Monthly Archives: June 2007

Ocean’s Eighteen: Indian Tourists in Vegas

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Recently, I went on a four-day trip to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon, with eighteen relatives from India. The group was mainly cousins, uncles, aunts, and a two-year old baby (my cousin’s; I left my own kid at home). Some were from Delhi and Bombay, but others were from smaller towns in Punjab and elsewhere.

The biggest surprise for me was realizing that many of my relatives were awed by the lights and sounds of Las Vegas — and only modestly impressed by the Grand Canyon. You can kind of see why: the New Las Vegas is obsessed with showing off its grand, pseudo-classy facades (i.e., the fountain show at the Bellagio that Steven Soderbergh admires so much), while downplaying both the less glamorous past and the seediness that still exists in the fringes, in places like “downtown” Las Vegas. To a first-time visitor, it might be easy to miss how pseudo the new Vegas really is.

In the casinos themselves, I saw lots of Desis in the older, cheaper casinos on the north end of the strip — where the table minimums are $1 or $2. I didn’t see quite as many in the Bellagio, where the minimum bets start at $20 and go up (considerably) from there. Personally, I am not really that into gambling, so my favorite casino is still Circus Circus: give me Whac-A-Mole over Roulette, any day. At least you’re likely to walk away with a prize (i.e., a teddy bear), rather than a big hole in your pocket where your life-savings used to be.

In terms of cuisine, we went twice for satisfying lunch buffets at India Oven, at the north end of the strip. (Is it the only Indian restaurant on the Las Vegas strip? I didn’t see any others) There weren’t many options at the Grand Canyon, so we ate at Denny’s (which was a flop; my relatives really didn’t like it) and Pizza Hut (better).

Speaking of Desis on the Strip — since there are already so many Desis visiting Vegas, why not a Desi-themed casino? There’s already the lightly Morroccan-themed Sahara and the heavily Egyptian Luxor, the pseudo-Italian Venetian (where you can even go for a gondola ride), and the pseudo-French Paris. Donald Trump already has the pseudo-Desi Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, so maybe we could step out on a limb and call it… Maharajah? (Las Vegas is already completely defined by kitschy appropriations and simulations of real places and cultures — why not embrace it?) If I had $1 billion to invest in a casino in Las Vegas, I would model my Maharajah on the Lake Palace at Udaipur, except in Las Vegas — unlike Udaipur — the lake would actually have water in it. Continue reading →

55Friday: The “‘I’m Screwed’/Haiku” Edition

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poor butters.jpg

When we 55 each week, it’s usually because I have looked to my iPod for inspiration; I try and choose a meaningful song with which to name our Flash Fiction orgies and yes, it’s almost guaranteed that whatever I select once aired on 120 Minutes.

However, on this freaky Friday, like most of you, I’ve got a screaming/crying blonde on the brain. It seems apposite to use one of her shitty songs, in honor of all this justice she got served. Welcome to “Screwed”, from her eponymously named album which is chock full o’ Scott Storch-tainted crap. Perhaps they should make Miss Hilton listen to it in prison, 24/7, as part of her rehabilitation…I know after 30 seconds of each song, I was clawing off my headphones while vowing to never misbehave again. It’s THAT painful.

The lyrics to “Screwed” (heh) are below the jump. Don’t expect much from them. Wait, what am I saying, you are all too bright for that…though if you’re anything like me, you’ll giggle at the thought that the words “I’m screwed” are repeated eight times (ah, there’s the reason for our title). Perhaps she was humming them to herself in the police car?

No matter, on this Fast Fiction Friday, write 55 words about heiresses, anything Paris’s or what’s fairest. Ignore our topic and write about other stuff, too, as long as you do so with exactly 55 words, since that’s what nanofiction is all about. Not sure how to play? Lookie here:

A literary work will be considered 55 Fiction if it has:
1. Fifty-five words exactly(A non-negotiable rule)
2. A setting,
3. One or more characters,
4. Some conflict, and
5. A resolution. (Not limited to moral of the story)
Many new versions of the 55 Fiction have started to modify on the rules by either ignoring to include conflict, or basing it on a true incident and dramatising it. [wiki]

Having copied and pasted all that, in celebration of today’s delicious victory for right over pink-clad evil, you haiku-freaks can get down, too. Same rules for you, just fit your genius in three lines of carefully-counted syllables.

Finally, if you’re wondering what’s up with our visual aid– it’s from an episode of South Park which aired in December of 2004. “Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset” was hilarious (and it really was the name of the show, so you can’t yell at me for the caption…that’s what I meant by the asterisk, not that you had any way of guessing that):

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Points & Desis

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As Abhi points out, one of the key elements of the proposed immigration bill was a Canadian-/Aussie-style points system to allocate immigration spots. The overall bill failed.

The proposed point system, however, was pretty interesting. The general goal was to provide a more systemic, color-blind way of sorting the through the massive pool of applicants. Factors like English proficiency, degrees, and occupations would be allocated values and the sum determined where in the stack you ranked….

Of course, the world being the non-uniform soup it is, the second you start calling some traits more ‘desirable’ than others, you’re going to run into, uh, disparaties in how frequently those traits are found across ethnic groups. Towards this end, the NYT published this very interesting chart which showed how, based on the past 15 yrs of immigration data, a few select groups would have been allocated points. By my eye, Desi’s would have scored rather conspicuously well….

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The milk of human kindness does not curdle

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Rani woke up one morning in Singapore with an idea – why not make paneer from the left over breast milk that was sitting in her freezer? [via BoingBoing] No, I’m not kidding:

Basically this is human cheese. Why would I do that?

Well, basically, there are about twenty bags (each 150ml) of frozen breastmilk in the fridge, and they have passed their three months drinkability period, which means I would not be able to donate the milk like I did before. But the milk is still less than six month old, which is the actual expiry date.

So what do I do with it? I could make cream soup like I did several months ago. But I really wanted to try something different, and making Breast Milk Paneer sounds really exciting. [Link]

I was a bit weirded out when I started reading this. Human milk is clearly a bodily fluid, it can even transmit HIV. Emotionally, it feels very different from cows milk, even though both come from teats so that mammals can feed their young.

I mean, when you’re eating brie you don’t say “I’m having moldy bovine bodily secretions” because you don’t deconstruct cheese. Human breast milk cheese, on the other hand, lays the process bare.

I also was uneasy at the idea that she was wasting something that precious, but interestingly enough, her motive for making the paneer was to avoid wasting any of the precious fluids. Given that she had frozen breast milk that she couldn’t use and couldn’t donate, wouldn’t it be less wasteful to eat it than throw it out? My curiousity overpowered my discomfort and I kept reading.

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NOW Paris is relevant

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The more I thought about it today the angrier I became. I never expected to write a post about Paris Hilton on this blog. I’m incensed whenever mainstream media thinks that her life is worth reporting to the masses, especially in light of the real events in our world that go ignored. She is a harbinger of the Assault on Reason. But finally, today, Paris became relevant to me. TMZ.com has had the best blow-by-blow on the internet:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Paris Hilton’s medical condition was purely psychological and that she was in peril of having a nervous breakdown, and that’s why she was released early this morning.

Psychiatrist Charles Sophy visited Hilton in jail yesterday and the day before. We’re told after Sophy’s visit yesterday, word was passed to the Sheriff that Hilton’s mental state was fragile and she was at risk.

The reason for releasing her had nothing to do with a rash or other physical issues. It was purely in her head. [Link]

And the breakdown of our society is complete. Just think about this for a minute (if you haven’t been already). A rich white girl was convicted of being a drunk driver and sent to jail. She was convicted even after making use of the best lawyers that money could buy and having full and transparent use of the American legal system. After three days she gets out because prison was too much for her fragile mind and she wasn’t eating well. Meanwhile, you have so-called “enemy combatants,” some of them South Asian, who in many cases don’t get a lawyer or even get to hear the evidence against them. They are simply thrown into a cage. Not only do they not receive a get-out-of-jail-free card for mental illness, they get tortured in a manner meant to hasten mental illness. Even children. I know some of you think it might be unfair of me to compare Hilton to Guantanamo inmates. You are quite correct. The Guantanamo inmates have only allegedly committed a crime. And what about the thousands of non-rich women and juveniles in the American legal system? Many get raped or assaulted in prison without any justice. They don’t get to go home with an ankle bracelet if they cry about it or don’t eat the soggy vegetables on their plates. Mental illness is very real and shouldn’t be treated lightly (but it is unless you are rich). What we are witnessing here is a perfect example of the “Two Americas” that candidate John Edwards is always going on about.

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Fisk This Frisking!

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shame shame sanjay.jpg Tada! It’s a bloated Bollywood star! And he looks thrilled. What’s up, Sanjay Dutt?

A policeman carries out a security check on actor Sanjay Dutt as he arrives at the Terrorist And Disruptive Activities (Prevention) Act court in Mumbai on Thursday.
Dutt has been convicted by the TADA court for illegal possession of weapons under the Arms Act, but has been cleared of the more serious charge of being involved in a terrorist consipracy in the over-decade long trial of the 1993 Mumbai bomb blasts.
…Dutt is facing a prison term after being convicted by the TADA court under the Arms Act for illegal possession of an AK-56 rifle and a 9mm pistol. He has sought exemption from a prison term under the POA (Probation of Offenders Act). [Rediff]

A well-connected, wealthy, famous person looking for special treatment? SHOCKING. While I’m sure you found the content blockquoted above fascinating, the real reason I posted this picture is because I thought you might want to play “Caption that photo!” with it, since that’s what I did.

You know how it’s done, if not, see previous posts with caption games here (the Abhishwarya edition!), here (the Tribe Called Quest edition!) and here (the Sikh and destroy edition!). Continue reading →

No masala bagels here

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Growing up in a Jewish neighborhood, I always felt that Desi and Jewish culture were similar. Unlike WASPs, we’re big into food, we have warm but meddlesome families, and we love to argue. So I was tickled brown to see a recent report of a desi bagel and bialy store owner named Ravi Agarwal who opened his third store in Park Slope, Brooklyn. He seems to make a pretty mean bagel, and his bialys are even better.

And no, it’s not a shanda for brown (non-Jews) to make Jewish food. Earlier we wrote about how a desi is the source for the perfect egg cream. And although it’s a different shade of brown, New York’s most famous bagel store, H&H Bagels, was founded by brothers-in-law Helmer Toro and Hector Hernandez.

My favorite aspect of this story — as reported by the Grey Lady — is that Agarwal’s ethnicity is never alluded to at all. It’s simply about how he, as a businessman from outside the neighborhood, goofed up in naming his bagel shop “Arena Bagels and Bialys”:

Mr. Aggarwal’s two teenage children had suggested the name after reading online about the planned new home of the New Jersey Nets. He thought it was a smart idea; the shop is in Park Slope, a few blocks from the site of the proposed Barclays Center arena, part of the [controversial] Atlantic Yards development…Soon, however, workers in the space began noticing negative reactions from passers-by… A few people even entered the shop to complain. And then a few more. In all, Mr. Aggarwal said, 20 or 25 unhappy people trooped in.

Mr. Aggarwal… quickly figured out that a word that is innocuous in Queens — he lives in Forest Hills, near one of his other two bagel shops — may be anything but innocuous in Brooklyn. [Link]

The problem was that many locals oppose the Atlantic Yards project, including the Arena, and so they pressured the shop as their way of voicing dissatisfaction with the development plan.

In this case Aggarwal screwed up because he’s an ousider, but by outsider the journalist means a businessman from Queens rather than an immigrant, a brown-man, or even a non-Jew. It’s just good local reporting.

[The original story in The Brooklyn Paper does mention that he’s an imigrant from Punjab, but only in the context of saying that he was a hard working man who worked his way up from dishwasher only to have his business get caught in a local battle over the stadium.]

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“almost like a variation of ethnic cleansing”

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On our News tab, Interloper pointed out a BBC article about Tamils who were evicted from budget hotels by police in Sri Lanka’s largest city, Colombo.

Police in Sri Lanka have forced hundreds of the minority Tamil community out of the capital Colombo for what they say are security reasons.
They launched overnight raids in Tamil areas of the city and forced guests staying in budget hotels onto buses.
Police said that Tamils who were in the capital “without valid reasons” were made to board buses bound for the north and east of the island.
Police said that the move was necessary amid fears of renewed civil war.

The raids were justified in the name of impeding the Tamil Tigers; they were also meant to protect.

They also said the measure was being taken for the safety of the Tamil community amid a rash of abductions across Colombo blamed on the rebels and the security forces.

How many of you believe this? I’m not judging, I’m asking.

A statement released by the government said that the evictions were made “without communal considerations”…
“There have been instances where some ‘lodgers’ have lived in the Colombo area for over six months without making any progress, on the pretext that someone has to obtain his or her identity card or passport,” the statement said.
“The resulting action by the police is required considering security demands such as the recent Tamil Tiger bomb explosions resulting in several innocent lives lost, and severe damage to property.
“Investigations have also confirmed that those responsible for these brutal killings have hatched their brutal plans and executed them from these lodgings,” the statement said.
It said that a total of 376 persons – 291 males and 85 females – have left in seven buses for destinations in the north and east.

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An Anxiolytic Post: Bigger Ain’t Better

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Several months ago, we received the same tip so many times, I started deleting my emails, because I knew exactly what they contained. Read or unread, every one of them was an exclamation-point-enhanced reference to a certain BBC South Asia article which heralded: Condoms ‘too big’ for Indian men

Finally, Siddhartha took one for the team and posted the mildly infamous, Oh, All Right. But You Asked For It, which immediately exploded in to a 400+ comment orgy about the injustice of it all.

this is how it feels to be small.jpg

Fast forward to last night, when Conan mentioned a related bit of news in his monologue, which, after some googling, I found here. My brown brothers, take heart.

From News-Medical.Net:

Women are much more interested in a man’s personality and looks than the size of his penis, but men can experience real anxiety even if they are average sized, according to a research review published in the June issue of the urology journal BJU International.

And this is all based on

the findings of more than 50 international research projects into penile size and small penis syndrome carried out since 1942

Men, it’s all in your head:

A survey of over 50,000 heterosexual men and women found that 66 per cent of men said their penis was average sized, 22 per cent said large and 12 per cent said small. 85 per cent of women were satisfied with their partner’s penile size, but only 55 per cent of men were satisfied.

The commenter formerly known as Prince Al Mujahid for Debauchery quite rightly asked:

What about the girth????????

Your eight question marks now have an answer:

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VOTE FOR SHALINI! Now, please!

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shalini ROCKS.jpg This is going to be the sloppiest, most rushed entry I’ve ever posted, but that’s because I’m so excited about what I just saw, I want to get the information to you sooner vs. later. I can edit after I publish, damnit.

There’s a show we have received several tips about– “The Lot”. We keep hearing about it because it has a desi contestant named Shalini Kantayya:

ON THE LOT, executive-produced by Mark Burnett and Steven Spielberg, will give aspiring filmmakers from around the world the chance to earn a $1-million development deal at DreamWorks.
Premiering on May 22 and airing twice a week throughout the summer on FOX, this reality-competition series features a cast of undiscovered filmmakers who will compete to win the support of the show’s viewers, as their fate will be decided by a weekly audience vote…
Every week, the hopeful filmmakers will produce short films from a chosen genre, running the gamut from comedies to thrillers, dramas to romance, action to horror. They’ll have access to the best resources the industry has to offer — professional writers, cast and crew, and maybe even Hollywood celebrities. [link]

I usually don’t get home until about now, so I knew I wouldn’t get to watch it and that’s why I promptly forgot about it– until tonight, when I was channel-surfing because I’m sick and on the couch. Once I heard that of the 15 finalists, five would be featured tonight, I stuck around to see if the brown girl would be in the ring…and she was.

Despite being high on codeine and everything else in my virus-wracked system, I sat up for the first time all day because THIS GIRL IS TALENTED. No wonder they plucked her out of a pool of 12,000 applicants from all over the world.

I’m not typing that because she’s brown– she had the BEST FILM OF THE NIGHT and Michael Bay, the guest judge who directed “Transformers”, agrees with me.

Here’s the thing: there’s but a wee two-hour window in which to vote for true awesomeness (dial 1-88-Thelot-05 or click the next link to show your love online). You can vote as many times as you’d like (handy “Vote” button is highlighted in yellow) AND you can view Shalini’s 3-minute clip yourselves– I think once you do, you’ll be cheering her on as effusively as I am, though you won’t sound like a frog while doing it. Continue reading →