You didn’t think I’d just sit on the sidelines while the Greatest Show on Earth was unfolding did you? The Annual Scripps National Spelling bee wraps up in prime-time tonight! Meet the last of the brown hopefuls (who we must all now pray for as they represent the best of desi-dom):
Okay folks. I am leaving for a quick workout. When I come back I shall live-blog tonight’s contest and explain how this year’s great brown hope failed us all and entertain suggestions for how our community can/should shun him for being weak. You can also take a trip down memory lane to check out last year’s losers
WATCH LIVE ON ABC
8:16 p.m. (EST): A white girl named Zia or Tia or something gets eliminated. The chances of the Indian kids just went up. An Asian dude from Canada is next. Who the hell let the Canadians up in here anyways?
8:19 p.m. Another Asian kid from Canada. What the hell?? Are these guys ringers or what? Canada’s borders are definitely more porous.
8:20 p.m. Canada bites it again. How can this be the “National” Spelling Bee when 3 of the first 6 spellers are Canadian? Can I just say that this is way more fun than the Kentucky Derby?
8:31 p.m. Kavya is up!! They are profiling her. What a sweetheart. Enough to melt an Evil blogger’s heart.
8:32 p.m. Sister. So. She has a sister. The force is strong in this family.
8:35 p.m. They gave her the word “cilice.” A hairy cloth made of goat hair worn close to the skin for painful penance. She just spelled it wrong. Make her wear one for a whole year!!! The little sister Vanya better start prepping now!!
8:44 p.m. Nithya is up. The origin of her freaking word is unknown. They always screw the brown kid.
8:45 p.m. Pelorus is her word. AGHHHHHHHHH!! She is gone. She better be able to break a stack of cinder blocks with her katate black belt because she is done spelling. It’s all up to “Peach Fuzz” now.
8:56 p.m. Prateek gets a word of “unknown” origin also. I call BS! The word is “rigaree.” It isn’t even in the dictionary! He gets it right though. Go brown go.
9:12 p.m. These Canadians are really pissing me off. We are building a wall on the wrong freaking border.
9:24 p.m. Prateek in the hiz-ouse again. His word “randkluft.” Damn Germans and their language. Even though it isn’t in the dictionary (again) he nails it! The announcer makes fun of his peach fuzz. Don’t hate the playa yo. Dont hate the playa.
9:33 p.m. I think it would be funny if one of the eliminated kids knees Stewart Scott after he asks a dumb question.
9:35 p.m. Shoot. I really need to do laundry but there is so much riding on this. I have to keep blogging.
9:41 p.m. Henares just went down. Wow. Kid was a giant. Down to the Final 4.
9:45 p.m. Okay, Prateek’s next word is “oberek” (you guessed it, not in the dictionary). Damn Pols and their folkdances. He is gone. It is over.
Where do we turn now? As a people, what can we do? I feel so sad. So low. Let global warming come. Let the floods take me. Abandon all hope. The desi kids have failed us.