…because according to some commenters, apparently, it isn’t. Suddenly there are commentS about hot Desi girls choosing white guys over their own— and I emphasize the plural aspect of “comment”, because that’s what caught my attention– this wasn’t some one-off virtual rant. Frankly, Mr. Shankly, I’m shocked. While some of the people who are leaving the eyebrow-raising statements seem to be new, I’m fully aware that the normal pattern of Sepia engagement is:
Random Googling –> Sepia? What the-? –> Hmmm, interesting –> Lurking –> and then finally, posting.
If these anti-miscegenation fans have followed that tried-and-true process, then they’d be aware that there are more than a few members of the Mutiny community who are the products of interracial unions; I can’t imagine that they’d be so tactless as to disparage such pairings when they reflect someone like Siddhartha, Desidancer or SemiDesiMasala’s ancestry.
So, maybe these are just mischief-instigating trolls, having some wicked fun via drive-by hate-spewing.
Or are they?
I think there’s more to this– and that’s why I’m publishing this post. Let’s have it out, then. Some of you seem to be in the mood to REALLY tell us what you think, so here’s your deluxe chance. Almost everyone here is anonymous. 🙂 It’s safe to be honest.
The following comments were left on my post about a woman named Aarti being chosen as one of the cuter people on the Hill:
hillside: Also I’ve never dated an Indian girl either, probably partly because so many of the hot ones like the two on this list are into white dudes. [sm]
Sheetal: (referring to comment above)
I’ve noticed this too. What is up with that? [sm]
Sheetal followed that comment by excerpting the following portion of the Hill article, making sure to highlight certain significant words by “bolding” them.
Skipper is a native of Chicago but both parents are from India — something that had worried her when it came to the issue of marriage. The handsome man in church soon became her boyfriend, but he was American and Caucasian, far from what she thought her parents would ever accept.
Okay, loud and clear. Jamie Skipper is Desi and she married a Caucasian (never mind that Desis are Caucasian, too). Yet another commenter seemed to agree with hillside and Sheetal:
Kannan: its interesting that you bring this up..We have parallels with the asian community. I’ve heard/seen that before. Hot lil Korean spinner would rather hook up with tall lanky white dude than someone from her race and its kind of common because I know a lot of my asian brothers who want to date from their race gripe and bitch about it:) Its almost like an invisible social hierarchy And the same goes for desi guys, I have a lot of friends who date white girls just because they think it brings them more social value” Look at me FOB minority guy pulling from the majority race” However for me its never really been race, its whether I was attracted to the person or not and it so happens I have never gone brown 🙂 [sm]
Kannan, I think your final sentence encapsulates how most of us feel, but that doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t explore the other sentiments I’ve highlighted.
SM is at its best when we are honestly, openly and sometimes painfully hashing out the issues that our community/others refuse to acknowledge or discuss; I didn’t put this post up in order to invite you to pillory “hillside” and “Sheetal”. They weren’t abusive, they were blunt. I wrote this post because I wanted to know how the rest of you felt. The thing is, I am almost certain that they aren’t alone and that more of you agree with them than we realize. Maybe it’s time to call ourselves out.
To be brutally honest, I’ve been there. Years ago, I crushed on Desi guys who only seemed to “swing one way”; I’ve been let down gently by being told that:
If I did date Indian girls, you’d totally be my type.
I’m just not attracted to dark skin…I like pink nipples (!) (this from someone even darker than me)
and the best one, ever,
Um, I could never go out with you because it would be like dating my sister. White girls don’t remind me of relatives.
And what do black and Asian girls remind you of? It’s so telling that they almost never factor in to these cringe-inducing statements, it’s always white girls who are “preferred”, which invites doubt about the sincerity behind someone’s “type”.
Predictably, each of those instances left me feeling wounded. It didn’t help matters that every time my Mother came across some seemingly eligible, compatible (read: also raised-away-from-Mallus) ummarried boy, his mother would sorrowfully lament that
“He already has girlfriend. White. Enne chayum?”.
Mom would come home, grumpy. “The second they graduate from law or med school, they run after a vellambi. Chey!”
I knew why my Mother said something so annoyingly ignorant. Encounters with unavailable, suitable boys combined with input from her coworkers, a good portion of whom are African-American, to create an explosive cocktail of hurt; soon, my Mother absorbed that odious complex about “successful POC going white”, especially after the cutest brown resident at her hospital took up with some “white nurse who wasn’t even pretty” instead of someone Indian/Pinay/Chinese/Black (all of whom were/are allegedly gorgeous, in comparison). When they heard about the brown and white coupling, my Mother’s African American office mate snorted, “typical” while Ma shook her head and sighed. She told me all about it, bitterly.
“Mommy, maybe they’re in love?”
“Podi, penne. Stop being blonde.”
“Mom you’re being unreasonable.”
“You are never going to find a boy. There are no educated Malayalee boys with three degrees. If there are, they are only interested in the white girls.”
“I don’t care how many degrees…remember? I like engineers. They usually have just one.”
“Chinammamma is right. That’s a recipe for disaster. Boy should have more degrees than girl-“
“- and be three years older, and three inches taller and blah blah blah. Spare me, Ma.”
“Make fun all you want, those things are accepted for a reason- they work. You want your husband to resent you?”
“I thought you didn’t care if I got married?”
“I don’t. It would save me money. I’d rather travel than waste all that, or put the down-payment on a house for you. I have nothing to prove to your Father’s friends and I’ve never been interested in outdoing them. I just…saw Mercy’s son and thought he was so cute. My grandchildren would have been so cute!”
All right-y, then. What’s hilarious is that my Mother had to alter her theory a year later, when “Mercy’s son” got engaged to a Punjabi girl he met in law school:
“Sho! Anyone but a Malayalee penne, eh?”
“What, Ma…now there’s a hierarchy? White, then North Indian, then South?” 😀
I didn’t really make peace with any of this until I met an adorable white guy who confessed that he liked me…only to hear me gracefully blurt out that I only date brown boys. It’s true, I can’t help it. I always have gone brown and probably always will. It’s just what I am attracted to– black hair, dark eyes, tan skin (fur optional).
The epiphany I had at that moment, while staring in to wounded blue eyes and rapidly batting blonde lashes, brought me closure and a bit of enlightenment; duh, no one has to justify whom they are attracted to, but hopefully they are acting out of their purest feelings– we can’t help whom we fall for, but we can call ourselves out if we’re nursing some bizarre colonial hangover or other therapy-requiring-issue (full disclosure: I have a family member who ONLY dates white guys, because they are the polar opposite of her strict, very Desi Dad).
There are other aspects to the complicated issue of human mixology, too– one of my dearest friends is finally in a blissful relationship. With a black man. After being repeatedly rejected by Desi guys for her tan skin and curves, she has given up on making her parents’ dreams of an Indian son-in-law come true. Instead, she found someone who will accept her just as she is; she has decided to do what makes her happy– and I am thrilled for her. I’m also broken-hearted that essentially, she has to keep her love closeted. Additionally, I would enjoy beating the fecal matter out of the last Desi she went on a blind date with, who brilliantly said, “you’d be so pretty if you weren’t so dark!”, while recoiling from her. But I’m protective and furious like that.
Look. This stuff is real. It happens. Let’s talk about it, if you are in the mood. I’m opening a safe space for exploration, if you are so inclined. You don’t have to be P.C. or fake, you just have to be respectful and courteous; controversial topics are impossible to fisk if we’re not, right?
I am simply posting this comment so I can post the next one, which will be magic.
Dammit, Gujudude! You pushed my comment all the way to 702!
Y’all need to spend less time talking and more time dating people of other races.
I think I’m going to host a Miscegenation Mixer in two weeks, just to help things out.
Thanks Doug. Nice to know someone’s listening as it appears Mera dil ke paas is still itching for a beatdown…
The truth is Razib, she would not be just anothe n*gger, because she is not African American with all that that entails (stereotypes). She’d be a South Asian, with all the stereotypes that that entails; smart, hard-working, spelling bee, computer geek married only once and separated only at death. The two cultures are never merged or mistaken for here.
Sorry man, I wasn’t shooting for number 700. If we have another record thread, I’ll stay away from benchmark numbers 🙂
Doesn’t Anna live in DC?
Ok, Karthik, this probably explains your last week’s condescending lecture to me here. For which I will never forgive you. 🙂 But seeing that you have included the phrase ‘a fair share of’ I will ‘let’ you go in peace…
…But not before I gently remind/challenge you to perhaps confess that you have seen your fair share of the 2nd generation ‘being horribly ignorant, ‘racist’ and judgemental about almost everything.’ (And here, I am intentionally using ‘racist’ in a very broad/distant sense, perhaps: I am using it to include the ABD assumptions of a FOB). If you haven’t, here is my statement, as a representative of the 1.85 generation: I have seen a fair share of 2nd generation being not all that on campus, off campus, in class, outside of class, social scene, major life events, even on SM, everywhere. To the extent, that I shake my head and wonder what is the point of all that $15,000 per year well-rounded education, on average, that was supposed to help one ‘use logic and get called back.’
My point is not to start an ABD/FOB war. My point was to (other than take a jab at Karthink) suggest an appreciation for Mikhail Bakhtin’s theory, as I understand it, ‘The Excess of Seeing:’ That we all need ‘the other’, however disparate the other is, to complete our image of ourselves. Like A N N A needs to just hear me out, if I ask, ‘but why the Nancy Grace-style post Immortal?’ But that is another thread, I suppose.
I took Razib’s assertion to be similar to Yoko’s famous declaration that “woman is the n*igger of the world,” not in that she literally equated women to African Americans but in the sense of marginalization and oppression on the basis of a superficial characteristic. Razib’s comment makes me think of the fact that I’ve encountered tons of simpering, condescending white folks who completely gloss over the fact that I’m brown when I’m in their presence. I’ve literally been among groups of people who’ve been discussing stuff specific to the experience of being white, and when I get flustered about it, they’re all, “Well, Satya, we kind of think of you as white, too,” like they’re doing me a favor or something by permitting me entrance into the higher echelons of their social group. When it all comes down to it, you’re either unflaggingly seen as the sum of your brownness, or it’s elided altogether by thoughtless liberal types who automatically peg the default American identity as being white. Funny, since I’m actually most comfortable around brownies myself…
This topic is generating a lot of discussion and yet not so much candour, so I’ll see if I can add some.
I date white men. I also date successful men, but I would do the same with good Indian boys so it is not really relevant to this discussion.
It may be a post-colonial hang up, but I just call it hot when my English boyfriend forces all of his junior bankers to eat curries all the time to impress me. Power is a big sexual driver for us all — and I enjoy it as much as the next girl….
I suspect the same thing I find sexually exciting also sexually fuels the critics and haters — something must be energizing all of these comments !!! And if you can only orgasm in the context of the familar, that’s good to — liberty for all?
Of course, men like Arun Nayar have the absolutely wrong idea and I would never disrespect my family, and yes, I do plan some day to marry a nice, successful Desi man. But that’s in the future for me.
xxx — Divya
Despite some of the assholiness detected on this thread (which, perhaps, I’m also guilty of, so I won’t bash too much), it’s scintillating enough to make me lament the fact that I’m so devoid of desi brethren here in S.F. P’raps that’s due to my own major inferiority complex and acute necessity for “grounding” by inattentive brown boys who are unconsciously damaging my socialization process? 😉 Just running that up the flagpole…
But minorities in any population are often seen as “exotic” or “forbidden fruit” and thus sexually attractive, or sexually mysterious perhaps. The stereotype of black male genital dimensions makes them sexually desirable to all sorts of women who buy into that.
Now, when it comes to marriage, starting a family, etc, I would say one might look for a mate more often than not within their own ethnic/cultural group. Thus there is often a difference between what/whom one may be solely sexually attracted to and what/whom one may be inspired to marry.
While dating and short-term relationships may be based mostly or primarily on sexual attraction, marriage is seldom based mostly on sexual attraction alone.
Antahkarana said:
That’s the same for me. I’m attracted to white guys, but the scarring from the early on bullying I got from them has really effected me nowadays.
I must try again to make my point. In the building next door to where we used to live there were two siblings who grew up in a phillipino family. ONe’s name was jen, the other peter. Jen grew up cute, attractive – started dating and was not at all developmentally delayed. Peter on the other hand did not get to grow up in select circles, was not empowered, did not date and had diminished career prospects. This is because of that developmental gap that I was talking about. That gap can be large or it can be small, in this case it was huge. Something needs to be done in this situation to protect peter, and by jen not dating and stratifying her brother – he will have a chance at life because he will be grounded into who he is. IF jen does date, in crowds that petere is excluded from due to race – then peter gets robbed, his life ends up not being as rich as it has the potential to be. It is stratification between the sexes when it comes to development. that is what we are talking about here.
It may be a post-colonial hang up, but I just call it hot when my English boyfriend forces all of his junior bankers to eat curries all the time to impress me.
For the love of all things mutinous, lets not refer to generic Indian food as ‘curry’.
Anyone know what the record is for most posts on a single thread is? This is crazy…in a wonderful way that makes me want to skip out of work early, curl up with a cup of tea and read all afternoon.
Divya, you confirm my theory in post 712.
Sexual attraction, excitement, and “settling down” are very different things and what we look for in the two are also very different.
er…maybe an extra “is” up there.
SM Meetups, of course. Chock full of desis who didn’t grow up around any other brown people, all of whom are interesting, kind and have something already in common with you– this timesuck.
And what if she does? Your point is?
Beyond Camille’s original new tab posting, we received several emails about it, so there was obviously interest/demand. Or are you disagreeing with the style more than the subject?
Some of the negative engergy needs to be exorcised here.
The power of brown compels you…
The power of brown compels you…
Camille wrote:
I’m sure you know this, but even folks in the aforementioned areas have members who live off the beaten path. If I had to do it all over again, I certainly would have chosen differently. Thank god for my hobby which one day might be my only source of income. Then I might literally be living on “the” path. 😉
Pankaj, dude, you make so sense. Most of the desi guys I know had gobs of opportunities to “develop,” whereas desi girls I know were fairly restricted by draconian parental tenets. I, for one, didn’t date until I was about 20, and felt like a freak of nature throughout most of my adolescence. It didn’t help matters that Indian guys I knew wouldn’t come near me with a ten-foot pole, but I also didn’t blame all my problems on the ones who decided to hook up with white girls instead of me. I got a life, I grew up–in short, I came into my own. And while it was a long, arduous process, I don’t think it was anyone else’s responsibility but my own (and mebbe my parents’, but that’s another story) to empower myself and get on with it.
Your arguments remind me of whiny, anti-feminist detractors who feel that female empowerment has dethroned the male and suddenly left him dickless and effete. I don’t buy the idea that female empowerment and choices automatically = stunted, seriously disturbed men. And honestly, you haven’t addressed the fact that oftentimes, in interracial couples involving brown people, you tend to see plenty of Indian guys with white girls. (Or if you have, my apologies–I have ADD and really don’t want to give the last umpteen posts more than a perfunctory skim.) Retort, please?
You’re helping to set that record right now. This post is it.
where do all of these mythical skinny, pretty, straight haired, fair skinned, banana republic clad, i banker chasing desi grls hang out in ny. sounds like a target group for me!
I think that a discussion on that topic could challenge the length of this one.
NOT at our meetups.
Karthik wrote:
I remember reading a large study about this about a year ago (maybe on Slate?) where most successful men would rather be with secretary or purely motherly types than an equal woman. I guess they wanted something completely different from work to be with for pleasure. Personally, I’ve found the reverse to be true. I get very bored with the secretary types and have had the most memorable and enjoyable experiences with “equals.” Unfortunately, it’s hard to find “equals” in the perineum of america.
Oh, I assure you, they’re omnipresent! Now, if you want the curvaceous, seductive, sassy, whiskey-chugging chicks with wild hair, mocha skin, a penchant for anything vintage, toilet humor, liberal arts education and a distinctive rack–you’ll have to dig a little.
went to the last nyc meetup. pretty fun, if not slightly ackward for me.
SM Intern:
Have comments been limited to a certain character length? Or have you guys finally decided to put a muzzle on a few of us :)? Been having issues posting anything longer than a few lines.
omnipresent?! why dont i see any of these women?! wtf?!
Maaf karo for chiming in out of tune but as a recent FOB, I find it difficult to date most Amrikans –ABDs or other colours. During such dates my otherwise fluent hold over English disintegrates; I’m grabbing at Hindi phrases and the evening (there’s mostly never a second) ends in a minor debacle. I sort of hate myself for being narrow like this but I do have more fun with desi guys from des (even though they don’t lack in the as*hole quotient). Does that make me racist?
Satya, please go back to my previous example involving jen and peter. Peter was insecure due to some sort of racial impact. Jen was attractive and allowed to date ( this phenomenon might have something to do with where I grew up but….) while peter was not an attractive suitor to possible partners. he was insecure and of another ethnicity. So their was a difference in how attractive jen and peter seemed due to race. peter was developmentally delayed because he was disempowered. the minute jen, his sister – dates someone that peter is not on par with developmentally, peter goes from being insecure to being emasculated. And that is what happened. Sure, peter can then go out and date – pull himself up by his bootstraps, but is that really what peter’s life should be? should he not be more empowered. Why is that power so important? Because it is necessary for survival. The commmunity will rise if it retains power. I feel that jen protecting her brother’s development is just the right thing to do.
Puliogre, at least from my experience, they litter the Bay Area like so much lip-glossed, La Perla-clad detritus.
That’s odd– no limits in place, no muzzles, either, unless you’re in to that sort of thing (no judgments). Let us know if the problem persists.
i need to move to the bay area. i think id have a bid for such a grl…cant seem to find them out here in nyc…maybe i not lookin in the right place..
SF is just a sucky place as far as dating is concerned. There is such a skewed single vs gay vs taken men ratio, that men here don’t have to work to get women. I have single male friends who say that they don’t need to put in any effort to meet a girl, because 1) there are plenty of single women to pick from 2) a lot of them have learnt to be aggressive if they want to meet men. Male friends from the east coast think its kind interesting how their role changes here. Female friends from the east coast lament the fact that they were hit on more back home and they feel unattractive here.
sigh california dreamin plays in my imagination. i REALLY need to move out there…
delirium tremens @ 695:
I’ve never been to a Sholay party – We went to a couple of the Desilicious parties, and Cattyshack hosts a bhangra night every once in a while. I do like Basement Bhangra in NYC, too . . . although, dare I say it, it’s been crowded with white people my last couple of times there! 🙂
I’m in DC now, though, at grad school. I miss New York, but hopefully I’m not gone forever. 🙂 Are you on the SALGA list-serv? I’ve heard the support group isn’t for everyone, but they send out lots of events info (films, parties, etc), and we’ve been to some fun stuff through that.
And thanks for the good wishes – I’d been slowly upgrading to ‘unspoken in-law’ status and it was getting pretty dang good for a while, but then my partner’s transition threw everything for a loop again, so . . . back to square one – minus about 200. 🙂 But, hey, what can you do? Keep on living.
And just to try and tie into this thread in some way – I find being in an inter-ethnic, inter-cultural relationship wonderful. (Or maybe I just find my relationship wonderful.) Yes, maybe it takes a bit more discussion about where we’re both coming from sometimes, and a bit more wrangling with the in-laws, but then we also get to share with each other our own cultures and histories and the way we see the world, and I get to be part of his culture and introduce him to mine – it means I learn and grow and get to have new experiences. I dunno – it’s not like I went looking for someone outside my culture or ethnicity – I just fell in love – but I’m so happy to share his life and have him share mine that the idea that our differences could be a burden is a little . . . silly to me. And don’t most couples have to adjust to each others’ expectations about money and child-rearing and co-habitation and what exact tone of voice constitutes ‘yelling’ and all that, same race or no? I mean, as long as it’s serious, and not some kind of fetish-dating situation (the dreaded ‘E’ word rears its ugly head!), relationships are relationships, right? she says through rose-colored glasses 🙂
I realize that for some inter-cultural couples, family and community pressures are more of a stress. But again, I wonder if in some ways queer/gay folks have to deal less with that specific type of stress (family discussions about their love life, hints about grandchildren, etc.) because, well, they’ve already put a foot down wrong in that department, haven’t they? Although, as you said delirium, if they’re in denial, a good defense is pretending nothing’s been said and dropping the same hints anyway. sigh
HMF @ 617 said:
I don’t think I’m being judgmental, I think I’ve engaged a troll for far too long. Read Pankaj’s accounts of relationships with Red Sox / Phish woman and the Lahori Kumar. But yes, if a woman was not only evading responsibility by blaming everybody else for her perceived problems, but going so far as to demand that half the population abdicate their autonomy to serve their fragile egos then I probably would “be so judgmental.”
If Pankaj is being sincere, then I’m trying to be helpful–that’s how it is my concern. Do you think that whining and complaining is going to help him have healthy relationships? I think milli’s onto something. While I acknowledge that capitalist consumer culture emasculates all men, the “predicament” of desi men is exacerbated by their coddling parents who treat them like babies–i.e. these men are not “feminized” so much as they are “baby-ized.”
Furthermore, all this emasculation is news to me. If anything, I feel exoticized (put on a pedestal and hyper-sexualized) by “tantric Kama-Sutra” non-desi people. Despite what my mother and lover tell me, I don’t think it’s because I’m that good-looking. I consider myself fat (these days, but my old svelte self will reemerge, through my efforts–I don’t require desi ladies to cook healthy food for me and drive me to the gym), but I fervently believe that it’s all in how you carry yourself. Confidence is attractive–nobody wants a basket-case on their hands. I didn’t want to go that cliched place, HMF, but you’re backing me into a corner–“If you want to be loved, first learn to love yourself.”
Oh, and Pankaj, there are plenty of white (err, yellow) guys who live with their moms and never get laid, too. Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t make light of the situation because a lot of those guys have psychological problems (not related to race). You sound like you had some kind of psychotic break, too.
Divya: I date white men. I also date successful men, but I would do the same with good Indian boys
WTF with the contrast between “good Indian boys” and “white” or “successful” men–this is the attitude I abhor.
if anyone has any tips on where i can meet such grls in nyc, im all ears!
do i hear triple-d’s???
p.s. the comment about an ‘animal’ was a figure of speech. some of the best people i know are animals.
“Which is why the American Census Bureau classifies all desis, from the brownish punjabis to the blackish tamils, as non-caucasians. Ditto for the american media and the general public.”
Depends. As far as traditional American laws and moraes concerning mixed-people, the one drop rule (only in rigorous force after the Civil War) applied to only to blacks. Usually, whites who claimed less than 50% Indian (American variety) blood, were positively cavalier about it, though it likely made for a better beach experience.
The World Book Encyclopedia of 1960 clearly describes the population of India as 70% Caucasian and most of the rest Dravidian. In segregated cities, blacks would sometimes put turbans on their heads and pretend to be from some unspecified foreign locale, and get better reception in restaurants, but that could be urban legend. In the autobiography of the first social worker in Iran, Daughter of Persia, the author married an “East Indian” man while she was living in the U.S. during the 1940s. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0552139289/qid%3D1111425954/sr%3D1-1/ref%3Dsr%5F1%5F10%5F1/202-9664397-2661465 She went to college in California, but married elsewhere in the U.S., and there was some sort dilemma at the registry office because the particular state in which they were married did not do “inter-racial” marriages and they saw her as white, but were not really sure how to see the desi guy. Ah, those pre-islamic revolution days. I don’t think Americans really knew much about Iranians except for Shaherazade (where exactly did she live during those 1001 nights?) Westerners were only slightly more aware of desis, mainly because of the picturesque imagery in books and stories and paintings–exotification I think the nasty word is. One thing I find a little thick-headed about this thread is that there are some opinions about spreading our genes into another (white) gene pool, um, do whites (or black, yellow, etc.) think they are spreading white (or other) genes into a brown pool, or do they just let the whole idea of reproducing ethnic/race identity go? Why this surreptitious gene-war slant on the subject? Next time I’m in an interracial dating situation I may get the guts to pose the question but i may need a polygraph to get an honest answer. But back to the jumble of liberal-desi attitudes. Either race matters, or it doesn’t matter. Shit or get off the pot. If you are going to marry and breed with another race then get over your own and any sense of the need to perpetrate it, or else I see eugenics gene banks in the future. yeah you can be proud of yourself, but not of your whole race and its traits. If having a brown skinned child is so important, then why on earth would you even consider a white? What if your child turns out quite pale? Forcing the identity will only cause confusion. They are children of the world, not of India. And this exotification of mixed-races–aren’t they pretty, blah blah blah. Some are, some aren’t. That’s no good reason for undertaking the endeavor. I’ve seen a few inter-racial celebrity tots lately on the streets of Manhattan, and whatever sterling qualities they may eventually possess, pretty they ain’t all. Forget the concept of race–at least until you need an organ donor.
Puliogre:
Italian restaurants in the Village–Po, Lupa, etc…. bar area.
Pankaj, shake off the hoarfrost and join the rest of us here in the 21st century. I strongly resist the idea that empowerment is based on sexual attractiveness. I, for one, don’t tend to encounter any of the castrated weenies (really, no pun intended–just seemed like the right word) you seem to be rhapsodizing so passionately about. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that brown men, in many ways, are as much hot commodities as brown women are–or at least a collective perception of their desirability appears to be increasing.
As far as the community rising if it has power, don’t you think that broader economic and cultural choices also have some impact on this? Partnerships between desi men and women need to go far beyond women bolstering men’s deflated egos, if we’re seeking communal empowerment. Like, when we come to some sort of consensus regarding stuff like female infanticide, gender stereotypes, and the nuclear family, collective action and respect for the community can lead to power on all sides–and perhaps there won’t be a need for primeval, one-sided notions of masculinity (and subsequently, the misconception that masculinity is the sole empowering force of a community, which appears to be what you are deducing) to overshadow a culture’s larger issues.
Sorry if any of this is incoherent. I still need me coffee.
I have far too much work, and I really should not be commenting, but this train wreck is Too Much To Resist.
So, what you are saying is that Jen is robbing Peter to pay, say, Paul. Given Jen’s filipina ancestry, I assume this will mean that she is burdened with a lifetime of Catholic guilt. Isn’t that punishment enough? Not to mention, of course, the Freudian associations of “Peter” which probably mean he is (not) screwed too.
Alright, back to the old ball and chain now. That’s what I am going to blame for my grounding.
Puliogre, are you for real? I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not…
And just wanted to add that one of those wonderful new experiences to come out of my relationship has been lurking here for the past few years. Thanks, y’all!
Satya:
Puliogre, at least from my experience, they litter the Bay Area like so much lip-glossed, La Perla-clad detritus.
That’s quite an erotic image you’ve conjoured Satya…. I suspect (and I am seldom wrong when it comes to men) that you’d be the first one begging to fuck me on the side…
ps Don’t be offended, I like that in a man.
thanks. u r awesome.
no. i am not sarcastic. i am perfectly serious. i would like to meet more pretty grls. and since im much more successfull than i was 5 years ago, i am probably in their target range by now….and grls that take care of their looks are appealing to me.