…because according to some commenters, apparently, it isn’t. Suddenly there are commentS about hot Desi girls choosing white guys over their own— and I emphasize the plural aspect of “comment”, because that’s what caught my attention– this wasn’t some one-off virtual rant. Frankly, Mr. Shankly, I’m shocked. While some of the people who are leaving the eyebrow-raising statements seem to be new, I’m fully aware that the normal pattern of Sepia engagement is:
Random Googling –> Sepia? What the-? –> Hmmm, interesting –> Lurking –> and then finally, posting.
If these anti-miscegenation fans have followed that tried-and-true process, then they’d be aware that there are more than a few members of the Mutiny community who are the products of interracial unions; I can’t imagine that they’d be so tactless as to disparage such pairings when they reflect someone like Siddhartha, Desidancer or SemiDesiMasala’s ancestry.
So, maybe these are just mischief-instigating trolls, having some wicked fun via drive-by hate-spewing.
Or are they?
I think there’s more to this– and that’s why I’m publishing this post. Let’s have it out, then. Some of you seem to be in the mood to REALLY tell us what you think, so here’s your deluxe chance. Almost everyone here is anonymous. 🙂 It’s safe to be honest.
The following comments were left on my post about a woman named Aarti being chosen as one of the cuter people on the Hill:
hillside: Also I’ve never dated an Indian girl either, probably partly because so many of the hot ones like the two on this list are into white dudes. [sm]
Sheetal: (referring to comment above)
I’ve noticed this too. What is up with that? [sm]
Sheetal followed that comment by excerpting the following portion of the Hill article, making sure to highlight certain significant words by “bolding” them.
Skipper is a native of Chicago but both parents are from India — something that had worried her when it came to the issue of marriage. The handsome man in church soon became her boyfriend, but he was American and Caucasian, far from what she thought her parents would ever accept.
Okay, loud and clear. Jamie Skipper is Desi and she married a Caucasian (never mind that Desis are Caucasian, too). Yet another commenter seemed to agree with hillside and Sheetal:
Kannan: its interesting that you bring this up..We have parallels with the asian community. I’ve heard/seen that before. Hot lil Korean spinner would rather hook up with tall lanky white dude than someone from her race and its kind of common because I know a lot of my asian brothers who want to date from their race gripe and bitch about it:) Its almost like an invisible social hierarchy And the same goes for desi guys, I have a lot of friends who date white girls just because they think it brings them more social value” Look at me FOB minority guy pulling from the majority race” However for me its never really been race, its whether I was attracted to the person or not and it so happens I have never gone brown 🙂 [sm]
Kannan, I think your final sentence encapsulates how most of us feel, but that doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t explore the other sentiments I’ve highlighted.
SM is at its best when we are honestly, openly and sometimes painfully hashing out the issues that our community/others refuse to acknowledge or discuss; I didn’t put this post up in order to invite you to pillory “hillside” and “Sheetal”. They weren’t abusive, they were blunt. I wrote this post because I wanted to know how the rest of you felt. The thing is, I am almost certain that they aren’t alone and that more of you agree with them than we realize. Maybe it’s time to call ourselves out.
To be brutally honest, I’ve been there. Years ago, I crushed on Desi guys who only seemed to “swing one way”; I’ve been let down gently by being told that:
If I did date Indian girls, you’d totally be my type.
I’m just not attracted to dark skin…I like pink nipples (!) (this from someone even darker than me)
and the best one, ever,
Um, I could never go out with you because it would be like dating my sister. White girls don’t remind me of relatives.
And what do black and Asian girls remind you of? It’s so telling that they almost never factor in to these cringe-inducing statements, it’s always white girls who are “preferred”, which invites doubt about the sincerity behind someone’s “type”.
Predictably, each of those instances left me feeling wounded. It didn’t help matters that every time my Mother came across some seemingly eligible, compatible (read: also raised-away-from-Mallus) ummarried boy, his mother would sorrowfully lament that
“He already has girlfriend. White. Enne chayum?”.
Mom would come home, grumpy. “The second they graduate from law or med school, they run after a vellambi. Chey!”
I knew why my Mother said something so annoyingly ignorant. Encounters with unavailable, suitable boys combined with input from her coworkers, a good portion of whom are African-American, to create an explosive cocktail of hurt; soon, my Mother absorbed that odious complex about “successful POC going white”, especially after the cutest brown resident at her hospital took up with some “white nurse who wasn’t even pretty” instead of someone Indian/Pinay/Chinese/Black (all of whom were/are allegedly gorgeous, in comparison). When they heard about the brown and white coupling, my Mother’s African American office mate snorted, “typical” while Ma shook her head and sighed. She told me all about it, bitterly.
“Mommy, maybe they’re in love?”
“Podi, penne. Stop being blonde.”
“Mom you’re being unreasonable.”
“You are never going to find a boy. There are no educated Malayalee boys with three degrees. If there are, they are only interested in the white girls.”
“I don’t care how many degrees…remember? I like engineers. They usually have just one.”
“Chinammamma is right. That’s a recipe for disaster. Boy should have more degrees than girl-“
“- and be three years older, and three inches taller and blah blah blah. Spare me, Ma.”
“Make fun all you want, those things are accepted for a reason- they work. You want your husband to resent you?”
“I thought you didn’t care if I got married?”
“I don’t. It would save me money. I’d rather travel than waste all that, or put the down-payment on a house for you. I have nothing to prove to your Father’s friends and I’ve never been interested in outdoing them. I just…saw Mercy’s son and thought he was so cute. My grandchildren would have been so cute!”
All right-y, then. What’s hilarious is that my Mother had to alter her theory a year later, when “Mercy’s son” got engaged to a Punjabi girl he met in law school:
“Sho! Anyone but a Malayalee penne, eh?”
“What, Ma…now there’s a hierarchy? White, then North Indian, then South?” 😀
I didn’t really make peace with any of this until I met an adorable white guy who confessed that he liked me…only to hear me gracefully blurt out that I only date brown boys. It’s true, I can’t help it. I always have gone brown and probably always will. It’s just what I am attracted to– black hair, dark eyes, tan skin (fur optional).
The epiphany I had at that moment, while staring in to wounded blue eyes and rapidly batting blonde lashes, brought me closure and a bit of enlightenment; duh, no one has to justify whom they are attracted to, but hopefully they are acting out of their purest feelings– we can’t help whom we fall for, but we can call ourselves out if we’re nursing some bizarre colonial hangover or other therapy-requiring-issue (full disclosure: I have a family member who ONLY dates white guys, because they are the polar opposite of her strict, very Desi Dad).
There are other aspects to the complicated issue of human mixology, too– one of my dearest friends is finally in a blissful relationship. With a black man. After being repeatedly rejected by Desi guys for her tan skin and curves, she has given up on making her parents’ dreams of an Indian son-in-law come true. Instead, she found someone who will accept her just as she is; she has decided to do what makes her happy– and I am thrilled for her. I’m also broken-hearted that essentially, she has to keep her love closeted. Additionally, I would enjoy beating the fecal matter out of the last Desi she went on a blind date with, who brilliantly said, “you’d be so pretty if you weren’t so dark!”, while recoiling from her. But I’m protective and furious like that.
Look. This stuff is real. It happens. Let’s talk about it, if you are in the mood. I’m opening a safe space for exploration, if you are so inclined. You don’t have to be P.C. or fake, you just have to be respectful and courteous; controversial topics are impossible to fisk if we’re not, right?
PindaUSA, i agree. i think most people – men and women – take some particular physical features into account when they are sizing up potential partners, even though they may not be vocal about it (or only so to their friends). the two particular examples you gave obviously indicate certain pre-conceived notions of what a man or woman should look like. it’s even interesting how society also imposes these sorts of pre-conceived notions : when a friend tried to set me up and i wasn’t interested in his friend, he immediately thought it was because his friend was ‘fat’ (it was not the reason); and for over a year, i got updates on his friend’s weight loss efforts – wtf? i think for a lot of physical ‘flaws’ people tend to be forgiving, but there seem to be certain ones – weight, height, skin colour etc – on which people are uncompromising.
As long as this commenting format is not lost, I’m impartial to chat-rooms.
Lemme guess. no ‘chemistry’? How about instead of saying, “they’re too fat, they’re too skinny” us guys just say, “There’s no Physics between us”
thats funny. its amazing how women us vague language to make what they are doing seem deeper. and the funny thing, is that socity seems to buy it!
Aww, Puli, if it helps to have another perspective I’m 5’10” and I have no problem dating men who are shorter. In my experience though, it’s been the guy who has had a problem with it (wearing tall shoes and stretching their necks beyond oblivion, one fellow took to standing on curbs and steps whenever they were near, just to gain some height advantage)- he thought I didn’t notice, “hellooo you’re balancing on the curb like a four year old!”
p.s. the average American male is 5’9″
thats funny. i dont think ive ever dated a grl shorter than me. they didnt seem to have a probem with it, and ive always been fine with it. so, no biggie. its the online market where its tough.
not sure what that has to do with it….nice factoid though.
Holy Shit! 1060 comments! You sepia devils are on a roll. Carry on.
if you must know, it had to do with the fact that we lived in cities halfway across the country from each other – at that point in time, it just was not going to work for me. and for the record, gujudude has described chemistry as at the core of what he used to measure potential mates : here and here.
I see…sorry to hear that. As for the stat, it’s bait for HMF. I’m sure he has a counter statistic just to say otherwise ; )
As a baitee, I’d have to say that I’m not much a challenge. I’ll be the first to admit it, but I’m tryin Ringo. I’m tryin real hard. The stat does infact check out though. (slightly taller average for white males)
But both of those messages went into, at least some description of what that meant. However, most females use the word as an elemental black box unit, and make no effort to define it.
fair point about the vagueness, but i also do not think that gujudude really defined chemistry – unless you think ‘IT’ and ‘gut feeling’ are sufficient descriptions – i.e. he defined other things he was looking for, but did not pinpoint that one word on which you are fixated (not knocking you gujudude – you followed your instinct and it worked for you :)). when i say chemistry, i mean there’s a sort of comfort level there – be it physical, mental, and/or personality-based – that facilitates a smoother flow of things, that just makes being around that person easy – and for any given person, their chemistry with another will be based obviously on that other’s characteristics, such that describing chemistry in absolute terms is both impossible and stupidly rigid.
True. I read the message again, the definitions weren’t given, but his usage was in a positive, inclusive sense, that is, there was chemistry in his match.
I guess my problem with the term (and it is used more often by females, despite the counterexamples given), is when it’s used in the exclusionary, negative sense, ie. there was no chemistry, what the #($@@#) does that mean? Because it offers no recourse on how to improve oneself after hearing it.
my problemm with the negative use of the term is that it usually just means “the guy is not hot enough”, and it is a way to try to reject someone based on hotness. now…i have NO PROBLEMS WITH SOMEONE REJECTING SOMEONE ELSE ON HOTNESS. but…just dont try to act like your doing something deeper than that and then sneer at a guy when he doesnt like a girl for the same reason, but doesnt have fancy deep sounding words for it.
Well, now we do (#1055).
An alternate, cautious viewpoint here: I hope Sepia Mutiny does not fall into the popular rut of counting numbers to measure ‘success’. Most of the world does precisely that of course (ratings, visitors, number of movies made, number of peer-reviewed papers as opposed to quality of peer-reviewed papers, etc) but I hope SM writers and readers rise above that. Perhaps even here I am in a small minority when I say that sometimes I love to read a blog written in solitude–meant to be read and appreciated in solitude–and stays quietly with you for a while; making an impact in ways that others cannot measure or see visually. A blog that–standing alone, without comments–touches you and makes you think differently without needing readers to express himself/herself or add something, is precious in its own right. The writer, writer’s thoughts, the writer’s presence live with me longer that way.
When we start comment-counting, we will cease to accept/honour quietness/silence. But sometimes silence does not mean indifference or lack of attention, sometimes it can just mean respect/appreciation.
Of course, I understand that this particular post was designed to generate discussion and to receive input from its readers…
Ok this thread started around 4 p.m. EST on Saturday. It has been around 68 hours since then. In the 68 hours, we have had 3 nights so lets take out 24 hours for sleeping. That leaves us with 44 waking hours. In the 44 waking hours there have been around 24 messages an hour which comes out to around 2 messages a minute. 2 messages a minute for over three days. Man-o-man!
But…is this even possible here? Every post has comments enabled.
Anna said she isn’t “comment-whoring”. I think the people who were excitedly counting and engaging in mundane number-based hierarchy-creating were our fellow commenters. I guess I’m confused about the point you’re offering for us to contemplate, since the bloggers themselves don’t make a big deal out of ratings, visitors etc.
I love tall women. I’m 5’10” and would have no problem dating a woman who was 6′ or even taller. The tallest I’ve ever actually gone out with was 5’11”.
My ex-wife would reach 6’4 with her heels and even though I am a litte over 6 feet she would tower over me. I actually hated when she wore those heels. I like tall, well built women as well but I dont want them to tower over me.
Jack Handey?
“This is as real as a baby deer calling out for his mother.”
Translation: “I would not have sex with you.” It’s really not that confusing, yaar 😉
But to be more sincere, I don’t think that “no chemistry” is always a covert way of saying “isn’t hot enough.” Sometimes you meet hot guys who are just total jerks, where there’s no chemistry DESPITE their “hot-itude” or however you want to measure it.
—
I’m generally chat room averse, mostly because I like the give and take, the reflection, etc., that generally happens when commenting vs. chatting. That said, if it makes people happy and is something the mods are into, more power to you 🙂
malathi, Rupert Murdoch is watching, waiting, hoping that A N N A will dye her hair blond and get botox shots before he swoops in for his first blog property acquisition. Abhi will be Colmes.
The issue of chemistry is incredibly subjective. For example, one can have good chemistry as friends, co-workers, lovers, etc. When you’re talking about the mental calculations that go into evaluating a potential long term mate on a conscious and subconscious level, what is attractive to a person definitely plays a part in making a decision. I mean, say an uber hot woman (in my case either the classical curvy hourglass type or athletic, not skinny) would set off all bells and whistles, but as a long term mate, you’re also evaluating a whole host of other parameters (actively and passively). When I meant one needs to have chemistry, I meant that the other factors would probably line up in a positive and worst case neutral manner. Great ‘chemistry’ while not being negatively turned off physically or by any other trait would trump, for a LONG TERM relationship, someone who’s jaw dropping, but you just can’t get along with. In certain situations, I’ve noticed that some people make a choice based on what you’d want in a short term relationship (for guys obviously it’s a lot more physical), but only to suffer down the road in an unfulfilling marriage. Same goes from some women, who didn’t really think through beyond ‘going to America’. It does happen, in arranged marriage and when people make their own choices.
If someone is perfect for you physically and intellectually, yet you can’t take the next step to an emotional connection/bond, I’d say there wasn’t chemistry. If everything else is great, but you’re bored, that isn’t a good sign. Females are testing/evaluating in a similar fashion, may not give as much emphasis on the same factors (or at least express them differently).
It all circles back to being emotionally mature and NOT getting married too young. Most, not all, figure things out in their mid to late 20s, if not early 30s. People should date and have a look at what the world has to offer before deciding to marry – arranged or not. That is important. How do you know what works/doesn’t work for you unless you’re gifted with self awareness, which springs from within, rather than through learned experiences of making mistakes and educating oneself?
On this note, for anyone who hasn’t, you should check out Robin Baker’s Sperm Wars (it has a counterpart with scientific data, that no one read, hence the more readable Sperm Wars). It really explains reproductive behavior and how that plays out in different scenarios/relationships. For example, why 10-15% of children born to married couples aren’t fathered by the husband in relationships, how men and women engage in ‘sperm warfare’, to ensure their genetics have the best chance of being passed down, how their are biological triggers neither male or female is aware of on a conscious level when evaluating mates, etc. REALLY GOOD BOOK.
That’s what Sri to the max Ravi Shankar and his Art of Living are for.
Seriously, sometimes chemistry is such that. The fact that some people might use it as an excuse does not negate it as an explanation. Just as you would agree that sometimes biology is just that 🙂
Correction:
How do you know what works/doesn’t work for you (unless you’re gifted with self awareness, which springs from within) if not through learned experiences of making mistakes and educating oneself?
I know it’s not, but on the female never ending quest to be all things to all people, and never come off looking superficial, and appear “deep and sophisticated” people duck behind vague terms. A little honesty goes a long way for self development.
Thats not what he said, he said when it is used in that covert way, the woman has no moral highground to call out equivalent behavior in guys. Secondly, when women usually rebuke hot guys that are total jerks, they rarely describe it from a “lack of chemistry”, they usually say, “he’s a jerk, but man was he hot”
This is a great book indeed.
Ah, Pondatti, I wanted to add a P.S. to you in my previous post. i wanted to reassure the knight in you that I am not attacking your A N N A; that you don’t need to jump up and protect her from me. But I thought I was being cautious and gentle, so I didn’t want to unnecessarily drag your name into a post I was writing for everybody’s consumption.
Yes, posts are comments-enabled. So? Is it wrong to underline that I value some pieces of writing (including A N N A’s) irrespective of whether there are any comments left or not. And I do love comments myself (altho’ I don’t read all of them when they exceed two digits). I love especially the humorous ones–Rahul’s, portmanteau’s description of what type of house-husband she wants, ak’s, Puliogre’s, to name a few (I am not listing several others here). And I do leave comments myself. Despite them not being humorous.
When you are confused, please give people like me some benefit of doubt. We are all not out to get your friend A N N A. I am definitely not judging her PERSONALLY. And I abhor the habit she has of appearing to put down herself sometimes. Example: embracing the phrase ‘comment-whore’ this time. It is totally unnecessary. But she is young and she will mellow, I am sure. So you need to also mellow. People like me can respect the work of someone even while offering an alternate viewpoint. It is not necessary for everyone to head in the same direction. Several people here pride themselves of being mutinous, right?
Huh? I have no idea what you’re saying here. So if a chick says “theres no chemistry” you join a meditation course?
HMF, maybe we just don’t have the chemistry and you don’t “get me”.
OK, HMF, now i understand your point (and i do agree that women, on the whole, use it far more). but i will tell you that there have been enough situations where i admit extremely good chemistry. on the other hand, as camille and gujudude have pointed out, chemistry manifests itself in other ways. for instance, i can think that a guy is attractive physically, without being attracted to him (which usually means he has a very off-putting, or at least not subjectively attractive personality). you can also get the physical right without getting the others – intellectually, emotionally etc – right. PindaUSA, i have no problems in saying when i am not physically attracted to a guy, for whatever reason (though as i said, physical attraction sometimes has nothing to do with objective hotness, so it’s possible to reject a guy who is more than hot ‘enough’ for lack of chemistry not related to the physical). also, physical attraction definitely has a subjective element. and yes, like gujudude pointed out, boring people (or at least subjectively boring) are hard to strike up any chemistry with – it’s difficult to get a sense of how well you will get on.
Oh, I’m sure of that, but I don’t dislike you. After all, I post on sepiamutiny ;I
Why this haterade for flute makers?
HMF, I don’t dislike you either, I am equal opportunity is all. I am awww..ing myself at our meet cute and the stories we will tell our (adopted, of course) children.
I don’t know, HMF. I can see where you’re coming from, but I think you’re quick to paint all women with broad strokes. There is nothing uniquely “female,” in my opinion, about people wanting to be well-liked or well thought of.
Also, you’re right, if someone was hot and a jerk I would probably comment on both. That said, I would also probably say there was “no chemistry” between us. Perhaps this is a personality thing, or a socialization thing, but a stank-ass attitude, for me, rapidly detracts from a guy’s physical attractiveness as well. What I mean is that the greater the jerk element, the less likely I am to find the person physically attractive or “chemically viable” (to keep a weird analogy going).
On the subject of Physics, though, it seems like lots of relationships puddle down that track though. What else is inertia? 🙂
People, don’t be so cynical! Sometimes one plus one can be much more than two. Just wanted to add some maths to the pure sciences. We are Desi nerds after all. At least, some of us.
I wasn’t jumping, I was confused. I am sorry. Didn’t realize I come off as that predictably defensive. Good to know.
I’m still confused. Yes, you can respect the work of someone while differing with them, but my point was, you aren’t differing with them or headed in a different direction than they are.
You were saying, “don’t get caught up in racking up comments” and my apparently-inarticulate-point was, the bloggers here don’t. The commenters do. This is different from the standard, “I’m allowed to disagree with Anna…”- volley because for once, you’re NOT disagreeing with Anna…and you still sounded like you were, which was what got my attention. I wasn’t trying to be a knight, I was just pointing out something I thought had been mixed up…I was not trying to tread the predictable path of Anna-rchy.
HMF, you’re an artist too? Be still, my beating heart.
In these kind of social arenas, I think there is, why do you think the ‘lets just be friends’, “let’em down easy”, “it’s not you its me”, all these usually come out of female mouths.
If these signals cross, then what prevents the converse, that is, physical attractiveness allowing for compromising the “jerkness” which happens just as frequently.
I’m whatever you want me to be
It doesn’t prevent the converse. I’m just saying that “chemistry” is not exclusive to physical hotness. Every individual’s preferences are different, including their jerk-tolerance level. Further, different women are going to have different attitudes towards hooking up. For example, I have friends who will discount the jerk effect and say, “I would do him, but I wouldn’t date him.” Is this as crass as guys who do the same? Yes, probably. The difference is that for the first time in a long while, it’s becoming more and more acceptable in some areas for women to have that freedom.
Like I said, I see where you’re coming from, but I don’t think this is some kind of female obsession. I think these trends come out of social norms and mores around what kind of behavior is acceptable for women. We are ALWAYS made to feel apologetic for our actions, particularly when it comes to rejecting or contradicting men. Now, do all women feel apologetic? No. But I don’t think this comes out of some female conspiracy to be the sweetest person on earth.
Wow, this is an intimidatingly large comment list!
Well, they’re both reflections of the kinds of skewed requirements that arise out of sexist beauty standards. You may be interested to know that the men-must-be-tall thing is also part of women’s socialization. Women (at least in my experience in the US) are told that we’re masculine, ungainly and/or unattractive if we are tall (unless we weigh a disproportionately tiny amount, and then we get to be models). The standard of beauty is a tiny, delicate, thin woman, and women are supposed to want to feel tiny and protected with a bigger, stronger man. So many women end up avoiding short or slight men, who make them feel big and awkward by comparison.
Not that it should be that way, or that it can’t be overcome when there’s real chemistry between two people. But that’s certainly how I was raised– my grandmother used to try to talk my mom into giving me coffee as a child, to stunt my growth, because ‘men just don’t like tall women’.
HMF, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Another gentle “lets be friends” (as we have no chemistry??) let down by Rahul… This man has some skill 😉
is “lets be passionate enemies” better than “lets be friends”?
But I don’t think women want that freedom, I think they enjoy society’s perception that they are more mature and less crass in making relationship decisions.
Not when it’s a request made without any kind of structural backdrop, then there’s no expectation of being apologetic. If I ask a girl out and she says no, there’s really no reason for her to feel apologetic about it, other than her own desire to not “look bad” But, I agree, if theres a structural backdrop, say it’s a friends friend, or more strongly, a family member suggests an ‘alliance’ with a family friend, then I can see pressures to be apologetic, out of concern for the family friend relationship, etc..
I am.. the master of letting people down. But now it seems like I have set high expectations for letting people down. This is a paradox worthy of Bertrand Russell himself.
wow! nearly 1100 responses for a blogpost. Must be an All-time record.
Just to totally interrrupt the current conversation and throw in another thought for whoever may still be interested in the non-heteronormative sub-discussion:
I can’t believe I didn’t comment on this yesterday, since I had this conversation just last week, but I didn’t think about it until I got up this morning. I was talking to one of my very best friends last week – she’s a brown lesbian with a white girlfriend – and we were talking about another friend of mine who is transgender – she presents very masculinely. They both have older sisters who are straight and fairly mainstream feminine. I was saying how my friend seemed to have an easier time with her parents because she just kind of stepped into the role of the son they never had – she did all the “son” things when she went home to see them, etc. so her gender identity was easier for them to accept. And the friend I was talking to had a lightbulb moment and said, “Oh, that makes so much sense.” It seems that having an older sister, a “normal”, good girl made it easier for her parents to accept that she was gay, and “different.” It makes so much sense with my partner too – he doesn’t have a sister, just an older brother, so he can’t step into the “son” role – they already have one. And in transitioning, his parents feel like they’re losing their only daughter.
I think most siblings go through some version of this: I know with my two sisters, Mom was always on me for my clothes being too baggy, my older sister for hers being too tight and short, and my younger sister got it juuuuuust right (my mom as Goldilocks, I know). But I think it’s interesting, in terms of what makes it easier for parents to accept in their children’s choice of partner – if they had siblings and who their siblings had chosen to be with or what their sexuality was. I think someone upthread mentioned the pressure to have kids because he was the only son – that’s kind of the same vein, I think (“But you’re our only ________!”)
You don’t fool me for a minute.
By the way, whatever joke you were going for was lost on me, youtube is blocked where I am. I can check it in about 6 hours, but as we all know, comedy is timing.
“chemistry” is not exclusive to physical hotness
true dat. the aforementioned 6’7″ guy i dated was something like a 2.5 on the hot-itude scale; all of my friends (even the super nice ones) tried to cover their shocked expressions upon meeting him. he’s probably one of the strangest looking people i’ve ever met in my life but my lord, was the “chemistry” unbelievable. i actually live my days with persistent, low-grade anxiety that i’ll never experience “chemistry” like that again. on the flipside, i’ve gone on several first dates this past year with a number of 8s and 9s and the hotitude scale (you know, that scientific, expert-created Hotitude Scale? that one), and hotness had nothing to do with why there were no second dates. prior to my experience with my tall ex, i admit that i was completely narrow-minded about whom i would or would not date and definitely filtered people out based on shitty, superficial criteria. i hate to say that i was so immature that it took dating someone wildly different from me (physically and otherwise) and who was not embraced as “hot” or even “average” by the rest of the word to slap me out of my reverie and learn to be much more patient and open-minded about potential partners. i guess part of it was just growing up, but i am definitely amazed by how narrowly i was viewing the male world and continue to be ashamed of that. (so yes, even though i have disparaged the “lemmings” of the i-banking world on this thread, i am trying my damndest to see what they also have to offer).
Re: 924
It has. See bideshi bou’s comment.