All over the greater diaspora, Aunties bemoan that desi children are picky. How will they ever be satisfied? How will they ever settle down and start popping out the requisite grandkids?
Aunties can sleep better at night now that SCIENCE is on the job. Examining peoples’ behavior in online dating settings (which is equivalent to looking at biodata), they’ve noticed a few clear patterns:
Men are easy – they are generally interested in hotness above all. 
Women are choosier, but it turns out their preferences are fungible. This is good news for aunties because it gives them a metric with which to translate different suitor’s attributes to a common scale, allowing them to rank apples and oranges. They can tell, for example, whether an average woman (in this study) is likely to prefer the not quite as handsome, shorter i-banker or the more gorgeous, slightly taller, high school English teacher.
What is this common scale? Money. According to these researchers, women will forgive men’s flaws if (gasp) they earn more.
Consider looks. A guy can compensate for ordinary looks with more moola, which tells us what he has to reveal in his biodata if he wants to be a playa:
Suppose you’re an ordinary-looking guy whose online picture is ranked around the median in attractiveness… And suppose you’d like to be as successful with women as a guy whose picture is ranked in the top tenth. Then you’d need to make $143,000 more than him. If your picture is ranked in the bottom tenth, you’d need to make $186,000 more than him. [Link]
Cash also acts like elevator shoes for our shorter brothers:
… a 5-foot-0 guy would need to make $325,000 more than a 6-foot-0 man to be as successful in the online dating market. [Link]
Race matters too. Generally speaking, men were more willing to date somebody of a different race than women, with the exception of Asian women who preferred White men over others. (3/4ths of Asian-white marriages have Asian women and white men [Link] )
For equal success with an Asian woman, an African-American needs no additional income; a white man needs $24,000 less than average; a Hispanic man needs $28,000 more than average. [Link]
It’s not clear whether brown women act like their other Asian counterparts – any thoughts?
Lastly, if you want to get around these sorts of hurdles, skip the biodata and move straight to cha:
… people who are terribly picky in choosing partners online will relax their standards if they spend just three or minutes talking to someone at a speed dating session. [Link]
There you go. Now that science has helped Aunties, maybe it will come up for a way for the rest of us to be able to evade them. Oh yeah, it’s called caller ID 
In case you’re interested, here is the academic paper in question
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Related posts: Speed kills (part 1), Speed kills (part 2)
I can’t believe you posted this =)
It’s Newton’s Third Law. Geeky posts produce trashy ones to maintain the geek-trash equilibrium 😉
Also, Tamasha, you asked for Sepia Destiny, but I’m afraid this is the best I can do right now …
I need a new job!
My prediction is 100 comments by 6 pm, EDT, 200 by 9 pm EDT, and we’ll cross the three hundred mark by midnight. Gentlemen’t bet, anyone?
Love it.
Completely unscientific: I think brown women like the brown flava but are also equal opportunity lovers, we don’t discriminate;)
I will do anything for citizenship. Hotness not important.
Do you hear that rumbling sound in the distance? It’s the sound of the armies of desi men and women about to do battle and rip each other to shreds on this thread.
The MahaSepia!
I’ll go get my conch shell…
And yet, none of the three women who have left comments have been anything other than amused. Snapper, I think you give the fairer sex too little credit. They are way smarter than we are, you know?
Speaking of bloodshed and mayhem, I’ve got to vanish offline for much of the rest of the day, so play nice boys and girls.
Completely unscientific: I think brown women like the brown flava but are also equal opportunity lovers, we don’t discriminate;)
unlike other asian groups browns born in the USA exhibit sex-balance in terms of outmarriage.
p.s., as ennis implied, context matters. e.g., i can tell you i had success with ladies growing up as the only brown kid in the valley which was 75% republican & half mormon (there was a black family and a chinese family in town as well). and i didn’t have a big allowance or a car. but then, these girls knew me as more than just biodata, which is i think the norm for most human-human interactions in the USA?
hehehe i suspect this will be a good one.
Arent you some kind of tricked out NY banker?
Ladies, take notice. Jeet is your man!
I predict 200 by 6:00 & 400 by midnight! You are on!!
OK holy shit did someone go thru all that I’ve written in the past 8 years to compile this study? Damned be practicality or all things politically correct I agree with most of this study!! I have tons of proof and examples. Ha!
Surrender and praise won’t save you Ennis. I tried that strategy before. I ended up like Mel Gibson at the end of 300.
All we have is each other. The Amazons are coming. Witness the tremor on the horizon. Ten thousand million dissatisfied brown women with degrees and a grudge. With their rolled up copies of Cosmopolitan as weapons to truncheon us into shame and inadequacy. Ready your breakfast and eat hearty chaps. Because tonight we dine in hell.
These are the decadent Western values our parents, relatives, and random brown strangers on the bus are trying to protect us from at all costs.
hmm…i dont think ive ever dated a grl shorter than me….hmm…
I meant to say that Scottish actor’s name from 300 but got him mixed up with the tartan-wearing Jew-basher from down under. Aye, the ending of Braveheart is where this thread heads too.
Time for some male bonding to assert my low self esteem I think. Some beers, and hopefully a fight in the pub.
That NYT series of editorials seemed totally written for desis 🙂
You have to take “Family” in to the equation, as KJo would say “Its all about loving your(my) family”
JoAT – care to explain? A women’s perspective would be useful here.
p.s. It’s funny that not a single woman has objected to this, yet the men sit cowering in the corner, waiting for a swarm of locusts to descend and devour their manhood.
for some reason, i will willing to deal with a lot of other deficiencies for a nice personality and pretty face. girls seem to like tall guys who are rich. I guess its easier to filter for the girls. you can input quantitiative filters. for me, i need to look at each and every profile.
The inimitable Steve Sailer cites a study which claims interracial marriage has been declining in the United States, largely due to massive immigration.
Immigration played a key role in unprecedented declines in interracial and inter-ethnic marriage in the United States during the 1990s, according to a new sociological study. The findings, published in “Social Boundaries and Marital Assimilation: Interpreting Trends in Racial and Ethnic Intermarriage,†suggest that the growing number of Hispanic and Asian immigrants to the United States has led to more marriages within these groups, and fewer marriages between members of these groups and whites.
Anecdotally, I believe the “Asian Indian” outmarriage rate is declining, mainly due to the greater pool of brownz available as mates, especially in brown-heavy areas.
grls like that scare me. im a bit scared of getting roped into a sham marriage.
Hotness without accompanying intelligence is a sheer waste. I’ve tried to prove myself wrong previously and have always failed.
Ennis, it will do. I’m so glad someone posted this.
In the study, were South Asians (shut up) included within the distinction of Asian?
When you say anything, do you really mean anything?
I think Indian-American girls follow the Asian norm wrto dating but tend to “settle” for Indian dudes when it comes to marriage. Which is why I steer clear…
I’ve noticed this with many desi guys as well.
Exactly. And what of it?
Tamasha, you’re a
chickwoman. What do you think of the study?Which of the following best describes your reaction: (a) Agree whole heartedly with its conclusions (b) Disagree vociferously (c) Feel that it’s a scientific study so you can’t argue back (d) You will respond as soon as you finish flirting with that cute guy at the next table in the cafe
I don’t think the theory that men are more visual and women are more mental is something anyone can deny. If anything these “findings†confirm that. As a woman I have always believed that women set themselves a certain set of guidelines and rules and often break them for the “right manâ€. Here are some of my observations about the “right man†for the average American desi woman. This isn’t any science just general observations and not every woman is going to agree.
• A man who is ‘independent’ in thought from his family and can think/make decisions for himself. • A man who makes a decent living that can possibly also support me lest I decide I want to stay at home with babies even if for short period of time. • There is a reason why people list professions like Doctor in their biodatas, it makes women salivate, or at least their parents. Not for the money generally but for the status. • The more money he has the less women might notice or ignore some of the other flaws. Same goes for the better he treats her, and is truly genuinely wonderful she’ll overlook that fact that he may not be tall enough or good looking enough.
I’m not exactly sure what to make of it – I doubt any one conclusion would be valid anyhow. Perhaps it’s an opportunity to expand one’s horizons (racially) at a time when one wants to try new things, only to find out later that due to pressures of family or even just the commonality of experience, they prefer the “same”. To each their own…
To each her own indeed, however I hate it when desi women bring in south asian patriarchy as a reason not to “date desi”. If you aren’t attracted to Indian dudes, just leave it at that and don’t spoil it for us with non-indian women
Yes, I do. But when I say ‘I’, I don’t mean ‘I‘. I can get by in many parts of the world quite happily. Point is, I happen to know maybe around twenty men personally who have married without any concern for hotness for the chance to go to the US or Canada or the Gulf countries.
I personally am also perfectly fine telling some people back home that I married for money. And I don’t think very many people see something wrong with that. It’s a lot better that “love marriage” for instance.
Agreed. A prime example is Donald Trump and his model wife. Apparently she is overlooking his flaws of his horrendous comb-over, over-applied make-up and huge gut in exchange for the lifestyle she is living.
what’s a short, poor, non-citizen guy gotta do? sigh…
I don’t know any woman that would have listed that as a reason not to date desi dudes but rest assured I wouldn’t even bat an eyelash if one of my girlfriends used that as an excuse because time and time again I’ve seen it become an issue, whether in a relationship or a marriage. I wouldn’t take that claim lightly anymore because in the Indian culture you really marry the whole culture the family and everyone’s baggage and expectations that go with it. With non Indian folks you can filter some of it out.
win the lottery.
Become rich 🙂 because he’s Indian he’s obviously smart and can think of plenty of ways to get rich.
I’m sure no one would bat an eye when perfectly adorable white dudes extoll the family values of Asian/Indian women. Or English guys who prefer traditional Polish girls who are more likely to keep house than go out to the pub.
I think it’s more genetic than social, really. Women are attracted to success (i.e. a mate who can provide) and men are attracted to looks (i.e. a mate who can breed). Yes, it’s a gross simplification, but I think that’s the basic crux of the matter.
To me these threads are like squishing a spider with a book. I don’t want to look under there and see the stringy, goopy, crunchy mess, but I just have to check and make sure it’s really dead. And honestly, given my track record with the opposite sex, I really don’t think my opinion is worth squat. I do like reading everyone else’s take on it, though, so please continue 😀
//Rupa resumes lurking
Puliogre, LOL please dont patronize me.. Tricked out banker???? thats all you my friend
Sillymidoff,
Rupa, your opinion is always and most definitely worth squat around here. Now spill, whaddya think?
Perhaps well known, perhaps not.
Willing to do anything for citizenship has some sort of allure in porn. In this case, referring to Latinas. One face of the exploitation/powertrip icosahedron.
I have the reverse problem. I want one who is successful (intelligent) that doesn’t want to breed!
Rapper’s speak the truth.
2pac once said that I dont know any man that has ever wanted money to sleep with a woman, but women need to know how much a man make’s before she even consideres it and hence the use of HO’S and bitches in rap lyrics.
Mike Jones once said, “Back then ho’s didnt want me, now Im hot and they all on me”
My brother is a good example of this. He is 38 and not married. He also has a salary that has 6 zero’s attached to it. We dont come from a rich family and he did that on his own.
When he was broke, he couldnt get a date and no one wanted to be on his arm, even though he is a good looking guy. Now that he is well off, all of the sudden women started to think he was a good catch, but according to him it is “too late for that shit.” He just cant except the fact that women never gave him a chance and couldnt look past his small wallet and now every woman is a “gold digger” in his eye’s and he isnt going to marry one.
The amazing them to him is how all of the sudden women started to see qulaties in him that they didnt see before. He now had “amazing eye’s” he also has a “big heart” and is considered “very funny!”
They just dont make women like they used to. Every woman has this “Sex and The City” attitude about them and it is annoying. I cant picture any woman of today doing thing’s that our mom’s had to do. leaving a country to start off fresh with little money and having faith in her husband to make thing’s all right, while sticking by him through all of the BS.
I know all women are not like this, but it is hard to find one’s that are not.
I second that. You can’t come here and lurk especially on this topic woman.
Errr how typical to compare potential mates to mom! Did you perhaps ever stop to think that maybe despite how fabulous she made out in the end and how happy she was mom never had a choice in the matter in the first place? She had to make the best of what she got. Most women with an iota of Asian culture do that.
What is the ‘Sex and the City attitude’ I’m curious to know.
I’ll tell you one thing, when two right people hit it off with eachother no power in the world, no rules in the books and no parents or cultures can stop them. Chemistry is simply incredible that way.
I think Hema (#42) nailed it. It’s only in the last 30-40 years that the shift in these archetypal male/female roles started to lose their importance as women started to gain equal opportunities in education and career. This present generation of women is probably the first generation to see themselves on equal economic footing as men (and we still know that‘s not true) and maybe that’s why this study surprises some people. It’s going to be a loooong time before men and women start to share the same values in what they’re looking for in a mate.