MORE fun with Hetal and Kapila!

GujuHottiee120586: u there

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: sup

GujuHottiee120586: :(

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: wats rong

GujuHottiee120586: i was studyin for my physix quiz but then i got sooo upset n i had to stop. know i cant concentrate :( :(

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: wait wats ur quiz on

GujuHottiee120586: faradayz law of reduction or something

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: eww. physics is soooo fuckin hard

GujuHottiee120586: N E WAY

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: lol. my bad.

GujuHottiee120586: LOOK. Look at wat someone wrote on this blog about kal! What a fowl ignornt racist bitch!!!1

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: k. gimme a sec GujuHottiee120586: u r so fuckin SLOW

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: maybe if u quit interupting me when im reading u dum ho…DUH

GujuHottiee120586: u do know that nex yr u’ll have to read like a LOT, rt?

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: yah watever. its like a total rule that if u get in to brown u cant like, flunk out or watever. thats what i herd. k i read the blog

GujuHottiee120586: wats like the female equivalence for douchebag??? how dare she post that??!@!! thas sooo wrong!!!1

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: i dont think guys douche. xcept the ones in japan bc there rly clean. but its ok bc girls can be douchy too.

GujuHottiee120586: :’(

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: were do u even find this shit?

GujuHottiee120586: speia mutiny

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: that blog is soooo hard. it takes like 4ever to read

GujuHottiee120586: yah its kinda waste of time but they do talk abt kal, so

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: but evryone there is so OLD

GujuHottiee120586: thats kinda why i like it. its sophsticated and worldley

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: u mean wordy

GujuHottiee120586: can we pls focus on wats important???

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: lol. k, u know how the biatch who wote that was a repubican? if it makes u feel n e better…i herd they take it in the ass

GujuHottiee120586: WHAt??

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: ya. ann coulter specialy.

GujuHottiee120586: WTF

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: wtf WTF?

GujuHottiee120586: my DAD’s a republican!!! ur like sooo insensitve u fucking liar!!

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: lolol why the f is ur dad so dum. doesnt he know they h8 ndns ROFLMAO

GujuHottiee120586: bcuz all doctors are! its practically part of the hypocritical oath or something

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: lol well i stand by my assertion re anal insertions LOLOL ah i kill my self

GujuHottiee120586: who doex she think she is/???

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: um…ass coulter, the sequl? LMAO

GujuHottiee120586: :( y r people so meeeeeean??? n hes such n amazin persn to, i mean hes all against racial prolifing…hes like such a leadr for r comunity. no wondr they atack him! their all threatnd n shit.

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: ummmm sure. lets go wit that

GujuHottiee120586: its so not fair wat he has to go thru

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: oh yah hes practically martian luther king

GujuHottiee120586: i know rt??

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: NO U DUM HOOKER

GujuHottiee120586: f u. ur such a hater.

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: but i hate debbie too

GujuHottiee120586: debbies such a porn name

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: im telling u the person who wrote thats a total ho. republkans are all moral n shit but their the biggest pervs of ALL. remember?? that one senater who was all up in his interns shit…oh shit, like literally lololol

GujuHottiee120586: um HELLO??? my dads one u bitch!!!

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: o rt. sorry….well it kinda doeznt count if ur ndn an republican. the 2 cancel each other out or somethingv. so ur dads fine. not a perv.

GujuHottiee120586: ohhhhh…that makes total sense. i think it also helps that hes a gynoecologist.

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: bc he sees so much ass he doesnt want any?

GujuHottiee120586: NO!!! I jus was goin to say hes real busy!!!! EEEEEWWWW. U SIC FREAKK

sexxy5@biPrinc3ss: lmao

::

This is part three of an ongoing…conversation. Parts one and two are there and there, respectively.

Any similarity to actual humans (especially if they are in your family) is amusing at best and tragic at worst. Hetal and Kapila are zimbly figments of my almost-never-fecund mind. They do not exist. This is just my unsuccessful attempt to be funny. If you think I potentially have ulterior motives and am anti- _____, you clearly give my goldfish-like mind far too much credit. Spank you, come again.

91 thoughts on “MORE fun with Hetal and Kapila!

  1. I cannot, for the life of me, figure that out. I feel like I’m missing some kind of Gen X Desi gene.

    AmericanBornContemplativeDesi, I think these guys are definitely Gen Y. It’s my impression that Gen X was more polarized (either really white or really ghetto). Whereas it seems more of Gen Y is like the characters presented here than not. Then again, what do I know, I don’t have any younger siblings to provide insight…

  2. Speaking of Kal… “The Namesake” finally opened in flyover country this weekend. I enjoyed the movie… perhaps the oddest and most distracting thing in it was how much Modi reminded me of a young Nicholas Cage. I certainly wasn’t expecting that…

    If Nicholas Cage could go from Valley Girl to an Oscar, who knows what Kumar is capable of! :)

  3. look, i love your comments and all Anna but SM and your blog need to remain distinct. Flame me all you want, that’s my honest 2 cents.

  4. Peter,

    Thanks for giving me a chance to respond to others by replying to your comment. This isn’t aimed at you entirely.

    look, i love your comments and all Anna but SM and your blog need to remain distinct.

    I don’t think this is out of place here. It’s entirely about desis. You don’t have to like every single post we put up and we’re not obligated to please every one of you, 100% of the time, mostly b/c that would be impossible. Others are amused by H and K. Shouldn’t they have a chance to read this? To each their own, right? :)

    Flame me all you want, that’s my honest 2 cents.

    I had no desire to flambe you until I read that. I hate when people close their comments to me with “Ban me/delete me/flame me all you want” or better yet “Ooooh, I know I’m going to get attacked by your mindless minions now b/c I dared say something critical about you”. Yes, you who write and think that. You are so brave, defiant, righteous and cool. You said something vaguely negative about someone you’ve never met on a blog’s comment thread. Go you. Bleh.

  5. I know this is off topic (sorry, Hetal and Kapila) but does anyone else find it odd that Kal Penn thinks the outcome of his role on 24 will be for people watching the show to support an end to profiling? My impression of that episode is that it reinforces profiling, suggesting that even the innocent-seeming Muslim teenager next door is a potential terrorist. Is Kal Penn really that dumb? Or am I missing something here?

  6. I don’t think dumb is the appropriate term.. I don’t think it’s possible for a good actor to be dumb.. Stupid maybe but not dumb..

  7. Best part of her review: This is the story of immigrants of every ethnic group which comes to America (except Muslims (mostly Arabs), who’ve chosen not to assimilate and to become separatists in our nation, demanding that we assimilate to them and their mores).

    Best part, indeed.

  8. I don’t think dumb is the appropriate term.. I don’t think it’s possible for a good actor to be dumb.. Stupid maybe but not dumb..

    o rly?

  9. It’s my impression that Gen X was more polarized (either really white or really ghetto).

    Whoa, why don’t we avoid the use of the word “ghetto” as a stand-in for “black” please. It’s a weak suburban habit that desis really need to ditch. If you’re afraid to say “black”, what you’re saying is probably really f*&ked up to begin with, so maybe a moment of self-editing is in order.

  10. and I think this is definitely a young Gen Y or even younger (what is that, Generation Z?) thing. I’m 25, and most people my age still try to appear somewhat literate online. However, I know people just two or three years younger than me, and it’s a different story with them.

    In conclusion: youth is wasted on the young. Thanks.

  11. I had no desire to flambe you until I read that. I hate when people close their comments to me with “Ban me/delete me/flame me all you want” or better yet “Ooooh, I know I’m going to get attacked by your mindless minions now b/c I dared say something critical about you”. Yes, you who write and think that. You are so brave, defiant, righteous and cool. You said something vaguely negative about someone you’ve never met on a blog’s comment thread. Go you. Bleh.

    That’s exactly what happened to Mishi? In response to Ennis Comment #117 in Post #2 (in an effort to consolidate comments), it is not immediately logical that the characters’ ethnicities are dictated by their interest in Kal Penn or their geographic proximity to Penn as these factors are not limited to Gujaratis. Although I was not offended by the posts and don’t believe the author is racist, I find it odd that any critical inquiry would be immediately dismissed on the grounds that dissenters can’t stomach anything other than “syrupy sweet jalebi” (the second such jalebi reference from what I recall). If a non-malayalee similarly parodied malus, wouldn’t Anna read it discerningly (especially if she did not know the author) – even should she ultimately find it enjoyable?

    I also don’t quite understand why H & M warranted a third post, not because my understanding is a requisite for sepia postings or because Post #3 could be a blatant affront to any sensitivites that were raised by Post #2 or because you are obligated to please everyone 100% of the time, but simply because it is redundant.

  12. I also don’t quite understand why H & M warranted a third post,

    Hetal and Kapila didn’t “get a third post”, but Kal Penn did.

    Btw, it’s H + K, not H + M, but I don’t blame you for having shopping on the brain. ;)

    I also don’t quite understand why H & M warranted a third post, not because my understanding is a requisite for sepia postings or because Post #3 could be a blatant affront to any sensitivites that were raised by Post #2 or because you are obligated to please everyone 100% of the time, but simply because it is redundant.

    Each post dealt with a different reader-submitted news story about Kal Penn; first, that he would be teaching at Penn, second-that he gatecrashed an event at the New York Public Library and finally, that someone conservative had some…interesting things to say about the first item on this list. These are all stories we would have covered anyway, why not do something a little different, even if a few of you don’t care for it. 55Fridays, another recurring type of sm post with related/different subject matter would also be redundant, under your criteria.

  13. find it odd that any critical inquiry would be immediately dismissed on the grounds that dissenters can’t stomach anything other than “syrupy sweet jalebi” (the second such jalebi reference from what I recall).

    Please. Don’t.

    Haven’t jalebis suffered enough? Ask yourself why jalebis are being singled out for this treatment. Aren’t gulab jamuns also “syrupy sweet”?

    We at the Jalebi Liberation Front (JLF, not to be confused with the Liberation Front of Jalebi) are not take such jokes lightly. You’d be well-advised to restrict yourself to ladoos from now on. A word is sufficient for the wise.

    sincerely,

    Mr Kobayashi spokesman, JLA (military wing of the JLF)

  14. I’m 25, and most people my age still try to appear somewhat literate online. However, I know people just two or three years younger than me, and it’s a different story with them.

    By the way, if you are 25 (ahem), you are in the last year of Generation X (1961-1981), so you are, therefore, “safe”(ish). Except for this:

    It’s my impression that Gen X was more polarized (either really white or really ghetto).

    Awesome. Now I just have to figure out which one I am.

  15. and I think this is definitely a young Gen Y or even younger (what is that, Generation Z?) thing. I’m 25, and most people my age still try to appear somewhat literate online. However, I know people just two or three years younger than me, and it’s a different story with them.

    i think generation y ends with the high school class of 2000 are much younger then the y-ers are (now in their midtwenties like you). And yea, i’m not quite sure what Zen meant about Generation X being either “really white or really ghetto” cause while it surely existed at the time, I’m not sure polarization along race lines was really a stereotype of Gen. X-ers.

  16. This is the story of immigrants of every ethnic group which comes to America (except Muslims (mostly Arabs), who’ve chosen not to assimilate and to become separatists in our nation, demanding that we assimilate to them and their mores).

    How stupid !! Gen. John Abizaid is lebanese Arab. Is he a separatist?? LOL

  17. Thanks for starting my week off with a laugh! I’ve sent your series of posts to my friends/fam…they’ve loved it!

  18. i think generation y ends with the high school class of 2000 are much younger then the y-ers are (now in their midtwenties like you).

    er, i meant the kids in the post are much younger then the y-er’s are now (now in their midtwenties like you.)

  19. AggieG said:

    How come the republicans have all the hotties with a wicked sense of humor, while all the democrats can throw up is the same old tired hag with the funny alabama accent?

    What’s with all this talk about, right winger’s having all the hot pundit’s?

    Being considered a “hot” ring wing commentator is like being the skinnest person at fat camp or the tallest midget in the world.

  20. but i don’t get it…what if you are technically by tamasha’s standards in the gen Y category but your parents brought you up like the kids in the gen X category…cuz i definitely grew up in the MTV generation…and i grew up on atari, pacman, and nintendo…okay maybe supernintendo too…but seriously…I DON’T WANNA BE GEN Y :( sniffles…lol :P

  21. Aditi

    but i don’t get it…what if you are technically by tamasha’s standards in the gen Y category but your parents brought you up like the kids in the gen X category..

    I understand your sentiment – Gen X has a certain cachet while Gen Y sounds like a generation of younger siblings you try to keep your friends away from. Fear not – Wikipedia will save us all! 1985 is their cut off for the X’ers. Do you make the cut?

  22. Personally I love H & K and I’m very glad they’ve come to liven up the bunker with their conversation. I hope they stay a while. For those who don’t like them — hey, you don’t have to read them. This isn’t a newspaper with assigned beats and an in-house style manual. This is a blog, where people write. As a professional writer I love experimenting with different voices and I’m glad my sista ANNA is doing that. Those of us who write for a living usually have to work in multiple voices anyway.

  23. Is “ndn” truly the AIM vernacular for Indian? Has anyone actually used or seen this used in a bonafide AIM conversation? Not questioning or anything, it seems reasonable, but just sheer curiosity here.

  24. Is “ndn” truly the AIM vernacular for Indian?

    I’ve seen it incorporated in to screen names, i.e. NdNkUtie1083999 or NDNprincezzz.

  25. By the way, if you are 25 (ahem), you are in the last year of Generation X (1961-1981), so you are, therefore, “safe”(ish).

    Yeah, I’ve got to say, I remember this characterization of Gen X and I just think it’s way off. I think that people born between the late 70s and the early-early 80s (maybe ’77-’83), especially desi folks, are pretty clearly distinct from those born earlier. And given the rapid pace of pop and globalized culture, 20 years has now become far too long to define a generation. 6 years, 10 if you really stretch it.

  26. Interesting, I remember back in the day of BBS’s, people used to put all sorts of weird capitalizations to words, to make them sound more underground, the most popular turning “wares” into “WaReZ” We started this sh*t before it became hip.

    We, the uNdErgRnd hackRz are to popular AIM culture, what black people are to popular American culture.

  27. I understand your sentiment – Gen X has a certain cachet while Gen Y sounds like a generation of younger siblings you try to keep your friends away from. Fear not – Wikipedia will save us all! 1985 is their cut off for the X’ers. Do you make the cut?

    i’ve always heard that somewhere along 1978 being the younger X-er. But I’ve had this conversation before and never get to the bottom of the cut off dates for generations. i’m 25 and always considered myself an older gen-y, but apparently according to wiki, i have much to be informed about cause i’ve never heard of Generation XY Cusp, the Boomerant Generation, or the iGeneration. Perhaps one day I’ll get around to actually reading Coupland and figure it out.

  28. Anna, this was absolutely hilarious! It took me awhile to dive in..I was a bit turned off by all the IMspeak, but as I got into it, I found episodes 1, 2, 3 to be hilarious. =) Well done!

    And no need to always defend yourself in the face of those who dont’ find your humor appealing. There will always be those who don’t “get it”…doesn’t make them rude or bad, just makes this place more diverse. Roll with the punches…when you put your work out there, you gotta expect the good with the bad.

  29. Then what gen am I? I’m still in high school.. and oh yeah, ndn is totally used everywhere. screen-names mostly. I hate it though, its like azn, and it makes you sound ghetto. But, of course, if that’s your intent go ahead.

  30. um, no. not only do they exist, they’re much, much worse than this. the real-life equivalents would never name-check as many non-Bollywood desi cultural figures, nor reference sociological ideas, nor mention Sepia Mutiny. Ever. visualize high school. that’s right, they exist.

  31. Coincidence how when I read this I was reading about Faraday’s Law of Reduction. I have a feeling if I discussed Sepia Mutiny with one of my friends she would also say it made her feel “worldley”

  32. um, no. not only do they exist, they’re much, much worse than this. the real-life equivalents would never name-check as many non-Bollywood desi cultural figures, nor reference sociological ideas, nor mention Sepia Mutiny. Ever. visualize high school. that’s right, they exist.

    I guess the author tried to be as dumb as she can, but just couldn’t help some intelligent commentary seeping out. And I’ve figured it out, Anna, these posts are like the Sanjay Malakar of Sepia mutiny: engaging, polarizing, confusion as to why they’re still there, but yet, cannot look away. In any event, everyone has an opinion.

  33. People, I can see that the girls are calling each other “ho” at times. I am curious to know if it is OK for their guy friends to be calling them that. I know that if I called any of my female friends “ho”, I’d get kicked where it hurts. Am I officially an Uncle moving around with Aunties? Curiously yours,

  34. Am I officially an Uncle moving around with Aunties?

    Not much you can do about that process. The only thing we can do is follow gHandi’s advice – “Be the Uncle that you wish to see in the world”. As a Mallu, you have one other option – you can also be an UnGle.

  35. People, I can see that the girls are calling each other “ho” at times. I am curious to know if it is OK for their guy friends to be calling them that. I know that if I called any of my female friends “ho”, I’d get kicked where it hurts. Am I officially an Uncle moving around with Aunties? Curiously yours,

    Nope. Ditzy don’t mean dumb, and as ditzy as these girls are, calling each other “ho”, they usually wouldn’t take it from some dude. Guys will call them “hoes” and “bitches” plenty, only, behind their backs, else they’ll get dropkicked in the face (by the girls themselves, or the boyfriends/male posse).

  36. “Man, I ain’t tryin’ ta call no hoe no bitch” -DJay, from Hustle and Flow

  37. People, I can see that the girls are calling each other “ho” at times. I am curious to know if it is OK for their guy friends to be calling them that. I know that if I called any of my female friends “ho”, I’d get kicked where it hurts

    What Shruti said, plus, I think it’s kinda like using the term ‘Nigga’ as one of endearment. My sisters and I call each other hooka all the time too. My kids called me ‘mah Nigga’ for a minute, until I objected. That and Shorty. I ain’t yo shorty, unless you got me like dat.

    I’m jes sayin.

  38. Shruti and Coach, Thanks very much for your responses. “Mah Nigga” :D

    Kurma, I couldn’t agree with you more. That’s why I exfoliate:)