Oh. My. Gawd. Babli. Look at her blog.
It’s like, out there, I mean – gross. Look! She’s just so…FAQ.
With sincerest apologies to Sir with love, but I could not resist. I just read Uberdesi and it immediately had me reminiscing (I reminisce, I reminisce) about high school thanks to the blunt advice contained in one of its latest posts; the straightforward way it handled questions everyone wondered about but almost no one dared ask reminded me of Sassy magazine’s shocking candor. How could I not also recall furtive curiosity, the novelty of espresso drinks, 90210 and most definitely, “Baby Got Back” on auto-repeat in my Pioneer.
Yes, ladkas and ladkis. Akka be so old, her first car didn’t have no bougie CD player. Uh-uh. “Auto-repeat” meant that the stereo would smack it up, flip it and rub it down for me and by that I mean, I didn’t have to physically take out the tape and reinsert it to hear the other side, not that any of you youngsters can relate to this in any way. Haha. I said “reinsert”. (Told you I was in a puerile mood).
So there’s a reason why I’ve got fornication on the brain and it’s all Uberdesi’s fault. Their blogger Amrita wrote a post with a title so naughty, I shan’t repeat it here, but I’ll quote from it liberally because any desi with a healthy attitude towards sexuality deserves some fame and appreciation.
Here’s the deal, your juices are altered by what you eat. While I can’t get enough of mamma’s fish curry, I might have to fight the gag reflex with a mouth full of fishy swimmers. Urban dictionary defines fish curry as, “the vagina of an Indian female.†Not so yummy.
That’s just wrong. I’m really sick of the “tastes like curry” remark. Enough already. What am I not sick of? Lines like this which make me laugh so inappropriately, I forget to be upset:
Who wants to be known for having a spicy taco?
No comment. 😉
Alcohol, caffeine, drugs, and heavy spices among other culprits can cause the funk-nasty taste.
And then, because Amrita is a helpful sort of gf, she breaks it down.
Here are a few tips:
*Drink tons of water and flush out your system.
*Eat plenty of fruits. As if one needed a reason to splurge on heavenly Indian mangoes. Pineapple juice supposedly does miracles.
Omnivores! I am windicated! Amrita says so:
*Eat plenty of veggies. Stay away from foul smelling veggies like asparagus, cabbage or cauliflower. This is a plus for the non-meat eaters as vegetarians taste better.
*Cut down on chowing down on spices like garlic and onion if you want someone to chow down on you.
*Cleanse out your system with green juice (parsley or wheat grass with a pinch of cardamom, cinnamon, lemon or mint).
Wheatgrass with cardamom? I didn’t think you could make those shots of freshly shorn lawn palatable, but hey, I’ll give it a try…for my health, of course. What other reason? 😉
Oh and families of suitable boys: if you are reading this, I have no idea what I am writing, I just blog what they tell me to, okay? This proves that I have the submissive proclivities you hope for in a bahu while establishing that I am very chaste; never would I ever find blog posts about what shame shames could or should taste like interesting. Nope. Not me. I am also not going to the store for some pineapple juice nor will I be purchasing a mango anytime soon. Nooooo. I don’t do things like that. 😉
All of you who are not with steady partners (or with steady partners who don’t get tested or have never been tested) might want to read the New Study Shows Oral Sex May Increase Throat Cancer Risk article…
dental dams/condoms are your friend
and remember HPV is quite undetectable, whether by sight, or…ummm…taste 🙂
don’t make me show you pictures that will make you nauseated all day
🙂
Praying hard(pun unintended)* Hope the wifey doesnt discover that linky. Shubh shubh bolo.
PG: In order to rejuvenate faith in worldly affairs, Tantra Cult or Tantricism was propounded in the third century A.D. The masses were encouraged to disregard extremely rigid fundamentalism and advised to follow five principles (Panchamakaras or symbol) to attain salvation moksha in this life. They were asked to eat fish (matsya), flesh (mansa), food staffs (mudra); drink liquors (madya), engage in coitus (maithuna) and be happy! It was emphasized that foods are for welfare of the body, wines are for stimulating the senses and coitus is for immense pleasure which surpasses any worldly gratifications. Thus, by satisfying all human desires one can attain moksha. As this new philosophy of life proposed the best of worlds that is, love and eroticism (yoga and bhoga), the masses who revolted against orthodoxy in religion, went in for good things in life. http://www.kamat.com/database/cd-roms/erotic_arts/worship_of_women.htm
That makes sense actually – you’ve messed with the normal flora and fauna growing down there.
Well my most important #1 is “no hair, no hair, no hair!”
I have a very small penis. It’s what makes me afraid of girls, so no pineapple juice for me.
KD – Way to ruin the mood of the thread! Party-pooper! (not to be confused with ass-kisser).
I didn’t know monkeys were in on the act as well, or is it a metaphor?
http://www.kamat.com/database/cd-roms/erotic_arts/3664.htm
Provocative ancient sculpture….”A Woman Lets a Monkey Taste her Body Fluids”
Perhaps to verify there’s no poision present – like a food taster!
Re: Throat Cancer. Doc Savage has good news for those who read his advise patiently.
Shodan while the risks may be low, I was mostly trying to point out that people should be responsible, both to themselves and others, and GET TESTED.
ohhh and ANNA if you’re looking for an inspirational topic for today’s 55, try ‘licking’
Maybe it’s a case of Monkey See, Monkey Do! http://www.kamat.com/database/cd-roms/erotic_arts/3664.htm
Words to live by, Kenyadesi.
Is it bad that I knew what this post is gonna be about just by reading the title? ahh the infamous pineapple theory. Also try strawberries and cranberries. You are what you eat.
wetwipes are the bomb!
Speak for yourself man 😉
does that actually work? whats time time lag between consumption and effect?
Nope. I’m a person who did not enter into sexual relationships really until her thirties, due to being part of a Hindu sect that values celibacy, as well as living in a wider society/culture that did not have a dating culture and looked disapprovingly upon a woman even having male friends in her apartment alone.
I often felt like the SCARLET LETTER lady walking down the street.
Now for the first time I am breaking free of the shackles.
Not too unlike say, a Saudi Arabian small towner in the USA for the first time and seeing so many women without niqab wallking around in public.
Pineapple juice can work but you have to drink a crap load of it. Anything you eat will affect the taste of your…bodily juices. I’ve heard that pineapple is the best kind to drink though since it’s very sweet but not acidic (i.e. apple).
But yeah, women’s bodies can smell, esp. if it’s been many hours since you last bathed. The best bet is to just wash up quickly beforehand. I’ve been with BF for 2 years so he basically just tells me if I need to rinse off before he does the deed. Amazing how comfortable you get after being w/ someone that long. 🙂
As for men and their spunk…eh, never a fan of it. But in my experience, yeah, vegetarians taste much, much better.
Guess I’m lucky. My boyfriend loves a fat, juicy pum-pum, lots of hair (friction), and loves the smell and taste of sweat too.
No mamby, pamby boy, that one.
Ladies, find a guy like that and all your insecurities will vanish.
Plus he does dishes!
how long does it take to effect taste?
I’m a little surprised at the general tendency towards sterility and fragrance here. What about the “oho, you’ve just come back from the gym? – don’t even think about showering” moments in life? Or those moments at work and a whiff of something suddenly reminds you of your SO’s funk and BO and an pheromone flashback knocks you out and you are left with glorious tumescence.
Amen!
Cleanliness taboos have no place in sex.
In my limited studies on the subject (in India and amongst Indians involved in it), this path was never for the masses at large, but kept relatively secret.
Guess I’m lucky. My boyfriend loves a fat, juicy pum-pum, lots of hair (friction), and loves the smell and taste of sweat too.
The problem is not fat by itself but the fact that more fat equates to more sweat. The culprit is the sweat and not the fat.
Cleanliness taboos have no place in sex.
Its not a cleanliness taboo. Its no fun to go down on a woman when her place is reeking of sweat etc. Its only polite.
I guess a possible you-me scenario is out. Ahh…what could have been.
To each their own. He loves sweat.
I’m just glad I got someone I can be low maintainance with as I’m not into keeping my body waxed, shaved, smooth, etc all the time. I wax my legs every so often as well as my underarms, but not regularly like some women. I’m not about to wax my pum-pum anytime in this life. However I do shower usually 2-4 times a day (morning, night and after every poo poo). I’m clean, but messy, i guess.
Over a decade ago when the New York Times was reviewing Foxy Brown’s seminal “Ill Na Na”, the reviewer translated the title as “Bodacious Private Parts”. Pure Comedy. Is there anything better The Old Grey Lady hooking up with street sexual vernacular. I don’t think so. I would confirm for y’all but I’m not inclined to give TimeSelect my creditcard info.
Thanks for this, folks. I have been laughing all morning – what a great way to wake up!
Coach, I’m so in love 🙂 “Ass juice” totally had my spitting coffee out my nose.
Bengali Chick – I am so jealous! I’m with you, though on the sex every day rule. I know this depends on sex drive, but it’s great for your stress level, exercise, etc. Viagra actually scares me a lot 🙁
ANNA, so with you on the “yoni/pussy/cunt” terminology. I just roollll my eyes. Also, I don’t think you can use “auto-repeat” for age leverage 🙂 For people like me, who drove a car that was almost as old as I was in high school, I didn’t even have auto-repeat. I was excited I had a tape deck and not an 8-track.
Honestly, guys, do you think you are all such a picnic down there? Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much. And once you throw desi/female (body) hair culture in there, whoo. Am I the only one who finds it a little disturbing when men prefer that you look like a little girl?
Sandeep (121):
I have to admit, I have those moments, but only after I’m in a longterm relationship. Short-term, if you’ve been seeing a girl for just a few months or so, you definitely don’t want to encounter George Clinton levels of funk when you’re exploring the Dirty South. Otherwise I’d be tempted to ghost-ride the clit.
Little boys prefer little girls, but real men prefer real women.
I am SHOCKED by all of u!!! Arreh, u are all good for nothing!!! Talking about this sex sex business….chi chi
“low maintenance” and “shower usually 2-4 times a day” seem almost oxymoron’ish.
Salil (#129) I understand, its really a matter of personal taste so to
reekspeak. I was just a little surprised at the one-sidedness, the general consensus that deloused, deomnivored, defunked was better. But as they said, whatever gets you through the night. But pray what is ghost-riding the happy button?FRITOS????! Ayyyyyyaaaaaaaaa!
Sandeep, you’ve never gotten hyphy in (or out of) bed? 😉
Thanks for the pun, Salil. 🙂
Oh my goodness, I am not a prude, but I had to stop reading around Comment #40. Y’all people have let loose!
I will try to find some fortitude and continue later. It’s like an accident that you just have to look at.
great, that age-old myth continues to be perpetuated. I just don’t like hair there. I don’t like it on arms, legs, etc., either. It has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with this oft-quoted myth. Does that mean if you like men without facial hair, that you must like little boys? Or, if you shave your legs, you are trying to imitate a young girl? After all, facial hair, like pubic hair, is generally seen as a secondary sex characteristic normally associated with puberty. Why do some women (as well as some men) have a hard time understanding that some people, from an aesthetic perspective, just don’t like hair there?
No desh, I’m not trying to be a super hater, I just find it weird when guys are like “oh, hair, blah blah blah EXCEPT IN THE VAG AREA.” Also, I certainly don’t think de-hairing south of the border is equivalent to a guy shaving. Try waxing your balls, then maybe it would be somewhat equivalent.
I’m just saying, hair politics is complicated. Hair is there for a reason. Even if it’s an aesthetic appreciation, it’s tied to other cultural considerations.
Pineapple Juice? Strange, i didn’t read the full post, but sometime ago I read, in a book by a biologist who was writing about male/female biology, that these private-parts secretions, when fresh, have chemical components similar to pineapple juice, but when unwashed and allowed to become rancid, are more like rancid something or other (forget the comparison, but unpleasant). It has to do with growth of bad bacteria, or exposure to air. Cleanliness, though not sterility, is essential. Same with underarm sweat. Not bad when new, but when allowed to stay on and percolate, it becomes rancid. Way of all flesh to deteriorate without constant gardening upkeep.
increased sugar in your diet (from chugging loads of juice) can lead to an increase in yeasties. yeast is fueled by sugar.
Except on humans…hair really isn’t there for much of a reason.
Nor is it absent for any real reason. Really, as far as animals go, humans are not exactly beautiful, even using our own aesthetic ideals. I mean, we kind of look like we have mange. What other mammal sprouts hair selectively in tufts from random parts of their body, but is largely bald(ing) everywhere else? It’s freaky when you think about it.
There’s all the hair in the pits, on the face, and on the happy no-no-place. Scatterings of hair in other places, but only enough to be kind of distracting, not really to provide any kind of insulation. Compared to a wolf or a cheetah, we look pretty shabby, literally. Propecia and Rogaine for the TOP of your head? Yeah, um…that’s what the problem is.
It’s like Homo sapiens suffers from an ongoing species-wide bad hair day.
Camille – first of all, let me clarify initially that I normally (and this case is no exception) enjoy reading your response to comments here.
However, you have no switched your argument basis. At first it was the visual association with the little girl and the intimations of a pedo-attraction. With “Try waxing your balls, then maybe it would be somewhat equivalent.”, you’ve switched it to the the practicalities of aesthetics/preference. Which is your prime issue? (read that sentence in my best valley girl approximation of “sheyeah…what’s yer damage?”)
While I don’t want to get in to a “my pubic hair is longer than yours” discussion, I daresay shaving/waxing any sensitive stretch of land (face, pubic area) is filled with the possibility of “discomfort”. 😉
I’ve often wondered why northern Europeans have such a relative sparseness of hair (and they are from cold climates), whereas South Asians have a relative abundance of hair (and they are from warm climates). Perhaps Razib can offer evolutionary reason.
I’ve often wondered why northern Europeans have such a relative sparseness of hair
Its also not that conspicuous on blond girls.
Obviously we browns are hirsute because of the long journey from Europe, where we rebelled against hair-shirts in 5000 BC and chose to start growing our own. This was accepted as a good business practice by prostitutes, johns and ancient booty-lickers known as, “Rishis.”
Uh oh, you’re gonna incite some of the Dravidians!
Haha, thanks No Desh. My argument is both points. That, at least in the U.S., the aesthetic of hairlessness is rooted in a kind of pre-pubescent image of beauty. I mean, along the same line, you could say that Twiggy and the general super-skinny androgynous beauty archetype are also rooted in aesthetics around pre-pubescent. I don’t mean to say this is pedophilic, just that I don’t understand the aesthetic myself. Then again, I’m straight, so maybe I wouldn’t get it (i.e. the sexual attraction to hairless nether regions) anyway?
In terms of the “try waxing your balls” comment, I was referring more to the inference that a guy shaving his facial hair takes it back to pre-adolescence and is somehow parallel or similar to a woman being clean-shaven. My argument there was more about comparing apples to apples, or the aesthetics of the “environment” of one set of sex organs to the other. I think also part of me wanted to communicate that there is a LOT more discomfort/pain in waxing or shaving your genitalia than there is in waxing/shaving facial hair. I was going for the shock and cringe factor, there 😉
In terms of the “what is your issue?” question, for me it’s both. 1. Why is the aesthetic so prevalent and promoted? and 2. Why is a practice, that in my opinion decreases overall sexual satisfaction, preferable to other options? I totally understand arguments for keeping things contained, trimmed, etc. But hair removal is HUGELY painful, and not only that, (in my opinion), it can be really uncomfortable to deal with all around and not always tremendously more enjoyable from a female perspective (i.e. the initial pain if you’re waxing, somewhat heightened sensation in exchange for chafing later, the monetary expense, increased risk of ingrown hairs, etc). And then, on top of that, you’ve got desi women and MANY of us are just visibly hairier than our counterparts around the world, so I feel like we get it on both sides! Just makes me wonder 🙂 Reminds me of the “Hair” passage in the Vagina Monologues.
No Desh, many women get irritated when men express dislike for a natural part of a woman’s body. Women are born with hair ‘there’, just like men are. However, very few women express a dislike for men’s pubic hair, want them to wax their balls etc. Women, on the other hand, are pressured to modify a number of natural qualities, shave their pits, their legs, their pubic areas etc. – not to mention pluck their eyebrows, wear makeup, get breast enhancements, wear three-inch heels, tight skirts blah blah blah. All of which sends us the message: you, as the gods made you, are not good enough. Change, change, change.
Can you now understand Camille’s, and other women’s – many, many, many other women’s – irritation when a man says he doesn’t like ‘hair down there’ on a woman?
My personal experience is that the real red-blooded men out there, the good lovers, the ones who genuinely love women, women’s bodies, and sex, don’t let hair get in the way of a good fuck.
Some do.
on humans…hair really isn’t there for much of a reason
Actually, part of the reason for hair in the armpits and near the shame-shame is because there’s a concentration of apocrine sweat glands there. Apocrine sweat has more lipids/fat in it, and tends to produce the “funk” which could be looked at as sort of primordial aphrodisiac or something. The hair serves to collect this sweat and sort of concentrate the funk and to get more long-lasting olfactory bang for your buck, if you will. One source calls apocrine sweat a “genetic remnant of the mammalian sexual scent gland.”
But don’t ask me why Scandinavians and Inuits don’t look like Yetis. No idea.