You didn’t think I’d just sit on the sidelines while the Greatest Show on Earth was unfolding did you? The Annual Scripps National Spelling bee wraps up in prime-time tonight! Meet the last of the brown hopefuls (who we must all now pray for as they represent the best of desi-dom):
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Name: Kavya Shivashankar Favorite movie: Spellbound Favorite TV show: The View (she reportedly got into it with Rosie when she went on) Abhi’s Scouting Report: She has experience under her belt and stormed into the final rounds last year. Not to mention she plays the violin. A victory by her would also resurrect the name “Kavya” from its current place in infamy. |
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Name: Nithya P. Vijayakumar Interesting fact: Her mother quizzes her on medical words (the Dr. brain-washing starts early) Hobby: Blackbelt in the American Okinawan Karate Academy (I would not want to be the judge that rings the bell on her). Abhi’s Scouting Report: Has to be my favorite. Look at her. She is a Warrior- |
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Name: Prateek Kohli Best Physical Feature: Peach fuzz mustache which distracts the smitten female contestants. Every brown dude can relate. Family: Has mom issues. From his bio: “Prateek believes himself to be the best speller in his family, although his mother claims to have been the best in her school.” Abhi’s Scouting Report: He’s done well so far but if he tries to charm Nithya back-stage she will deck him. |
Okay folks. I am leaving for a quick workout. When I come back I shall live-blog tonight’s contest and explain how this year’s great brown hope failed us all and entertain suggestions for how our community can/should shun him for being weak. You can also take a trip down memory lane to check out last year’s losers
WATCH LIVE ON ABC
8:16 p.m. (EST): A white girl named Zia or Tia or something gets eliminated. The chances of the Indian kids just went up. An Asian dude from Canada is next. Who the hell let the Canadians up in here anyways?
8:19 p.m. Another Asian kid from Canada. What the hell?? Are these guys ringers or what? Canada’s borders are definitely more porous.
8:20 p.m. Canada bites it again. How can this be the “National” Spelling Bee when 3 of the first 6 spellers are Canadian? Can I just say that this is way more fun than the Kentucky Derby?
8:31 p.m. Kavya is up!! They are profiling her. What a sweetheart. Enough to melt an Evil blogger’s heart.
8:32 p.m. Sister. So. She has a sister. The force is strong in this family.
8:35 p.m. They gave her the word “cilice.” A hairy cloth made of goat hair worn close to the skin for painful penance. She just spelled it wrong. Make her wear one for a whole year!!! The little sister Vanya better start prepping now!!
8:44 p.m. Nithya is up. The origin of her freaking word is unknown. They always screw the brown kid.
8:45 p.m. Pelorus is her word. AGHHHHHHHHH!! She is gone. She better be able to break a stack of cinder blocks with her katate black belt because she is done spelling. It’s all up to “Peach Fuzz” now.
8:56 p.m. Prateek gets a word of “unknown” origin also. I call BS! The word is “rigaree.” It isn’t even in the dictionary! He gets it right though. Go brown go.
9:12 p.m. These Canadians are really pissing me off. We are building a wall on the wrong freaking border.
9:24 p.m. Prateek in the hiz-ouse again. His word “randkluft.” Damn Germans and their language. Even though it isn’t in the dictionary (again) he nails it! The announcer makes fun of his peach fuzz. Don’t hate the playa yo. Dont hate the playa.
9:33 p.m. I think it would be funny if one of the eliminated kids knees Stewart Scott after he asks a dumb question.
9:35 p.m. Shoot. I really need to do laundry but there is so much riding on this. I have to keep blogging.
9:41 p.m. Henares just went down. Wow. Kid was a giant. Down to the Final 4.
9:45 p.m. Okay, Prateek’s next word is “oberek” (you guessed it, not in the dictionary). Damn Pols and their folkdances. He is gone. It is over.
Where do we turn now? As a people, what can we do? I feel so sad. So low. Let global warming come. Let the floods take me. Abandon all hope. The desi kids have failed us.
The winner of SB in 1985…
http://cbs2chicago.com/insidechicago/local_story_106200724.html
Jeez this bunch of nerds makes all those FOB engineers running around Sunnyvale look handsome. Spelling bee ain’t gonna get you laid people.
Be nice, they’re just in that awkward stage when childhood has ended but the full flower of adolescence hasn’t begun yet. There’s a ‘where are they now’ feature on the Spellbound DVD, and even the nerdiest of the kids grew up to be attractive as well as smart – there’s no reason to believe it won’t happen for Kavya, Nithya and Prateek.
Who cares? Why does everything a person does have to amount to whether they get laid or not? There is more to life than sex, and un-restrained promiscuous laying can lead to disease and unwanted pregnancies. Especially for kids in their puberty/early-adolescence — why the hell should they be concerned over getting laid? They need to focus on their education more than anything else, to build a good foundation for their adulthood, when they will be getting laid for sure (guaranteed arranged marriage if they can’t land a partner on their own). In any case, these kids are going to be getting booty from at least ONE person by the time they are 30. Whether or not they get laid in their childhood/teen years is a corny, trifling concern.
Picayune, even. (Etymology Occitan).
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
I just startled an office full of people and I cannot explain the joke to them !!
Rahul! Rahul! Rahul!
Oh that was a beauty PG/Pardesi Gori/Paagal Ghodi/What ever you call yourself these days
You just had to slap all of us brownz with the “arranged marriage- guaranteed mate” thingy. Nicely done. It would have slipped by me but It’s just that I tend to read all your posts very carefully.
Hmmm, and being 12 years old IS gonna get the better looking non-spelling-bee-kids their age laid?
Only in America… :p
Thanks Hon.
Actually, that is one of the things I like about Indian culture, almost everyone is guranteed a mate.
Unphair? Or Gust stupid? Yoo deside.