Just Say NO to Faux.

Sanjaya. No.

Sanjaya-kutta,

Why?

You make it so hard to cheer you on, when you do ugly things with your pretty, pretty tresses. It’s just not okay. At all. Don’t you care about the greater desi community? How will THEY be affected by your reckless decision to have bad hair? You represent our hopes and assimilative aspirations– be careful out there. We’re counting on you and if you fail, we will never forgive you. Ever. Unless you go to medical school.

Sanjaya Malakar performed “Bath Water.” Randy Jackson said “Listen, the hairdo is definitely interesting. I like the kind of Mohawk look.” Paula Abdul said “To watch it on stage and not go for it, it’s kind of like we’re going ah, come on.“ Simon Cowell said “I presume there was no mirror in your dressing room tonight.” Sanjaya replied “You’re just jealous that you couldn’t pull it off.” Simon said “I couldn’t I agree. Sanjaya, I don’t think it matters anymore what we say, actually. I genuinely don’t. I think you are in your own universe and if people like you, good luck.” [linkosity]

Still, I wish you only the best– I just do so with my eyes closed, until someone tells me it’s safe to open them again.

Sanjaya zindabad,

A K K A

97 thoughts on “Just Say NO to Faux.

  1. Oh man I loved it. The poor kid can’t cut any break. He’s so sweet, no diva bullshit attitude and he puts up with Simon’s nonsense. Just to make Simon eat his words I want to call him 200 times and make this boy win. I appreciate it that he’s having fun and taking risks with his hair and doing funky things and trying different do’s. Good for him. Cause he’s a boy, there are no tits to hike up in anything in 300 different ways. Leave him be I say.

  2. Whatever we may think of his singing ability or his hairdo, he’s become famous virtually overnight and will soon be making a lot of money, selling a gazillion CDs to preteen girls.

  3. I knew when The Messiah would come he would be mixed-race! And have great hair! You gotta respect this kid’s brass balls, he’s know he’s being decimated in the poposphere, and he comes out with this faux-hawk.

  4. hahahaahahaaaaaaaaa

    I’m not sure who just got pwned, but Mr K just pnwed somebody big time!

  5. You make it so hard to cheer you on, when you do ugly things with your pretty, pretty tresses. It’s just not okay. At all. Don’t you care about the greater desi community? How will THEY be affected by your reckless decision to have bad hair? You represent our hopes and assimilative aspirations

    I’m sorry. Who elected Sanjaya king of the desis? And how did I miss the memo?

    I liked his hair, BTW. Like Paula said, he didn’t have the attitude to go with it. He should have gone all out.

  6. I’m sorry. Who elected Sanjaya king of the desis? And how did I miss the memo?

    Memo:

    Re: Sanjaya Malakar

    America. America elected Sanjaya king of the desis.

  7. he needs to work out and become stupid, i think that would be the only way to become fabio

  8. its never easy being different AND yourself.

    And he can carry a tune and he handled bathwater syncopation better than either of the guys did in their Police covers. The other two guys sang songs with a range of a single octave.

    His voice is soft. But I think AMerica is unfortunately a loud country.

    Go Sanjaya!

    whew…..and i still have my election 2008 opinions to spew….

  9. is there a way to transplate the turbans that aren’t being worn in amritsar to this poor kid?

  10. psst… that’s not a mohawk, not a fauxhawk, it’s called a “banana-clip do” I know because I lived through the 80s in the south.

  11. What this is, really, is a brilliant wink-wink nudge-nudge tribute to S.R. Sidarth, the original single malt Macallan.

  12. anna, You have deeply offended the sentiments of prohawk community. Also this is 3.14159% less funnier than previous two posts. How dare you? Burning of your e-ffigies will commence shortly.

  13. As fanatic a desi as I am, this kid is an affront to my sense of justice. I watch better singers than him get cut week after week while our little Sanjaya of the wobbly vocals just hangs in there. But hey, who can argue with public opinion! It’s not Simon, it’s the American voters. Democracy in action, America, love it or leave it, George Bush zindabad! Wasn’t he re-elected by the American people, too?

  14. Simon Cowell does the Pop Idol show here too. He always wears these tight black t-shirts that he’s not quite in good enough shape to wear so tight. My girlfriend hates him and says she wishes she someone was on stage, then he sings, and Simon Cowell gives it his usual thing, really snarky, and then the singer says all cool and deadly, “Simon, you have bigger boobs than my girlfriend”

  15. Leave poor Sanjaya alone! That semi-desi can’t win for losing! World needs to go back to hating on Clay Aiken.

    I don’t watch AI, never have, but… WOOT! Go Sanjaya!

  16. The whole Sanjaya phenomenon is perfect.

    It’s got:

    1. A teeny-bopper who makes the teeny-boppers cry.
    2. It’s got an interesting character. As that Peter what’s his name said on the British Invasion show, it’s a voting competition, not a singing competition. I mean, how many technically good singers ala ‘Mariah Carey whoopsie daisy watch me run this song up and down the scales’ types can a person keep straight? Eh, they are good, but they run together. Can’t keep ‘em straight.
    3. It’s got controversy: Is Sanjaya being kept on the show for ratings, are a whole load of desis calling in (subcontinent, reap the demographic rewards. Bigger is better), is Sanjaya there for diversity (whiny and clueless, that).
    4. It’s got Simon saying interesting things. Simon, despite, or perhaps because of, his meaness, is the most honest in his criticism. He’s quite often right about the things the other two are tip-toeing around.

    Sanjaya is idol-riffic! As the careers of Madonna*, the Monkees, David Cassidy, etc. show, it’s not always about the singing…..

    *I like Madonna, child of the 80s that I am. But she’s an idea, not a singer. Work it, girl from near Detroit city.

  17. MD, I agree, Sanjaya’s presence brings a lot of the viewers in, race, age, popularity, all of it heightened because of his staying. But what I hope he wins and brings the entire show to its knees. A win for him would completely destroy the credibility of the show.

  18. Indian Idol is coming again on ZeeTV soon. It’s American Idol without the attitude. Any fans?

    Back to American Idol, if Melinda Doolittle wins, as she should, it will prove once again that the show is ultimately about singing, not just performing. Rubin, an overweight Southern African American, Kelly Clarkson, a homely looking waitress from Texas (I believe), Fantasia, admittedly a near illiterate with some speech defect that prevents her from pronouncing the “s” sound without making it an “sh.” All great singers, winning over better “performers.”

  19. Come to think of it, the Sanjaya phenomenon has a #5: People seem to like to hate things.

  20. Well, obvioulsy because of my own semidesi-ness, I have a bit of a soft spot for little Sanjaya. I think Simon is a bit hard on him. He has a nice voice and is usually pitch perfect. He’s just painfully shy-seeming.

    As for the hair, I believe it has been dubbed a “ponyhawk”

    Also, Floridian, I think Kelly Clarkson actually worked for Jamba Juice (let the ribbing begin for my knowledge of detail for American Idol) ;0)

  21. Are we talking about the same guy here?

    Q: When did you first start to sing? A: Once I stopped crying.

    Q. What are your personal goals in life? A. To become witty.

    This sexless kewpie doll who makes little girls cry and steals their hairdos has become an object of support and comparisons to Madonna? No. Just say no.

  22. Sanjaya is made of teflon, I had to laugh when he was not in the bottom two last night.

  23. “(let the ribbing begin for my knowledge of detail for American Idol) ;0)”

    Did Paula really have an affair with that guy who was booted out of the show?

  24. that said, though, just say a big YES to the sanjaya’s-sister animated GIF. that’s some good bouncin’.

  25. 28: Remember what people said about Madonna in the eighties? She was nothing but a teeny-bopper idol back then, with 12-13 year old girls in lace gloves and those stupid bows in the hair, crying at her concerts. The Reformation started about 88 and really took hold in the early nineties. And then, Argentina, the baby, and Camille Paglia championing her as a feminist icon. No one took her seriously in 1984, and she was quite the joke.

    I am sad that I know all that.

    The first time I ‘saw’ her was on tv in the early eighties, singing Borderline on that Dick Clark show, I think it was. I thought she looked weird in the pseudo-dreads and black tights….

    The comparison was meant to the earlier teeny-bopper period, not to the level of talent, or lack of it….. :)

  26. “And then, Argentina, the baby, and Camille Paglia championing her as a feminist icon. No one took her seriously in 1984, and she was quite the joke.

    Madonna in Evita is my idea of a perfect performer. The singing was there, of course, but so was the acting. I have been meaning to visit Argentina ever since.

  27. I love his spirit…that so many expect him to fail week after week and he is going up there, having fun and singing his heart out makes me want to vote for him. I don’t, but that is beside the point.

    P.S. Fauxhawks are hot. I wouldn’t get one but that is beside the point too :)

  28. sanjaya.. is..dare i say, brilliant?

    seriously, brilliant..

    he is polarizing the american idol idiot watchers… everyone is talking about it.. people are either: a. amused b. disgusted c. upset d. crying e. shocked

    you cannot pay for this type of publicity..

    he is the true american idiot

    from the vote for the worst fans…to the howard stern listners voting him in…

    let him ‘hula his way into your heart’.. cheerio my brownie brother.. the nurses i work with are horrified with your ability inability to carelessy whisper i just laugh..and sing this tune..

  29. If you don’t get the Sanjaya effect, you were probably never an eight-year-old girl back when A-HA was huge.

    Morten and Magne…

    (sigh)

    what??!!

  30. Fuerza Dulce (#17) after seeing that hilarious clip (and the Sanjaya version for that matter), I at least had to post this to bring some justice to that poor song.

  31. Did Paula really have an affair with that guy who was booted out of the show?

    I don’t know…the answer to this mystery has eluded me. my powers….they’re….failing

  32. I don’t watch American Idol, but I always thought it was at least one way to try to make a break into music without having to already know someone in the business. Record executives don’t have the most sterling reputations when it comes to protecting the interests of aspiring musicians, as the legions of broke soul, doo-wop, etc. artists demonstrate.

    But – Sanjaya is yet another example for my theory of how the pop culture complex seeks to make Indian (and even half-Indian) men appear as clowns and buffoons. Sanjaya’s Italian half is not evident, and a name like Malakar is not going to give any insight into his mixed background. Norah Jones, another 50/50 takes her genuine talent, and fuses it with a pleasing to the eye package. Her Indian half is largely ignored – she’s just a pretty young woman with talent.

  33. Jesus H. Christ, that is bad.

    I don’t give a shit if that dude is brown, white, black, green, red, or magenta. That is horrible. I agree with Simon on this one. He’s in his own weird world and if people keep voting for it, I guess he’ll continue on. But considering this is a weaker ‘idol’ pool, he’s got a shot of going further for sheer ‘out there’ factor.

    I ain’t giving him a pass for being a desi doing this. No way.

    Gwen Stephani was hot. Uber hot.

  34. That’s interesting… I wonder how the media and the public would deal with Norah Jones’ race differently if she shaved half her head and sang about cake.

  35. “Norah Jones, another 50/50 takes her genuine talent, and fuses it with a pleasing to the eye package. Her Indian half is largely ignored – she’s just a pretty young woman with talent.”

    i think her indian half is largely ignored for two reasons: her music has no relation to india and her relationship with her father was very rocky to non-existent growing up, since he never married her mother and then married the mother of anouskha shankar. she rarely chooses to speak about him.(alhtough their relationship is a bit better now) the indian part of her look – and it is there – is also not “conventionally indian” enough for americans to make that association, unlike with sanjaya malakar. i wonder if sanjaya was considered to be a really good singer if they would just refer to him as american and forget about his indian side. and as with halle berry (who gets some flak from some whites for choosing to identify with black america more), they would resent him or anyone else identifying him as indian, which is ok when he’s an object of fun and ridicule.

  36. GujuDude, despite your name, I’m giving you props for saying the one thing no one else seems able to say. I don’t care what way you paint it, this is just bad. Bad.

  37. Oh, and both “deepal” and “Whose God is it anyways?” — for different reasons — brilliant.

  38. Seemed like just the other day everyone was ripping Kaavya apart… and now Sanjaya. In his defense, at least he does his own singing. Heck, if Ashley Simpson can make millions lip syncing, why not Sanjaya ?

  39. hmmmm, MD has a point. when camille paglia declared madonna a feminist icon it seemed outrageous, as did many of her statements, but now, not so much. madonna is a feminist and paglia mainstream. who’d thunk it.

    likewise, Sanjaya is poised to make a beatles like transformation. the mohawk clearly signifies his allegiance to sidharth (as mr k reveals), the native americans, and most importantly, punk rock.

    punk rock was really just like american idol, and has more in common with boy bands than the earnest ideological fans of the clash are willing to admit, as anyone who knows anything about the history of the sex pistols and Malcolm McLaren understands.

    so sanjaya can’t sing. either can bob dylan, who simon recently dissed. so sanjaya is dylan’s revenge, whispering into our ears, as we watch idol, johnny rotten’s prophetic words: “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?” he may be the greatest pop subversive ever.

  40. Fine, you don’t like Sanjaya as a rep for the desi crowd? Well how about his sister, who apparently works for Hooters in Tacoma.

    Maybe this will revitalize their business.

  41. Not being part of the punkological movement, but, I don’t think people who were in to punk neccessarily would go in for the Clash being representative of punk music, or for any band to represent punk music. One of the points was to make DIY music and not be identified by one particular “scene” or need validation of an aesthetic. In practice, certain bands and looks may have become “punk” but this was an unintended conquence. I think punk music was very much equated with the live music scene in a given area as much as large national bands that were identified as punk. So I think to label the Clash punk music while at the same time not giving the same credit to “punk band X who played in Tacoma” is against the spirit of punk. In theory and practice, both the Clash and “punk band X” were supposed to be on the same level and to prioritize one over the other based on label-status or “mainstream” appeal was antithetical to the purpose of it all

    Not really a retort specifically to what you said above, just addded commentary

  42. I gotta admit that I loved the faux/pony/banana-clip hawk. He’s got the makings of a pop star: a great look, a desire to please, maybe not the best voice but, lets be honest, that doesn’t matter all that much. I think its in him. He’s like that o you really really really want to happen.

  43. @46, 48: It is all too common to associate a hairstyle with Punk Rock. I saw an interesting documentary (don’t remember the name) in which Henry Rollins talked about how punk clothing and style (mohawks etc.) got associated with the music. This was way after the pioneering bands (The Clash, The New York Dolls, The Sex Pistols) had passed their peak. I really don’t think any band epitomized the Punk Rock movement really (one that is still alive: Blink 182 and maybe even Green Day), not even The Sex Pistols. In short, I really can’t see the connection, tongue-in-cheek or otherwise, between Sanjaya and Punk Rock.