[NB: Men, small children and intellectuals- pretend to look elsewhere and feign a lack of interest, even though I know you’re going to read every esoteric word.]
Well-maintained humans, I have a problem.
I hate my tweezers.
I have every right to, they came in one of those awful pre-filled manicure kits that no one deserves to receive for Chrismukkah, no matter how evil they’ve been. I have been able to “get by” because I only used them once in a while. That’s why I never really noticed how worthless they are. How is this possible, you wonder incredulously? I have a shameful secret which is so hideous, none dare to believe it once it is revealed.
I have no eyebrows.
No, I didn’t over-tweeze like we all did when we were eleven. I didn’t lose them in an unfortunate smelting accident, nor did I singe them off while learning how to use that stove thingy with the…fire…and stuff. Uh-huh, I was born with no eyebrows, courtesy of my dear Father’s genetics, though considering everything else he gave me, I guess I’d be an ungrateful little shit if I dwell on this for too long.
My father had sparse eyebrows but he also started to grey at 30, so by the time I could even notice his brows, he was in his early 40s. Bare as they were, white hair on dark brown skin is ultra-obvious, so he wasn’t affected by his browlessness. I on the other hand, have had my chin grabbed and my face ruthlessly examined by Auntie after Auntie, who if I’m lucky, muttered something about how I once looked a bit like Hema Malini before I got all black and if I’m REALLY lucky…well, they declare something about how a face is useless unless the eyes are beautiful and the eyes, they are the worthless as the Manolo would say, without the brows. “Sho! Kashtam. No wonder you aren’t married.”
So I haven’t had to use tweezers all that much and whenever I did, I’d just borrow my Mom’s because hers worked. But now…I don’t know if mine have gone dull or if my hand-eye coordination is poo; they don’t grip a thing. I just can’t see the point of getting my brows “done”, not when they barely grow in the first place. In the picture you see above, which was taken during the only trip to Devon Avenue I’ve ever made, I got threaded.
Why? I was caught up in the brownosity of it all; Devon Avenue seemed way more desi than University Avenue, though it wasn’t quite Jackson Heights. After buying a new sari and bangles, eating fantastic chaat and drinking far too much good stuff, I wanted to experience the only part of the street I hadn’t thus far– the beauty parlors. Much like the first time my awe-stricken kundi trudged through Queens, I was amazed at the fact that there were salons that were staffed with and served just desis; as a righteous and deprived thenga, I found such a concept inconceivable.
So, in I went and when I requested getting my brows threaded, the woman pointedly asked, “Why?”. “Please,” I implored “I have to go to an engagement in two hours!” and she shrugged. After all, an idiot and her rupees are soon threaded. And a few seconds after this shot was taken, she stood back and announced, “done!”
I had felt a little something and noticed no discernable difference, but I was tickled anyway. Threaded! I got threaded! I finally, fleetingly felt at one with the South Asian “experience”.
So, unless it’s an adventure in beauty like that was, I’m not getting my brows done and that is why I need new tweezers. Now quit holding out on me– what do YOU use? Share your wisdom, so that other clueless fur balls will find it when they google this embarrassing topic in the years to come. 😉
Massive props to Shruti.
Will I look weird if I start threading at this advanced age and also does that make me less of a feminist and very vain?( I shave my legs but let the faint arm hair I have be )
I came to the whole eyebrow grooming thing pretty late in life too…at 21, when I was in college and finally noticed that all the other girls had much shapeliers eyebrows than I did. When I did it the first time, it looked weird for about a day, but I got used to it.
In the end, you should only do this if you really want to, and not because you feel pressured to do it. And if you do want to, then don’t worry about being a sell-out or anything. You’re not less of a feminist because you engaged in a little personal grooming.
I don’t understand this perceived inverse correlation between femininity and feminism. The stereotype that a feminist has to look a certain way is such old hat.
“The stereotype that a feminist has to look a certain way is such old hat”
Exactly – old is the key word here 🙂
Thanks all, every bit of advice helps
DC metro threading
try Naila 301 379 9333. Scary that I remember her number even though I haven’t lived there in many years. She’s very talented.
Runa, try to find a place with great recs for eyebrows, and ask them to be conservative, say you want a natural look, so they won’t overdo it.
Does doing your eyebrows or depilating body hair make you any less of a feminist or a good example to little girls? I don’t think it does, any more than men wearing ties or cutting their hair short and shaving their faces, or women generally caring about fashion or shoes. Beauty standards exist, and we all observe them, male and female. I’m a raging feminist, and I pluck my eyebrows when they get really wild. Hey, so I’m vain. What the feminist in me hates is when girls (it starts early) are taught to gauge their self-worth primarily on the basis of compliments about their appearance and approval from boys/men, and little girls get the “my, what a pretty dress/what a pretty little girl” reinforcement while little boys don’t, and people of both sexes feel free to comment on a girl’s hair, skin, appearance and weight and offer unsolicited advice and judgements. Grooming and fashion are arguably more a matter of choice, and somewhat different from physical features.
I think Shruti has a good point, though, we could all stand to be more laid-back about women’s appearance and bodies.
if you have thin/non-existent eyebrows, would shaving them with a razor make them grow back thicker? conventional wisdom is that if you shave anything, it grows back thicker.
Thanks for the upper lip tips, girls. Bengali Chick, turns out bald female bodies in South Asia are not shiznit. A friend emailed me off-list and said that removing hair from your body is
So I think it’s true in Bangladesh, too. The fact that women remove their pubic hair bothers me because it strikes me as an attempt to stay childlike. Pre-pubescent girls were considered more attractive and easier to marry off for so many centuries. Maybe THAT’s why I let so much time pass between my own personal hygiene sessions … it’s NOT laziness, it’s subconscious subversiveness.
Interesting conversation.
As far as personal grooming goes: it’s up to you and your self-worth shouldn’t be based on how you look. That’s a messy way to go: look at the famous beauties who were so unhappy in their lives. Beauty is not nothing, but it’s not everything.
I do find that in my profession, being well groomed (wearing a suit to work more than make-up, grooming, specifically), do kind of make a difference. Or maybe, it just helps to give me a little more confidence in a tough arena. I mean, it can be rough in some places I’ve been. If you are a woman intent on ‘making it’, you have to be good at what you do, obviously, but it sure doesn’t hurt if you also act and look like a professional. Same goes for the men, I suppose. So, does this make a feminist or a sell-out? I’ll take the conservative route 🙂
Of course, if you are good at what you do, the other stuff is superficial, but the superficial things can be a little bit important in the self-promotion that is, sadly, a part of academia.
Mitali – yeah, there’s some sort of hadith that says even men are supposed to trim their public hair (!), and women wax or sugar everything off (including nether regions) before their weddings (Ahdaf Soueif describes this beautifully in one of her novellas). I remember the ladies at my mom’s salon in Bombay whispering about visiting Gulfie women who told the waxing lady to take Everthing Off. I wonder if that’s a trend that has transferred to desh from the West too. I agree with what you said about pre-pubescent creepiness, btw.
Who wants a mouth full of hair though? It tickles the throat.
Hair removal and beauty in general are a personal decision. Of course in every society there are standards of beauty, but being a feminist, it’s your choice whether or not you want to join the masses. Personally, I’m an LA girl and I’m all about beauty, even if it’s painful.
Why? Anna..WHY?
I had this big crush and you had to go and ruin it for me.. sigh! I also like the pic with you in the white dress and blue bag where you’re flipping your viewers..so subtle but nice! 🙂
I had this big crush and you had to go and ruin it for me
I have heard it argued that a bit of mystery is nice…
But you’ll get over it. Women have always bonded over beauty secrets and that’s more important than tryin’ to snag some man.
I didn’t start tweezing my eyebrows until I was 27. I didn’t want to have super skinny fake looking eyebrows, so when I eventually started doing it, I did it myself. I basically keep their natural shape and just clean them up. So…I would recommend that you do it yourself. If you go to a professional, you might not recognize yourself when they are done. It can totally change your face.
So…does it make you less of a feminist? I have decided not..I think it’s okay to do these things if you realize the folly of it all, and don’t hold others to some imaginary standard. Does it make you vain? Sure…but a little vanity is okay.
Oh, and don’t shave your eyebrows. They may never grow back (a scientific fact)–a certain percentage never do.
OMG, I was so busy at work yesterday that I didn’t have time to read SM… How could I have missed the entire discussion on hair removal!!! As I said before, my Indian girlfriends and I somehow always bring the conversation to hair removal when we get together.
My two cents: The Tweezerman tweezers are great for in-between threadings. Threading is way better than waxing, no clogged pores and breaking out. My hair growth is way less, not that I have started threading and I get my whole face done (alas I am a fuzzy monstser as well BC).
On a personal note, I have been self-conscious of my body hair from a very young age. It didn’t help getting made fun of all the time about my arm and leg hair. At this point in my life I am so sick of hair removal. I shave my arms and legs, get my face threaded and it’s a constant battle. I am willing to pay the money to get laser removal and I now there are places that can do it for darker skinned women.
Happy Friday and hair removing everyone!
She‘s right. The mystery never lasts anyway.
It’s equal opportunity, under Islam both men and women are supposed to remove their armpit hair and pubic hair. A while back, I blogged about how men in Afghanistan were stopped by the Taliban for armpit shaving checks.
The 9/11 hijackers shaved off all their public hair before they committed mass murder. It’s one of the things that airline assistants look for – if you spend too long shaving in the airplane bathroom, they start to get nervous.
Here ya go fellow Browns
A fantastic place in NYC: The Perfect Shape Salon – They have a couple of locations: one(the older location) on Park Avenue South and another in Rockefeller Plaza. The owners are from Bombay – ask for Reshma – she’s one of the owners, but may not be there all the time – I heard she’s cut back on her work hours.
I don’t know about the whole laser thing – I think it works well if you’re not extremely hairy since it only guarantees hair reduction, not permanent removal. A friend of mine spent a good amount of money getting her face lasered and had multiple sessions only to have it grow back the same way in no time. She then did electrolysis (which is permanent) and it hasn’t grown back.
Hey, I don’t know if this happens to a lot of people, but every time I tweeze my eyebrows, the bottom part of my brow actually turns into this Green color (no joke!!). It lingers there for a week or so then it gradually just disappears. I HAVE to thread my eyebrows, and after I do, I’m left with this really white-pale color under my brow. Sigh. BUT, I have to say THANK YOU Kirenben from SINDOOR on Newark Ave JC, NJ! I get so many compliments on my eyebrow after she tames them for me every 2 weeks! Cheers everyone!!!
far be it from a guy trying to give beauty tips, but there is one observation i have.
i sketch faces, but i am not a pro so i have to try really hard. one of the things i find about women is this—the eyebrows need not be too manicured to get the face look good. in fact making it clinically precise almost always makes the subject look alien. symmetry is good, a gap b/w the eyebrows may help (not sure), but a little fuzziness with the eyebrows makes for a softer look. how much will depend on complexion (dont pick on me now), but for everyone there is a optimum.
there is another thing besides—if you cut hair, it grows back darker and thicker. any guy can tell you that. when you are 14 and are desperate for a adult beard, that is why shaving helps.
but someone may have already covered this point, really you didn’t expect me to read all comments so far, did you? 🙂
that said, i am not really sure what threading is. time to ask my someone.
The Latin men in my neighbourhood carve thunderbolts and crazy lines in their brows. I don’t see them agonising over the feminist question 😉
can someone tell me Iranian eyebrow places in NYC? NJ? I really like to try it out..
I’ve not been allowed by friends to get my eyebrows threaded/tweezed/waxed, but I’ve engaged in a little surreptitious plucking of my own accord. I find that regular ol’ tweezers get the job done as far as I’m concerned!
To build on that last comment, I tend to find hairy guys very attractive personally, but I can’t hack having back/shoulder hair myself, so I go in for waxing about once a month. I tried the Nair options, which worked when I lived with my gay gorlfriends who would drink a Cosmo with one hand and slather on Nair with the other, but getting waxed in Karachi is just less of a hassle. As far as shorts go, I’ve not really seen many desi guys with nice legs; most of the buff ones tend to focus on upper-body workouts and leave their quads/hams/glutes/calves woefully underdeveloped.
Which probably explains why a man with a nice pair of legs totally masalas my tikkas.
Sin: I hear ya on the nice legs. I was initially attracted to my husband’s nice firm ass. He was a runner in college.
Don’t do it! Look what happened to Audrey Hepburn’s as she got older and older. I know she was ill, but it was the plucking wot done it.
I did the laser thing (on my face), and I highly recommend it. Sooooo much better/less painful/more affordable than the electrolysis of yore. I downed two margaritas beforehand, which didn’t really help manage the pain as I’d hoped, but was a nice source of entertainment, for myself as well as the tech frying my face.
oh wow…i’m usually a lurker on sepiamutiny, but after reading this post, i feel compelled to put my two cents in on the whole hair removal ordeal…honestly, it is one…although i have actually come to somehow enjoy getting my eyebrow tweezed after starting in college..i can’t stand tweezing or waxing anywhere else on my face even though i’m genetically pretty hairy…i got my upper lip tweezed twice and i swear, although i’ve never given birth, i can’t imagine the pain being worse! so i basically use a hair remover (which is probably not very good for my face in the long run, but relatively painless) twice or thrice a week (yeah it grows back that fast)..and lately I’ve started using this epilator thingy which is relatively painless but also makes the hair grow back pretty fast..so i’m thinking of laser..for those ladies in the NYC area, can you reccomend a good, affordable laser place?
I’m involved in doing domestic violence work in NYC and have often used beauty salons as places of outreaching to women in the South Asian community..although the fact that most of the ones in Jackson Heights are owned by men, who aren’t always open to me going in and talking about these issues..i recently found a salon in JH that’s in the “Bangladesh Plaza” which is actually very attractive (as desi salons go) and i think it has a female owner and it was a great space to just talk to other women about different issues as we were all waiting to get our eyebrows done…
I seriously doubt plucking a few hairs off your face once every week or two ruins your skin. Sun exposure is the number one cause of wrinkles, as any derm will tell you, and it’s all about using a good sunscreen with a high UVA rating (SPF only counts UVB) every single day, if it matters that much to you.
Oh, whoops, misunderstood Amrita, ignore my last comment then, please. I preferred AH with her full brows too 🙂
As for Iranian eyebrow shaping in NYC, try Jeniette New York, they are expensive (cost almost $20 eight years ago!) but completely worth it for those of us who go to a pro once a month or two and then pluck to maintain it at home.
man, i hate it when i miss these posts …
fabulous post, anna!!!
for the men that don’t know: threading is a hair removal procedure where two pieces of string (ie thread) are used to pluck (lift, cut?) the hair it captures in between…
i try to get mine threaded whenever i can make it to some desi place … but i am an obsessive plucker (about every other day .. it just grows back so fast and i just love it when my eyebrows are defined & clean)… i use anything and everything (revlon, lacross, no name brand, tweezerman (yes its overrated)) … you just need an good eye and some practice … remember to go easy and don’t overdo it … there was a point when i was plucking mine so thin and i had to do more than once a day !!! just to keep the clean look) … just pluck along the natural shape of your brows to keep it as natural as possible … all you really should be doing is removing the strays that just don’t go along w/ the rest … once you get the hang of it … you may pluck a bit more to give a bit more defined look or a higher arch (but be careful) ….
i think desi men look good in shorts (unless they are extremely hairy) … i mean as good as any man … no need to be self conscious … and guys get rid of that unibrow … find a female you trust … and get her to do it (if going to a salon seems too scary) …it takes less than a minute to remove those unsightly hairs in the middle … i have done for countless guy friends including my husband and they always thank me for it …
for dc-area threading, i highly recommend ruby in beltsville, md. you can reach her at 301-890-8575.
i thread my eyebrows every 6-8 weeks or so b/c i’m lazy. i thread my own mustache, but i only thread my eyebrows if i have an event to attend and can’t get them done in time. i’m totally neurotic about hair so i wax my arms every 6 weeks. two or three times a year, i’ll even wax my slight sideburns. i only do that twice a year though b/c the facial hair i have is pretty light and sparse and is more akin to peach fuzz. it just makes me feel better to know that i remove it occasionally.
Chicago ladies, if you’re near Devon, try Anu at Maxi salon on Touhy and Crawford. Does awesome brows and pedicures. Pedis are $25, brows are $10 and she only works on Thursdays and Fridays. I like the salon because its cleaner than Devon and staff is friendlier.
I second the post about Anu in Chicago, not only cause they’re sweet folks, salon is cleaner, and it’s cheap (they sometimes even have snacks), but cause Moni has killer brows! Hey girl, post a pic already!
Oh Oh.. Is that so? Does mango pickle really work? Ooops I am unable to believe..!!