspaper El Nacional described the measure as “malicious.” [NYT]

There are class issues here, as well:

Naming is related somewhat to social class, with the upper crust loyal to names like Andrés, Miguel, Carolina or Patricia. Chávez’s government has numerous officials with colorful names, reflecting how Venezuela’s traditional political elite has been upended in recent years [IHT]

This doesn’t make sense to me…if Chavez is all “down with the elite”, why would he take away the rights of the people to name their kids odd names? Or maybe this is revenge on the snooty, and everyone will have to name their child Hugo or Lenin:

Even today, a name or a political philosophy that might result in being ostracized elsewhere is no obstacle to a warm reception in Caracas. Chávez’s government has said, for instance, that it did not view Ilich Ramírez Sánchez, the Venezuelan-born assassin also known as Carlos the Jackal, as a terrorist. Chávez addressed Ramírez as “Dear Compatriot” in letters they exchanged. [IHT]

Perhaps I’m not seeing the big picture, and I need to frame naming as an aspirational act (to use Kimora’s fave adjective)?

“Venezuelans believe they should have privileged access to things that are imported,” Hurtado continued, explaining how unusual-sounding names, often with an American or Russian twist, climbed in popularity during the oil boom of the 1970s when Venezuela was flush with cash for imports. “This thinking extends to the names parents give their children.” [IHT]

Now, this “logic” is so familiar…

While Venezuelan names can seem perplexing to outsiders, there are rules involved. Roberto Echeto, a novelist who compiled a list of unusual names after writing a newspaper column on the subject for El Nacional, points to practices like combining the names of a father and mother to produce, for instance, a son named Nelmar whose parents are Nelson and Marta. [IHT]

…as anyone who has heard the urban legend of the Malayalee kid named Shitee can affirm (Shiji + Teena).

At the end of it all, this tempest may be a waste of time. There’s already a law on the books which deals with this:

Though current Venezuelan law has a measure that registry authorities should not accept names that would expose children to ridicule, this has not been enforced till now. [DailyIndia.com]

Much ado about Superman and Batman, it seems.