…because according to some commenters, apparently, it isn’t. Suddenly there are commentS about hot Desi girls choosing white guys over their own— and I emphasize the plural aspect of “comment”, because that’s what caught my attention– this wasn’t some one-off virtual rant. Frankly, Mr. Shankly, I’m shocked. While some of the people who are leaving the eyebrow-raising statements seem to be new, I’m fully aware that the normal pattern of Sepia engagement is:
Random Googling –> Sepia? What the-? –> Hmmm, interesting –> Lurking –> and then finally, posting.
If these anti-miscegenation fans have followed that tried-and-true process, then they’d be aware that there are more than a few members of the Mutiny community who are the products of interracial unions; I can’t imagine that they’d be so tactless as to disparage such pairings when they reflect someone like Siddhartha, Desidancer or SemiDesiMasala’s ancestry.
So, maybe these are just mischief-instigating trolls, having some wicked fun via drive-by hate-spewing.
Or are they?
I think there’s more to this– and that’s why I’m publishing this post. Let’s have it out, then. Some of you seem to be in the mood to REALLY tell us what you think, so here’s your deluxe chance. Almost everyone here is anonymous. 🙂 It’s safe to be honest.
The following comments were left on my post about a woman named Aarti being chosen as one of the cuter people on the Hill:
hillside: Also I’ve never dated an Indian girl either, probably partly because so many of the hot ones like the two on this list are into white dudes. [sm]
Sheetal: (referring to comment above)
I’ve noticed this too. What is up with that? [sm]
Sheetal followed that comment by excerpting the following portion of the Hill article, making sure to highlight certain significant words by “bolding” them.
Skipper is a native of Chicago but both parents are from India — something that had worried her when it came to the issue of marriage. The handsome man in church soon became her boyfriend, but he was American and Caucasian, far from what she thought her parents would ever accept.
Okay, loud and clear. Jamie Skipper is Desi and she married a Caucasian (never mind that Desis are Caucasian, too). Yet another commenter seemed to agree with hillside and Sheetal:
Kannan: its interesting that you bring this up..We have parallels with the asian community. I’ve heard/seen that before. Hot lil Korean spinner would rather hook up with tall lanky white dude than someone from her race and its kind of common because I know a lot of my asian brothers who want to date from their race gripe and bitch about it:) Its almost like an invisible social hierarchy And the same goes for desi guys, I have a lot of friends who date white girls just because they think it brings them more social value” Look at me FOB minority guy pulling from the majority race” However for me its never really been race, its whether I was attracted to the person or not and it so happens I have never gone brown 🙂 [sm]
Kannan, I think your final sentence encapsulates how most of us feel, but that doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t explore the other sentiments I’ve highlighted.
SM is at its best when we are honestly, openly and sometimes painfully hashing out the issues that our community/others refuse to acknowledge or discuss; I didn’t put this post up in order to invite you to pillory “hillside” and “Sheetal”. They weren’t abusive, they were blunt. I wrote this post because I wanted to know how the rest of you felt. The thing is, I am almost certain that they aren’t alone and that more of you agree with them than we realize. Maybe it’s time to call ourselves out.
To be brutally honest, I’ve been there. Years ago, I crushed on Desi guys who only seemed to “swing one way”; I’ve been let down gently by being told that:
If I did date Indian girls, you’d totally be my type.
I’m just not attracted to dark skin…I like pink nipples (!) (this from someone even darker than me)
and the best one, ever,
Um, I could never go out with you because it would be like dating my sister. White girls don’t remind me of relatives.
And what do black and Asian girls remind you of? It’s so telling that they almost never factor in to these cringe-inducing statements, it’s always white girls who are “preferred”, which invites doubt about the sincerity behind someone’s “type”.
Predictably, each of those instances left me feeling wounded. It didn’t help matters that every time my Mother came across some seemingly eligible, compatible (read: also raised-away-from-Mallus) ummarried boy, his mother would sorrowfully lament that
“He already has girlfriend. White. Enne chayum?”.
Mom would come home, grumpy. “The second they graduate from law or med school, they run after a vellambi. Chey!”
I knew why my Mother said something so annoyingly ignorant. Encounters with unavailable, suitable boys combined with input from her coworkers, a good portion of whom are African-American, to create an explosive cocktail of hurt; soon, my Mother absorbed that odious complex about “successful POC going white”, especially after the cutest brown resident at her hospital took up with some “white nurse who wasn’t even pretty” instead of someone Indian/Pinay/Chinese/Black (all of whom were/are allegedly gorgeous, in comparison). When they heard about the brown and white coupling, my Mother’s African American office mate snorted, “typical” while Ma shook her head and sighed. She told me all about it, bitterly.
“Mommy, maybe they’re in love?”
“Podi, penne. Stop being blonde.”
“Mom you’re being unreasonable.”
“You are never going to find a boy. There are no educated Malayalee boys with three degrees. If there are, they are only interested in the white girls.”
“I don’t care how many degrees…remember? I like engineers. They usually have just one.”
“Chinammamma is right. That’s a recipe for disaster. Boy should have more degrees than girl-“
“- and be three years older, and three inches taller and blah blah blah. Spare me, Ma.”
“Make fun all you want, those things are accepted for a reason- they work. You want your husband to resent you?”
“I thought you didn’t care if I got married?”
“I don’t. It would save me money. I’d rather travel than waste all that, or put the down-payment on a house for you. I have nothing to prove to your Father’s friends and I’ve never been interested in outdoing them. I just…saw Mercy’s son and thought he was so cute. My grandchildren would have been so cute!”
All right-y, then. What’s hilarious is that my Mother had to alter her theory a year later, when “Mercy’s son” got engaged to a Punjabi girl he met in law school:
“Sho! Anyone but a Malayalee penne, eh?”
“What, Ma…now there’s a hierarchy? White, then North Indian, then South?” 😀
I didn’t really make peace with any of this until I met an adorable white guy who confessed that he liked me…only to hear me gracefully blurt out that I only date brown boys. It’s true, I can’t help it. I always have gone brown and probably always will. It’s just what I am attracted to– black hair, dark eyes, tan skin (fur optional).
The epiphany I had at that moment, while staring in to wounded blue eyes and rapidly batting blonde lashes, brought me closure and a bit of enlightenment; duh, no one has to justify whom they are attracted to, but hopefully they are acting out of their purest feelings– we can’t help whom we fall for, but we can call ourselves out if we’re nursing some bizarre colonial hangover or other therapy-requiring-issue (full disclosure: I have a family member who ONLY dates white guys, because they are the polar opposite of her strict, very Desi Dad).
There are other aspects to the complicated issue of human mixology, too– one of my dearest friends is finally in a blissful relationship. With a black man. After being repeatedly rejected by Desi guys for her tan skin and curves, she has given up on making her parents’ dreams of an Indian son-in-law come true. Instead, she found someone who will accept her just as she is; she has decided to do what makes her happy– and I am thrilled for her. I’m also broken-hearted that essentially, she has to keep her love closeted. Additionally, I would enjoy beating the fecal matter out of the last Desi she went on a blind date with, who brilliantly said, “you’d be so pretty if you weren’t so dark!”, while recoiling from her. But I’m protective and furious like that.
Look. This stuff is real. It happens. Let’s talk about it, if you are in the mood. I’m opening a safe space for exploration, if you are so inclined. You don’t have to be P.C. or fake, you just have to be respectful and courteous; controversial topics are impossible to fisk if we’re not, right?
\
psh. call it short, but NO WAY it can be called weak. I grant it to you that my rather modest south indian dick at 7.6 inches is probably not as long as your slightly high end bengali(still non-scythian) 10 inch dick but my stamina and control over the orgasmic timing is unparalleled. and I know exactly how to please a woman.
But razib, even if you are better at this than I am, unlike you, its not my dick that I am most proud of, you know?
Oh, and yes, I too think the Scythian dude is definitely a joke.
Adding my experience and thoughts on this.
It’s a common human nature to focus more on events where we have been rejected, rather than when we rejected others. And, I’ve had my fair share of both. It’s easier to see the prejudices in others.
I grew up in India and came to the US for grad school. There just weren’t any available desi women in my social circle at school – they were either already married or had a b/f. A couple of ABDs I came across were incredibly snooty and unfriendly, probably because of my then-FOB status. ( BTW, when did the C get dropped from ABCD? 😉 ) Also I got sucked into environmental issues, could care less for Marriage (but all for committed relationship), have a very liberal outlook on life, not materialistic, expect my partner to be financially independent instead of sitting at home, and don’t earn a whole lot of money (as it is expected of well-educated desis) – all that probably made me a very unconventional desi who ended up not following the script. So, I’ve dated only white American women, including mixed white-hispanic – more to do with what was available to me rather than a dislike for desi girls. Do I find brown desi women unattractive? Not at all!! Do I find all white women attractive? No. But I haven’t come across too many desi women where I thought we would be compatible. And, I haven’t gone out of my way to seek them either.
Regarding dating in the US, I’ve found that I tend to do well when I meet women in person. Online dating has been a mixed bag – for some reason letting the (non-desi) women know that I’m Indian more often than not leads to those poor women being abducted by aliens. Makes me wonder if I’m really a secret agent working for Andromedans. 😉
My parents (in India) have been very liberal and haven’t pressured me much to get married, or for that matter, to get married to an Indian girl. They have left it to me. Yes, some of my relatives make noises about “beta haath se nikal jaayega” (you’ll lose the son) if he marries a gori, but thankfully, I don’t have to listen to them. But, I don’t get mad at them either, because from where they stand and see the world, that’s their (correct) view. And my parents are not much educated – my mom finished high school and my dad didn’t go to college. I guess I must be lucky to have such open-minded parents.
I’m attracted to women who have healthy bodies (think Kate Winslet, or Zeenat Aman) rather than skinny ones (Kate Moss) or overweight. So, I don’t fall into the category of desis-for-skinnies. And, I’ve also said no to (and broken up with) white women who were interested in me (and whom I found attractive) because we were not compatible. Go figure.
Among my peers & friends (Indian-born, living in the US), some of them have married white Americans, and in one case, my white American friend married an Indian guy she met when traveling in India. One marriage didn’t work out, while the others are still going strong. The parents were definitely not gung-ho, but accepted the decision and the bride. Among second generation American desis, I’ve seen a tendency by their parents to pressure/expect them to marry a desi. YMMV.
Whenever I see inter-racial couple including a desi (guy or girl) it brings a smile to my face. If it’s an Indian guy and the girl is cute, I sometimes feel envious. But, I also feel envious if the girl is cute, irrespective of the guy’s skin color or ethnicity. 😉
I’m in full support of inter-racial dating, which does not mean I’m against people dating within their race – do what makes you happy. It’s good to step out of the familiar a bit, and it can have the same effect on people as what Mark Twain said about traveling.
Cheers, -Amit
Shit…7 is short ?? Makes my 6″ feel real inadequate. Anyway, aren’t desi guys supposed to have short ones anyway ?
Scythian is satire on desi chauvinists.
It is kinda interesting that the North Indian males Spicy Brown Munda, HyperTree, etc get the joke and start making up their own puns.
South Indian / Sri Lankan males seem to want to fight the Scythian. Even though the Scythian never mentions fighting.
And all the females just ignore the Scythian.
By the way, there was something I came across at onepeoplesproject.com that lists you along side David Duke and a number of other racists. What’s up with that ?
i’m a white supremacist 😉 and a homophobe too!
Razib you touched upon a sore point there. Historically us 7.7inchers have been disfavored as bridesmaids. So what if I have a 7.7 inch cock and very sculpted and very fair, does that mean I cannot be a bridesmaid? But others do not have your liberal bent.
I knew you were dumb 😛
So what if I have a 7.7 inch cock and very sculpted and very fair, does that mean I cannot be a bridesmaid?
bro, where the 8-er spendz its time it don’t matter if itz fair or not. there’s no light to be had 😉 all that matters iz that itz long & broad.
64ScythianMale, I’m a TamBrahm (with a 7.7 inch cock) The Tambaram mafia here is stronger than what many realize.
The Tambaram mafia here is stronger than what many realize.
you ran away from the scythians of north india so fast that your 7.7 cocks looked like tails wagging behind you!
I grew up in Pakistan and in what I would consider a liberal household. I was extremely surprised by the way desis in America are so race conscious. Going out with a white girl, or worse, being serious with a white girl is seen as equal to be a traitor. I am surprised by this and find it quite disturbing.
Although, I do fully understand that some desi people like to keep the “desiness” and so will only marry a desi. But that should be a personal choice. It is surprising to me that desis living in America are more backward in their thinking than the Pakistanis I grew up with here in Pakistan.
.I was extremely surprised by the way desis in America are so race conscious. Going out with a white girl, or worse, being serious with a white girl is seen as equal to be a traitor. I am surprised by this and find it quite disturbing.
some of this has to be ascertainment bias, look at the statistics above for out-marriage. i was pretty surprised by how much some americo-brownz care about their caste origins, but the reality is that most people probably don’t mention it too much, it is just memorable because you figure upper-middle-class kidz would be a little bigger than neo-medieval sentiments.
Hypertree, I’m neither Tam nor Bram. And I hate mafias.
i claimed 8 at the outset, so sit back and enjoy being the bridesmaid bitch.
Wow! 8 cms only. That must really suck 🙂
That must really suck 🙂
actually, 8 inches does have issues with suckage….
Why American men like desi gals :
White American blokes fancy anything and everything, innit. Orientals, Asians, Arabs, Brazilian, Latinas….you dirrty gora : D
Blame Gurinder Chadha.
Satya, that had me rolling on the floor laughing. One of my fave phrases I have picked up on SM! And I agree about the Hershey’s Kisses!
Camille, I completely agree with you. I would also say dating in general is complicated for anyone, regardless of race/gender/location, etc. We just all happen to be lucky to have a forum for dissection and discussion.
Ok, here you go:
What the #$%&?! PLEASE tell me you were joking. Since when is that the ‘epitome’ of beauty for desi women?
South Indian males are not the only fighters;)
certainly alludes to it
unless you were talking about your rather feeble attempt at satire. Watch some Dave C. and step up yo game son!
and I definitely was in the joke by offering my own feeble attempt at satirizing a stereotype of SL Tamil men–always ready to fling a spindly, rasam-nurtured limb at the nearest offending Indian.
I would also say dating in general is complicated for anyone, regardless of race/gender/location, etc.
bingo. it is easy to perceive one’s own issues as outsized in relation to others until you dig deep into someone else’s situation. this doesn’t mean that the world is flat and everyone is the same, but human psychology has a way of “renormalizing” so that something that might seem trivial to you looms large for someone else.
I wonder what ole Tom Friedman would have to say about Desi dating dynamics in the US?
I wonder what ole Tom Friedman would have to say about Desi dating dynamics in the US?
well, he’ll prolly be laughing his ass off if you hook up with someone who isn’t worth hundreds of millions of dollars like his wife 😉
I was trying to read all the comments above, but I kind of failed 🙁 Anyways, this is a topic close to my heart. I’m a Desi girl who only likes Indian boys. It’s a mix of factors that make me this way, one being physical attractive-ness. But there are also others like the culture, and the fact that they will be able to understand you better. I confess, even though my parents don’t mind at ALL what man i end up with, i still would prefer a nice hot telegu boy, simply because telegu guys are hot. Don’t mind other south Indians either. But I’m also afraid, because by no means i would be considered pretty by any Indian boys here. They all go for cookie cutter north Indian- like girls, one’s who can bhangra, and have fair-ish skin. There’s too many of those.I would say i have a bit of a inferiority complex, because the only guys i like, are the ones that are unavailable! So, i think, in the end I will end up with a non-south Asian guy. i wish some indian boy would wake up, and not look at my face to decide what kind of girl i am.
It is traditionally the archetype of beauty in western (white) culture in which 2nd gen desis grow up.
Desi culture isn’t the only one that values fairness in women. It is a fairly universal thing kind of like height in men.
Desi culture isn’t the only one that values fairness in women. It is a fairly universal thing kind of like height in men.
yes. but it is normalized. what is “fair” in brownland is dark in europe. also, the universal preference has generally been for light skin, but not necessarily light hair or eyes (in east asia these were “troll” or “witch” characteristics). p. frost reviews the ethnographic and historical lit. on this topic in fair women, dark men (a book i assume lots of brownz might be interested in).
question for the women expressing some consternation over the rejection of ‘non-ideal’ body types:
would you be offended/feel marginalized by desi guys who value physical activity highly (i’m not talking about 4-sport meatheads who crush beers and play club softball after work–more like guys who are somewhat fascinated by the effects of measured exercise, nutrition, rest, etc on their overall wellbeing, as well as looks, given certain genetic propensity for developing chronic diseases like diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, etc) and wish for somewhat of a similar fixation in their potential dates?
Dave C is bollox. Give me Ricky Gervais or Sascha Baron Cohen! South Indian lads have a bit of inferiority complex? I seen a few Southies mistaken for the black man…
My point is brown guys are more likely to find brown chix attractive than white guys.
I have nothing against brown girls dating white guys, but saying that you are doing it because Indian guys don’t find you attractive on account of dark skin is just untrue.
Trust me. Indian guys are far hornier than that. If you don’t get approached by em it is mainly cuz they suck at approaching women.
Why is it that so many desi guys think it is ok to go out with a white girl. But it is wrong to be serious with a white girl. It is ok to use a white girl but not be serious.
Why is this kind of thinking so common?
only if you never grew up with country-fried reednecks calling you “nigger” and “sand-nigger.”
ricky and sascha are very good but i honestly think that the american version of The Office features much better writing. It takes a good few episodes and a not an inconsiderate amount of inborn Anglophilia to like the UK version.
Yeah, I understand that but, maybe this is why desi girls ignore you (maybe there are a host of other reasons too). You can’t make assumptions–did you not grow up in the same culture? ‘Culture’ is what you pick and choose and make of it, it’s all relative. Beautiful is beautiful to me.
Why is it that so many desi guys think it is ok to go out with a white girl. But it is wrong to be serious with a white girl. It is ok to use a white girl but not be serious.
1) family
2) culture (read: kids)
3) youth is for fucking & fun
4) this isn’t a brown thang, i had plenty from white friends in college from conservative backgrounds who had a short phase dating a small sample of the “sluts” at our high school. they would never have thought of marrying those girls, they just wanted some aktion
To put it bluntly, because in general, white girls put out easily, and are open to having sex without expecting a commitment first. Lots of white guys do the same, so it’s not a desi thing. Also depends on the age.
Why do you think two adults having consensual sex is (in your own words) “using the white girl”? I think you will find the answer there.
-Amit
And adulthood is for repairing your liver and lying about STDs. I wonder what the brown equivalent of Ron Mexico would be?
I’m think, “Arey! I’m your husband/wife, dammit!”
I just love these abcd slut therapy sessions on sepiamutiny. So much fun.
maybe some desis tend to buy into some of the stereotypes about desis of the opposite sex, while judging white people more as individuals (one bad experience with a group of desis ruins the bunch, but a bad experience with white ppl doesn’t make them judge all white people?) I’ve definitely noticed this amongst the desi crowd who “doesn’t date desi”. They tend to judge themselves the outlier and all other desis as being a certain way. They might say they are “not the typical Indian” when, in fact, most desis I’ve met say the very same thing.
The hard truth of the matter might be that some of these people would be wallflowers if they were white. But because they are Indian, they can blame it on ethnicity and they have a greater probability of finding someone who will accept them in the majority population more by virtue of the numbers game than any differences in culture.
Every time I’ve dated a brown girl, (all two times), the relationship has been strained due to the secrecy and hiding from the girl’s mummy and daddy … it gives me a headache. Even in our twenties, our weekend getaways had to be under the guise of staying at so-and-so’s place. There were certain people in the community that she wanted to make sure didn’t know about our relationship, in case it got back to her parents that their good little daughter wasn’t dating (or in their eyes: fooling around) before marriage. Maybe I just had two bad unrepresentative experiences, but I am positive that it makes me think twice before pursuing a relationship with a brown girl …
I can’t believe nobody has mentioned this yet, but when I was growing up and it mattered, the main reason I would never go after a desi girl is because of all the gossip it would have generated. I just didn’t want the whole community all up in my business and I didn’t want to have to fight anybody’s brother/cousin/chacha and I didn’t want to sneak around like I was doing something wrong.
Ponniyin Selvan @ #265 said:
If you read this whole thread, you’ll come across many comments where people stated that had no attraction to a given race until they were exposed to members of that race in their adulthood. Apparently, finding beauty in the eye of the beholder is a fluid process
Praniv @ 271 said:
Wrong. Even African Americans sit around judging each other’s “red,” “yellow,” “ashy,” and “midnight oil” complexions. Maybe you’re hanging with a set that wasn’t indoctrinated with complexion-hierarchy, but many Indian Americans are still swimming in it.
NotConfused @ 272 said:
Word. And the women seem like daddy’s girls. What’s up with all the ABD kids that totally leach off their parents? It’s unattractive.
Faraz @ 311 said:
Don’t be surprised. Read my paraphrase of Rushdie in comment #168. (I should have mentioned that it’s from Imaginary Homelands.)
I’m a 25 year-old virgin, can we get a post about this?
I’m a 25 year-old virgin, can we get a post about this?
about as noteworthy as a 7-inch dick.
quite surprised no one has discussed desi women and drama.
women will bitch given any chance.. if not about men, then about their kids…. women always need something to complain about.. it’s nature.. a woman is not happy if there is no drama in her life.. if not her life then in the lives of others around her..
it’s why women’s magazines are successful only if they have loads of gossip.. and most of the magazines also have information on what their husband should be doing.. setting up false expectations and introducing drama into their lives..
My reply is similar to what Amit said earlier in his reply to your comment. White girls put out much easily at least with us Indian guys. Another thing is that you can have a short term relationship with a white girl who is not part of your workplace or neighborhood or circle of friends a lot more easier because it is not that easy to find an Indian slutty girl who is not part of your social circle AND is into you and is willing to blow you at the drop of a drink. At least from my 30 something generation. Younger Indians are a lot freer among theirselves both in India and over here. I think Indians in Bombay and Delhi date more than some Indian Americans over here.
If I slept with an Indian girl and we had a falling out, all our bedroom secrets could be privy to the whole family and friends network. Or the girl’s dad might even call my parents and ask what’s up. who knows. It’s much more convenient to fuck around.
If I had to live in Bombay for a year now, I probably would be fucking around with all the call center sluts who are 100% Indian just because of the numbers and the disentanglement of single young women from their families over in India.
raj @ #338 said:
I had a smart, sweet, athletic, good-looking African American friend in high school who was “saving herself” for some bs Hallmark/Harlequin romance to sweep her off her feet. She was a virgin into her late 20s (and may still be at 31–eventually it became a boring topic and I haven’t asked in a while). She eventually got over her “romance” hang-ups, but no guys wanted to “deflower her” because it had become such a big deal. Who wants that kind of pressure and the ensuing drama for what will most likely be awkward and ungratifying sex?
I live here in DC myself and most of the Indian women I have met have been into black dudes.But the majority I see are hanging with white dudes but the Indian ones that sem to be into dating black people are the ones form other places besides India I wonder why?
And I just love banning cowards who think they’re clever. So much fun.
Spicy Brown Munda, unlike the other 19-year olds here, your inane comments are a constant reminder of your…youth.
Only one behavior strikes me as weird: going exclusively after a specific racial/ethnic group that is not one’s own.
What would happen if a non-South Asian person who went only after South Asians had to move to a town with plenty of East Asians, Latinos, whites, and blacks — but no South Asians?
This situation may seem far-fetched, but thinking about the possibility does force a closer look at the “sincerity behind someone’s ‘type’.” In such a situation, would a non-South Asian girl who had gone only after South Asian guys just give up on guys altogether? More tellingly, would a non-South Asian guy who had gone only after South Asian girls just give up looking for girls?
Will tone it down a bit.
Faraz @ 328 said:
I can’t tell you why it’s common, but it’s even more common than you might think. Ever hear the phrase “shiksas are for practice?”
I am picking up on an undercurrent of patriarchy and objectification. As I said in comment #337, I was deterred from pursuing desi women because their brothers and fathers considered them their property and woe be unto the fool who just wanted to have some share some laughter and bodily fluids. Was my response a further objectification? Maybe.
Similarly, the attitude betrayed in the phrase “shiksas are for practice” belies an attitude of ownership over Jewish women and contempt for gentiles.
Thank you! You are a nice munda. 😉
Camille:
We have to deal with drama from parents as well, as for exotization/sexualization, it’s higher for y’all, granted, however, it works the opposite for us – that is. we’re ‘desexualized’ or emasculated.
Again, same kind of thing goes for guys. I too went through a white majority system – every time I sat next to a desi girl it quite possibly was the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Again, these elements would hold true for guys. I trained martial arts, most desi women wouldn’t go near it, lest they fracture a nail.
I dont think the propensity to date white guys comes from superficiality. (In many cases, I think superficiality exists, but it’s not the precursor to dating white guys) The dating white guys comes from them being seen as more “attractive” in a system they were brought up in, and obviously have more comfort participating in, rather than being an imported system for us. I think this is a point that most women fail to take heed of.
See, I read that and my gut reaction is, “You’re fat because you’re lazy and don’t care about your health.”
The thing is, I’m not fat. I’m overweight, but I’m not hitting the Lane Bryant either. But at 5’3″, I felt I was overweight at 130 pounds (I miss those halcyon days of 130 lbs in college!) – and I’m not! I’m a muscular girl with large…umm…”mangoes” who isn’t a size 0 or 2. So that’s what I was referencing when I said “skinny stick girls”.
I do see what you’re saying – people who want to be with other healthy thin folk who like being active. I’m all about healthy thin. I joined a gym to get back to that ideal (I’ve packed it on since meeting Viking boy). I just didn’t feel that the Indian guys I was meeting at the time (standard disclaimer – I am not implying this is true of all Desi munde) wanted the suukhi skinny 5’3″ 100 lbs ladhkis.